General chatter - Skinny hatin'




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BananaMontana
04-04-2012, 01:09 AM
I feel like every diet support forum group place I'm a member of has an awful lot of hate towards thin people. A lot of "why is this beautiful but this isn't?" and then people insinuating that women who don't have "curves" are unattractive.

It's weird for me because my entire life I've been very thin. The kind of person who would be told to "eat a cheeseburger". It's contributed a lot to my problems with food and overeating. I'm working slowly but surely to stop eating like I'll never see food again and as a result I'm losing, but as soon as I start losing I get panicked...when I'm thin again, I'll be gross and not womanly. Being fat means I've actually got curves. I finally need a bra! But once I'm back to being small, I will get the "eat something!" comments.

It's setting me back a lot with this whole weight loss thing. :( I know I'm not healthy where I am and I'm not happy and I need to lose weight, but I also know that when I get down to a healthy weight I'm still not going to be happy. My doctor will be pleased! But I'll still be looking at the comments people make about pictures of thin women saying they need to eat more.

Bah. I'm having a bad night.


Candeka
04-04-2012, 01:15 AM
I think it helps build the confidence of overweight people. By insulting skinny women, it makes them feel better. However, heaven forbid someone insults them for being over weight, that person is just a nasty *****! It is very two sided. I have noticed a lot of women (on these forums) will say things like people shouldn't be judged for their weight, let people be who they want to be, yet turn around and mock skinny women.

Some women hate being skinny and can't gain any weight. Having a small chest, a small butt and no curves can be very very hard on a woman's self-esteem. Then, you add in overweight people making comments like "Real women have curves" or other slogans, and its just a kicking a girl when shes down. It does put in the fear of people never accepting you at whatever weight you are.

BananaMontana
04-04-2012, 01:18 AM
Exactly! I have a sort of boyish figure when I'm not fat. It was always hard for me to feel comfortable with that. I always felt like i had to look super feminine to make up for it. I never made fun of anyone, so it's like bizarre to me that it's acceptable to make fun of skinny chicks. And you can't get offended about it either! If you do, people get all on your case about being too sensitive. But if someone makes fun of me for being fat, suddenly it's wrong.


konfyoozed
04-04-2012, 01:29 AM
"real women have vaginas" ... the end. :)

i don't know what else to add to that. genes make you a woman, not your shape. the only comments i make about skinny chicks is "i have an inner skinny chick dying to break out... and i usually shut the b*tch up with chocolate" or "i work out like the skinny chick i want to be"

people on both of the weight loss forums i'm a part of also bash people for doing things differently than they do low carbers think it's the only way to go, etc. it's people's nature to beat down something they don't agree with to make themselves look better. *shrug*

LiannaKole
04-04-2012, 01:36 AM
I have noticed some of that, but nothing very extreme. That doesn't mean it's not happening, just that I haven't seen it. Some women express a preference for a curvier figure, which I think is fine.

Personally, I think a lot of different body shapes are pretty. My own is fairly curve-less. I have boobs, but an undefined waist, small hips and butt (proportionally). I have no idea what I'll look like thin - I've never been thin.

But I think you should hang in there and get to a weight that is healthy and comfortable for you. I'm sorry you've had bad experiences so far - that's never a comfortable thing. You will always be shaped like a woman because women come in all sorts of shapes. Maybe you can find a friend to confide in and get support from? I know that helps me a lot sometimes with any problems.

astrophe
04-04-2012, 01:42 AM
I've been both. In fact, my nickname when younger was "skinny" and it was as annoying as my sister's nick of "chubby" -- now I'm the overweight one and she's a slim adult!

I don't deliberately insult any woman of any age or shape -- beautiful to me is the person all the way through, not just the way they appear.

Try not to worry about it too much. Other people's weird baggage is just that -- other people's!

:hug:
A.

BananaMontana
04-04-2012, 01:47 AM
"real women have vaginas" ... the end. :)

i don't know what else to add to that. genes make you a woman, not your shape. the only comments i make about skinny chicks is "i have an inner skinny chick dying to break out... and i usually shut the b*tch up with chocolate" or "i work out like the skinny chick i want to be"

people on both of the weight loss forums i'm a part of also bash people for doing things differently than they do low carbers think it's the only way to go, etc. it's people's nature to beat down something they don't agree with to make themselves look better. *shrug*

You made me literally laugh out loud. It scared my cat!
I agree with your last paragraph, but it does suck. I try not to be mean (sometimes I fail), but I'm always sure not to make comments about bady shapes or weight, so I guess I'm overly sensitive in that area.

I have noticed some of that, but nothing very extreme. That doesn't mean it's not happening, just that I haven't seen it. Some women express a preference for a curvier figure, which I think is fine.

Personally, I think a lot of different body shapes are pretty. My own is fairly curve-less. I have boobs, but an undefined waist, small hips and butt (proportionally). I have no idea what I'll look like thin - I've never been thin.

But I think you should hang in there and get to a weight that is healthy and comfortable for you. I'm sorry you've had bad experiences so far - that's never a comfortable thing. You will always be shaped like a woman because women come in all sorts of shapes. Maybe you can find a friend to confide in and get support from? I know that helps me a lot sometimes with any problems.

Its not having a preference that bothers me....I prefer curvy figures too. Wish I had one naturally! It's the bashing that gets to me,y'know?

I do have to keep plugging along and try to lose the weight. I need to for my health. I don't have many friends i can go to about it...only person who takes my weight loss seriously is my mom. She's a good comfort but I hate to unload completely on her as she has her own weight loss to focus on.

On the plus side I said something to my husband about it and he pointed out that I had was thin when he met me and he still knew I was a girl. Then he complimented how wonderful I am for a while and now I feel a bit better. Good husband :)

BananaMontana
04-04-2012, 01:48 AM
I've been both. In fact, my nickname when younger was "skinny" and it was as annoying as my sister's nick of "chubby" -- now I'm the overweight one and she's a slim adult!

I don't deliberately insult any woman of any age or shape -- beautiful to me is the person all the way through, not just the way they appear.

Try not to worry about it too much. Other people's weird baggage is just that -- other people's!

:hug:
A.

Thank you for the hugs. :) most days I can brush it off, but sometimes I feel like I'm in high school again and I get sensitive.

threenorns
04-04-2012, 01:56 AM
there's a whole lot more fat-bashing than there is skinny-bashing and, unfortunately, it's socially acceptable to mock someone or denigrate someone for their size. it's perfectly fine to promote the skinny co-worker who is less capable over the fat one who's got the required skills. not a problem to pay them more, too.

fat ppl are "lazy", "gluttonous", "unmotivated", etc.

it's like breastfeeding and bottle-bashing. i don't think that's necessary, either, but when one looks at the billions of dollars spent making sure that as many women as possible are using formula, it's easy to see why ppl feel they need to get extreme to combat it.

one of these generations, we'll get it right and ppl will stfu up about size, race, gender, boob or bottle, gay marriage, cesar millan, co-sleeping, and everything else that really is none of their business.

CHUNKEY_MUNKEY
04-04-2012, 02:04 AM
i think alot of women stick to the "real women have curves" slogan because they feel as if their body type is obsolete or is being slammed

i will admit i am one of the women who says that , i guess because i assume most women naturally widen at the hips, and have more breast than is welcome ..... fat or thin i always cursed having larger than "average" boobs and wider hips .... because i felt like evreything i wanted to wear was always geared towards women with the exact formentioned "boyish" figure ....

when i was in HS at 5'6 i was a size 6 , and in my idea the perfect size to wear a nice swimsuit .... i wore one and looked like something out of a skanky magazine the only thing the top was covering was areola my friend who was more straight than i in figure would wear the same suit and she looked "high fashion and classy" i was jealous and i blamed the designers for only designing suits for these straight figured girls , what about us the curvier girls? is there no fashionable options for us ? have we been forgotten ?

i made myself feel better by saying bah !! real women have curves and shrugged it off .... but i can see now that im older thats equally insulting to someone who is on the other side of my fence ....

but i am assuming alot of other women are equally insecure about their curves so they bring up the real women have curves thing so it is noted that their figure is acceptable too ....

just my two cents

midwife
04-04-2012, 02:06 AM
Bashing of any kind is against the support goal of 3FC. Please report posts that bash people's weight or bodies. 3FC is not about that at all.

baker23
04-04-2012, 03:06 AM
Weight bashing is unfortunately one of the last acceptable forms of bullying. People are always going to insult others on the opposite end of the spectrum to make them feel just a tiny bit better about themselves. Its not right by any means, but it is what it is, and I highly doubt it'll ever change. For the most part, especially on forums, it seems unintentional

I have BIGGGG hips(not just curvy, I'm talking massive I know I'm going to have easy labor when I give birth, big hips. And even at my skinniest, I'll still be extremely curvy and I know people will call me fat because of it. But it won't prevent me from losing weight just because I'll never have that "Ideal" shape whatever that it...As along as our bodies are healthy, what people think of them shouldn't matter

sontaikle
04-04-2012, 07:02 AM
I've talked about this before because now I've been on both sides. I've gotten fat hate and skinny hate. Quite frankly both are annoying and demeaning.

Heck even when I was fat I hated the phrase "real women have curves," because no, not all women have curves and making thin women feel bad about their bodies is just as bad as making larger women feel bad about their bodies too.

I always thought when I reached my goal that I wouldn't have to worry about that. I was kind of right. When I hit 140 (my original goal) I looked normalish because most people around us in America are overweight and obese. At 115 I don't look so normal to people now and I do have strangers commenting on my weight. Usually to the tone of "oh, you're so small, do you eat?" Admittedly most people guess my weight to be 15-20lbs less than what I really weigh, likely because of strength training.

I'm looking at buying a new car right now and I remember when I was test driving a car and I was talking to the salesman. I told him about my job as a special ed teacher, etc. and he commented "oh I hope you don't deal with any really bad kids, you're not a very big person they could hurt you." That turned me off completely from buying from him for a number of reasons, but for the purposes of staying on topic I'll just stick with the one about my body. Why did he assume that because I was "small" I would be weak and all that? If I can hold back my 6'3" 190lb fiance I think I can handle a lot of other things too!

I'm also tired of size 0 hate. I'm curvy, I have an hourglass figure and I wear a size 0. People need to deal with that and stop thinking that in order to get to a size 0 you need to starve yourself or something. I'm 5'3". I think size 0 is a perfectly adequate size for a person of my height.

Luckily I'm in a place mentally where I just roll my eyes at people or I talk back. Or I'll show them how wrong they are. I've done it in my weight training class! "Can you lift all of that? You're so tiny!" "Watch me ;)" The look on their face is priceless.

If I wasn't mentally in the right place like I am now, I could seriously see myself developing some real issues. That's why as much as I sometimes wish I would have done this whole weight loss thing as a teen, there was no way I would have been in the right place mentally during the process and no way would I have been able to deal with the way society reacts to people at either ends of the spectrum. I'm glad I did it now, when I am a strong, confident woman.

Ok, that came out really long, but it's something that's been bugging me. I can deal with skinny hate and fat hate right now and be fine. What about insecure teenagers who are bombarded with this stuff on a regular basis?

sacha
04-04-2012, 07:58 AM
I've been on the "skinny bashing" side of it too. Once upon a time, a looooong time ago, I was 5'5 and 110lbs. Overweight girls were quite rude to me, and even here on 3FC, I heard some pretty rude comments over the years. Whether I was underweight or overweight, I have never had boobs and it wasn't until having a baby that I had any hips. The truth is, that it is human nature to put other people down to make yourself feel good.

sontaikle: That I agree with you. As a mom and older, it's easy for me to brush off now. When I was in high school and under 100lbs, it was very hurtful. I used to change in the bathroom instead of the locker room because other girls had boobs and I didn't. Yet, they used to say that they wish they were "skinny". Of course, with boobs though! Sometimes people forget that underweight people get hurt feelings too.

I imagine for men, this is even more insulting - to be known as a "skinny guy" also implies pejoratively that they are weak and unmanly. Some girls can take it as a compliment but men don't. And people also forget that men do have feelings too despite culture telling us they are robots (?)

ddc
04-04-2012, 10:38 AM
Really, you have no control over what other people do or say. You can only control how you react to it. Don't let it bother you. I know that's easier said than done though.

flashfacts
04-04-2012, 10:59 AM
"real women have vaginas" ... the end.

Not true. Having a vagina is not a requirement to being a real women.

Body shaming is general is a problem. People's tendency to judge a person's character by some appearance marker doesn't always go just one way. While many people will definitely assume people who are over a certain weight are 'lazy' and 'stupid' or worse, they often will have some lower cut off for being acceptable, with those falling below it are assumed to have an eating disorder on top of being 'b****hes' and 'shallow/stupid'. Its very frustrating and only serves to pit people against each other.

krampus
04-04-2012, 11:15 AM
Never bothered me, I love my genes! I won't be curvy at any size but I'm very petite-boned and don't have leg hair.

Sum38
04-04-2012, 11:19 AM
I live in Midwest where having extra pounds is a norm.

I was very thin until about 5 years ago. I am 5'3 and my weight was between 115-125 pounds. I think part of the reason for my weight gain was to fit in. -- women who were short and snotty with me, became nicer and nicer towards me with each pound I packed on. At my heaviest which was probably 170 pounds and size 16 I was always treated very, very well by my lady peers. -- Now that I have lost 20-25 pounds, those same women are starting to act catty again :( -- Well they are not my friends anyways :lol3:

I think it kinda boils into jealousy. -- I am a very talkative person, I am a natural blonde with a slight accent.... and I will talk to anyone! Men, women, children, aliens hehe....As a fat woman I was never accused of being a flirt, as a thin woman I have been accused of that all the time. -- I did not change, I have always been me...but my frame has changed and I think many women fear that you may be more attractive than they are and god forbid their men taking a second look. :crazy: -- I am happily married to the most "gorgeous" man on this earth.

I find it very sad that us women are so catty towards eachother. I have saluted my thin friends because I know how hard it is to stay thin. Temptations are everywhere and being over 40 and hormonal does not help.

pixelllate
04-04-2012, 11:50 AM
My fam is hating when you lose, hating on you when you gain. I've gotten racial comments and weight comments from non-fam mem
I think about it this way-the people who are critical like that, are probably-in the bigger picture, more likely to criticize others (in a mean fashion, not just saying, I prefer this or that) instead of talking about their own insecurities-or at least admitting them.
They probably say the same things to themselves secretly and are very hard on themselves when they don't fit their own standards-and they have to live with themselves.
Thats why I'm tired of self-hating. Do I like my body currently? No. Its still got a ways to go, but I care about it enough to lose weight in a healthy way, and accept that I am not this or that. Everyone can find something wrong with me, so I might as well accept myself and go for the best (based on my preferences) that I want to be.
In a way, it really taught me to be more sensitive about people's body issues. Now its very easy for me to be able to tell what people are insecure about and I try to be sensitive about it.

Jelma
04-04-2012, 12:37 PM
In my experience the skinny ones are more apt to get rude comments. Like Sum38, I live in the Midwest and plump is much more common. My sis is 5'6 and 123lbs and people constantly comment on her weight. "is that all you are having for lunch" "you are so skinny" "why don't you eat something" I know that it really hurts her feelings. When I was at my heaviest no one ever said a word to me. I can be slightly intimidating though.

Bullying in any form is unacceptable. There are few things in the world that get me worked up like people picking on someone. I still vividly remember being in Girl Scouts and them ganging up on this girl, pulling her underwear out of her bag and making fun of how large they were. I stood up for her and made them stop. 20 years later and it still makes me sick to my stomach.

fitness4life
04-04-2012, 05:43 PM
Some comments are not intended to be as mean as the sting that is felt.

I'm one of the skinny chicks. A past Biggest Loser participant recently approached me at the gym I manage to inquire about becoming a group fitness instructor.

We emailed back and forth and I genuinely am so happy for her to make the decision to do it!

What happened next, though, surprised me. She emailed, "I don't have to be one of those skinny biotches to do this, right?"

I totally know she didn't mean to insult me, but for crying out loud, she was speaking to the skinny group exercise instructor!

I just took it as, she must not think that I'm a skinny biotch. I was able to process the comment into a compliment and get over it.

People simply stick their foot in their mouths and don't think before they speak.

Oh well.

pixelllate
04-04-2012, 05:58 PM
Some comments are not intended to be as mean as the sting that is felt.

I'm one of the skinny chicks. A past Biggest Loser participant recently approached me at the gym I manage to inquire about becoming a group fitness instructor.

We emailed back and forth and I genuinely am so happy for her to make the decision to do it!

What happened next, though, surprised me. She emailed, "I don't have to be one of those skinny biotches to do this, right?"

I totally know she didn't mean to insult me, but for crying out loud, she was speaking to the skinny group exercise instructor!

I just took it as, she must not think that I'm a skinny biotch. I was able to process the comment into a compliment and get over it.

People simply stick their foot in their mouths and don't think before they speak.

Oh well.

Ouch. Unfortunately that book title got super trendy!

Elladorine
04-04-2012, 06:09 PM
My ex thought that since I was fat, I'd automatically assume all skinny women were b!tches. Er, not really . . . I've known several fat b!tches as well; weight really had nothing to do with it. ;)

But seriously, I think quite often it's a case of sour grapes. It can be really hard to be fully qualified for a job and watch it get handed to someone thinner. It can be especially hard to watch your significant other blatantly stare at someone with the stereotypical "hot" body (my ex was good at that). It can be difficult to visit the store and not envy all the smaller shoppers that can sort through the cute clothes while you're stuck in the very limiting plus size "fashions." And it can be h3ll to have grown up being the fat one, constantly teased, belittled, and outright bullied because of your size.

People just need to stop generalizing over looks. Someone being skinny doesn't automatically mean they have a superiority complex over a fat person. And being a fat doesn't make someone lazy, greedy, or less intelligent. Unfortunately, some feel justified to discriminate to anyone that's not like them. The thing is that people full of bitterness and insecurities often look for excuses to lash out at others. I've always hoped I've been able to keep from projecting my personal insecurities onto others, although I imagine it pops up when I feel someone is being judgmental of me. :(

ValRock
04-04-2012, 06:16 PM
I think it kinda boils into jealousy. -- I am a very talkative person, I am a natural blonde with a slight accent.... and I will talk to anyone! Men, women, children, aliens hehe....As a fat woman I was never accused of being a flirt, as a thin woman I have been accused of that all the time. -- I did not change, I have always been me...but my frame has changed and I think many women fear that you may be more attractive than they are and god forbid their men taking a second look. :crazy: -- I am happily married to the most "gorgeous" man on this earth.

I find it very sad that us women are so catty towards eachother. I have saluted my thin friends because I know how hard it is to stay thin. Temptations are everywhere and being over 40 and hormonal does not help.

Gosh, I HATE this. I'm running into it lately, too. I had a 'friend' accuse me of flirting with her husband. WHAT??!! :?: My personality has not changed because I've lost this weight... but people's perception of it, obviously has. It's obnoxious. Why can't we all just be nice to each other and not have it misinterpreted all the time?

Euphy
04-04-2012, 06:28 PM
I was skinny my entire life until 16 or so. I'm 24 now and I've gained 80 pounds since then. I don't hate skinny women, but I do think a lot of them are extremely superficial - heck, I was. I've spent a lot of time around thin women and I'd say the majority of them are pretty snarky towards fat women.

Italiannie
04-04-2012, 06:51 PM
I would like to be skinny.
That's all I have to say.

Vex
04-04-2012, 07:56 PM
It doesn't matter whether you're fat, skinny, tall, short, black, white, or asian - people put other people down.

You're the only one whose attitude can be changed. If you're someone who puts yourself down all the time, stop. They're already enough people out there willing to do it.

.

4star
04-05-2012, 10:40 AM
I think a lot of this is the competitive attitudes that are so prominent here in the US and other places. People feel like they need to be in competition with each other for some unknown reason, maybe it's capitalism or the marketing, who knows. But mainly, when those sort of comments are made, it's in backlash to someone first putting down what assets that person has. Think how many times you've heard about "what's in" and how many people that excludes seasonally. Of course, some people are going to say "screw that, my preference is this.."

People are attractive or unattractive to the individual viewer and there is no "one size fits all" in terms of what's attractive. Some people prefer really thin athletic figures and others prefer thicker, softer physiques. Others still, are not picky one way or the other... Like they say, there's no accounting for taste, people like what they like. I would prefer it if people's individual preference didn't cause them to make negative comments towards others but alas, this is a very imperfect world we live in and people let their mouths go unchecked.

Moonsai
04-05-2012, 11:48 AM
Even though I had a few pounds to lose (skinny fat!), I had a rough time with my female coworkers and peers when it came to lunch time. They'd ask me for a while if I wanted to go to get lunch with them at the local fast food places. I always said no, and they gave up.

They did try to push me a bit, trying to get me to eat bad things. I'd always cite that I was on a diet. (Note: these girls were at least 200lbs each and all but one was under 25.)

I never meant to offend them with that, but I felt I had to give reason why I was always declining offers to try bad foods. After this they seemed to give up on trying to get me to eat bad food.

I also had the problem with trying to get my mother in law to stop offering me bad food. She still hasn't quit and will send us candy on Christmas. (I throw it all out, except maybe for 1-2 tiny peanut butter things.)