I just had the weirdest interaction and want to talk about it, but don't feel like my boyfriend or housemates will really understand how I'm feeling. I'm a medical interpreter and do a great deal of work on video cameras/video conferencing systems to provide interpretation in clinics outside the hospital I work at.
Sometimes I think the camera provides a type of social distance and people feel more free to comment on my appearance than they would if I was there in person. Patients, especially grandpa types, sometimes tell me I'm a very pretty young lady, and guess my age, things like that. They almost always ask me if I'm married or have kids. I'm used to this.
What I am NOT used to is American/Western men making comments about my appearance, especially doctors. Today during my appointment, the doctor whipped around and looked at me and said, "My my we have a very pretty interpreter today!" I thanked him for the compliment and mentally was like, well just felt weird. Flattered but also sort of like, is that totally appropriate?
Then things got weirder.
The patient agreed with the doctor, and then the doctor continued (jokingly) "Well, I bet you're like 200 pounds and we can just see your face." I sort of laughed along but felt deeply uncomfortable. What if I was 200 pounds!? How would he know? Digging the grave a little deeper, he said "You can stand up and show us your figure to prove it." I made some comment to blow him off and the appointment proceeded. At the very end of it, the doctor joked that he was going to keep me on camera for his next appointment, even though the patient spoke English. I smiled and hung up.
Now I feel sort of awful about the experience. That doctor had no right to continue making comments about my appearance, but even if that was harmless flirting, the whole weight discussion seems totally inappropriate. It also really shocked me how open a total stranger would be about how being heavy is clearly unattractive!
I needed to vent about this. I feel I should have said something to him directly, but I was so flustered in the moment I didn't come off as assertive at all. I also feel like, kind of floored about the weight prejudice this medical authority seemed totally comfortable expressing. Maybe I shouldn't be.
Has anyone had something like this happen to them? How did you respond?
I can't think of any examples regarding my appearance but I do know that I've had experiences with people being far too forward. It's like some people just lack a filter in social situations. =/
I dropped oil on my hand and abdomen two years ago. I went to the hospital to see this surgeon my mom knew. That was when I was at my heaviest. She said that I was badly burned, but on the bright side, I would never eat anything fried again. He responded with: "I'd suggest that she never eats again, period". He laughed and then added that I used to be pretty. It took a long time for me to get mad over that, because I was busy raging over how useless a doctor he is. Doctors are huge a$$holes, I guess.
OP, I think that doctor did get inappropriate. From what you've said, you didn't encourage it at all, so he should have gotten the hint to knock it off. But I think you handled it well - you just smiled and [metaphorically] kept on walking. Very professional.
And as for doctors, they're people too. And people can be stupid. Now, one would think that they'd be more informed and less biased with medical situations such as obesity. I figure that it's like any other profession - there are a few really good ones and a lot of idiots. Which isn't encouraging in a doctor who handles your health...
I'm so sorry that his comments made you feel uncomfortable. I think you handled it well. Maybe speak to your supervisor about how you feel he acted inappropriately and see if you could not be assigned with him again?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marniadec
I dropped oil on my hand and abdomen two years ago. I went to the hospital to see this surgeon my mom knew. That was when I was at my heaviest. She said that I was badly burned, but on the bright side, I would never eat anything fried again. He responded with: "I'd suggest that she never eats again, period". He laughed and then added that I used to be pretty. It took a long time for me to get mad over that, because I was busy raging over how useless a doctor he is. Doctors are huge a$$holes, I guess.
I just had the weirdest interaction and want to talk about it, but don't feel like my boyfriend or housemates will really understand how I'm feeling. I'm a medical interpreter and do a great deal of work on video cameras/video conferencing systems to provide interpretation in clinics outside the hospital I work at.
Sometimes I think the camera provides a type of social distance and people feel more free to comment on my appearance than they would if I was there in person. Patients, especially grandpa types, sometimes tell me I'm a very pretty young lady, and guess my age, things like that. They almost always ask me if I'm married or have kids. I'm used to this.
What I am NOT used to is American/Western men making comments about my appearance, especially doctors. Today during my appointment, the doctor whipped around and looked at me and said, "My my we have a very pretty interpreter today!" I thanked him for the compliment and mentally was like, well just felt weird. Flattered but also sort of like, is that totally appropriate?
Then things got weirder.
The patient agreed with the doctor, and then the doctor continued (jokingly) "Well, I bet you're like 200 pounds and we can just see your face." I sort of laughed along but felt deeply uncomfortable. What if I was 200 pounds!? How would he know? Digging the grave a little deeper, he said "You can stand up and show us your figure to prove it." I made some comment to blow him off and the appointment proceeded. At the very end of it, the doctor joked that he was going to keep me on camera for his next appointment, even though the patient spoke English. I smiled and hung up.
Now I feel sort of awful about the experience. That doctor had no right to continue making comments about my appearance, but even if that was harmless flirting, the whole weight discussion seems totally inappropriate. It also really shocked me how open a total stranger would be about how being heavy is clearly unattractive!
I needed to vent about this. I feel I should have said something to him directly, but I was so flustered in the moment I didn't come off as assertive at all. I also feel like, kind of floored about the weight prejudice this medical authority seemed totally comfortable expressing. Maybe I shouldn't be.
Has anyone had something like this happen to them? How did you respond?
Can't say I have had this happen but this guy is a lech, too bad you didn't think of saying " And I'll bet you have really tiny feet. ".
I'd honestly consider that a form of harassment. Is there some way you can report him, like going to human resources or something? It's flattering if someone says you're pretty, but when he goes into inappropriate comments about only seeing your face and asking to see your figure, he didn't just cross the line, he LEAPED over it.
If that happens again, I'd remind him why you're there...for the appointment and suggest that we stay on topic. If he keeps doing it, tell him that you do not appreciate it and it's inappropriate. People can be d-bags, and we have to set them straight!
i was born with a hare lip and cleft palate so i can assure you: doctors being arseholes is par for the course. something seems to go mentally wrong with a lot of them - it's a "God Complex" where they figure they have the power of life and death therefore they are above such petty matters as common courtesy and respect.
kinda like ppl who figure just because they're 70yrs old and not dead, they're automatically entitled to respect.
i took my oldest daughter - diagnosed failure to thrive multiple times, then diagnosed with anorexia syndrome (all the behaviour of anorexia but she wasn't body dysmorphic so wasn't *actually* anorexic) - into emerg because she had one of her spells. she used to, just out of the blue, drop unconscious. they never figured out what it was, except it was related somehow to her heart.
because of the struggle to keep her weight up, the entire family (me and her younger sister) were on the same high-fat, high-calorie, high-protein diet - i didn't have the funds to buy two separate grocery shops and quite frankly, i didn't have the energy to cook two separate meals each time! so her sister (not to mention me!) were definitely not failure to thrive. we were, like, hyperthrive.
at the hospital, there was a bowl of candy on the nurse's station - reasonable, it being hallowe'en and all. my younger daughter saw it and her eyes lit up - "can i have one?" i told her to ask the nurse when she got back.
the doctor came by first - some b__ who couldn't even speak english; she needed a translator because she spoke roumanian and her french was bloody awful. pretty sad when i couldn't understand her in either official language yet she has a medical licence!?
she looked my younger daughter up and down and said "you? no." then she looked at my skeletal older daughter (at that time, she was 14 yrs old, about 5'3" and 77lbs or so - the capris she was wearing were the track pants she wore as a 4yr old) and said "you? take two".
my face literally went white - you know that itching tingle when that happens? - but my younger daughter didn't seem to register it so i said nothing other than to demand of a passing nurse "did she actually SAY that!?". out in the parking lot, my younger daughter asked me, so sadly, "was that doctor saying i'm fat?"
i tell you, it felt GOOD to let mama bear rampage! and yes - damage was done.
?? big WTF. And, yeah, of course I've been harassed at work. I think it is really common. And reeeeeeeeeeally angering.
Its lame. It does seem like a God Complex a little. I think about the inverse and it makes me crack up. Can you imagine me asking this anesthesiologist to stand up and let me check his whole package out? OBVIOUSLY NOT.
I think I'm especially sensitive to it because there's this whole like, Latinas are so spicy and sexy and love to salsa dance and shake their maracas stereotype. I kind of just want to be taken seriously.
OP, you handled the conversation very well!! with alot of diplomacy and tact. I agree he went way over the line, he was completely unprofessional. Agreed that there are dicks in every profession, but I think they need to be told their behavior is wrong! I would also report the incident to HR if you can.
I work in retail and have had men say inappropriate things. Sometimes I can get away with 'why would you want to know that?' or even 'I don't feel comfortable with you saying that' or such. Unfortunately they can be such cavemen, that restrained comments mean nothing. Then 'shut up, please' with a big smile works better
Sometimes I can get away with 'why would you want to know that?' or even 'I don't feel comfortable with you saying that' or such. Unfortunately they can be such cavemen, that restrained comments mean nothing. Then 'shut up, please' with a big smile works better
The thing is, with the OP, the guy *surely* knows what he said was "dangerous" in that such comments can make someone feel threatened or denigrated: harassment. Sometimes I have said so directly, as in, "You MUST know that that kind of talk doesn't belong in the office." That can kind of shame them if they are just being stupid (so they'll be more careful with the next pretty lady they work with), or send a strong message if they are trying to make you feel icky. And, I also second contacting HR if you trust your company to treat you according to reasonable policy in the matter.
Inappropriate comments at work
