I have gained back 8 of what I have lost. I realize 8 is not as big as 100 but I feel defeated. For the last month or so its been a few super good days and a day or two that are not perfect and then the weekend becomes a free for all. I feel like if I can gain back weight that easily that im just doomed anyways. I know thats silly. I knew when I decided to change my life that it was not just going to be a temporary thing. I guess I just need to hear from the people that gained it all back. Please tell me your story so I can stop myself at 8 pounds not 18,80, or 100.
04-29-2012, 01:16 PM
yes, stop yourself at 8 pounds! I was 240 about 5 years ago, got myself down to the 160s and regained to the 180s-190s and really trying to stop myself from going over 200lbs again. when I was in the 160s I was wearing a size 10 jeans, I recently just tried them on just to see and I could hardly get them over my butt!
It's so hard to get back on track once you fall off, but you really don't want all your hardwork to be undone. All that time losing weight and exercising to shed the pounds will just become wasted time if you regain it all back! It's also not good for you skin and body to yoyo diet.
04-29-2012, 01:34 PM
Maybe you need to hear the stories of those who have kept it off, or lost & gained, then kept it off. I have lost and gained many times, but this last time I have kept it off for 7 years (with a couple of blips in there; that are gone again too). What is different this time?
I am eating healthy all the time; and even if I make a mistake, I don't do the "weekend free for all" anymore. I don't throw in the towel, when I eat more than I planned, I just keep going. I don't see this as a temporary "diet" but as a healthy, life-long eating style.
What is happening on the weekends? Take a good look at that. Why are you giving yourself permission to sabotage your health? You are, you know. The junk food has to go. The high-calorie take-out has to go. It is not healthy for you, plain and simple. What are you eating on the weekends? And where did you get it?
Now, do I make mistakes? Yes, but I analyse it, and make a plan how I can avoid it the next time. I now buy nuts, or a fruit & nut mix or cheeze in a pinch (that's my emergency plan). You must plan, plan, and plan some more. You must be prepared -- ahead of time. Get the garbage out on the curb; and fill your house with yummy tasting, healthy foods.
Make a decision today, to stop the sabotage. Re-make your committment to good health. Re-access your plan and strategies. Clean house again; get the junk out of your home and don't buy it anymore. Find healthy substitutes instead; just do a switch.
Hang in there ~ with time and perseverance, you CAN get back on track again -- one-meal-at-a-time, one-day-at-a-time, one-step-at-a-time ... :hug:
04-29-2012, 01:55 PM
I have always let that defeated feeling carry me away, like oh, I blew it, I've done irreversible damage, I give up. I never thought I'd be over 200 and after yoyo dieting like crazy to stay in the 180-190s at the end of high school and community college, but once I came to university two years ago ive gained like 60 lbs. I stopped thinking about it, and stuck my head in the sand and lied to myself until I didn't recognize myself. I never even looked in the mirror!
I realized something recently. I went off plan big time a week ago and felt totally out of control and messing up pretty much every day and feeling awful. That's what I dread with every weight loss attempt because that's always when the gain starts. But this time, I kept weighing myself every morning. I knew that the worst thing I could do was stick my head back in the sand because I was afraid of the number. Fear got me here. Seeing the number go up forced me to get on plan. Also, I came on 3fc every day. And now I have a solid week of good eating and weight loss behind me and I feel as strong as ever, but I know that I came so close to giving up, and I feel stronger and more secure now because that is a huge obstacle in my life and I overcame it this time.
My advice is to stick with it until it clicks. Stay honest with yourself. :hug:
04-29-2012, 01:55 PM
:hug:Hi AbbySue: :hug:
Big hugs, first of all. Your post resonates with me because I have struggled this way so many times, including yesterday and today.
I lost 116 pounds about 10 years ago. Gained it back. Lost 50 pounds over the past year. And have been stuck there and struggling for several months.
I'd been avoiding the scale for weeks, knowing that I had regained some weight and after looking at myself in the full-length mirror yesterday, was convinced it was as many as 25-30 pounds. Those feelings of failure and self-loathing and despair came over me like a tsunami last night and I struggled with the desire to go on a binge to escape them.
I stepped on the scale this morning just to see where I'm at. 8 pounds up. That was it. 8 pounds. While I'm not GLAD I regained anything, 8 pounds is a relief.
"Seeing" 25-30 pounds in the mirror yesterday shows how much my thinking gets warped by shame, fear, anxiety and self-loathing.
My choice today is I can punish myself for the 8 pounds - stoke those fires of self-hatred, failure and defeat because beating myself up ALWAYS HELPS, ALWAYS STOPS ME FROM GAINING MORE, doesn't it?
WRONG! The more shame and anger I heap on myself, the worse I feel. Then I want to eat more, both to punish myself for being a F***up AND numb out to escape it through mindless eating.
That's how 5 pounds turned into 15 pounds, turned into 116 pounds.... That's how 1 slip-up, 1 dessert, a few cookies, turns into 1 dessert or a few cookies plus half a pie/cake, a bag of chips, extra helpings at dinner and giving up on exercise because I feel so fat and sluggish...until I've regained every pound. And more, perhaps.
What do I need today? My soul is hungering for comfort, safety, reassurance, affection, physical movement. And, many times, I've chosen to respond to these needs is by eating.
Getting out of this cycle of toxic shame and responding to these needs differently is the way to stop the weight gain, I think. I can't erase the bad decisions that made me regain 8 pounds, but I can choose to get off the runaway train HERE, NOW.
So, today I am going to focus on treating myself kindly. Tune out that judgmental voice with its pronouncements of unworthiness and failure. Listening to it only sends me running away to eat to escape it, perpetuating self-defeating behaviors that take me further away from being healthy, whole and happy.
I started by weighing myself this morning and accepting the weight that I saw as a piece of vital information, not a verdict on my worth as a person.
I followed that with eating a healthy breakfast, rather than snarfing down a bunch of junk for comfort/punishment.
I decided to write about how I am feeling, rather than trying to avoid it. Avoidance= letting those bad feelings fester and balloon until they feel unmanageable and overwhelming, then eating to escape from the anxiety. By writing about them, those bad feelings aren't gone entirely, but they do feel manageable right now.
I'm making a mental list of things that I've decided I want to accomplish today: a few bits of housework, walk my dog, do some reading, exercise, make a decent dinner. Moving, taking care of things that need to be done makes me feel brighter, optimistic, competent and in control in this moment. More positive about myself and my ability to deal with Life.
By contrast, i could embark on an eating binge and sit in front of the TV all day, eating food I'm not hungry for and heaping shame and loathing on myself for eating it. Then feeling anxious and depressed about the probability of starting a new week by gaining MORE weight, outgrowing my clothes, about making myself less healthy.
Perhaps you're not an emotional eater, so this doesn't all apply to you, but in any event I think successful weight loss is about awareness and making better choices. We can't go back to the habits and behaviors that made us fat in the first place and keep the weight off. I can't have a 150-lb. body by living my 250-lb. lifestyle. I have to hone new habits, figure out what I need in the moment, and respond to it appropriately.
Sorry this ran like a long sermon. I'll take the rest of it elsewhere. But I'm working through all this as I write. Hopefully, some of this will resonate with you and help you with your struggles too.
04-29-2012, 01:59 PM
I have lost and regained twice.
In 2004 or so, I was 315 and I got down to 158. I started doing silly things, like having a full-day beige session, then exercising and being good on my diet the rest of the week. I had done this a couple of times in the past with no issue, but one time, to my horror, I had gained 8 pounds. I shouldn't have been surprised but I was. I felt so defeated, like you do now, but it's like I subconsciously gave up. I still tried to diet, and exercise, but instead of going to the gym 5-6 days per week, I went 2-3 times. And I started going out to dinner more often. I guess I figured "I lost the weight before, so it will be no problem getting back on track on Monday.". But Monday would come and I didn't always keep my word to myself. Within 24 months or so, I was right back where I started.
In 2007, I tried again. I was good for seven months, getting down to 219. But the same issues popped up. I had had two months in a row where I had lost over 15 pounds, so stupidly I thought that was what should happen every month. So when I weighed inat the end of June, I was totally depressed when I had "only" lost 9 pounds that month. How stupid. But your mind does stupid things when losing weight, I guess..
So In mid-July I went on my first binge in seven months. I had been doing a low carb diet, but I was going on a business trip and went nuts. I planned out what I would binge on each day: donuts, bagels, steak, burgers, etc. and when I got back home, I didn't even bother weighing. Ever. I wanted to get back on track, but the more time that went by, the less motivation I had.
So now I am on attempt #3, with the full knowledge that I am only one binge away from having it all fall apart. All I can say to you is get back on track NOW. The longer you wait to lose your 8 pounds, the less likely you will feel motivated to do so. Don't ruin all of your hard work like I did. Twice.
04-29-2012, 03:08 PM
just agreeing with the all or nothing attitude, that's another thing that got me back to where I am- don't worry about slipping up, there's no way you are going to go through life having perfect days everyday. if it helps you manage, how about a planned cheat meal once or twice a week?
04-29-2012, 03:32 PM
First I think it's great that you're recognizing a pattern at this point, not later on at 18, 80 or a 100 as you said. Personally I have had periods where I've stalled (self-inflicted) and bounced up and down in weight within 5 lbs but I usually catch myself at this point and so don't consider them full-fledged regains. I either stop stressing and take a "maintenance" break where I allow myself to eat more (increasing my calories to maintenance level but keeping up my workouts) or I take it as a wake up call and tighten up my act. It kind of depends on how I feel at that point and my level of "diet fatigue."
This has been my first real attempt to lose weight but what I know and what I've heard and read and seen is that it's not defeat to catch yourself early. That's what "normal" weight people do. They see the scale going up and they catch themselves and get their diet in control. That's how one maintains a target weight, I think. Theses things are rarely static. So I think IT'S IN FACT A VICTORY that you've caught yourself at this point and are actively looking for support and inspiration to reverse things now. It's so easy to ignore your body's signals and wake up one morning to find you've regained everything. I think it's a sign that your plan is working to catch yourself early in a regain and want to make a change. It's a sign that you're not just on a diet but you've changed your life. Be encouraged and feel victorious! You already know what to do to lose weight, you've done so well already. Don't give up, just keep going!
05-01-2012, 07:00 AM
I've never had 100 lbs to lose (I suppose you can count me among the 'lucky ones' in a way), but the process works the same, and I think it's great that you managed to recognize the pattern now, and not later. One thing I notice now, compared to when I was at my heaviest (see under my avatar), is that the heavier you've been, the harder it is to realize that you've regained, because the mind is still used to being heavy. 6 lbs don't seem that much when you're used to weight 300, but once you become used to be 120, it feels like you've doubled size all of a sudden. (It takes time to get to that point awareness, though. :()
You're not 'doomed' to regain everything if you act now. The hardest for me (when I regained part of the weight a few years ago) was to get rid of all the silly thoughts like "I've blown it, I might as well go all the way now", "I'll never be able to keep it off, so why bother", "It's so unfair", etc. Those were just self-defeating thoughts, and self-fulfilling prophecies. We don't have to walk that path. :)
05-01-2012, 11:56 AM
Stop preoccupying yourself with the old bouncing around and refocus on what you will start doing now. You can't control any of that anymore and it sounds like it's just going to hurt you to keep dwelling on it. Good luck.
05-01-2012, 01:20 PM
We're taught to see even the tiniest of regains as proof that we can't succeed (so we might as well give up).
We're also taught to think that once we hit our goal weight, we'll see the same number on the scale for the rest of time. We'll never struggle, we'll never gain (and if we do, it's proof that we can't succeed so we might as well give up).
It's all bull. If we treated mountain climbing like we do weight loss, at the first stumble, we'd throw ourselves over the edge.
Reaching and maintaining a healthy weight has nothing to do with never stumbling and has everything to do with picking yourself up after a small stumble, not deciding to punish ourselves for stumbling by jumping over the nearest edge. It's about gaining and losing the same 10 lbs forever (as opposed to the same 100).
We also aren't taught to celebrate the weight we've kept off, only the weight we continue to lose. If the weight loss stops, we don't feel great that we've kept off (whever amount), we punish ourselves for the weight we can't lose, rather than celebrate the success of what we've kept off.
We act as if (and even often believe) that gaining is no worse than not losing, so if we're not losing we might as well be gaining (at least we'll get to eat what we want).
But the truth is maintenance is more important than losing. Keeping off ten pounds is better than losing and then gaining 100. If we truly realized that, the weight loss failure rate wouldn't be so dismall.
I've managed to get off 105 lbs, though it's taken me seven years, and the weight loss hasn't been at all linear. Over those seven years, in the process of losing that 105 lbs, I've gained thousands of pounds. I just never allowed myself to let a 10 lb gain become a 50 lb gain. I get back to the weight loss as soon as I can.
And my stumbles have gotten smaller and smaller. I still stumble, and probably always will. I'm just learning to pick myself up more quickly and to stop throwing myself over the cliff faces in punishment. And so, instead of losing and regaining the same 100 lbs (I've never made it past that before this current attempt), I'm losing and gaining the same 10 lbs, but I'm slowly, but surely losing just a tiny bit faster than I'm gaining.
It may take me the remainder of my life to reach my goal weight. Heck, I may never get to my goal weight, but at least I've learned to be moving toward that goal, rather than away from it. And I'm deleriously happy and proud of myself for refusing to turn my back on myself (as we're taught to do).
I've learned that the biggest acheivement is not weight loss. Anyone can lose weight, keeping it off is the real accomplishment, so every day (even when I've gained) I CELEBRATE the weight I have lost. If I'm up 5 lbs, I "only" get to celebrate the loss and maintenance of 100 lbs. If I start to feel crappy about the 5 lbs I gained, I remind myself that keeping off 105 lbs really isn't that much less of an accomplishment than keeping off 100 lbs. So what the heck am I beating myself up for? I tell myself "celebrate the 100 lbs, and work to get back to 105 lbs and then 106 lbs lost.
Since I no longer feel that gaining is no worse than not losing, and since I've learned to see keeping the weight off as the bigger, more important, more worthy of celebrating accomplishment, I don't ever feel that "I might as well keep eating and stop caring about what I weigh."
I wish I could say I came to these earth-shattering conclusions on my own, but my doctor is the one who set me on this path by scolding me for complaining about losing only a pound a month (when I started). I whined that at my weight I should be losing at least 2 lbs a week like a "normal person," and my doctor told me I was talking nonsense, because "normal" isn't losing 2 lbs a week. Normal is not losing. Normal is gaining. Normal is losing a little and then gaining it all back and usually some extra to spare. Normal is giving up, and extraordinary success is just continuing to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving in the same direction.
Celebrate your maintenance (even when you're not at goal weight, you are a maintainer from the very first pound). You've kept off 107 lbs. Even if you never lose another pound, you've accomplished something that 95% or more do not. If you just maintain your weight loss, and never lose another pound, you will be succeeding.
We're taught to focus on the failure, so much so that if we can't have 100% success (however we've defined it) we tend to choose 100% failure. I remember as a teenager on prescription diet pills, my goal weight was 150 lbs. I was struggling with the last five pounds and had only made it to 155. I was gaining and losing the same 10 lbs and feeling like a miserable failure. My doctor must have thought I was getting complacent, because he moved my goal weight to 145 (I'm guessing in order to remotivate me), but it had the opposite effect.
I had a melt-down. I interpreted the new goal as an unacheiveable one, and instead of deciding the doctor was crazy, or that even if I never got to 145 lbs, I still had accomplished something amazing in the 70 lbs I had lost.
Instead, I decided that the new goal (and my current struggles) were proof that the weight loss was hopeless. I was never going to be thin. I was always going to be fat. So I might as well at least get to eat what I wanted. So I gave up and gained not just the 70 lbs I had lost, but another 100.
And I didn't stop there. I continued to gain and lose by countless methods, and I always gave up and regained when I became hopeless. In a very real sense I dieted my way to nearly 400 lbs, and I know that if I return to that pattern I won't just gain what I've lost, I'll regain MORE than I lost.
The alternative is to keep moving in the RIGHT direction (or at least face the right direction). I keep stumbling, but I also keep moving forward, and I've stopped "running in the wrong direction" when things get tough. I may not ever lose another pound, but I'm going to keep moving and facing in the direction I want to go, and if I do I can't fail, because just standing still is an amazing accomplishment. Even stumbling backwards is amazing success if I don't let it pull me over that cliff.
05-01-2012, 01:46 PM
The best thing you can do is learn from your body. You know your weakness (weekends). Rather than "throwing in the towel" b/c of it, take a step back and ask how you can beat this challenge for the long haul. That whole, it's not a diet, but a lifestyle change. What is happening on the weekends that makes you stumble. What can you get rid of, what can you change, what can you avoid, what do you need to do to keep your will power up???
You have lots of weekends to work this out. Take it one step at a time until you find the right solution for you.
BTW - I started out 250 - got down to 170 - maintained 180 for more than a year and then got pregnant. Came out of my pregnancy over 190 and started getting on plan to try and get down to 160, maybe even 150!
05-01-2012, 03:13 PM
I've lost 45-50 and then regained at least 60-something lbs back-I stopped weighing as I went up and up at one point. Its strange going down on the scale again. I am getting flashbacks of when I was at that weight-I remember being amazed that I could get down to such a weight, since I've been overweight my whole life. Now that I have had a taste of goal weight, it does make losing seem less amazing. But its also been better in other ways. Since I have tried over and over again to lose weight, I now have a better idea of what dietary and activity changes work best for me.
05-01-2012, 05:38 PM
Like I'm doing, you just pick back up where you left off and never look back. Move forward from this day on and be the best you can be on this weight loss journey. :)
05-01-2012, 05:49 PM
You're not beat until you quit, darlin'!
05-01-2012, 11:26 PM
I am having a really difficult time getting things moving this time around. I really want to lose weight but my energy just isn't there for exercising and cooking. My job has been very hectic and stressful of late and I learned today that I am most likely being laid off at the end of the month which is more stress but also more time.
I am really unhappy with the way I look right now and it isn't just my weight but also my skin. I really think my poor diet it affecting my skin and I need to start really looking after myself but I am really struggling. I am planning on going to the gym tomorrow but my lunch is left over pizza so I guess you win some you win lose some. I seriously need to get my but in gear.
I am visiting my best friend in a few weeks and I would like to have achieved a noticeable loss by then and have her notice. I really need to do this but I don't know how to start.
05-02-2012, 09:34 AM
munchievictim that's great advice! the scale really is a powerful motivator. early this year, i was eating unhealthily, but i was weighing myself almost every day. i didn't realize it then, but this was keeping my weight semi in check. the number on the scale still went up, but it was slow and only about 5 pounds. once i hit 145, i began to fear the scale and refused to weigh myself anymore. that's when i started doing five day binges and eating so much that i'd make myself sick. i weighed myself recently and i was up ten pounds. truthfully, i'm still in this cycle of binging. i had one healthy week, but then i saw carrot cake and went nuts. its hard to get back on track, but i think just forcing ourselves not to avoid the scale and the mirror will get us moving in the right direction.
05-02-2012, 02:33 PM
First of all, I want to congratulate you on your HUGE success thus far - you have lost over 100 lbs - holy cow! Go to PetSmart and pick up a 40-lb bag of dog food, now imagine 1.5 more of those...try to carry it around with you. Then you'll realize just how far you've come!!
I have lost 35+ lbs three times before this time. This time is significantly different, for a variety of reasons, mostly because it's the first time that I know I won't "go back" - I simply LOVE being healthier and fit too much. I've been working at it since Jan 2011. I have come to the conclusion that I will ALWAYS be a binger, just like an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic, even after 20 years of sobriety.
For me, the key is to keep trying new things. It is so hard to stay in "weight loss" mode for so long! For example, I do WW online, so I started going to meetings (that only helped briefly). I've downloaded some amazing books to listen to while I take my daily walks (things like "Thin for Life," "The Beck Diet Solution," and "Mindless Eating") - books that teach and inspire me, and give me tools to move forward. I've also loaded up on great books and magazines on my iPad, more "learning stuff" and also cooking healthy stuff. I read blogs, visit forums (like 3FC), I go to the gym (a lot!), I take walks, weigh myself more, I weigh myself less, I try new recipes, etc., etc.
My DH is also into healthy living & he's lost about 45 lbs, so he is has been super supportive of me. In the past, I kept my binges as secret as possible, but now, I tell him when I mess up. He doesn't shame me at all, but it helps ME not to keep things secret. We've even gone so far as throwing away every single thing in the house I would possibly binge on - AND locking things up in our garden shed (like sugar, cereal, etc.) that we didn't want to throw out that I may binge on.
Recently, I stopped weighing in every week because I found it detrimental and stress-inducing. I'm concentrating, day-by-day, on just staying on program. I am still accountable, but I find it more helpful now to concentrate on healthy living instead of weight loss, since I'm close to goal. I imagine I'm down a few more pounds, but I'm not weighing in until the day we leave for vacation (in a week!).
It's always helpful for me to look at my old "fat" photos and I've found that trying on clothes, whether in a store or at home, is super helpful. I am still continuously stunned that I'm a size 10.
Two years ago, I was a size 18-20 and miserable, stuck at home, letting friendships die, avoiding family functions and shunning vacations. I LOATHED shopping and even going to the movies with my husband was an ordeal because I would try on 15 different things and hate them all. Things have done a 180 for me now - and THAT is what I think about when I am tempted to fully "give up" - I'm just too happy now!
GOOD LUCK to you. Seriously, you've done amazing so far!
05-02-2012, 04:59 PM
I keep going because there is no end. There will never be a time when I am finished. Weight goes up, weight comes down. I just keep on going.
05-02-2012, 05:52 PM
I've lost and gained 35 or more pounds so many times, it's ambarrassing to think about.
The last time I did it was about 4 years ago. I lost 35 pounds on a 90 day juice fast and the day the fast was over, I started eating everything I could get my hands on until I had gained the 35 pounds back plus 50 more.Something just clicked in my brain and I binged for months on end.
I made myself so ill I could not function for a while, you should NEVER come off a fast of any length eating the stuff i did. I zoned out of reality for a period of years and then finally snapped out of it for some reason (self preservation, maybe) and realized that if I didnt do something, my attitude was going to end up killing me.
So, I began again to make my way back to a healthy lifestyle, it's not easy and I'm struggling mightily to not to feel shame and anger with myself for all of the lost time.
I guess the point is that it "ain't over til it's over".
Be proud of yourself for recognising where you're at and how far you've come.
Don't give up and don't let time slip away from you where you have to struggle even more. That's the hardest part for me, to realize that I've spent over half my life in this same struggle, and for what?