General chatter - Are Heavier People More Friendly and Approachable?




guacamole
04-25-2012, 06:54 PM
I ask because when I was heavy people seemed to be less guarded with me. A lot of times I was invisible and people didn't approach me or talk to me at all - however, those that did approached me as if I were probably a safe and friendly person.


Now that I am getting smaller, I notice that strangers don't always assume I will be friendly. Especially other women. I remember this from my former thin years. Women are more guarded when they meet me, as if they aren't sure if I will have an attitude. Some assume I will have an attitude before they even speak to me and approach me that way. I'm not sure if I have a naturally mean or haughty expression, but I didn't get this response when I was fat. It's been years since I have felt this kind of attitude from others. I don't think I am projecting hostility - I don't feel hostile or angry, so I don't think my face/expression looks like that.

What do you think - do people assume that fat people are jolly and friendly and thin people could go either way? Do any of you who have lost weight get attitudes from people meeting you or interacting with you for the first time?


threenorns
04-25-2012, 07:01 PM
absolutely, big girls are seen as jolly, friendly, approachable, "safe".

thin girls are "on the make".

i've been either way and i've seen the same ppl swing from one attitude to the other as my weight swung up or down.

toobig
04-25-2012, 07:01 PM
People are nicer to me now that I am thinner. Which kind of ticks me off.


Elladorine
04-25-2012, 07:02 PM
I was bullied over my weight as a kid and for years, carried the assumption that smaller, thinner people were going to automatically judge me just because of my size. The handful of friends I had were also overweight and therefor, "understood" me.

It wasn't until I was older that I understood that someone else's weight doesn't make them the sweetest person alive or a total witch, good and not-so-good people come in all shapes and sizes.

Unfortunately, I still get intimidated quite easily because I'm still so ashamed of my weight . . .

guacamole
04-25-2012, 07:05 PM
There are women that are much friendlier to me now that I have lost some weight - women who never gave me the time of day before. Maybe they feel that because I used to be heavy, I could potentially be heavy again, so I'm not a threat?

I guess I am talking more about people who are seeing you for the first time. They only have seen the thinner you and assume you have an attitude.

WildThings
04-25-2012, 07:29 PM
I am not a friendly, approachable heavy person. I actually have worked very hard over the years to be unapproachable (not rude or crabby, just distant) because I didn't want people to get close to me. I was bullied in junior high school by a group of people that I considered to previously be my close circle of friends, I have never fully moved past my distrust of people. At my highest weight, I was friendly enough that people didn't walk away thinking, "wow, what a *****," but I don't think I would have ever been considered overly friendly or bubbly. I really preferred to be invisible. The more weight I lose, the more comfortable I am with myself and and finding that I am becoming more approachable and friendly.

Sheridan
04-25-2012, 07:30 PM
Hi,
I think it is variable and does relate some to the vibe given off. I try to give off a neutral vibe -I am not big into talking to strangers or being approached.I am not rude but I don't encourage it. I have been both thin and fat and have not seen any difference in relating to people.

Now some of my heavier girlfriends have told me how total strangers would comment on her weight. Well, that has never hapened to me and if it did I would not just take it but would so embarass the person that they would be sorry they ever opened their mouth.

Sheridan

tessendicott
04-25-2012, 07:31 PM
It goes both ways. There are rude/bltchy thin and fat people. I have met some very heavy girls who are the nicest people on the planet and I have met some extremely mean ones (possibly a defense mechanism?).

Natasha22
04-25-2012, 08:20 PM
It all depends I suppose, some people are friendlier while others come across as unapproachable. Still, I feel that overweight people feel the pressure to be "extra" friendly or "extra" nice just to be accepted in a certain group and fit in. People with a normal weight are more likely to just be themselves. Than there's also the fact that overweight women are not viewed as a "threat" by other women.

kaplods
04-25-2012, 08:32 PM
I think first impressions are complicated. I think weight sometimes is part of the first impression but it can work both ways. Some people will be attracted (I mean socially not just sexually though for some people that will be a component as well), some people will be repelled, and some will be indifferent to a person's weight.

Vex
04-25-2012, 09:30 PM
I don't think so. Although the size someone is stands out to me immediately, it's their facial expression that usually will draw me in or push me away.

Tai
04-25-2012, 09:39 PM
Total strangers are friendlier to me now than when I was larger. I notice people smile more, hold doors open and say hello more often. I was a very friendly and outgoing person at my highest weight so I don't think it's an issue of more confidence or a vibe I'm putting out.

It's hard to believe, but I often felt invisible at 272.

Tai
04-25-2012, 09:41 PM
I was bullied over my weight as a kid and for years, carried the assumption that smaller, thinner people were going to automatically judge me just because of my size. The handful of friends I had were also overweight and therefor, "understood" me.

It wasn't until I was older that I understood that someone else's weight doesn't make them the sweetest person alive or a total witch, good and not-so-good people come in all shapes and sizes.

Unfortunately, I still get intimidated quite easily because I'm still so ashamed of my weight . . .



Ella, you have nothing to be ashamed of! :hug:

i33BabyGirl33i
04-26-2012, 03:42 AM
Whatever happened to "Don't judge a book by its cover"?

4star
04-26-2012, 08:00 AM
People are nicer to me now that I am thinner. Which kind of ticks me off.

Me too. People are so strange.

pluckypear
04-26-2012, 08:02 AM
Ummm I would say no to the original question. It depends on the person. Some fat people are humane and decent and some fat people are inhumane and horrid. Just like thin people or in between.

Beach Patrol
04-26-2012, 12:08 PM
All I know is that I've been fat/thin/fat/thin throughout my life.

People have been nice to me & rude to me - throughout my life.

I've never assumed it was or wasn't because of my weight. I just assumed if they were nice to me then they were a nice person; if they were rude to me, then they were an a$$****. :D (Or maybe just having a bad day!)

Jonsgurl0531
04-26-2012, 12:17 PM
I noticed people are nicer to the thinner me as well. I remember in stores I would have to run around like a chicken with her head cut off to get some help.. and then they take forever to help or forget about me.. Now people all the time come up and ask if I need help -.- WTH is up with that! LOL.

I also notice the door thing as well.. mostly guys will open the door for me, let me go through first.. etc.

MiZTaCCen
04-26-2012, 01:06 PM
Whatever happened to "Don't judge a book by its cover"?

Unfortunately we all still judge by it's cover. It's how humans work.

For me it depends on my mood, I can be approachable or not. A lot of people who know me now all say the same thing. "When I first saw you I thought you were a complete *****" and I'm not heavy but I'm not really thin either. It's how I am, I take a while to like anyone. I observe you first before deciding if I want to speak to you or not.

Sinoia
04-27-2012, 02:00 AM
I am far less approachable now than when I was thin. I do not think this is because of weight, though. However, when I was thin I did have far more confidence and was outgoing and ambitious and that meant I was more in contact with people because I was open and friendly.

Events happened to change that. I closed off and became reclusive .. then the weight piled on.

My partner and I discuss this sometimes because most of my social interaction is via the internet and gaming and, even online, I am either not noticed or disliked. The assertion is I say things differently or more bluntly than other people, without the conciliatory body language or facial expression to mitigate what seems harsh in my words. This could be down to the fact that I practised psychology and tend to not play word games or it could be down to the fact that I ended up just not trying very hard to get people to like me.

However, the dislike is not down to me being fat, it is down to me not being "nice". (which my partner assures me I am!)

Ah well, my cat likes me ... almost.

philana
04-27-2012, 01:56 PM
I can't say because I was never obese but people are only nice to me when I am 'in the mood'. I can put out a really stand-off ish vibe and people just don't approach me or try to converse with me. But when I go out and try and be more open people all at once are more open to me too.

I won;t argue that there's some sort of social misconception regarding weight and the friendliness of a person, but I think the way you behave is such a big influence. Like one poster said, a lot of bigger people try to 'compensate' by being extra nice. When you are extra nice, you get extra nice responses.

Then there's always the odd chance of bumping into people like me that when they have decided to not care for a soul this day will not smile at you no matter what you do. LOL.

krampus
04-27-2012, 04:57 PM
No, because I project my own struggles with my weight onto them and suspect they all have binge eating disorder.

GlamourGirl827
04-28-2012, 04:31 PM
I've been on size 8 to 20 and the only difference I noticed was men seem a bit nicer and more willing to help (like hold a door) when I've been thinner rather than heavier. I have met this unwanted male kindness with being colder to men (I'm a a happily married mom of 2). When I was heavier, I was nicer because there seemed to exist this understanding that there was nothing in the way of flirting going on because I was fat, and they were not flirting with a fat girl.
Now, I feel like I can't have a casual conversation with a guy like in line at the 7-11 without them being too whatever it is when they get all up in your space annoying. So, I try to dress sloppier and not be as nice to men. I know that sounds weird, but I spent most of my life being fat and being "the friend" and I'm used to that. Its comfortable hanging with guys knowing they are NOT thinking any unpure thoughts.
But with women I'm the same person.

Precious Little
04-28-2012, 08:22 PM
I think it has everything to do with what one projects, if you're feeling confident and happier I believe people are more likely to pick up on that and respond in a friendly manner. Other other hand, if you're feeling insecure and ashamed and have little respect for yourself, it would come as no surprise if others do not appear to be respectful and kind.