100 lb. Club - jut popping in to say hello
03-14-2003, 06:14 PM
I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I can't pull myself out of it. How am I going to face the rest of my life if I am feeling sorry for my self. I am sorry I didn't see this coming on in my life, I feel sorry that my kids father is not taking an interest in there life. And most of all I feel sorry that he has someone and I don't. I can't seem to pull myself out of this slump. I feel I need someone but since he left me who would want me. How can I get anywhere if I keep seeing him in the stores with her and at family get togethers and other things. He says he is happier than he has been in a long time. I just want to take and shoot all the happiness out of his life to see how I feel for once. I have so much anger I can't even talk to him. I am really jeolus of my brother. Him and his ex wife get along. I can't even talk to him civilly. Well I guess there has to be a brighter side to all of this. Where I don't know. Take care all and I will see you later.
03-14-2003, 06:41 PM
I have had depression before and that's what this sounds like to me. I don't want you to go through it alone. Have you thought about seeing a counselor? Counselors are great, because you can spill your guts without worrying about consequences - gossip or the grapevine being spread by anything you say.
Just my $.02.
03-14-2003, 07:24 PM
I wholeheartedly agree with Angi. You don't want to fool around with depression--please get some help. If finances are a problem, there are public mental health services.
There IS a way out, and a way back to feeling better about yourself and your life. I hope you will call a professional and give counseling a chance.
03-14-2003, 08:52 PM
I totally agree with Angi as well...you need counseling. Call a local women's shelter or divorce support group and see if they can lead you to an inexpensive but good therapist. Also, if you are a churchgoer, try talking to your pastor or priest. That's what they're there for.
03-14-2003, 09:29 PM
You do have a lot on your plate, Tamara, and you've had to be strong to get this far. I think talking to someone is always a help but in the meantime remember you are mourning the death of a marriage and it takes time to work through mourning.
Certainly seeing him, esp. if he's saying he's so happy, is difficult. Having him not be there for kids is difficult. But he was happy with you once. Who's to say his current "happiness" will last?
And you will have someone. But you need to work through where you are now. You've been strong, you are strong, you've been there and reliable for your child. You deserve someone better and that will come. Believe it.
I had a really long reply typed in and then thought to myself that I am probably the last person who should be giving advice considering some of the stuff that I am going through with my husband.
Still I can say with complete conviction that I don't think the kind of happiness a cheating ex-husband has is the kind that you really want for yourself or your children.
03-17-2003, 11:46 AM
I also can say more but it will not help much. You are a really wonderful person and you just need to realize it. This man just slamed you into a brick wall and is walking away laughing. Do not let him do that to you. I Know that i have not posted much in this thread lately but Tamara I have known you for quite a long time. You are just suffering from a huge mental injury and need to get some help. Do not feel any weeker for reaching out, it will make you a stronger person and your kids need you. Some day he will see what a wonderful person/family he has lost. This bimbo is just stroking his ego so do not let him get you down, he will realize it when he finds his kids do not give him the respect that he things he needs. The most important thing right now is you and your kids. maybe some day you and him can have the kind of relationship that your brother and ex has but they did not start out that way either. unless it was a totally mutual break up. do not expect much now.
go and recieve help to get you out of this depression and start to slowly pick up the pieces. one at a time. Post here for moral suppport and do nto worry about your diet for now concentrate on you and the kids.
One more thing, as he jumped from one relation ship into another realize, that he is not an individual. he can not survive with out a person by his side. Obviously when the going got tough he ran. Do you need a man like that?? What do you thing is going to happen in this new relationship of his?? he will run when it gets tough again. or a different distraction comes along. He is looking for some one that will stroke his ego and make him feel like a man (key word is feel) He is not a strong person if he needs to have some one like that.
You will come out of this better as you will be the stronger one that can stand up for your self and does not need to be dependant on others for who you are. look at your self and see what a strong person you are and look for your inner beauty. It is there shinning out for all to see. YOu can stand up in the face of adversity and be your self. You are the one that is comming out of this relation ship a winner.
03-17-2003, 12:46 PM
Sue is RIGHT! You do not need a man like that in your life. It must be very difficult to have been through all that you have been through, but keep in mind that you are a strong person, and you will walk away a better one. Please seek help from a counselor, or doctor if that is the way you wish to go. I take anti-depressants, and because I was embarrased to go to a psychiatrist, I went to my regular doc. They are able to treat depression. If you do not want to get help for yourself, please do it for your children. As a child of a manic-depressive mother, I know that it is very hard on the kids to watch the woman they love the most struggle with depression.
Most of all, take care of yourself. Don't let this man bring you down. You are strong and can and will get through this. Remember we are all here for you.
03-17-2003, 02:55 PM
Everyone has given you such great advice. All I have to add is :grouphug: ***HUGS*** :grouphug:
03-17-2003, 07:43 PM
Tamara - The only thing that I'd like to add is, while it might be hard to keep to a strict diet right now, do not allow food to be your "comforter!" Reach out to friends, take a walk, beat up a pillow...anything....just DON'T turn to food!
03-18-2003, 02:27 PM
Thanks all for your advice. I was on a anti-depresant when we were together. I feel better now that I am off it. I don't really know why but I just had a really blue day Friday. I had a great weekend. I went to the zoo with the kids on Saturday and Saturday night my mother took the kids over night so I could go work a breakfast buffet for my sons school. I was there till 2 PM and then took the kids to see there dad. The only problem I see with the house is the living room is very messy but I will give him time to move in and get it cleaned up. I really decided that I don't know if he is really happy because he told everyone he was happy with me until he up and left so he is a good actor. He brought them home around supper time so I got a little nap in the afternoon. I have been doing much better. Thanks everyone and I will pop in as much as I can.