General chatter - Do you have a chip on your shoulder when meeting a thin woman?




guacamole
04-25-2012, 06:14 PM
I kind of asked the reverse question in another thread, as someone who lost weight and now sometimes feels an attitude from other women.

For those of us struggling with weight loss, do you ever project an attitude when being introduced to a thinner woman? I try not to judge others on looks, but I suppose when I was at my high weight I didn't feel very good about myself. Therefore, if I was introduced to a thin and in shape woman, I felt that maybe she was judging me or comparing herself and glad she came out on top.

I knew that this was my projection and I think I always maintained an outer friendliness, but inside I felt jealous/bad about my appearance in comparison and didn't necessarily go out of my way to continue a friendship (although I didn't break off any existing friendships based on weight or insecurities). Perhaps what I was feeling on the inside did register on my face despite my efforts.


tessendicott
04-25-2012, 06:29 PM
Not really. I think everyone is judgy regardless of size. I try not to be, but it's human nature. My best friend extremely thin and I don't feel in any way threatened or judged by her. Most of my friends are much smaller than I am actually now that I think about it.

astrophe
04-25-2012, 07:00 PM
No not having any problem with thin people. Sometime I have a prob with singles just not thinking about family life tho. I have some single friends who forget I cannot be as spontaneous with plans as they can be because I have to organize child care and that means planning much further out.

A


Vex
04-25-2012, 08:18 PM
No, not with thin women. Body image just passes me by on them.

I do, however, notice overweight immediately. It's probably the first thing that hits me unfortunately. Whether that's because I am, who knows?

krampus
04-25-2012, 08:23 PM
I am not overweight anymore but every time I meet a very thin person I feel like they are pitying me or somehow judging my looks, even though it's CLEARLY the opposite.

I have the opposite issue to apostrophe. I am that person who doesn't "get" that you can't just leave 2 year old Junior unattended in the bath with a couple hours' notice.

RainbowWimsii87
04-25-2012, 08:36 PM
I have to say...at first I did when I was younger. I would feel that THEY were judging me because I was bigger than they were. Then it got to be me being jealous lol. And then I would end up catching an attitude.

Then afterwards, when I was college it kind of just didn't ever bother me. I guess it's because I actually became pleased with myself and got major confidence. ****, I'm still confident, but definately want to lose the weight. Now, I just see people as people. Though, I still get jealous when a friend, smaller than me, can wear that cute dress that's not in my size haha.

fitness4life
04-25-2012, 10:38 PM
As a thin woman, I think i have a chip on my shoulder when meeting other thin women...with fake boobs. I don't have big boobs. They do and I feel like they cheated.

Maybe the bigger question to ask is, "what is your chip?".

Because I even think about my obese clients who struggle with their weight and I envy their curves probably like they envy whatever they envy about my skinny little arse.

I think it all comes down to wanting what you don't have. I also have straight mousey blonde hair and always wanted curly platnum blonde hair. That's a bit easier to accept - we all know we can't change straight to curly without a perm. Maybe it's all about wanting to change our body type without doing cosmetic surgery.

Surgery costs a ton more and comes with more of a social stigma.

But taking surgery out of it...we all want what we can't have sometimes. The trick is to embrace ourselves as is. Embrace what you alone have.

ValRock
04-25-2012, 10:41 PM
I think women, in general, come at life with all sorts of random assumptions about each other. It's hard to throw that away!!!

threenorns
04-25-2012, 10:42 PM
nope. unless they are *really* thin - like, super skinny - then i just feel terrified to breath on them in case i break them or something.

they are them and i am me. their size has nothing to do with me - it's not like they forcibly donated their body fat to me.

pixelllate
04-25-2012, 11:06 PM
No, and I don't have a problem with women who do have a chip on their shoulder towards thin women-but I do have an issue with those who openly project it on thin women-or any one of any type. Some of the women in my fam are like that and they call me names when I get down to average weight. I'm paranoid about getting treated like that again, but I am reminding myself that 1.) I don't live with them, I am living with ME and my body forever 2.) Their problem, not mine. I am going to try to be more open about my lifestyle and more open about how I need them to back off on their comments-if they choose to continue being mean that makes them all the more petty.

Jez
04-25-2012, 11:27 PM
Absolutely not. When someone has something I want for myself I just give credit where credit is due. I've been on the other side of that far too many times, and I think it's really *edited* crappy and unfair.

Beach Patrol
04-26-2012, 10:33 AM
I never have chips on my shoulder about anything.

If I did, I'm sure I would have eaten them by now. :rofl:

But seriously, no, I don't do "shoulder chips". I think because of my realization of the separation of self image from body image. I can look in the mirror & not like what I see without internalizing it. Therefore, I can meet a skinny person without comparing myself to them, therefore, no chip. :^:

That's not to say that I don't ever think "Wow, wish I had *her* body!" - because I think it's normal to want what you don't have .... curly hair if your hair is straight, blue eyes if your eyes are brown, big boobs if your boobs are small, to be olive toned if you're milky white, to be tall if you're short, etc. And even still, I don't believe that a person can't be happy with "what they've got" just because they'd like to have something different. I mean, I drive a very nice Mustang convertible and I LOVE IT! - but I sure would love to have a tricked out Jeep, or a Lexus SUV... KnowwhatImean Vern? ;) :D

CkM
04-26-2012, 10:52 AM
As a thin woman, I think i have a chip on my shoulder when meeting other thin women...with fake boobs. I don't have big boobs. They do and I feel like they cheated.

Maybe the bigger question to ask is, "what is your chip?".

Because I even think about my obese clients who struggle with their weight and I envy their curves probably like they envy whatever they envy about my skinny little arse.

I think it all comes down to wanting what you don't have. I also have straight mousey blonde hair and always wanted curly platnum blonde hair. That's a bit easier to accept - we all know we can't change straight to curly without a perm. Maybe it's all about wanting to change our body type without doing cosmetic surgery.

Surgery costs a ton more and comes with more of a social stigma.

But taking surgery out of it...we all want what we can't have sometimes. The trick is to embrace ourselves as is. Embrace what you alone have.

I totally agree about the boob jobs! My chest has been shrinking and I feel like the people who have boob jobs have cheated! I know I shouldnt are but I do and I would not spend my money on that!!

threenorns
04-26-2012, 10:57 AM
to look at boob jobs as "cheating", you'd have to apply the same judgement to women who colour their greying hair (or just choose a colour that's more flattering than their natural one); use makeup; and who choose clothing styles and foundation garments to correct an out-of-proportion body.

you have two choices in life: be happy with what you've got or, if you can't be, do something about it. whichever way you choose, though, it's not right to get bent out of shape because someone else made the other choice without considering how you'd personally feel about it.

Beach Patrol
04-26-2012, 11:04 AM
to look at boob jobs as "cheating", you'd have to apply the same judgement to women who colour their greying hair (or just choose a colour that's more flattering than their natural one); use makeup; and who choose clothing styles to correct an out-of-proportion body.

you have two choices in life: be happy with what you've got or, if you can't be, do something about it.

I agree!!! - because.... I cheated!!! :dizzy: And I did it ON PURPOSE! :D

I've NEVER been happy with my itty-bitties. I remember being 18, feeling like a 12 year old. I got so tired of padded bras, & really hated my flat chest. It looked "disproportionate" to my ample butt!!! But I've never had the money to get a boob job. I would have! If I could have afforded it!!!!... Then, when I was 42, I could afford it! So I did. I love them!! They're not "hu-mongo-boobs" & they don't look like little round basketballs ... they're a full C-cup, natural looking and natural feeling! - as opposed to my itty-bitty A-B's I had all my life that felt like two bee stings on my chest... Now my clothes fit better, I don't feel like such "a little girl" anymore, and I enjoy playing with them.

YES I PLAY WITH THEM! They're mine, I can play with'm if I wanna. :p :rofl:

sontaikle
04-26-2012, 11:05 AM
I never had a chip on my shoulder when meeting a thin woman, but depending on the circumstances I would be more comfortable if a woman I was meeting was NOT thin.

One time stands out to me in particular. When I went to Boston with my fiance to visit his friend, we stayed at the friend's apartment. The friend's roommate's girlfriend was staying over and I remember being anxious, thinking that she was going to judge me or something. I was instantly relieved when I met her and she was about the same size I was. She wound up being a nice person regardless, but I felt it was easier for me to get along with her because she was similar in size to me.

Jonsgurl0531
04-26-2012, 11:06 AM
The only thing I get any kind of jealousy over... is when I see really thin women eat whatever they want and not gain an ounce! I have friends like this.. and secretly I get a little jealous since I have to work hard every day to stay how I Am.

Glory87
04-26-2012, 03:54 PM
Where does the jealousy end?

There will always be someone thinner, with better teeth, glossier hair (and don't have to dye it!), blue eyes, good singer, money to buy fab clothes, huge house, fancy vacations...

Seems kind of sad there could be a lovely person that you just can't be friends with because they are thin and you aren't right now.

Sum38
04-26-2012, 04:08 PM
I totally agree about the boob jobs! My chest has been shrinking and I feel like the people who have boob jobs have cheated! I know I shouldnt are but I do and I would not spend my money on that!!

I am totally for surgery. If one has $ and the willpower to go through the pain, more power to them. It is their body after all, who am I to judge anyone? -- I would go and get a tummy tuck done, right now, if I was not so scared of the pain and recovery.

From my personal experience, I was definitely treated "worse" by fellow females when I was thin. More I gained, nicer these same women became. Sad :( -- Now that I am shrinking again, the same females are starting to act catty again. :(:(

The grass is greener on the other side of the fence, or is it? ;)

Sum38
04-26-2012, 04:09 PM
I think women, in general, come at life with all sorts of random assumptions about each other. It's hard to throw that away!!!

You nailed it!!

Sum38
04-26-2012, 04:12 PM
I agree!!! - because.... I cheated!!! :dizzy: And I did it ON PURPOSE! :D

I've NEVER been happy with my itty-bitties. I remember being 18, feeling like a 12 year old. I got so tired of padded bras, & really hated my flat chest. It looked "disproportionate" to my ample butt!!! But I've never had the money to get a boob job. I would have! If I could have afforded it!!!!... Then, when I was 42, I could afford it! So I did. I love them!! They're not "hu-mongo-boobs" & they don't look like little round basketballs ... they're a full C-cup, natural looking and natural feeling! - as opposed to my itty-bitty A-B's I had all my life that felt like two bee stings on my chest... Now my clothes fit better, I don't feel like such "a little girl" anymore, and I enjoy playing with them.

YES I PLAY WITH THEM! They're mine, I can play with'm if I wanna. :p :rofl:

Hehe!! Loved your post!

chubbybunny29
04-27-2012, 12:32 AM
I have always figured that everyone has their issues and that some of us have issues that are more visible than others. I can think of one thin friend of mine. She is a lovely size 6, and is really pretty, but she has anxiety issues that cause her to pull out her hair to the point of having bald spots. She can style her hair to hide that, but I can't hide an extra 80lbs.

I also think that its a waste of my time to be angry like that. I have a friend who is quite large and she has a chip on her shoulder about the above mentioned thin friend, and its her anger that makes her unattractive, not the extra weight.

Sinoia
04-27-2012, 01:11 AM
I don't mind thin people, unless they are rude about my being fat. They don't mind me because, being fat, I am no competition.

That I am also 60 years old could be pertinent. Thin, young woman don't even see me because I am no threat on the radar and obviously feeble minded and past it. Thin old woman have enough to cope with without bothering with having to even take a fat, ageing woman into account.

What really annoys me is thin young men who are arrogant enough to think they have a right to say loud and appallingly rude things about me being fat and then laugh with their mates as if enjoying their clever and extremely perceptive wit.

I comfort myself with the fact that they will be old one day and, whilst they will not recall their stupidity, they will also have to deal with issues on the journey and learn some humility.

When I was thin I did not "see" fat. My dearest friend was obese and I only saw her as beautiful. She told me, in the end, that I did her a disservice because I never saw her and the difficulties she had with weight and therefore could not be relied on for support. I think this was a terribly sad end to the friendship. I guess, looking back, her issues with weight exceeding the value of my blind affection. So many of us truly want to be loved for who we are ... past all the physical bric brac. It broke my heart that that is exactly how I felt about her as a friend but it was just not enough.

fitness4life
04-27-2012, 06:20 PM
To be clear: I don't have a problem with boob jobs - it's just not my thing. I also have a chip on my shoulder about peeps with the cutes little noses. I have a full size "heritiage" nose. I'm friends with all - those with no boobs, those with implants; those with big noses, those with natural cute noses and those with rhinoplasty. It's just that cosmetic surgery, for me, isn't my thing.

To each her own.


Back to the OP...

In my moring boot camp, a participant came up to me today to thank me for being "normal".

WHAT?

She said that it was a *major* issue for her to over come when she wanted to come to boot camp class but learned that *I* was teaching it.

She thought that I'd look at her and think she was too fat to do it.

WHAT??

What she was saying was that she now knows nothing could be further from the truth and I proved that by being normal. I didn't judge. I encourage all. I modify for any need. All without making anyone feel less than good.

It was a really cool compliment.

It also shows that there are some who judge and act differently based on someone else's size.

The truth is, for me anyway, I don't really think much about it because the person inside is what matters most to me.

Anyone else agree?

pixelllate
04-27-2012, 09:18 PM
Honestly, I have seen people of all weights insult others for their weight. I really haven't noticed this in higher proportion amongst thin people vs larger people, I've gotten insults from both, and towards people of any shape and size. I think its more due to feeling a need to be openly critical than anything else.

reallystruggling
05-01-2012, 08:08 AM
I've kinda always been fat/large, so I just got used to others being smaller/shorter than me. ESPECIALLY since i have 0 fat friends. In fact, i get uncomfortable around fat people.. not sure why though

kimicat76
05-02-2012, 01:15 PM
the only chip on my shoulder i have about my very skinny best friends is they are always calling each other fat and a cow..... then how must i look to them?!?!?!

PinkLotus
05-02-2012, 01:27 PM
I don't feel like I have a chip on my shoulder when it comes to thin people. I'm definitely jealous of them though, because I desperately want to be smaller.
I've never really felt judged for my weight. I'm not saying I haven't been, but I've never met someone and felt like they were judging me (though they definitely could have been). But I just spent a few days in Vegas and for some reason I felt almost the whole time I was there that I was being looked down upon because of my weight. I can't put my finger on exactly why, but it was a feeling I had my whole trip.

aleigh3890
05-02-2012, 01:41 PM
I have jealousy, but not a chip. I sometimes look at someone so much smaller than me or with the proportions I want and get sad. In the heat of the moment that may turn to bitterness but I wouldn't call it a general chip. I think it has to do with your personal self esteem. If their pure existance being smaller than you causes YOU to compare yourself to them, then I could see how that could cause a chip...

I try and use them as motivation..."yea...that's how good I'm gonna look when I beat this weight!"

sacha
05-02-2012, 01:56 PM
I have been both 'skinny' (I mean really - 109lbs at 5'5) and overweight.

Yes, women will have an attitude when you are fairly thin. Not sure if they want to admit it or not, but they do. In fact, when overweight, I found myself having those same thoughts!!!

saef
05-02-2012, 01:59 PM
I see women having a problem with a thinner woman mostly when they have a conspirator by their side.

It's some kind of remnant of Mean Girl syndrome.

When they're alone, no. Because there's no one to share with.

When they're with a friend, they've got an audience whom they want to entertain or bond with -- and they will say things.

I've been guilty of this myself, but not about weight. Because I've been everywhere from 104 pounds to over 247 pounds, I keep my mouth shut about other peoples' weight.

mirax3
05-06-2012, 09:54 PM
I think it's almost totally biological. We size each other up, just like animals do.

novangel
05-07-2012, 12:44 AM
No. I have a chip on my shoulder when I see happily married women after I was hurt so badly by my ex. I don't hate on them I just feel envious. I don't care about their weight I look at their rings. Sounds ridiculous, I know.

electrongirl
05-07-2012, 01:17 PM
Nope. I have been all different weights through my life. I grew up skinny and was skinny until I was about 21. Then through my 20's I went from 115 - 180lbs a few times so I haven't always been a big girl.