General chatter - "its probably best"




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PrincessAmy
04-08-2012, 02:01 PM
So i was seeing this guy for a lil over two weeks..and i really starting to crush on him..everything was going great..i mean MORE then great. we talked every day and saw each other every other day & he texted me every day and always wanted me to come over...and well on Thursday he just stopped talking to me..well we didn't talk for three days and i just seen him like 40 mins ago and i asked him whats going on..and he said its "probably best" if we stay friends..he asked if i was mad and of course i said no..but the truth is..i just got done crying and feel like i could cry again..its not even about HIM ...im upset because ive never been dumped like that and i don't understand what went wrong? & Im also really upset because i feel like im always going to be alone and ill never find anyone & no one wants me. I know this has nothing to do with weight loss but im to embarrassed to even talk to anyone about this because they will probably be like your this upset over a dude you've known for two weeks?? lol and its not even really about him..although dont get me wrong i was really starting to like him :/ Has this happen to anyone else? where things was great and then BOOM just get dumped...:(


CORRECTION: guess they was great for me..not him..but it sure did seem like it for him to.


threenorns
04-08-2012, 02:14 PM
sounds like there were a few details he wasn't letting you in on.

and yes - bin there, done that, burned the t-shirt and not just in 3XL size, either - seems to me i got that treatment even more when i was a size 5.

"two weeks" doesn't matter - i knew the moment i laid eyes on him that i'd be stuck with my daughter's father for life.

we worked at the same auto manufacturer. i was QC and my station was right next to the door to the smoking area (lovely, eh?). anyway, i heard his voice first - gorgeous trini accent - and as soon as i set eyes on him, i didn't know a thing about him except i heard a "click" inside my head that was it. i was so flustered i dropped down behind my work station. he worked on the other side of the building so he normally took his smoke breaks out on the shipping dock but the dock was closed for repair so he had to use the assigned smoking area. i didn't realize he'd already seen me and he got curious when i didn't come up.

so i'm ducking down on the floor and then i see shoes at the same time i hear "you dropped your pen? do you want to borrow mine?"

so much for avoiding notice, eh? that was all it took - 2 seconds, not even two weeks. and yes, there were a few minor details he was keeping close to the vest. things like the married woman he was already having an affair with (at least he showed enough courtesy to break it off with her before he asked me to move in).

all you can do is take the good, learn from the bad, and move on.

chubbybunny29
04-08-2012, 11:05 PM
I think the key thing is to let yourself cry and feel the pain of being show a lack of respect in that matter. Then realize when you think of him that while he had great qualities, he also had a lack of character and chose not to let you know that he didn't see a future, he chose to "ghost out". A person who does that is someone who would have a hard time with any vulnerable and uncomfortable situation, and that's not someone who makes a quality life partner.


guacamole
04-08-2012, 11:16 PM
It is for the best - not for him, but for you! I agree with the other ladies that he didn't give you the full story. When I was much younger, I had a young man pull the same stunt. We probably dated for about 2 months before he pulled his disappearing act out of the blue. To make a long story short, there was another girl who popped back into the picture for him, although when I ran into him and questioned him about what happened, he failed to mention her (of course, I found out through mutual friends the real story). That was when I first learned that usually men don't abruptly end a relationship that's going well unless they have another option on deck. Meaning, they won't leave something for nothing.

I remember that I was really confused, heartbroken, and also embarrassed to be so upset about a guy I hadn't even known for very long at the time. In the end, it really was for the best that things ended, and I know it will be that way for you too. He is leaving you free to find a man who will really value you and not be merely biding his time until he finds a better/different option.

FYI....Almost 2 years (!) later this guy comes back around asking for a second chance! Of course, I told him no. However, when guys like this come back, it means that Option A didn't work out and now they are sniffing back around for Option B. Don't go for it!

threenorns
04-08-2012, 11:26 PM
oh - yeah - leaving out details: i ghosted out on a guy i'd been seeing for 3mo.

found out at his birthday party that not only was he not a student at the college i was attending (met him in the cafeteria where he was studying - or so it looked), he was a high school student and it was his 18th birthday! it was his DAD who was the college student and he'd just been reading the text while waiting for him to meet for lunch - his high school was right across the road.

i was 28 - didn't have a problem had he been the 21 he claimed, but 17? that was pushing it.

plus he lied. his parents, too - they didn't out him because they figured i was "so good for him" which is really just too creepy.

Goody3shoes
04-08-2012, 11:30 PM
Yep, that's totally happened to me. I was seeeing a guy for a few weeks, nothing really big, just hanging out going for ice cream and things, then he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was excited and we went on our first real date. Then I didn't hear from him for days. When I saw him four days later he told me that he just wants to be friends, turns out he had some other girl who he liked and didn't think it was fair to me if he liked another girl just as much. (I found this out from his best friend who was on my side of the whole thing). I was super upset and it wasn't because of him, i didn't even really like him as he was just a rebound to show up my ex who was dating one of my best friends, but the whole was just unfair and there was a lot for me cry about at the time. A few people did judge me, but they weren't people i was super close to, my real friends understood that it wasn't really about him at all.
And I agree with threenorns, it doesn't matter how long your dating a guy, I fell for my fiance in the space of one glance across a classroom. And it took a week for us to move in together.


Basically, your an awesome person who deserves someone way better than a guy like that who is nothing, but an unreliable flake. I'm sure there's some nonsense going on with him that he just isn't sharing, but at least you know after two weeks. Sometimes things don't work out because there's something better for you on the horizon<3

Jeckeree
04-09-2012, 12:11 AM
This happened to me also for the first time like 6 months ago.. We were talking every single day, off and on all day and then just suddenly nothing at all. I was pissed off and hurt, not because I was falling for him or anything but because of the way he just stopped talking to me like that. Its rude and disrespectful to not even offer someone an explanation or just say, "hey, I don't want to talk anymore". It took me months to get over the situation and when I finally stopped thinking about it for a couple months, he suddenly messaged me apologizing for not saying goodbye. So I know how you feel.. UGH MEN! :)

MiZTaCCen
04-09-2012, 09:18 AM
.. UGH MEN! :)

A real man doesn't do that. A little boy does, and I think thats were we get confused because we put these little boys on pedstals of men and they're not.
;)

I'm going to agree with the title, "It's probably for the best" because it is, you wasted two weeks of your life on this this guy and even cried about it. I say you got a little to emotionally attached. Not your fault we're females it's human nature some times we attach outselves to people quickly especially if we just want to be loved. It happens to ALL of us, **** it's even happened to me and I think when it comes to this sort of thing I can be pretty level headed.

Also if he ignores you like that and just wants to be "friends" a friendship won't work out. So it's probably for the best, because you are awesome and amazing and DESERVE the best, that you cut ties with him 100%. and when he does contact you for whatever reason (Probably will end up being a reason of need to filled some void.) you give him the same answer he just did to you. "It's probably for the best that we never speak again." and leave it at that.

Cheer up, he's just a guy...replaceable.. :hug:

Alexistrophic
04-09-2012, 12:11 PM
Been there, done that, too...
But props to you for actually getting to the "dating" stage.

He's done you a favor by being so upfront and honest. Better that he tells you straight up to your face than dragging it out for ages. The disappearing act was not cool, but honestly, now you know for the future. If a guy's not calling you, it's probably because he doesn't want to call you. That does not mean that you are not worth calling. That means that he is not the one for you.

He's not done anything wrong. You've not done anything wrong.

Just keep being the fantastic woman that you are!!!

PrincessAmy
04-09-2012, 01:00 PM
well ladies i saw him again yesterday and this time asked him why...and your all right...he said the girl he had been trying to talk to for three months finally started coming around..while im glad he told me the truth i think hes a complete TOOL SON OF A *****...and has made me feel second best...but im not and he can go leap off a fcking bridge. lol..

threenorns
04-09-2012, 01:07 PM
well, you know what?

in about 3mo, he's going to start trying to slime his way back into your life bec he and his lady love will have parted ways. either she'll have turfed him or, most likely, he'll figure out she wasn't what he'd painted her to be in his mind.

in 3mo, he's going to be looking at you and asking himself "WTF WAS I THINKING!???"

as they say: the best revenge is a good life.

MiZTaCCen
04-09-2012, 03:29 PM
well, you know what?

in about 3mo, he's going to start trying to slime his way back into your life bec he and his lady love will have parted ways. either she'll have turfed him or, most likely, he'll figure out she wasn't what he'd painted her to be in his mind.

in 3mo, he's going to be looking at you and asking himself "WTF WAS I THINKING!???"

as they say: the best revenge is a good life.

It's true, thats exactly what I was saying about the void thing. Since he's shown you his true colours this early on. Remember them the next time he's around because he hasn't and will not change.

:carrot:

And I agree he can go leap off a bridge haha...His karma will be that girl will dumb his ***...come on took her three months to come around? I give it three weeks before she goes what was I thinking :P

wannaBfitnessbuff
04-09-2012, 04:21 PM
I had this happen to me years ago. I was seeing the guy for about two months. And while the relationship hadn't turned physical (in you know what way I mean). We talked almost daily and saw eachother really frequently. He was supposed to come over to my house for dinner, this was my first time to cook for him, and he simply never showed up. I called him and left a message after he was like a half hour late. He called me hours later, gave no apology or reason and said maybe he could eat the leftovers some other time. I was young and not confident enough to stand up for myself and let him know his behavior was rude at the very least, so I said "ok". Well I never heard from him again. I think I called him once a week later and left a "Seeing how you have been" voice message. He never called back. I never even got a "things arent working out" courtesy. I found out months later that his ex-girlfriend had found out she was pregnant. So he had gotten back together with her.

Who knows what was is going on in this guys life. Obviously he doesnt have the decency to let you know, and those kinda guys arent worth being with.

I guess I'm trying to say you shouldn't take it personally at all. It may not have anything to do with you. At the time I was dumped like that I felt like it had to be about me. I never imagined that this guy was dealing with big things in his life that he needed to focus on. If he was decent guy he would have let me know something about why he was dumping me. If for no other reason than to save me from feeling so low that I didn't even get a "sorry I'm not feeling us" from a guy that would talk about trips we shold talke and thinkgs we could do together like he saw a real future.

They may seem few and far between. But there really are good guys out there, and when you find one you'll only look at al lthese past relationships with relief. Cause if you ended up with anyone of the jerks you wouldn't be free for the good ones. :)

PrincessAmy
04-09-2012, 04:22 PM
LOL..threenorns- your so right!! & miztaccen- i don't understand why a guy would just drop off a girl who liked him from the getgo for someone who took three months just to start giving them attention & talking to them..but whatever i really don't care and the whole crying thing yesterday makes me laugh now...i just never really had anyone so up front drop me on the spot like that.lol & not for another chick..but if he does come back around i will be saying get lost lol..thanks for all your replies ladys im completely A-okay now that im thinking right :D

JudgeDread
04-09-2012, 04:28 PM
Frustrating! I was Dear Janed, abruptly out of know where after a 3 month relationship. What was the worst is it drove me nuts not knowing why or what I did.......Well it took a long time, but I realized it wasn't me (especially after he tried to get back with me).....he had some serious issues that I knew very little about, but retrospectively it made sense later. A lot of men are stupid..and it drives you bananas trying to understand stuff...so don't try to think about it too hard or it will only bother you more!

So i was seeing this guy for a lil over two weeks..and i really starting to crush on him..everything was going great..i mean MORE then great. we talked every day and saw each other every other day & he texted me every day and always wanted me to come over...and well on Thursday he just stopped talking to me..well we didn't talk for three days and i just seen him like 40 mins ago and i asked him whats going on..and he said its "probably best" if we stay friends..he asked if i was mad and of course i said no..but the truth is..i just got done crying and feel like i could cry again..its not even about HIM ...im upset because ive never been dumped like that and i don't understand what went wrong? & Im also really upset because i feel like im always going to be alone and ill never find anyone & no one wants me. I know this has nothing to do with weight loss but im to embarrassed to even talk to anyone about this because they will probably be like your this upset over a dude you've known for two weeks?? lol and its not even really about him..although dont get me wrong i was really starting to like him :/ Has this happen to anyone else? where things was great and then BOOM just get dumped...:(


CORRECTION: guess they was great for me..not him..but it sure did seem like it for him to.

jules1216
04-09-2012, 07:04 PM
my son and his two boys under two moved in with us...their mom left him and the boys in january for an ex in the navy stationed there..shes pregnant again and just got married...they were together 3 years and turned out she and this guy were emailing texting for a year and a half..he had a girlfriend too...
my son is not ready for anything but this girl has been facebooking him, shes a friend of my daughters and has had a crush on my son since high school..she kept trying to set up play dates...my son finally agreed and she hasnt responded at all...hes devastated...thinks he will never find anyone that will want a single dad with two kids...

threenorns
04-09-2012, 08:59 PM
if he's a good father, he'll be beating them off with a stick.

it is probably that it's still too new and raw and he's throwing out vibes - once he's gone through the grieving process and has opened up again, the neighbours will be throwing old shoes at all the cats meowing under his bedroom window every night.

MusicalAstronaut
04-10-2012, 12:18 AM
My ex left me after almost 2 years together, but he also did it completely out of the blue. He had me drive 45 minutes downtown to meet him, he dumped me, said "don't call me", and left me there. About a month later I got my stuff from him and we talked a bit and I got some of what he was thinking from him, but honestly, knowing what he was thinking didn't help all that much. I really thought it would but it didn't. But at least he had the decency to tell me that we were over.

I agree with MiZTaCCen, people who pull a disappearing act to break with you are boys that we mistake for men. It helps to keep yourself busy so you don't think about it as much. It's been 4 months for me and I'm still hurting more than I thought I would be, but I took another job and I started swing dancing lessons, and both have helped. It just takes your mind off of the whole thing.