40-Somethings - I'm a 20-something, looking for some wisdom..
03-30-2012, 11:09 PM
I wasn't sure where to post this..but to start off, I'm a mid 20's girl!
I've been going through a hard time of finding out who I am, dealing with ups and downs in relationships, feeling lonely, and personal struggles of accepting myself and my body and not to worry so much about trying to be perfect!
I was just wondering, for those older than me..is there any advice or words you'd share with a 20something year old about this phase in life? Anything you would tell YOURSELF looking back on it?
Thanks everyone :)
03-31-2012, 05:59 AM
Sigh...what would I tell myself? I'd have made much wiser choices when it comes to men. I would have allowed myself to just be happy on my own instead of rushing in to relationships and looking for someone else to make me feel happy. (I have two failed marriages behind me.)
Now I am a 40+ mum of two great boys. I am so much stronger and so much more content with my own company. I enjoy my job, have renovated my current home (still a work in progress but most of the indoors is done) and redecorated two prior to this one. I have learnt to do things that often we would sit back and just wait for a man to take care of and it makes you feel GOOD! LOL! I also have a hobby that I am passionate about. I have great friends (not many but the ones I have are brilliant) and a very close family.
I had a romantic idea about men when I was younger which sadly is gone now. Perhaps I was just unlucky. But I am not going to allow myself to be walked all over now. I like my peaceful life ; )
Food wise - I am way lighter and way more settled with food. I am not perfect but my habits now are a million miles better than they were in my 20s.
I eat things now I wouldn't have looked twice at back then and enjoy trying to incorporate healthy tasty meals.
As for your comment about perfectionism...if that's a trait you have you will probably always battle it in various aspects of your life. Its good that you are aware of it.
Its great that you felt you could post here and I hope lots more ladies will comment for you and that it will help. I surely wish I had had some mentors when I was younger!
03-31-2012, 06:18 AM
Ahhhhh where to start. :) As a 20-something I was racked by insecurities, trying too hard to be all things to all people, struggled with relationships and over-analysed everything...
As a 40-something I look back and shake my head at my 20 year old self. I had SO much going for me - a lifetime ahead of me, opportunities, slim, no ties or responsibilities and yet I never relaxed enough to really appreciate it all. These days I'm much more confident in who I am (despite having long lost that fab figure lol) - I take time to enjoy little things, I don't over-analyse stuff and I couldn't give a hoot whether people like me or not. We don't click with everyone in life and I no longer stress over that and think it's a fault in me. I've stopped trying to be all things to all people as it just isn't possible and will only cause you unnecessary stress. Accepting yourself seemed to come with accepting this for me.
I no longer look for some ideal in relationships - I take things as they come and go in with the attitude of "what will be, will be". Like Lee, I won't be walked over anymore - treat me badly and you're history. I don't need a man - I'm perfectly happy with my own company and enjoy my home and my fantastic friends.
I would say be yourself - don't be scared of going for things you want just because others say you can't. Don't worry about what others think as it's your life. Don't do things you really don't want to because you think it will please others or make them like you better. At the end of the day, you want to look back with fond memories at the things you did with your life, not regret the things you didn't because you held back.
03-31-2012, 01:59 PM
Thanks SO much guys. A Lot of the things you hit on is what i'm struggling with - trying to please everyone else, not putting myself first, feeling lonely and therefore jumping into relationships etc.
Thank you so much for the insight, I really appreciate it.
I feel like I'm over analyzing and stressing over the STUPIDEST things right now,whereas I should be feeling on top of the world..because I know that years from now, I will laugh at myself at what I'm worried about. hmm.
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