100 lb. Club - Should I Stick with WW?




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Resipoo
04-02-2012, 12:16 AM
I really need some advice. I have more than 100 pounds to lose. I'm currently doing WW. The truth is, I'm afraid to see my weight on a scale. The last time I did, I became terribly depressed and could barely function. I know this is silly, but I have a lot of trauma about scales and weight. Anyway, I'm disastisfied with how slowly I'm losing weight. I've decided to count both calories and points this week and see what happens.

I'm beginning to think I'd do better counting calories on my own and waiting to feel a difference in my clothing rather than being weighed in each week. The reason is I get totally discouraged when I see I'm only down 1.5 pounds when I know how much more I must lose.

Sorrry for rambling, but could you give me an opinion about this: Stick with WW or go it alone?


linJber
04-02-2012, 01:18 AM
You say you have over 100 pounds to lose, so you must have an idea of what you weigh. It is what it is! You're doing something about it. It's just a number. Knowing the number gives you power over it. Not knowing it doesn't change it. It's just one more way to avoid the truth. Two pieces of advice:

First - weigh yourself - at home or at a WW meeting. You'll be happy later that you know where you started and where you ended up.If you do this at a WW meeting, perhaps they will record your weight for you and keep it secret for now. Waiting to see how your clothes fit can be just as frustrating if you have to lose 20 pounds or more to lose a size. At least seeing the scale change gives you positive reinforcement. I'd also get measured. I didn't, and now wish I had.

Second - only you know if the WW meetings are a good choice or not. WW works on points, but it actually is a simplified way of counting calories. You certainly can do both. I'd say that many people do well with being held accountable to someone else, so if you don't want to go to WW or do WW on line, then be accountable to us here in the forum.

Good luck. And remember - we all lose at different rates. Holding steady some weeks or even gaining a bit is normal. You can't expect to lose several pounds every week. You have to be realistic and know that the process takes time. Just hang in there and you'll see success.

Lin

Trazey34
04-02-2012, 10:29 AM
ugh we all know what seeing "that number" can do !!! But do it once, write it down, and know you'll NEVER SEE IT AGAIN! Everyone needs a leaping off point.

As for W.W. only you can decide that. Personally, I have a real problem with for-profit weight loss centres. Any business whose bottom line depends on MY bottom line coming back time after time after time is not for me.

And losing 100 pounds is ridiculous, no one can do that ;) so only lose 10 pounds! or 5! and then do it again...and again... you get my drift! Set up mini goals that aren't so daunting -- anyone can lose 5 pounds, and once you've done that, try 10... and so on.

I know it's crappy, I know it's ridiculous to look it in the face and know you have to scale that mountain, but it can be done and has been done by many of us. Don't look at it as one giant Mount Everest, just a bunch of little hills :)


kaplods
04-02-2012, 04:00 PM
You need to know you. Statistically, people do better in weight loss groups, but you're not a statistic, you're you. If you're sure that you'ld do better on your own, then work on your own. If you think you will, or might do better in a group, joint a group.

For me, I NEED the group. I couldn't afford WW, so I joined TOPS (now I actually prefer TOPS - taking off pounds sensibly it's a weekly group that allows you to follow any plan that you wish. The most popular food plans tend to be calorie counting, exchange plan dieting, and current and former WW plans).

I'm even considering joining WW in addition to TOPS so that I could get an extra monitored weigh-in (both TOPS and WW only allow you to weigh in once per week).

I used to hate the weigh-in, but I found that I really need it. When it's just me doing the monitoring, I become very tempted to procrastinate. Now, I really don't mind it. In fact, I think it's kind of weird when you think about it that we're all more worried about a number that almost no one else sees, but we don't think about the fact that everyone can SEE what we look like.

The number really doesn't mean much, except what we've decided that it means. I've finally realized that the number is a lot less important than how I feel, what I can do, and how I look in the mirror and to others. Everyone can "see" my fat, they don't need to see my "number" to know how fat I am.

The TOPS pledge

I am an intelligent person.
I will control my emotions and not let them control me.
Every time I am tempted to use food to satisfy my frustrated desires,
build up my injured ego or dull my senses, I will remember
even though I overeat in private
my excess poundage is there for all the world to see.
I will take off pounds sensibly.


The number doesn't matter, but it's only the way by which I can most easily guage progress.


Only you can determine how much help you need on your journey. I NEED a lot, so I've had to learn to accept that help. You need to find out how much help you need, and you need to learn to accept the help you need.

Sometimes it's a lot harder to accept that you need help, or to accept the help than it is to lose the weight once you do. Losing weight with help is much easier, but learning to accept that help was one of the hardest things I ever did, because I'd always eventually give up the group believing I was "ready to do it on my own." I've finally realized that I can't do it on my own, but I don't have to. I can accept and receive help (and hopefully give help to others) for the rest of my life.

Resipoo
04-03-2012, 12:01 AM
Wow, I'm almost crying. Thank you so much for these words of wisdom. My mom used to weigh me every Sunday when I was a kid. I'll never forget having to see that number every Sunday and listen to my mom's disappointment.

I never had someone say the truth to me--people can SEE the number. But I'm terrified about seeing the number, even though I know you're right, people see that I'm grossly obese. And I hate that too, but the number....Even seeing everyone else's numbers on this site trigger me.

I do need support. Believe me, I'm turning to whatever resources I can find. I've been to this site every night for the past couple of weeks because it helps me not eat and not feel alone in this. And it helps me not cry about what I've done to my body.

I also really appreciate being reminded about the small goals. Yes, I can lose 5 pounds. I've done that (and I didn't even celebrate that, I was too sad about only being down 1.5 pounds). I know I can lose 10 pounds. 100...is overwhelming.

So, my goal is to lose 10 this month. Thanks so much for responding. I really need all of the help I can get right now.

PinkLotus
04-03-2012, 12:15 AM
This forum is great for support! I have done WW meetings in the past, and loved them. It was so nice being around other people going through the same thing I am. We could support each other and give each other encouragement and ideas for weight loss. I can't afford the meetings anymore, so I've been doing WW online, and have been successful so far. That's also an option for you...you can weigh yourself once, enter it in the site so you will know your starting point and the site will know how many points you get...you're supposed to weigh in every week, but you can always just click "do this later" or whatever it says, and not weigh in again until you think you're ready.
Or you can just do calorie counting or something on your own...it's totally up to you, and it's about finding what works best for you. I would suggest weighing yourself at least occasionally though...even though it's hard, that way you will know if something isn't working and you need to try something else. And it is really is good to know where you started, and exactly how much you've lost. But it's completely up to you.
I know that 100 pounds seems impossible. I started out needing to lose 95-100 pounds. There are still days where I feel like it's never going to happen, but it really does help to break it down into smaller goals. Every 5 pounds is a goal for me, and I love being able to add the little waving smileys that represent 5 pounds to my signature here.
I know that it's way easier said than done, but please try not to see losing 1.5 pounds as a failure. Any weigh in that's not a gain is a huge success! And even weeks when there might be a gain is still a success, because you're still working towards being healthier.
Just keep going and don't give up and I promise that you will get there.

kaplods
04-03-2012, 02:15 AM
I also really appreciate being reminded about the small goals. Yes, I can lose 5 pounds. I've done that (and I didn't even celebrate that, I was too sad about only being down 1.5 pounds). I know I can lose 10 pounds. 100...is overwhelming.

So, my goal is to lose 10 this month. Thanks so much for responding. I really need all of the help I can get right now.


A few years ago I was complaining to my doctor that I was losing less than a pound a month and I felt like I should be able to lose at least 2 lbs per week "like a normal person."

My doctor essentially answered with something like "where did you hear that garbage," and proceeded to tell me that it is not "normal" even for someone of my size to lose more than a pound a month. Normal is losing nothing, or losing and then rapidly gaining, or even just gaining. Just by "sticking with" my one pound or less per month, I was in the lead, not in last place.

We're taught to see weight loss like marathon runners who are convinced they're in last place because of the thousand people ahead of them, while being unaware of the 20,000 people behind.

So we're taught to feel bad about what we've learned to define as failure despite it actually being awesome success.

I quit diets in the past because I felt like I was failing when weight loss would slow to less than a pound a week. I've lost 105 lbs with a weekly weight loss average of less than a pound per month (it's only recently sped up to a couple pounds per month).

I've often said (because of how I was taught to define weight loss success) that, "I've failed off 105 lbs."

The only failure is giving up (even though we're taught to give up). The "norm" is deciding when weight loss slows that "At this rate I'll never be thin, and if I'm never going to be thin I might as well get to eat whatever I want," and then we binge until we feel guilty about that and start the rollercoaster ride all over again.

I'd warn you to be cautious about setting date-related goals. How will you feel if you "only" lose 5 to 7 lbs? Are you going to feel like a failure, and obsess over every choice that might have allowed you to meet your goal?

Some people do fine with time goals, but for me they always backfire and cause me to focus on the failure rather than the success.

I also find it very helpful to concentrate most of my energy on "not gaining" and losing is only my secondary goal. I decided that since losing takes nearly the same amount of effort as maintenance that while I was working at "not gaining" I'd try to lose "just one more pound."

When a person has a lot to lose, it can make all losses seem small, and small losses feel inconsequential, so gaining several pounds seems to be no worse than not gaining. So when we feel that we can't lose, it's easy to jump to the (untrue) conclusion that if we can't lose, we might as well gain.

Learning to make every pound, every ounce, even every bite "count" for something is really very hard.

For me, removing guilt and shame from the equation was also very important. I want to be thinner, but I refuse to let my weight define my self-worth or my value in the world.

This is difficult, because we're not taught to feel this way. We're taught to hate and punish ourselves because of our weight issues. And maybe that would be ok, if the strategy worked, but it doesn't.

If you hate someone (even yourself) you're not going to want to go out of your way to help that person. When you love and respect someone (even yourself) then you do what you can to make their journey easier and more pleasant.

I've found that "pampering myself thinner" works a whole lot better than trying to punish myself thin. So I "splurge" on small luxuries like trying new fruits (even when money is tight I can usually spend a little extra on a variety of apple I haven't tried yet...)

I also have a pandora-style (but far cheaper) bracelet. Every time I lose 5 lbs I add a bead to that bracelet (and I always wear it out to dinner or when going to my weight loss meeting). I buy most of the beads at Michael's or JoAnn's where they sell for less than $1 per bead.

I set other mini-rewards too, but always try to focus on the positive, rather than punishments, because reward is more effective than punishment in changeing behavior permanently (I have a bachelor's and master's degree in psychology, and it's one of the first things we learned).

Hang in there and refuse to see success as failure. Even if you "only" lose one pound per month, you can still make your goal weight. The only thing that stops you from reaching goal weight is giving up and regaining.

Even if my weight loss doesn't speed up and I continue to only lose 1 lb per month, I will still reach my goal in about ten years (as long as I don't follow weight loss tradition and decide that I might as well give up). Even ten years isn't forever, and where will I be in ten years if I stop trying? Probably over 400 lbs or dead.

I think the reason weight loss statistics are so dismal is because we do refuse to see one pound per month as the unusual success it actually is. Instead, we're taught to see it as failure - and worse, as a failure that is no worse than gaining. So if we're not losing, we might as well be gaining.

Not quitting is by far the biggest and most important battle. I'm losing slower than I ever have in my life. The calorie level it takes to just not gain is a calorie level that in my younger years would have netted me losses of 5 to 8 lbs per week (every week, not just the first week).

If only I had learned to "not quit" when I could lose rapidly, but I didn't - so I'm stuck with slow weight loss - but slow loss IS better than no loss.

That's the only "key" to success - not quitting even when the weight loss is small, even when the weight doesn't come off some weeks, maybe for a few weeks in a row. Just "not giving up" will eventually get you where you want to go (or at least keep you from getting further and further away).

PinkLotus
04-03-2012, 12:00 PM
Very well said Kaplods!! What a wonderful post.
The bracelet is a brilliant idea. I'm going to go out and get one for myself.

Tontus94
04-03-2012, 01:04 PM
I think you need to see the number no matter what. You know you are over weight and you know that you'll be disappointed by the number. We all were!!

But that number can help you.......

It will be a number you can look back and and say I have lost "x lbs". Even a 1lb loss is a better number than you started with! I have lost 24lbs and not one person has noticed my weight loss(I can't see any difference myself) and my jeans are just now getting loose. So if I didn't have a number to look back on I wouldn't even know I was making progress and that would end in failure!

Also if you know your weight, you can put it along with some other info into a BMR calculator and know how many calories you need to eat to loose 2lbs a week.

I went to 1 WW meeting and was not impressed, though others find it extremely helpful! I count my calories and log them on MFP which is soooo helpful. Then I check into 3FC & MFP forums regularly.

Mondays are my weigh in days and I love coming onto 3FC and changing my ticker & profile numbers. It is a nice little rush ;)

Good Luck! :carrot:

junebug44
04-03-2012, 04:56 PM
I think it's such a personal decision about your approach to weight loss. I've tried WW in the past (multiple times...gulp). It helped in terms of being held accountable but I would usually come away from my meetings either on top of the world or severely depressed for the week. I would work so hard and GAIN weight some weeks. I eventually just threw my hands up each time and indulged in the common "I'm just going to eat what I want if it doesn't matter anyway" self talk. Personally, I have had to put "THE NUMBER" on the backburner this time around. Yes, it's important for me to monitor, but my success does not revolve around the number. I seem to be in a much better mental space this time around and doing something that I can maintain. I know WW works for a lot of people, but if you are feeling that much anxiety about beginning, perhaps weighing in the comfort of your own home and being held accountable at 3FC (some really great accountability threads on here) would be a good start. Best of luck! :D

bt2155
04-03-2012, 05:14 PM
Currently, I'm in Weight Watchers and Love it! I can understand how frustrating it is to weigh yourself every week, especially when someone else gets to see the number, however the people at the meetings I've meet have been as far away as possible from judgemental! I can't say that I understand how you feel with the weigh ins as it sounds like you had quite the tramatic experience, however I think the best thing for you to do is to stick with it and overcome the fear of the scale surrounded by people who applaud the fact that you've put in the effort for yourself and are making changes!

I agree that everytime I lose only a pound, I am upset that I didn't lose more, but that gives me motivation to try harder the next week. For me, I keep just trying to take things week by week. I set small goals and use them to motivate me each week as I keep tugging through! The main thing I can say to you is something I'm sure you've heard a million times, but its sooo true: Every pound you lose is one pound closer to your goal! Another one I love is: It took more than a day to put it on, give yourself time to take it off!

All and all, I say do what you're comfortable with and then push yourself outside of your limits! Keep tugging along and you'll get there! We all believe in ya!

I'm hoping this link works, however if not... Look up a pound of fat... It's a lot! Be proud of what you're doing!

http://www.tumblr.com/reblog/19997217555/NxyItpyv?redirect_to=%2Ftagged%2Fpound%3Fbefore%3D 1332882462

gloo
04-04-2012, 02:47 PM
First of all, and for the eleventy millionth time -- kaplods, please marry me. You are this voice of reason and calm and rational when I didn't even realize I needed to hear it. You always, always have something awesome to say. Thank you, once again, for your wisdom.

Resipoo, lots of great stuff in this thread. I agree that you have to make the decision for you -- it's a very personal thing, so whatever you decide is your own truth. There's no right or wrong there.

At my heaviest, I had 158 lbs to lose. I couldn't even conceive of that in my brain. I had to lose a grown person, a full sized adult (or at least the equivalent of a Ryan Seacrest). Just...no. Too much, too big, too overwhelming. So I set tiny goals -- first was to just take off that first pount. Take off one pound, I'm on a downward trajectory where I want to be headed. Then two. Second goal wasn't anything insane...it was to get under 300 lbs (I started at 308). I didn't care how long it took, I didn't look at the gargantuan task ahead of me. 9lbs. That's all.

After that I started with random increments. 3 lbs to some crazy arbitrary milestone I made up in my head. 8 lbs to where I was when I quit smoking. Whatever. But it saved me from this Mt. Everest of scariness, and it made me much more calm and focused.

As for WW or counting calories -- again, that's really your call. I lost my first 40 lbs with a combination of both, my next 10 counting calories, and now I'm back on WW for the simplicity of their tracking system. I'm crazy busy, and it just works for me timewise. I'm not going to meetings because...well, I blogged about why I don't go to meetings but let's just say they're not for me. So it's logging online and the gym. It's slow. But it's consistent. I've had breaks and plateaus, but slow and constant has helped me take off 60 lbs which I've kept off for over a year so far. So don't let the numbers freak you out. It's a marathon, not a sprint and all the rest of those cliches.

Try not to let the scale scare you. It is what it is, and it can only get better. Deep breaths, focus, and try to have fun with it. I know that sounds impossible, but when you loosen the reigns a little you'd be surprised how much fun this can be.

Good luck to you! :)

Resipoo
04-04-2012, 03:14 PM
Thank you all for these thoughtful responses. I cannot look at the number at this time. My reaction to it is abnormal and unreasonable, but it's still my reaction. I am going through a divorce and taking care of a 2 year old on my own. She doesn't need a mommy that's depressed because she sees a number. I feel ashamed by how much power that number has over me. It's really my mother's power but that's another topic altogether.

The truth is I have been lying to others (not you all--I'm honest here) and myself about my weight loss goals. I keep saying that slow and steady is the way to go. I keep saying that I want to be healthy. I keep saying I didn't gain weight over night so I won't lose it over night.

But, that's not the truth. I want to lose 5 pounds per week. I want to be down 50 pounds by June. I'd like to be down 80 by August. My friend has a big party in August and I'd like to be noticebly thinner (rather than fatter like I was last August). I'd like to get back into my old work clothes (which were by no means small) ASAP. This is my truth.

And that's why 1.5 pounds down sent me into a mini-depression. It's because I have unrealistic goals now and I always have. I hate looking like this. I hate feeling like this. I want it to change now.

I really, really appreciate the honest and heatfelt words expressed on this thread. I keep re-reading them. I'm trying to LIVE them instead of this make believe situation I've created in my head. I weigh in this Friday. I will do my very best to accept whatever the result is (even though I keep hoping it will be 5 pounds down).

Resipoo
04-04-2012, 11:19 PM
Another question, should I weigh in on Friday if I feel bloated (PMS)? I've eaten very well this week, but still feel my normal bloat.

puneri
04-04-2012, 11:53 PM
Kaplods,
You are so good, you made my day. Last 6 months I have lost around 4 lbs. I feel frustrated, but you have given me new look. I will achieve my goal weight after say 3 years, but if I give up now, I will never achieve my goal.
I have recently started calorie counting.
yOu are my INSPIRATION.

KittyKatFan
04-05-2012, 12:41 AM
I am in the minority here but if you don't want to know your starting number, then don't worry about it. You can still do well.

When I started on July 18, 2011, I did not get on the scale. Before one thing, I was worried I was so heavy that I would break the scale. On my tracker, I use the starting weight from when I was hospitalized in November 2010. I know I weighed at least as much in July 2011 as I did in November '11.

I have sabotaged my efforts in the past largely because of the scale. If I didn't lose as much as I thought I would in a week or month (sometimes I weighed weekly, sometimes monthly), I would get depressed and give up. So now, I don't let that scale number control me, and I feel much better. I feel focused on my health and how I feel rather than a number.

The first time - and only time so far - that I have weighed myself was on March 2 for my company's health assessment. I was down 86 pounds. Unless I go to the doctor for some reason, I do not plan to weigh myself until I reach my one year anniversary, less than 15 weeks from now.

Do I sometimes wonder what my weight is? Sure. But I also feel totally free from the scale and my "number." I totally understand the people who weigh in regularly and I am not saying that my way is right. I am just saying it works for me.

Good luck on your weight loss journey. You can do it. It will take incredible patience, and you will have frustrating days when you want to give up. On those days, turn to this board and you will get through it.