General chatter - A date!




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MiZTaCCen
03-29-2012, 03:50 PM
Kind of, it's more of a coffee meet with a guy that I've been texting for months now. I'm not really nervous but the problem is I'm socially awkward and very shy and guarded. I have no clue what kind of questions I should ask. Other than the simple basics...anyone have questions they like to ask when they're on a date or meeting someone for the first time? Not to mention when it get's turned around on me...My life sucks, I'm boring, never travelled other than across the country. My job is lame, sometimes I feel like I've accomplished nothing in life or that's worth talking about....


baker23
03-29-2012, 04:00 PM
I'm the exact same way. It takes me awhile to become comfortable enough with the opposite sex to have a real conversation. Maybe why all my past boyfriends and I were friends first xD....Anyways...when I'm out on dates, after the initial hey how are you conversation I do something really quirky...I have them hold out their hands, palm side down, while I place mine under theirs but not touching and I start with asking basic questions and things I'm curious about (while throwing in a playful slap once in awhile with that hand game) slowly it turns from questions to a conversation without even trying.

Sorry I can't answer your direct question, thats just something that helps me and maybe it can help you...Good luck and have fun on the coffee date =D

nationalparker
03-29-2012, 04:53 PM
What's the best vacation he ever had? You find out insight to someone - what they really like, etc. ... top three movies ... you'll be invited to share yours, etc. ... education/training/money not an object, what is the coolest job they can think of - or what really interests them if they could do it other than what they're doing now, etc.

Instead of thinking about what to talk about, though, just relax, enjoy yourself, and let the conversation flow. Sometimes just being "armed" with topics ensures you're more relaxed, though, and you won't even need them. Have fun!


Sinoia
03-30-2012, 01:08 AM
You have been texting him for months, just continue that face to face. You are meeting up because you made a connection so be comfortable with that.

Be honest. Talk to him as you have talked to us here and let him lead the conversation after that. I have no doubt he is as nervous as you so you can share that and move on from there.

Just be yourself =) Let him be himself. If you guys made it this far texting you are already one step ahead

astrophe
03-30-2012, 01:25 AM
I agree -- if you've been texting all this time, just relax. He can ask you whatever. You just answer honestly.

What do you want to know more about HIM is the question. And where do you want this rship to go? What are YOU looking for?

I always asked about previous relationships as a litmus. If the ex was TOO evil, that's a red flag to me. Bad ex's happen, but c'mon. Bride of frankenstein? ALL of them? I'd wonder what about the rship went sour that he isn't wanting to own and wants to fob off on the person who isn't there to tell their side.

If the most recent ex is TOO much on their mind still, that's a red flag too. Like they are not totally over them yet and maybe not ready to be dating still.

About their family culture -- how their parents met, how many siblings, customs, religions etc.

How do they like to be treated, handle conflict, etc. I like getting a sense of what people skills this person has.

Because honestly? I'm not up for ego stroking, petty jealousies, and egg shell walking. And for me?

I'm also not up for mixed marriage culture clash crazy. I'm in a mixed marriage, my parents were in a mixed marriage, and it works fine if both sides are cool with that. But it's H***L if both sides aren't cool with it and it can cause such deep rifts. Ugh.

I'd want to know things like that before getting in too deep with the person.

A.

Goody3shoes
03-30-2012, 02:14 AM
You've been texting for months sweety, so obviously he likes you. You've already had conversations, just relax and continue talking like you have been. Good luck and have fun. Be yourself and enjoy yourself<3 GOOD LUCK!!!!

MiZTaCCen
03-30-2012, 09:54 AM
You guys are right, we've been texting for months so now were just meeting up so no biggie! I love the questions you guys have given me to ask as well. I tend to forget about the simple things, like brothers, sisters, family, (never forget to ask about the ex's) haha.

I'll keep you guys posted if it goes from coffee to a date another day!

wanttobeinvienna
03-30-2012, 04:10 PM
Most of all HAVE FUN!! Dont put too much pressure on yourself :)

Although friends and family would describe me as a social butterfly, I am actually extremely socially awkward and VERY uncomfortable on first one on ones. But, I have found the easiest way to break the ice- be HONEST! I usually will say, yeah, I'm a little nervous here. You will probably be surprised to here them say they are too!

Enjoy!

MiZTaCCen
03-31-2012, 04:44 PM
It went really well! He told me after the date he wanted to see me again, he's also been text me...so who knows lets see what the future holds! woot!
Thanks for all your advice guys! It really went smooth and with the flow I didn't even have to sit there and think what to say next, it was just comfortable for the both of us!

JudgeDread
03-31-2012, 04:55 PM
It went really well! He told me after the date he wanted to see me again, he's also been text me...so who knows lets see what the future holds! woot!
Thanks for all your advice guys! It really went smooth and with the flow I didn't even have to sit there and think what to say next, it was just comfortable for the both of us!

:carrot::carrot:

Nicely done!

luton town
03-31-2012, 05:00 PM
It went really well! He told me after the date he wanted to see me again, he's also been text me...so who knows lets see what the future holds! woot!
Thanks for all your advice guys! It really went smooth and with the flow I didn't even have to sit there and think what to say next, it was just comfortable for the both of us!

Hi saw this post the other night but thought it best not to advise being a man lol ......so forgive me asking but would to love to know what you did talk about? Glad it went well ...just being nosey x
Ian

MiZTaCCen
03-31-2012, 05:35 PM
Thanks! and Luton
we talked about family, ex's his acting career, his master's in criminal psychology. We also talked about what I do which is nothing exciting, video games, (cause I'm a gamer) and I was telling him about my days when I would play resident evil 1, 2 and 3 I'd scream because something would randomly jump out at me lol. Childhood I guess pretty much all the basics! lol

Goody3shoes
04-02-2012, 09:43 AM
Congrats! I'm so happy for you! I hope things work out, but even if they don't, this is a great learning experience for you, next time, if there is a next time, you don't have to worry about so much because you've been there done that and you did AMAZING!<3 :carrot: I'm so excited for you!!! :hug:

MiZTaCCen
04-02-2012, 10:25 AM
Congrats! I'm so happy for you! I hope things work out, but even if they don't, this is a great learning experience for you, next time, if there is a next time, you don't have to worry about so much because you've been there done that and you did AMAZING!<3 :carrot: I'm so excited for you!!! :hug:

Thank you! :hug:

We have a second date this weekend sometime. It's easter weekend so we're not sure which day yet because he'll have family in town. We're going to do dinner which will be nice. :^:

Goody3shoes
04-02-2012, 10:48 AM
I'm so super excited for you! I haven't been on a first date in 2 1/2 years so I hope you don't mind me living a little vicariously through you! :woohoo:Dinner will be amazing:cofdate:and he's making time for you on what is usually exclusively a family holiday weekend so it's a good sign! :yay: Keep me posted! :gossip: And have a great time!!!!!!!!!!! :carrot:

MiZTaCCen
04-02-2012, 10:51 AM
I'm so super excited for you! I haven't been on a first date in 2 1/2 years so I hope you don't mind me living a little vicariously through you! :woohoo:Dinner will be amazing:cofdate:and he's making time for you on what is usually exclusively a family holiday weekend so it's a good sign! :yay: Keep me posted! :gossip: And have a great time!!!!!!!!!!! :carrot:

Oh no thats fine! I live vicariously through you guys who have been in relationships for years and are married. So it's only fair to live vicariously through the single girl haha.

I know! I love it, not that I was expecting him to make time for me during a holiday weekend but hey I'm taking it as a huge positive sign...now for me not to screw it up haha. :hug:

Goody3shoes
04-02-2012, 11:03 AM
Lol It is a way positive sign. And don't worry about screwing it up because that'll just put extra stress on the whole thing:headache:. It's only a second date so everything is still super light hearted. Have fun and don't worry, he obviously likes you:love: and want's to spend time with you, so go with the flow:dance:.
Ps:If you couldn't tell, I'm having way too good a time with these smilies :twirly:

MiZTaCCen
04-02-2012, 11:11 AM
I love :)

They make everything colourful and so much more fun! :jig::joker::cloud9:

hehe I agree I'm trying to stay out of my head! Which is working really well actually! I'm re-reading why men love *****es book which is really good and makes a lot of sense! :p

Goody3shoes
04-02-2012, 11:25 AM
:) are awesome! lol It's like adding intonation to messages in text form :dizzy:

That's awesome. I want to read that :book2: lol I've been on all of like 3 dates in my life, which I guess its what happens when you start dating at 18:o (dating only broke boys your own age-One guy actually had his mother pay for our fast food:mcd:! ) and then start dating the guy your gonna marry six months after being allowed to start dating. :cloud9: I love my fiance, but sometimes I wonder what it's like to be young and single!

MiZTaCCen
04-02-2012, 12:00 PM
:) are awesome! lol It's like adding intonation to messages in text form :dizzy:

That's awesome. I want to read that :book2: lol I've been on all of like 3 dates in my life, which I guess its what happens when you start dating at 18:o (dating only broke boys your own age-One guy actually had his mother pay for our fast food:mcd:! ) and then start dating the guy your gonna marry six months after being allowed to start dating. :cloud9: I love my fiance, but sometimes I wonder what it's like to be young and single!

I actually can't stand guys my age. This guy is older than me in his mid 30's but without the bagagged of an ex wife, and no children. Guys my age are dumb and I can't be bothered to date them. (maybe that's why I'm having such a hard time finding someone LOL. or the ones I do like around my age are married...wth! haha) I've only had 4 real boyfriends in my life and countless of dates and boy toys. LOL :p

Being single is fun at time there isn't anyone else to worry about...but I often wonder what it's like to have a good solid relationship. None of my relationships have ever been good or solid! haha:badbat:

Oh you should definately read that book! I also have why men marry *****es just as witty as this one! :cheer2:

Goody3shoes
04-02-2012, 01:30 PM
Well, the guys I dated were around my age. lol I was 17/18 and dating boys that were 19/20. My fiance is 23, two years and 4 days older than me. Most of my boyfriends were about that age actually. :dunno: And all for some reason had birthdays in October. Just an odd fact lol :dizzy:
Mid 30's is a great age to go for, settled and stable, not so up in the air like younger guys:joker:. (Plus, men whose looks are more mature can be sexy! :bravo:)

I have had tons of minions, ever since I was a little girl. It get's me in trouble though because they fall hard and usually I'm taken. :hat:I've never been single for more than 3 days since I started dating because there tends to be a line.:grouphug: Though none of them ever lasted very long. (they never took me on actual dates-it was ridiculous!). I still have a few minions who take me out or buy me things or just follow me around when I'm bored.:jig: It's fun. All the perks of having like a dozen boyfriends, with none of the responsibility! :genie: (don't get me wrong, they're just friends, know that I'm in a relationship and that they have no shot, but I figure, if they want to try even though they know they don't have a chance, what's the harm? I'm only as friendly as I would be with everyone else, they just...are doting!)

It's kinda nice to be settled though.:hug: To know that I'm going to have one man in my life for the rest of forever, who is supposed to love and take care of me and is going to swear to that in front of you know, family friends and God. Lol :woohoo:

wanttobeinvienna
04-02-2012, 01:54 PM
Whoop Whoop :)

Awesome!