General chatter - Need opinions on this text




View Full Version : Need opinions on this text


want2bskine
04-28-2012, 06:08 AM
Hi ladies, I need some opinions on this text message.

My husband has a single female co-worker who he has worked with for years, sent him a thank you text message (it was something he took to work and gave a few people, male and female) and at the end of the text message she put love u, how would that make you feel being his wife, if it was your husband? Would you think this was inappropriate and disrespectful to your marriage? I only saw the text because he was unable to answer his text so I did, otherwise than that I would have NEVER known about this text message in detail. How would you have handled it?

Thank you for your opinions!


Oh 2 be me
04-28-2012, 09:29 AM
why not ask him about it? That is the only way you will know the truth, instead of speculating about what it could mean. I know I would be wondering too. I'd be upset and mad. Some women use those words as by-words, It doens't really mean 'love' anymore. It could be that she is being flirtateous but he is not accepting it.
Be honest with how you feel, let him know it hurt you to see that.

bargoo
04-28-2012, 09:58 AM
Totally inappropriate on her part. I would mention it to him but of course he is not responsible for what she says.


4star
04-28-2012, 10:02 AM
Oh wow, that's very unprofessional. I am thinking this girl just isn't the brightest light bulb in the pack...you can always ask your dh about it though. I bet she's some ditz that really doesn't know how inappropriate her communications are...

want2bskine
04-28-2012, 10:30 AM
Thanks so far, I just wanted to know if me getting upset and mad was just me or would any other wife feel the same. Yes I agree it was very inappropriate and I think it crosses some boundaries. I don't get some women these days. I don't think they really care about if a man is married or not.

Amy23
04-28-2012, 10:45 AM
Could be totally harmless, especially if they're close friends and very comfortable with each other, but still very inappropriate on her part.

KylieH
04-28-2012, 11:38 AM
We have a wonderful person at work who is very...expressive. It's just the way she is. When I read this I thought it's just the kind of thing she would say and it wouldn't mean anything. I'd suggest talking to her husband. There could be a motive or she could just be like "our Kate."

want2bskine
04-28-2012, 11:48 AM
Um...she is not married, she is a single lady.

sacha
04-28-2012, 11:52 AM
Married men do not need to receive non-work related messages from single women at work. Ever.

want2bskine
04-28-2012, 12:18 PM
Sacha I agree with you 100%. When I worked I NEVER had a male co-workers number or gave my cell number to a male. Just like I said marriages are not shown any respect now-a-days. Women don't care and they think it's harmless. I bet if she were married and someone texted her man and said love u she would be upset too. You walk a fine line when it comes to marriages.

mammasita
04-28-2012, 12:34 PM
Married men do not need to receive non-work related messages from single women at work. Ever.

Agreed. I would not like that at all and I personally would NEVER text my male co-workers with anything not work related or anything unprofessional.

All you can do is ask your husband. You can kinda gauge the situation from his reaction also.

Good luck.

Vex
04-28-2012, 01:15 PM
Yeah I'd definitely ask about it although it's probably nothing. Just try to do it in a non confrontational way - you were reading the texts on his phone, which is somewhat of a privacy invasion which he may or may not be weird about.

.

want2bskine
04-28-2012, 01:19 PM
Ok, I know I didn't explain it all in detail but he was driving and I answered them for him, he was right beside me, yes and I confronted him, I just wanted to know if it would bother any other women.

want2bskine
04-28-2012, 01:20 PM
Plus if a man has a problem with a wife messing with his phone then there is definately something fishy going on. A marriage is to be open and honest.

Ksquared
04-28-2012, 01:29 PM
I tell my friends I love them all the time. My Best Friend is Male and I tell him I love him. I am married, he is single. I don't see the problem. If I love someone I am going to let them know I care about them. I let all my loved ones know I care about them. Love has many different meanings and can be expressed in so many different ways.

It can be con-strewed as something different though by people who aren't as expressive about their feelings towards the people they love and it can be difficult to understand.

My Single friend has a girlfriend now and she read some of his old texts. She's been jealous of me for a year now and thinks we have an inappropriate relationship. She simply does not understand I am a caring, expressive kind of person. I hug people, I kiss people on the cheeks, I buy gifts for my friends if I see something I think they will like. I haven't been able to hang out and really talk to my friend until just recently when he has finally got it through her thick head that we are just friends and I just wear my heart on my sleeve.

Just ask him about it, I am sure she is just a heart on her sleeve kind of girl and cares about your hubby as a friend.

Sum38
04-28-2012, 01:55 PM
Unprofessional; maybe. But they could be good friends, or she is one of these people who say that to everyone...

My marriage is rock solid, no woman could "lure" my hubby away. I would never worry, because I know I have nothing to worry about. So if your marriage is solid, just ignore it.

want2bskine
04-28-2012, 02:04 PM
Yes it is rock solid, but still, I didn't like it or appreciate it.
Thanks for everyone's replies. :)

Sum38
04-28-2012, 02:12 PM
A motto we have in our marriage. Jealousy has "lousy" in it for a reason :) So if your marriage is rock solid; don't spend your energy worrying about it. I always say if my husband finds something better; I won't fight for him, I will just take all his money :lol3:

I am a very non-discriminatory person what comes to my friends. I have both male and female friends, gay and straight. -- I feel I would have missed out on great friendships if "talking to a married man was forbidden".

Obviously your husband let you see his phone, openly and honestly...so why be so upset?

valalltogether
04-28-2012, 02:30 PM
yeah, all that is true sum, but i could still see getting a little irritated. like, who the h*ll does she think she is? but you gotta let it roll off your back, want2.

98DaysOfSummer
04-28-2012, 02:57 PM
I might find it...odd? Irritating? It just seems so juvenile. Grow up, already. Grown people don't sign texts to coworkers with "love u." I know some people really need to be seen as the "expressive one" but there can be a fair amount of subtle manipulation going on in that. A person who was genuinely "caring" and "expressive" would care that how she was expressing herself might make other people uncomfortable.

One person's need to hug everyone and tell everyone they love them does not trump another person's need for boundaries and respect.

I wouldn't jump all over my husband for having an immature coworker, but my eyes would just about roll out of my head.

want2bskine
04-28-2012, 03:12 PM
Valaltogether,
Yeah I'm gonna let it roll off my back. Honestly I was kinda shocked by it all. That someone actually had the nerve to say that. I'm wondering though if I didn't see the text message would he have told me she said that....probably not.

98daysof summer,
You are exactly right!!! JUVENILE! Maybe it's because I am a mature woman who would not do such things. I respect boundaries, and I would like for mine to be respected too. I agree with the rest of your message too. Women can think that it's ok with them to tell someone that, (love u) and think that the wife is ok with that too.

mammasita
04-28-2012, 03:22 PM
Plus if a man has a problem with a wife messing with his phone then there is definately something fishy going on. A marriage is to be open and honest.

Absolutely.

sontaikle
04-28-2012, 03:58 PM
98daysof summer,
You are exactly right!!! JUVENILE! Maybe it's because I am a mature woman who would not do such things. I respect boundaries, and I would like for mine to be respected too. I agree with the rest of your message too. Women can think that it's ok with them to tell someone that, (love u) and think that the wife is ok with that too.

THIS is the word I was looking for! I wouldn't be pissed as all **** about the text, just annoyed at how juvenile it is. She probably KNOWS he's married, so really? She needs to grow the f up.

My fiance's little brother is quite a bit younger than him and has a lot of female friends who used to SWOON every time he was around. When they were 14, 15 they used to really openly flirt with him despite knowing that he had a girlfriend and all that (but my darling fiance didn't see it, haha). That's what this reminds me of, 14/15 year old girls who don't know any better. I got pissed at first, but I realized that they were just teens doing stupid crap and I just started rolling my eyes; most of them are now nice young women.

Vex
04-28-2012, 04:32 PM
I agree with the comments that if a man has a problem with his wife looking at his phone there's something fishy. I did say "may or may not bother him" because frankly I have no idea what anyone's marriage is like.

Given that, I do think there needs to be an aura of respect and even some privacy in marriage. I don't open my husband's mail if it's addressed specifically to him, go read his email on his computer, or check his text messages. (I'm not saying you do either, I'm speaking generally here.) I know he wouldn't care if I did those things, but I just don't. I trust him enough to know there's nothing I need to worry about.

.

want2bskine
04-28-2012, 04:59 PM
Well, everything is going to be ok. I just wanted to ask some other women their opinions because I think that he (dh) thinks I am the only female that acts like this... (getting upset) and I'm not.
We have been together for 21 years, I love him to much and have been through everything, so yeah I do get upset at stuff like that.

sacha
04-28-2012, 08:32 PM
My husband does not have female friends and I do not have male friends (except couples - which we do not hang out with the opposite sex without their partner present). Some people find that controlling, stifling, whatever. Well, I disagree and consider it a boundary between us, one that we both agree on.

So no, you're not crazy OP. Although I agree that a man with something to hide would never let you see his phone like that, so I think this is just a woman who does not understand that is improper behaviour for most married couples.

threenorns
04-29-2012, 10:24 AM
Plus if a man has a problem with a wife messing with his phone then there is definately something fishy going on. A marriage is to be open and honest.

the best way to destroy a marriage is "total honesty"

- yes, dear, you do look fat in that
- actually, no - my ex was better in bed than you are.
- yeah, you do come off as gay sometimes
- i wish you would stop trying to cook. you're not very good at it.


the only thing a successful relationship needs is trust - which is not the same thing as honesty.


as for the text message, i wouldn't even blink at it. my daughter's father is from trinidad and they're ALL like that - verbally and physically. someone from canada or the US would be excused for thinking they're a licentious lot when they see how much hugging and kissing and butt-grabbing and commenting on butts and boobs and so on goes on whenever there's a get-together - but it's not sexual or flirtatious in nature; that's just how they are and i do appreciate that they know not to go grabbing my butt or commenting on my cleavage or doing the huggy-kissy thing once they realized i wasn't comfortable with it.

sacha
04-29-2012, 12:31 PM
the best way to destroy a marriage is "total honesty"

- yes, dear, you do look fat in that
- actually, no - my ex was better in bed than you are.
- yeah, you do come off as gay sometimes
- i wish you would stop trying to cook. you're not very good at it.


One does not need to insult their partner in order to be completely honest. Really, after reading that thread where you and your partner seem to verbally abuse each other as if it's normal, I'm not surprised to hear the above. Geez.

- I think another outfit looks better
- Here are some things I would like to try in order to have more fun
- When you do X then yes, I do think people may get the impression of being feminine
- Let's cook X together or let's try a class and see if we can improve

Quiet Ballerina
04-29-2012, 12:33 PM
What did your husband say when you asked him about it?

Is there ANY way that she accidentally put the "love you" at the end?
I know there have been times when I was telling my boss goodbye and I nearly (accidentally!) said "ok, bye, love you" out of habit. Especially if I had recently talked to a family member.

Justwant2Bhealthy
04-29-2012, 03:44 PM
One time my DH & I had a problem with a single, 22 y/o young lady who was very immature, who would make inappropriate behaviors toward him.

The first time (that I witnessed), she ran up to him and jumped on his back, like a kid would, right on the main street of our small town. He laughed it off, while I stood their stunned. While I am not a very jealous person, I later told him that I felt it was inappropriate behavior; and I asked him to put a stop to it.

But obviously, he didn't deal with it enuff, becuz she continued and got worse. The next time, she ran up to him and tried to kiss him on his lips, right in front of me and her boyfriend. Like you, I was shocked; and her BF was visibly upset. Thankfully, my DH grabbed her by the shoulders and sternly told her to back off. She never did anything like that again, and she stayed clear of my DH from that time on.

Some of these girls are so immature that they either don't listen, or don't get it -- that flirting with a married man is a "no-no". I was single until I was 30 y/o and for me, married men were always "off-limits". I respected the fact that they had wives and families, even when they didn't.

While we know that there are a few women who like to use flippant salutations, telling a married co-worker of the opposite sex that you luv them really isn't appropriate. Sometimes, a co-worker may have to contact you outside of work; but if they do, they should still do it in a proper business-like manner -- to be respectful.

Some people do cross the line, as we have learned, but that could be quickly fixed if your DH would just remind her to keep the text messages more business-like in deference to his wife who sometimes answers his phone for him. BTW, I see nothing wrong with you answering your husband's phone & mail for him -- we do that all the time and I pay all the bills.

The point is that it bothers you; and that is what matters -- and you expressed this to your DH. I take it from what you said that he thought is meant nothing. Heck, if a single guy said that to me, I'd raise my eyebrows and would likely say back something like, "That's cute, but don't forget that I'm a married lady, OK?"

Heck, if one of my exes just shows up at the grocery store the same time as me, my DH gets the look of a "wounded puppy" on his face (yet he would claim that he wasn't a jealous guy; ya, right). I told him that I had no way of knowing they would be there that day and at that time, and visa-versa; and please don't take it so personal ... he sheepishly said, "OKayyyy ..." ;)

want2bskine
04-29-2012, 06:13 PM
Ya know the funny thing is, we aren't young. Im in my late 30s, he is in his 40s, and I think this lady is a few years yonger than me. We got it all straight. He said that's just the way she is...but he got it straight when he went back to work and she said she was sorry and she didn't mean to offend me. Still I didn't like it. I know for sure I would have not done it. It makes me wonder though if she would still tell him at work...like love ya. I know for sure he is very much in love with me, and we do have a good relationship, just don't like some women's attitudes.

want2bskine
04-29-2012, 06:19 PM
Sacha I agree with you. I didn't mean honest to that point..ya know where you cut each other down, lol. I mean honest in a marriage to keep communication open, and about the more serious stuff. And wow, if at my heaviest my husband said honestly honey you look fat as a cow...wow..that wouldn't be good at all. I would be deeply hurt. So no, I don't mean THAT honest lol.

threenorns
04-29-2012, 06:50 PM
One does not need to insult their partner in order to be completely honest. Really, after reading that thread where you and your partner seem to verbally abuse each other as if it's normal, I'm not surprised to hear the above. Geez.

- I think another outfit looks better
- Here are some things I would like to try in order to have more fun
- When you do X then yes, I do think people may get the impression of being feminine
- Let's cook X together or let's try a class and see if we can improve


i am never going to hear the end of that, am i?

so much for finding support.