[samcakes]

i know this may sound petty, but i am 5'7 and 315 pounds, and i have 3 sisters... one is 5'1 and 105 pounds, one is 5'11 and 120 pounds and the other is 5'10 and 140 pounds.

i feel like i look ridiculous standing next to them.

all 3 of my sisters are EXTREMELY good looking, and they know it. ive heard it my whole life from my guy friends, and often, total strangers that see us walking together.

is it wrong for me to not want to even look at pictures of them? i am not mad at them, i dont hate them for being thin, but looking at them just reminds me of what i should look like, if i wasnt so overweight.

my whole life we were raised to look beautiful. my mom was obsessive about it. she truly believed that your looks were the most important thing in your life, and without looking beautiful, you would never get married.

i was always a big girl, ever since about 2nd grade, and mom just hated it. once i got to 8th grade i was about 215 pounds and my mom finally just kicked me out of the house, she said it was because she was embarrassed for people to know she had a 'fat' daughter. she said if i lost 70 pounds i could come and live with her again.

i didnt hear from my mom for 9 months, and when i finally did, she just called, asked me how much i weighed, and hung up.

i think a lot of the reason i overeat now, is to try to get back at her. she has changed a lot, and we actually can talk now, but every time i see her or my sisters, they make some sort of comment about my weight, they may not see it as offensive, but it hurts so bad every time they do it.

sorry, this post has gotten a little off track. just needed to vent this morning. its the last day of my first week, and it has been hard on me. forgive the rant!

[JohnP]

Sounds like you're fairly well adjusted which based on your childhood is amazing. I think most people would be in a mental home or at minimum on a major cocktail of anti depressant meds.

What I'm trying to say is though I don't know you I'm proud of your attitude being as good as it is.

[runningfromfat]

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear about the environment you grew up in. It sounds quite traumatic and like JohnP said you really do sound well-adjusted all things considered.

You might consider looking into some counselling just because that can't be easy to deal with. Emotional issues can definitely make you overeat (trust me, I know!) and maybe talking it through with an impartial stranger could help.

It sounds like time away from your family isn't necessarily a bad thing and if your mother and sisters still can't move past the topic of weight, it's OK to tell them to stop it. It's OK to tell them that you're dealing with it in on your own and you'd like to discuss other things.

[samcakes]

ive tried to adjust, and while i have gotten very good at hiding my feelings about my weight, i still hurt, and take it out on my body.

thats why i am trying to change. the best way to say f*&%! you is to show people that you CAN do what they always said you couldnt

[bargoo]

samcakes , if I were you I would quietly go on a diet without saying anything to Mom or sisters just go about dieting and exercising the best you can. Sooner or later they will notice, if they ask have you lost weight just say a little and change the subject.
Looking good is the best revenge !!!!!

[toobig]

Way to go! Change is HARD, but you can do it. Sometimes you just have to say the best thing about your childhood is that its over.

[samcakes]

oh i havent said a word about my new routine to anyone except my hubby, and thats just so he can keep me from midnight snacking. my mom and sisters wont hear a word about it until next time i see them.hopefully i will make some visible progress by then

[mammasita]

Oh man, I agree with JohnP about how well adjusted you sound based on what you went through.

I sympathize with you and I'm ANGRY at your mother (no, I dont know her - but I'm angry!!!) What parent in their right mind would kick their 8th grade/13 year old child out of the house without trying to help them first!!!!

[debigulating]

I had a similar issue with my mom (not so extreme as yours - yours makes me very sad for your childhood self, and angry at your mom on your behalf), and part of my problem is that I can hear her in my head sometimes. She expected me to always be overweight, it was "who I am" in her head. So overcoming the self-talk that keeps me overweight, that every day tries to undermine my progress by telling me I can't change - it's my inside voice, her voice - is REALLY hard. I second the suggestion of a little therapy/counseling if you have trouble with this as I do... It is pervasive and super hard to overcome. Good for you making these first steps for YOURSELF.

[Arctic Mama]

What a sick, hurtful environment! Add me to the crew on here thinking you're shockingly well adjusted for only being a little frustrated with comparisons and not completely nutty.

As Bargoo said, looking good is the best revenge. Do it for you and your health, enjoy the results, and ignore any attitude or jabs from them.

[LockItUp]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that!!! That is a really awful way to treat a child (or an adult for that matter). You came out the other end stronger though, it sounds like! Hugs!

[samcakes]

i dont hold it against her anymore. i wasted a lot of anger on her for a long time and it just does more harm then good.

my moms version of 'helping' was limiting me to 800 calories a day, which was the beginning of my binge eating.

[sunshauna]

Well, Samcakes, I'm glad you found this group who will always be here to support you through your journey! Sorry you had/have to deal with a selfish/thoughtless "mom." Just remember that it's her character flaw and not yours. Congrats on getting through your first week! Hang in there through the good AND bad times; don't be surprised if you fall off the wagon now and then when the ride gets bumpy, just be persistant and get back on and keep going. Oh, and remember, It's never too late to have a happy childhood! (Saw that bumper sticker and LOVE it!!

[freelancemomma]

Originally Posted by samcakes

once i got to 8th grade i was about 215 pounds and my mom finally just kicked me out of the house, she said it was because she was embarrassed for people to know she had a 'fat' daughter. she said if i lost 70 pounds i could come and live with her again. i didnt hear from my mom for 9 months, and when i finally did, she just called, asked me how much i weighed, and hung up.

THis is so shockingly abusive it's almost hard to believe.

F.

[Vex]

WOW, just wow.

I don't even know how you can stand to even see your mom, wait - a mom doesn't do that - so, the person who gave birth to you - again.

Lose weight for YOU not for them. Don't even tell them you're trying. Heck, even when you get to 120, just keep saying, nope not trying. You know if you even give her a hint you're trying, the 'well it's not enough' will start. You're a grown woman, married (the shock!) and it's none of their business.