General chatter - For a friend who's having a hard time..

Micki k
04-16-2012, 07:09 PM
I have a co-worker who weighs somewhere between 100 to 150 lbs more than me (I'm guessing). We are both doing Weight Watchers, but she has been doing it for about a year and a half. She has also been seeing a personal trainer 3 times a week for almost 2 years. So, for all her hard work, it looks like she hasnt dropped a single lb. She may have, we havent talked numbers, but from looking at her, her shape and size havent changed a bit.
I feel bad for her. She works so hard with the trainer. Her lunches at work are light. Small portions of chicken or fish, lots of fruit and veggies. So what is she doing wrong to have so little progress? In two years shouldn't we be able to physically see some progress? She is insanely strong from all her working out. She can lift a 50lb box up over her head with ease, and climb up and down a ladder at warp speed.
We talk dieting and exercise all the time, and I know she is unhappy with her lack of progress. I can't really give too much advice since I'm pretty new to this. Is there something else she should be doing? I dont think she does much cardio...would that make a difference?

04-16-2012, 08:03 PM
She may very well have lost alot of weight but it might not be apparent because

1) Shes starting out at a high height, it takes a drastic amount of weight dropped to see a change...I couldn't tell a difference dropping from she gets smaller, the change will become more apparent

2) You see her everyday, so the change dosen't look as dramatic....example...I've lost 20 pounds since I moved into my parents house 6 months ago, and two pant sizes. My parents haven't noticed a difference and think I look the same. However, last year, I dropped 30 pounds from the time I last saw them. So when they saw me, the change was more apparent...Even if I had only gone down 1 pant size

Has she talked to her trainer about this? If he/she isn't worried about how the progress is doing, she shouldn't be either...It might be a good idea to rule out any hormoral issues at the doctors tho...just to make sure...:) Good luck to her

04-16-2012, 08:41 PM
She may be cheating, too. What is she eating when she is home alone ?

Micki k
04-16-2012, 08:50 PM
I forgot to mention she has thyroid issues, and is on medication for that. I'm sure that is not helping as well.
I've wondered myself if she is cheating, but that's none of my business, of course.
True that I do see her everyday, so maybe there is a difference that I just havent noticed. I guess I just assume after two years, working as hard as she has, that the changes should be more apparent by now.
She is such a sweet person, and trying so hard, I just wish she could enjoy 'the fruits of her labor'.

04-16-2012, 09:36 PM
If she has thyroid issues it might be darn near impossible for her to lose weight. And that really sucks.

One can be fit and fat (I was). It's really eating that determines if one loses weight—not exercise. She could be eating more than she's burning or her thyroid could be halting her progress.

04-16-2012, 10:11 PM
she needs to be taking progress pictures, for one thing - definitely.

that's the only way to really track progress.

when she started dieting and exercise, did she keep her doctor in the loop so her meds could be adjusted as needed?

04-17-2012, 10:40 AM
I often wonder about this myself. I asked my doc his opinion about meds causing weight gain and he said for sure meds can cause weight gain.

I asked him, well what about the simple theory that what goes in, must be burned off? Can't these people just take in fewer calories on these meds, or burn more on these meds to regulate the weight?

He smiled and said, "Of course they can. Most of them don't and use meds as an excuse."

So, with that said, I think she may have disordered eating. Binge eating or something like that.

On a tangent, I'd like to compare folks like this to alcoholics. I'll start another thread, though, as that debate is sure to take over this topic and I don't wanna hijack your thread.

04-17-2012, 11:04 AM
obviously direct her to this site. :)


04-17-2012, 06:36 PM
Has she asked you for your advice?

04-17-2012, 08:53 PM
Not long ago, my husband and I received a letter from his mother describing her concern that we were both so heavy and were getting heavier and heavier every time she saw us (when we were actually both losing weight, just gradually. At the time, I had lost nearly 100 lbs and hubby had lost nearly 80).

Maybe MIL was just being a b####, but I think she really believed that we were gaining weight. Perhaps because our clothes were getting baggier (giving a more messy appearance which can make a person look bigger than they are). Then again, maybe I'm just being generous.

I have thyroid and othe health and medication issues that do make weight loss difficult (by way of slower metabolism but also by way of increased hunger), and while I've lost 105 lbs, it's taken me seven years to do it (most of the progress being made in the last four years).

I'm still only managing to lose a couple pounds per month, and while I'm not happy with that rate of loss, I'm ok with it, because the alternative is worse. If I give up, I gain. So even sticking with it, and only maintaining my weight or losing slowly is still amazing progress.

We're not taught to see "not gaining" as progress, but for many of us it is. And I think more of us would "stick with it" for the long haul, if we did see "not gaining" as success.

My doctor "set me straight" when I complained about only being able to lose less than a pound a month (now I'm losing more, but when I started I wasn't even losing one pound per month). I whined to my doctor that "I should be losing at least two pounds a week like a normal person," and my doctor essentially told me I was full of crap. He said "normal" isn't two pounds a week. Normal is losing nothing, or gaining, or losing and then regaining.

He made me realize that even losing one pound and keeping it off was a praiseworthy acheivement. So losing and "just not gaining" was amazing success.

Even if I am not able to lose another single pound, and can only keep off the 105 lbs I've lost, I will still be succeeding amazingly - but that's not how we're taught to see weight loss. We're taught that only losing it all matters. That if you need to lose 100 lbs and you only lose 50 - you have failed (so much so you might as well quit if you can't make it all the way to your goal weight).

Your friend is succeeding, just by "staying in the game," and hopefully you can help her see that by reminding her so. "Just not gaining" is progress. "Just sticking with her exercise routine" is progress.

We set way too much value on the numbers and how fast they are or aren't changing. If your friend sticks with it, she will continue to make progress. It may take her seven years to lose it all. She may never lose it all. But the only failure is giving up.

Micki k
04-18-2012, 10:55 PM
Very true! She is very successful in that she puts a lot of effort into getting healthier. Her workouts are tough, and she's told how much stronger she feels. And really, that's what matters, is that she's doing good things for her health. Not whether some random coworker notices a difference or not.
I know she has been having problems with her medications. They are having a hard time getting the dosages right for her. So I truly suspect that's what is holding her back.
She didn't ask me for any advice, and I haven't offered any. I'm new at this shes been at it for a while, I'm not sure I could tell her anything she doesnt already know. I asked this question here purely out of my own curiosity.
She inspired me to start WW. I would just love for her to see some payoff for all her hard work.

04-18-2012, 11:18 PM
Well there are studies that point to the fact that being fit and fat is better than being thin and sedentary :) So even if she never loses the weight she is still better off.

I just recently read about a new study that says that people who adopt healthy habits—regardless of their weight—are healthier and live longer. Her hard work is already paying off.

04-19-2012, 02:15 PM
Well there are studies that point to the fact that being fit and fat is better than being thin and sedentary :) So even if she never loses the weight she is still better off.

I just recently read about a new study that says that people who adopt healthy habitsóregardless of their weightóare healthier and live longer. Her hard work is already paying off.

I sincerely believe that if we didn't worry about the number, and just all worked at healthier eating and exercise that the weight would take care of itself for most people.

Instead, we make it ALL about the number, and when the number isn't moving, we decide we're failing and give up. Or worse, we try very unhealthy and unsustainable behaviors that may make the number go down, but injures us in the process. We make it about the number, not about health, to the point that we're willing to jeopardize our health for the number.