100 lb. Club - No, I can't go to lunch with you...




knobhdy
04-12-2012, 12:17 PM
Yeah... one of my colleagues invited me to lunch with some friends. They are going to Indian.

I Love Indian. And since moving to the boonies, I have yet to find a good Indian restaurant. I so wanted to go.

But I didn't. I stayed behind with my homemade stir fry, with extra veggies and a little bit of meat.

Still, I'm sad every time I have to decline an invite because I need to eat right, or its not in my schedule for that day. I'm sure I'm not alone.

Please share your stories and tips for staying on the straight and narrow when someone asks you out for lunch/dinner/wine/etc.


philana
04-12-2012, 12:23 PM
If you want to go with your friends/colleague just GO! Seriously I understand you can't do everything you want to or you wouldn't lose weight but some things you shouldn't skip on to the point you feel horrid about it.

I still go out for lunch and dinner I just plan it very well. Have only a starter for my main or ask the chef to leave out certain stuff. Indian food is not that calorie-dense if you don't eat too much rice with it. A nice salad and a small curry with no rice or a little rice would be totally do-able.

So, that's my advice. Don't torture yourself. It's a lifestyle change, you can't take all the fun out of life.

I guess it does take some self control, but if you've come this far I am sure you've mastered that. If not, maybe work on that so you can enjoy social situations still. They do oftentimes include food.

berryblondeboys
04-12-2012, 12:26 PM
Well, I am a mostly stay at home mom and I don't have dinner or lunch invites often, but while I think it's important to eat in moderation and not to spend the $ on eating out all the time or the calories, I also feel it's important to not feel deprived!

Remember, you are trying to establish habits that are lifelong. Are you planning on skipping Indian food forever? or just in the weight loss phase of your new plan? Some people do that - they just never stray AT ALL in their weight loss phase and they can cope with that for the short time and then re-introduce foods once they are done losing weight - still eating in moderation once they are maintaining.

I can't do that. So, I find ways to make good decisions NOW as I will have to do them forever. And really, Indian food can be heavy or light. Skip the naan and limit the rice, but lentils? their bean dishes? Veggie dishes? THose are great! Heck, I bought a cookbook and started making dishes at home that are simple and delicious. That way I also learned what items on the menu to expect to be lower calorie.

And for other places taht are chains, I look at the menu before going and figure out calorie counts (you can find almost everything online) and then I choose good options there. I get to enjoy good food and stay within my eating plan! Win-Win!


Arctic Mama
04-12-2012, 12:27 PM
Well I would have totally gone, actually! Indian and delicious and there are plenty of healthy meal options on most menus, so unless I didn't have any time in my schedule or was in a strict diet phase like a cleanse I'd be there in a heartbeat for food AND friendship.

My tip is generally to order real food - it is a lot easier to go wrong, for me, with breaded/fried shrimp or pizza than a ribeye and roast veggies, even though one is 'fancier'. I also order side salads almost every place I go so I don't raid a bread basket or fried appetizer, unless they have delicious and healthy fare like spring rolls ( the unfriend kind ;) ) or pâté.

My other tip is to eat lightly in the hours before going - I'd actually fast or just have a light breakfast/lunch to tide me over. I tried eating large amounts before going somewhere so I wouldn't be hungry but that has never worked, then I just eat two full meals as opposed to the restaurant one and my snack, because it tastes good. So I conserve my calories for the day before go and then have at it with dense, healthy, real food fare. And I feel no guilt at all :)

Luceia
04-12-2012, 12:32 PM
I heartily second that. I really feel like the key that has finally made this journey so successful for me, after so many failed attempts, is that I'm NOT denying myself. If I'm hungry, I eat. If I want to go out I do. Denying myself just makes me RESENT the diet, which makes me far more likely to quit. I set myself up for failure. This time I'm happier *and* getting healthier. It's so much easier to make good food choices when I'm not busy thinking about all the fun I'm missing out on. :)

bargoo
04-12-2012, 12:38 PM
Go ! But plan ahead, be aware of what might be on the menu and make your choices. The first two posters gave you good advice.

kateleestar
04-12-2012, 12:39 PM
Eh, I turn people at work down all the time.. My calories are pre-planned and I do IF, so lunch throws more than one wrench into my day.

I'm good. I'll stay with you. ;)

AlmostMe
04-12-2012, 12:48 PM
I don't have to because I'm using the Paul McKenna approach where I can eat whatever I want as long as I'm hungry and some other guidelines. Yes, Indian food from a restaurant is usually pretty fatty - even the veggie dishes are swimming in oil or ghee. But depending on the region they'll do some grilled meat and some salad and since a lot of the food can be prepared freshly you could ask them to do something special for you or maybe just stick with the daal. In fact... yep, grilled chicken, salad and daal would be awesome.

You should not be suffering for this, you should be enjoying the food you eat and the company of others. You just need to develop some tricks to stay on the healthy eating...and understanding that being a little off plan is better than seeing this as a sentence and not a positive lifestyle change.

knobhdy
04-12-2012, 12:53 PM
See there in lies the rub. I wasn't planing to have Indian for lunch. I was planing to eat my stir fry.

I'm totally not swearing off going out, or Indian - which is why I was excited to discover there might actually be good Indian out here - but I know I need to plan. I had dinner with a friend and family last night and it was quite a bit including tasty chocolate dessert. It was in the plan. Today, not so much.

The thing is, if my friends and colleagues were left to their own devices they would eat out everyday. Some of my colleagues do in fact.

I really can't be one of those people. Not now, not ever.

thistoo
04-12-2012, 12:56 PM
I get it. There's a choice between indulging in this one great but calorie-dense meal, which is totally fine, or seeing results faster. Right now I am all about seeing results faster, so I've been passing on lots of stuff I'd like to say yes to.

Easter candy, for instance. OMG I love peanut butter eggs. But this year I passed on them because I know they're still going to make them next year when I'm closer to my goal and can indulge in that sort of thing one time without it setting me back a day or two, progress-wise.

I don't see it as suffering, just keeping my eye on the prize, if you will. It all depends on how *fast* you want to reach your goal, and since I'm losing weight I've regained, faster is preferable for me. So yes, I get it.

The bright side is that when you're closer to goal and everyone's raving about how great you look, you can make them take you out for a celebratory meal of delicious Indian food! What? That's totally what I would do. :D

kaplods
04-12-2012, 01:10 PM
I think part of the reason I'm succeeding "this time" is that I don't turn down meals with friends.

In the past I would turn down any social invitation that might involve food, and people stopped asking me to go anywhere with them. My social life tanked and I'ld get depressed that I had lost friends or that I was always alone because of my dieting.

I felt like I couldn't diet AND have a social life. It felt like I had to choose between weight loss and having friends (because friends expect you to do things with them, and often those things involve food).

"This time," I've learned that I can stick to a food plan (or close enough) at any restaurant - even if that means only ordering an appetizer, side dish, or soup.

sluggerbean
04-12-2012, 01:13 PM
See there in lies the rub. I wasn't planing to have Indian for lunch. I was planing to eat my stir fry.

I'm totally not swearing off going out, or Indian - which is why I was excited to discover there might actually be good Indian out here - but I know I need to plan. I had dinner with a friend and family last night and it was quite a bit including tasty chocolate dessert. It was in the plan. Today, not so much.

The thing is, if my friends and colleagues were left to their own devices they would eat out everyday. Some of my colleagues do in fact.

I really can't be one of those people. Not now, not ever.

Usually with an invite that is totally a surprise, I just say thanks for thinking of me, but I already brought my lunch, and How about we plan to do this next Friday or something like that. ;)

I totally applaud you and your control. :cp:

Keep positive and keep up the good work!!

Peggy

knobhdy
04-12-2012, 01:22 PM
Kaplods - I totally understand about turning down invites until they don't come any more. When I started my new job I decided not to turn down a single invite for 6 months. I wanted to establish myself as someone who would be open to invites. Now, my peeps know, that if I'm busy or if it isn't in the plan, I'll just go next time. It makes it easier that the colleague who invited me today, just finished a month long Paleo diet. It really put a halt to the afternoon trips to starbucks. :) I mean, he totally understands.

Of course the trade off I didn't mention above was, when I said I couldn't do lunch, I confirmed a walk with him this afternoon. So we still get to be social.

Arctic Mama
04-12-2012, 01:27 PM
See there in lies the rub. I wasn't planing to have Indian for lunch. I was planing to eat my stir fry.

I'm totally not swearing off going out, or Indian - which is why I was excited to discover there might actually be good Indian out here - but I know I need to plan. I had dinner with a friend and family last night and it was quite a bit including tasty chocolate dessert. It was in the plan. Today, not so much.

The thing is, if my friends and colleagues were left to their own devices they would eat out everyday. Some of my colleagues do in fact.

I really can't be one of those people. Not now, not ever.

This makes more sense and was very wise - plan your indulgences if you can, absolutely. Two days of eating out in a row wouldn't be good with me, either, and I don't like doing meals out on short notice. I still stand by my strategies, but spur of the momen and with an indulgence just the night before I think you balanced the situation the best you could. That's what it is about - finding a balance you can live with.

Tai
04-12-2012, 01:45 PM
I think you made a really good choice; especially since you enjoyed a nice dinner out last night.

Choosing your splurges carefully as you did is a great skill to have in maintenance!

KatMarie
04-12-2012, 02:05 PM
Usually with an invite that is totally a surprise, I just say thanks for thinking of me, but I already brought my lunch, and How about we plan to do this next Friday or something like that. ;)

I totally applaud you and your control. :cp:

Keep positive and keep up the good work!!

Peggy

This. My friends know I watch what I eat now, so no hard feelings if I say no when it's spur of the moment. I like planning ahead. I have went out a couple times, but just ordered something to drink and chat with them while they eat.

LovelyAndLosing
04-12-2012, 02:31 PM
I'm young so this problem presents itself more often on Friday and Saturday nights with booze. I've started trading off - one glass of wine, one soda water, repeat ... that way I have half the calories AND feel well enough in the morning to go for a run. :-)

But I agree with you, OP, I rarely accept the invitations when they are spur of the moment, if I get even a day's notice, though, I will plan accordingly so I can enjoy myself!

kateleestar
04-12-2012, 02:35 PM
See there in lies the rub. I wasn't planing to have Indian for lunch. I was planing to eat my stir fry.

I'm totally not swearing off going out, or Indian - which is why I was excited to discover there might actually be good Indian out here - but I know I need to plan. I had dinner with a friend and family last night and it was quite a bit including tasty chocolate dessert. It was in the plan. Today, not so much.

The thing is, if my friends and colleagues were left to their own devices they would eat out everyday. Some of my colleagues do in fact.

I really can't be one of those people. Not now, not ever.

All of that is me too, exactly. :) Today was not the day - and thats not saying that next Tuesday won't be the day... :D And that also means that I don't know enough to plan accordingly when I do accept said impromptu invites, I just don't generally. (...especailly not without research!)

fyreflie24
04-12-2012, 02:38 PM
You have to do what feels right to YOU! I often go out for dinner but will eat ahead of time and just have something light while there (I'll look at the menu ahead of time). I tell myself, and others, this is just for a short time that I have to be this strict. When it's maintenance, I'll get a chance to let loose here and there but for now, I have an agenda. Sometimes, I do let loose a bit... it's all about what you need and what feels best for you at this point in time, and only you can determine that!

kateleestar
04-12-2012, 02:38 PM
I just realized I also always get


Coworker: "Do you want to go to Starbucks..?"
Me: No, not today.
"But you always used to go to Starbucks!"
Me: That's why I was fat.
"When you don't have Starbucks, I can't have it either." (REALLY? You cant?!)
Me: "You can still go... I can even go with you, I just don't want to order anything."
"Thats no fun."

Like, 50 and 60 year old coworkers, acting like children. Stomping their imaginary foot, lol. SIGH. I'm sorry I don't have 200 calories alloted for coffee today, thanks.

Luceia
04-12-2012, 02:38 PM
The thing is, if my friends and colleagues were left to their own devices they would eat out everyday. Some of my colleagues do in fact.

I really can't be one of those people. Not now, not ever.

Ohmylanta... nevermind calories, I can't be one of those people ever financially! Every day?!?

I really applaud your ambition to be social in your workplace, and making plans for a walk later is a GREAT idea... one I may have to copy. :)

sontaikle
04-12-2012, 02:41 PM
90% of the time when it's spur of the moment I will decline. HOWEVER you can plan ahead by finding out what places your co-workers frequent and finding several "safe meals" that you can always order if you suddenly decide you want to go with them.

For each restaurant the crowds I eat with frequent, I have several meals I can always order that are considered "safe" for me. Sometimes it involves asking for things to be prepared a certain way, but knowing what I'm going to order ahead of time makes things very easy. For example at Applebee's I'll order one dish, at Cheesecake factory I'll order another, etc. It's usually the same simply because I view eating out as a chance to be with friends, not a chance to eat.

Goddess Jessica
04-12-2012, 06:00 PM
I try to plan for both. I know that at least once a week someone is going to invite me to something for lunch. Part of my job is making social connections with our technical staff so it's better if I don't say no. I have two options:

Be resourceful.
I bring my own food with me when I can. I work on a university with a lot of food options and luckily, most places don't care if you bring your own food. Obviously I am not going to an awesome indian restaurant and pulling out my own lunch (but my weight watchers leader does this all the time with a big work group). But I don't always have this option. So I work around it. For example, last week I had "drinks" at a bar with one of our big convention sponsors. I can't say no. I had lunch beforehand so I wouldn't be tempted by bar munchies. And I ask for a sparkling water or a wine spritzer. If people are pushers (and some are), I just let them know I'm down with that, "Oh I wish I could have that giant cupcake but I'm not having sweets right now."

Plan.
I have a little wiggle room in my weekly schedule. If I know that at least one of lunches will be out this week, I make sure I have the caloric room for that in my schedule. I throw in an extra workout afterwards if I can. Mostly, I try not to beat myself up.

Vex
04-12-2012, 06:27 PM
I always go if asked, even if its Indian (yuk!). There's almost always some sort of salad at most places, and if not I just have a little of the lightest thing I can find.