So I was at the gym the other day with a friend, and we were sitting in the sauna and I started talking to her about my love life, which apparently she didn't want to hear. Instead of telling me this or just letting me vent, she blatantly starts to ignore me for the rest of the time we're at the gym, and then on the way home, and anytime she did talk to me it was with an attitude.
I find out later from another friend that apparently I was annoying the piss out of her, and that I always annoy the piss out of her, and that she really didn't like me and decided that she just wasn't going to talk to me anymore. Apparently, everything I say to her is me trying to compete with her and I act like I'm rubbing myself in her face or something, I don't know. I don't ever intentionally try to do this, but ya know, sometimes we do things that piss people off without knowing it. If she had just TOLD me that I was bothering her, then I could've solved the problem.
But no, she decides she's just going to not talk to me anymore. Which includes when we eat meals together with the other friend; today, she made a point to almost never acknowledge me when I talked to her and made a point to always face our other friend when she talked -- making it OBVIOUS that she was trying to ignore me.
I wrote her a message on Facebook apologizing for anything I ever said or did to her that may have ticked her off and that I never meant to do that, but honestly, I'm really rather hurt that she would treat me that way instead of acting like an adult and confronting me about her issues with me. It upsets me; I really do like her and value her as a friend, and since we're about to graduate, I would hate knowing that we're going to end the semester on a bad note.
And another thing, she invited me to go eat dinner with her and some friends for a "last hoorah" before graduation, and I honestly don't know if I should go anymore. I was really looking forward to seeing her and everyone else before we all get busy with finals week and pre-graduation stuff, but since she's being so stupid right now, I don't know if I'm going to be able to. I don't want to be petty or do anything out of spite, so I honestly think the best thing for me to do is just not go. Our other friend has already voiced to me that she's going to be upset if I don't go, but I don't know what else to do. Why do people have to be so stupid and immature?
04-18-2012, 06:04 PM
She needs to grow up. There will be people in your life that you like, that you're not sure of, and that you can't stand.
When the one you can't stand prefers your company, there's nothing wrong with telling that person, much like a guy you don't want to date, that there's an incompatiblity between you two and that you prefer to remain cordial, but not share a detailed friendship.
She needs to learn this and life for all will go much more smoothly.
Good for you, though, for taking the cue and not stalking her for friendship. If your gut says don't go to the dinner, make other plans.
04-18-2012, 06:07 PM
I'm the confrontational type, so I would honestly just ask her what is going on. Get her alone, not in front of other people, and ask her straight up "what's going on?" I wouldn't apologize to her anymore, because this seems really immature on her part and chances are she is blowing something way out of proportion. If she had a real problem, she should have said something. I would go to the dinner especially since you have other friends that will be there as well. If things are still weird, don't sit near here, try to ignore her and have a good time!
04-18-2012, 06:10 PM
i have been in this same situation SO many times - i finally decided that i cannot be responsible for what other ppl *decide* i meant. those who know me know i'm not malicious and pretty much what i say is what i meant.
those who choose to take offense at everything i say, well - sux2bu!
04-18-2012, 06:12 PM
I'm really sorry you have to put up with her immaturity. There are some people who just find it neccessary to voice their opinion on everything. I've seen this sort of thing happen a lot and to be honest with you, if she's going to cause drama just because you talked to her and she continues to cause drama over small things, your life will be so much better without her. I know you probably can't get away from her totally since she's in your friend group but you can still avoid hanging out with her 1 on 1. It sounds like she's not really a good friend to begin with and I really doubt you'll miss her when you graduate if that's what it comes to.
As far as the dinner thing, I would ask the other friends what they think about you going and if they all support you going anyway...i'd still go. As long as they all want you there, they should have your back if the other girl tries to start anything and when its all your friends against her, it'll end quickly. Thats just what I would do, though.
Good luck with everything! I hope you figure things out and avoid too much drama. I really don't think your as annoying as this person is trying to make you out to be...it sounds like she just has her own issues to deal with. Big hugs!
04-18-2012, 10:08 PM
She's so immature! You don't have to put up with her behavior, she's clearly not your friend since she can't even bother to listen to you and talks about you behind your back. Exclude her from your life, at least for a while, you'll be much better off.
04-18-2012, 10:45 PM
i would be so mad in your situation. i dont have many friends just because of this reason. a friend should be there to listen to you and provide input, and if you are annoying them, they are supposed to tell you! not tell everyone BUT you. my advice? find a new friend, there are plenty out there that will treat you better
04-18-2012, 11:54 PM
Sounds EXACTLY like my ex. And in that case, I'd say she's not worth keeping as a friend. I wouldn't go to the dinner thing.
04-19-2012, 05:57 AM
That sounds quite childish for sure. But it also sounds like you might not like eachother the same way. You see in her a friend that you'd like to keep while she is annoyed by what you do and has no trouble treating you like crap. I would ask her what is going on and if you don't get the vibe that she sees you the same way as you do her, then break it off.
Obvously it's possible to be friends and still have things that annoy you about the other. But not to the point where it escalates. I have one friend that always thinks I am blunt and mean. And I always think she is overly dramatic. We know this, and we accept this. We get into petty fights every other month but settle it within a day to again come to the conclusion together that that part of our personality really doesn't match. It's a difficult friendship because of it, but so far it remains a friendship because in the end we know eachother to be good people with no bad intentions.
My point is, if there's a part of your personality that doesn't match, that does not have to be a reason to break off the friendship, but if she does not value the friendship enought o overcome these things and talk about them like adults, that to me would be a reason to just be done with it. It's part of growing up you know, learning the lesson that some people are meant to be in your life for only a short time.
04-19-2012, 07:20 AM
You could still be cordial with her but not close anymore. It will hurt for a bit but you'll be better off. She doesn't sound like a real friend. I wouldn't go to the party 1)you are not obligated 2)life is too short to be having anxiety about things to come that you really don't have any control over. You could try to smooth things over and don't apologize because if she can't bring it up to you then there is no sense in apologizing for you being yourself.
04-19-2012, 07:46 AM
We did end up talking it over; she called me after she received my message and we met up and talked it out. As it turns out, she was just really frustrated with me at that point and was avoiding talking to me to keep from blowing up at me. And when we talked, we discovered that all this time, we had been seeing each other in the exact same way. She'd say something to me and I'd always take it the wrong way, and vice versus and it really just finally all boiled over into that one day and she didn't know how to deal with it.
So, since we talked it out, we're okay now, and I told her that in the future, should something like this ever happen again (even though it's unlikely since she's going home to the opposite side of the state from me when we graduate), then instead of getting mad and ignoring each other or *****ing about each other to our other friend, we both need to confront each other and settle our differences like adults instead of going through that "he said, she said" crap. I'll admit, I can get caught up in that stuff too, but mine's never ill-intended, I just vent to people and ya know, it never fails when you vent about someone to someone else, it always gets back to the person you were venting about.
And since we made up, I'm going to the dinner and I'm going to enjoy me some O'Charley's! Should I use this as a "f*** it* day and not worry about my calories or stick to plan? I haven't decided yet, lol. What do y'all recommend?
04-19-2012, 08:22 AM
eat, drink, and be mimsy!
04-19-2012, 10:48 AM
I'm glad you got it sorted out! To be honest when I first read your post I assumed you guys were teenagers and I was shocked that you were closer to my age. I guess these things happen and there's no perfect way to deal with a situation. Glad you could talk with her so that's the important thing.. now enjoy dinner :)
04-19-2012, 11:03 AM
There are good apples, bad apples, and juvenile apples LOL. Don't worry...just never stoop to their level.