General chatter - Why do we believe people who lie?
04-16-2012, 01:04 AM
Seriously, why? I've always thought of myself as a fairly smart person. I went to a good school, had good grades, didn't do drugs, and I could spot d-bags a mile off. Until my ex, apparently. My ex who 6 weeks after dumping me said he wanted to "work on our relationship" and I said okay, and I slept with him. Only to dump me again after 2 weeks. My ex who said he just didn't think now was "the right time for us to be together", that "he doesn't know what God wants from his life and he needs to focus on that", who "doesn't have time for a relationship right now between school and work but can see us getting back together at some point", who said he "isn't dating anyone else and neither should you", has starting dating this girl who we met in the last month of our relationship. Obviously they started talking and he left me for her. Why did I ever believe a single word that came out of his mouth? I feel like such a complete idiot.
04-16-2012, 01:05 AM
I'm sorry you have run through all this with the ex.
Break up closure doesn't always come easy.
04-16-2012, 01:16 AM
yeah - but seriously, i wouldn't call him a douche bag.
i'm sure real douche bags would be insulted and emotionally wounded to have him counted as part of their company.
what you got there is a bona fide scumbag.
that's right - a used condom good for nothing but plugging your nose and conveying betw the very tips of your thumb and forefinger to the toilet to be flushed on down to the sewers.
but since the lovely and ever-so-fabulous george takei doesn't use the word scumbag, we'll have to settle for douchebag after all.
here, just so you can keep things firmly in mind when he no doubt yanks on what he thinks is his personal yoyo: http://www.mytinyphone.com/ringtone/2395909/ (click the black play button)
04-16-2012, 01:17 AM
Why do you feel like an idiot? He's the jerkwad taking advantage of a trusting, kind-hearted person. He's the scumbag.
So be glad you found out now instead of 5 years from now! Less time wasted with a liar!
Things will get better from here, they always do.
04-16-2012, 01:21 AM
what she said - imagine if you'd actually married him and had kids!? the emotional toll would be devastating!
04-16-2012, 05:32 AM
Don't feel bad, you're not an idiot. Clearly you wanted to see the best in someone and uh.. I guess it's not there.
04-16-2012, 07:18 AM
Men can be absolutely ridiculous! My ex did something similar and trust me you are better off without him. After going back and forth for years, since I was about 11 he ended up dating one of my closest friends! Now I've met someone amazing and I'm getting married next year. Just think that your not with him because he isn't good enough for you and you're now free to find the someone amazing that is meant for the amazing you. :hug:
04-16-2012, 07:30 AM
Musical, you're not an idiot, many of us do the same thing because we 'want things to work'....why we always want things to work, I don't know.
Only you can figure out why you continued to keep yourself in the relationship.
He was telling you that he didn't have time/wasn't ready, etc. God, ...etc.....If you took that at face value leaving would have been a reasonable choice. The thing about him not seeing anyone and 'neither should you' , IMHO (and I have made plenty of mistakes, believe me) - red flag.
It may take a while, but don't beat yourself up over this. It's easy to call the guy a $%#@$, and his behavior was like that of a $%#@$, but then we have to figure out what made us susceptible to the $%#@$. I don't think we ever get 100% foolproof, but maybe we can catch these thing earlier on.
04-16-2012, 08:06 AM
UGH. Terrible isn't it? My ex did the same. Was cheating on me, I found out, then continued to cheat while also trying to win me back. I contribute his scumbaggedness to an honest to goodness personality disorder. He was a narcissistic sociopath. Might sound harsh, but boy did that scumbag fit the bill.
04-16-2012, 09:00 AM
i do that too - look for a rational explanation for scumbagginess but you know what?
sometimes a scumbag is just a scumbag.
04-16-2012, 11:39 AM
Men will say anything they think you want to hear.
And the let's break up but not see other people is hogwash. That just means "I wanna sleep with other girls but I don't wanna see you sleeping with someone else."
04-16-2012, 12:15 PM
I'm so sorry he's been hurtful toward you. False hope like that is a way for him to try and assuage his own guilt and not have to tell you the whole truth. At least now you have closure.
04-17-2012, 12:11 AM
threenorns, you are amazing. :P And missunderstood28, you have it exactly right. Ugh. Exhale15, when he said that it should have been a total red flag. He was sort of controlling when we were together - what the heck gives him the right to tell me what to do after he dumped me?
Thanks guys. It's sad to see that other people have had this happen. Why do people act this way? I don't think I would be able to treat someone else like this.
04-17-2012, 08:46 AM
I dated an mentally abusive guy who honestly created a double life for about a year and a half then he continued to string me along with lies...I think sometimes we get so clouded without visions when these sack of shits come into our lives that we're willing to turn the other way instead of walking away.
I remember when I moved back home we I was hanging out with a guy friend he was on my facebook at the time and sent me a nasty message as if we were still together! "Oh how dare you move on so quickly, I knew you were always cheating on me blah blah blah..." I hope he gets a bullet in his head...nope no bitterness here! haha
So I feel you're pain, best thing to do is delete him from your life every way possible...boys like that are soo toxic!! They don't change, they love stringing people along for a boost with their pathetic egos...
04-17-2012, 03:58 PM
Nope, not an idiot. Just duped by a d-bag. You're only considered an idiot if you believe him AGAIN