Body Image and Issues after Weight Loss - Envy from other women




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meditateinmydirectio
03-29-2012, 12:12 PM
I have lost a lot of weight and I'm lookin pretty great if I do think so myself. I posted some pics at my new weight on facebook. Nothing super risque, just a pic of my face (making a regular face, I think, smiling) and a pic of my body - the one in my avatar. I'm wearing clothes and everything.

Anyways, my aunt was talking to my mom and my mom sent me an email saying "I think your facebook photo is too sexy"

My mom doesn't even go on facebook, she doesn't even have a profile... I think my aunt saw my photos and was jealous, and said to my mom they were too sexy. My aunt is very overweight and I think she was envious that I lost weight.

It's very frustrating to see that from other women who I think "should" be supportive, especially from family members.

I don't think I was doing anything wrong, and I'm finally getting into a "normal" weight zone, a "healthy" weight... finally not obese, finally not overweight, just NORMAL. which means so much.

so it's really awful to be critisized for being too SEXY. i'm not even in a bikini or anything.

it's like, too fat, too fat, too fat my whole life and then one week of being a normal, just NORMAL not even thin and suddenly i'm too sexy?? what the heck? can't my body ever be ok without other people judging it?

:carrot:

I don't want these judgemental attitudes and lack of support to stop me from my weight loss journey though!! I don't care if people are jealous or don't support me or envious. I am going to stay strong and be healthy anyways.

I think it is hard for my aunt because we come from a family that has very judgemental attitudes about weight and she and i were always the "heavy ones" and now that I am losing weight maybe she feels like she stands out more or there is more pressure on her so she wants to critisize me and make me feel bad for losing weight. but i'm not going to listen! I'm going to feel good about myself for losing weight and being healthy and i'm going to love my body the way it is and not feel bad about it!!

I love myself!

:)


meditateinmydirectio
03-29-2012, 12:14 PM
in the salsa community which i am a part of, i see women posting pics on facebook of them in short dresses, high heels, boobs out etc etc...

mine wasn't that bad...

InControl2Day
03-29-2012, 12:24 PM
Even if it was too sexy, it's your facebook and you can do whatever you want to it.

Congratulations on your successes :). Since getting smaller, I've been posting FB pictures frequently and albums full of my travels and adventures. I could care less if someone things what I post on MY profile is obnoxious. They are more than welcome to unfriend me.


AlyN
03-29-2012, 12:28 PM
I think I would just let the comment slide. I have an aunt who gets offended if I post anything that could ever be deemed as controversy, "sexy pictures" included. Whenever she says anything to me about it, I just remind her I am an adult and it always makes things worse. But on that note, you look great! It doesn't matter if other people think you are "too sexy". You deserve to show off your body. So show it off!

GirlyGirl
03-29-2012, 12:29 PM
Girl, please, screw everyone else. You look amazing, and you have every right to post a picture that you like of yourself. I don't find it too sexy! Instead of being jealous, they should take inspiration from you and follow your lead!

k8yk
03-29-2012, 01:49 PM
Doesn't every parent think their child is too sexy once she is an adult with her own sexuality? Eh, moms :) I wouldn't take it too seriously.

astrophe
03-29-2012, 01:56 PM
It's your FB. Do as you please.

When you post things "public" you do it with the knowledge that some people will comment though. Usually the family and friends you have as FB friends.

And with families -- we get what we get. It isn't like we get to CHOOSE our relatives. ;)

You have the right attitude about loving yourself! Don't worry about the fussing aunt. Can't un-aunt her, but FB? Can unfriend her if she keeps pestering on what she sees on your FB.

GL!
A.

threenorns
03-29-2012, 02:04 PM
yep - family can be the WORST for that kind of thing.


i'm not kidding: if i haven't seen my mom in six months, the first words out of her mouth on greeting will be "oh.... you've gotten fat again - what happened!??" or "oh, you've lost weight!"

my reply is usually "nice to see you, too, mom."

and she'll come back with "well, yes, that, too"

the biggest problem is that in society (in general) and in families in particular, we all have roles. it is VERY VERY difficult to change - family members don't like that.

f.ex, in my family, i was the "black sheep". if anything went wrong, pretty much i was at the bottom of it. if police were involved, you could put money on me stirring up the mix. when i was in my late teens, i discovered the proper name for my role was "the whistle blower" - when you have an apparently perfect family with one child who is off-the-hook insane, it's a cinch that that family is severely dysfunctional (which mine is).

i ran away from home, made my own life, not doing too badly - but guess what?

yep - i'm still "insane", i still get comments like "oh, well, what do you expect?" and so on. i started a business, ran it for a year, it wasn't producing the pay-off i needed, so i folded it.

"oh, of course - you never finish anything you start."
"annnnd another one bites the dust"
"*scoff* well, nobody expects YOU to stick with anything"

i spent 3yrs doing the groundwork for that business.
i paid off all the loans i needed to get the equipment.
i worked an average of 60hrs a week, 6-7 days a week.

after a year - to the day - i crunched numbers and realized i was barely making a living and the money i was making was not worth the family time i was sacrificing (my daughter has special needs). so i stopped the business and took a part-time job back at the book shop.

even though i did follow through, paid back loans, got off welfare, and made money on top, i'm still a slacker, flighty, can't-stick-to-anything, and so on.

i've lost 15lbs since the beginning of the month - do i hear "congratulations"? no - i get "just wait - it'll all come back".

so you know what?

screw 'em all.

make your OWN family - make a REAL family by surrounding yourself with people that uplift you, support you, and make you feel confidant and capable and everybody else can go suck sour grapes.

Italiannie
03-29-2012, 02:20 PM
Dear meditateinmydirection - Sweetie, I've been reading your posts and you are angry at everyone. Men, women, family members, store clerks, the general public. Just sayin.

Life's too short to be this negative.

Enjoy the new you!

fitmom
03-30-2012, 03:52 PM
My MIL called me a "skinny anorexic b*tch" behind my back the other day to my hubby. My current avatar photo was taken less than a week ago, do I look skinny or anorexic? Nope. My sister (who I vented to) said she's just a jealous old lady who can't stand the fact that now I love the way I look when she's so unhappy. I don't flaunt myself or anything like that but I think I look pretty darn good for being a 40 yo mom with two kids, lol.

I agree, life's too short to be surrounded with negativity. Enjoy your success, you've earned it! :)

lyv33
03-31-2012, 09:31 AM
Tell them that the photo is sexy and everyone loves it.

lyv33
03-31-2012, 09:35 AM
My MIL called me a "skinny anorexic b*tch" behind my back the other day to my hubby. My current avatar photo was taken less than a week ago, do I look skinny or anorexic? Nope. My sister (who I vented to) said she's just a jealous old lady who can't stand the fact that now I love the way I look when she's so unhappy. I don't flaunt myself or anything like that but I think I look pretty darn good for being a 40 yo mom with two kids, lol.

I agree, life's too short to be surrounded with negativity. Enjoy your success, you've earned it! :)

You look great and feel great about yourself, you should flaunt it. You deserve it, you worked really hard for it. I say show it off.

lyv33
03-31-2012, 09:36 AM
Girl, please, screw everyone else. You look amazing, and you have every right to post a picture that you like of yourself. I don't find it too sexy! Instead of being jealous, they should take inspiration from you and follow your lead!

I love your avatar!!!!!

ManicMinx
04-04-2012, 02:33 PM
I say you post a REAL sexy picture next time to give her something to talk about LOL I know where you're coming from though. I had a friend who stopped wanting to hang out with me when I began to lose weight. One time I posted on facebook that I was so happy because I had lost 50lbs and she contacted me right away and we hung out a day or two later. She kept asking me questions about how I did it and stuff like that, and she told me that she had lost a lot of weight too and that people were telling her that they didn't recognize her but to be honest and not to be mean, I didn't notice a difference in her appearance. After that night she never called to hang out again. I think she just wanted to see it for herself that I wasn't lying. I'm glad that you're not letting your aunt's attitude affect you. For a while I kind of felt bad for losing weight because I didn't want to make my bigger friends or family feel bad, but sometimes it's good to take charge so that they can follow your lead. And if they don't, don't feel guilty because losing weight is a huge challenge! Congrats!

P.S. I gained a few pounds back, as you can see in my signature but I'm still fighting and getting wiser and stronger! :D

Resipoo
04-04-2012, 02:51 PM
Honey, I say ENJOY your bod. Ignore the haters (even the haters in your family). The sad thing about weight loss is it's often temporary. So enjoy every moment of it. And keep working whatever program you used to get into the normal range (a dream come true), so you can stay in that range. Believe me, if you gain the weight back, the haters will have something to say about that too. Just enjoy every single moment of this.

Tanna Banana
04-07-2012, 12:17 AM
Family members can be so silly. Be like a duck... let it roll off. =)

fyreflie24
04-12-2012, 04:25 PM
Oh girl...I so hear you.

And with family... yea that's rough! I'm lucky, my actual family has been really supportive but my husband's family and my SILs are going to be rough because there's president.

There's a woman in my neighborhood; we're friendly as couples who told my husband that I was 'setting myself up for failure' when I started this journey. SEVENTY pounds later she told me 'well you're healthy now, you can stop'... well I'm not at a healthy weight and here's the kicker... she's a doctor! She made another comment to my husband about a week ago that I was clearly confident that I was sexier (um... wtf?). My husband was like 'um, she's just being herself'. She's always known me heavy and I really think had some investment in be remaining as such or not being smaller.

It kills me when women try these games on each other instead of creating a supportive community!

That said, the evil side of me feels like, you know what? If it's going to make you crazy then that's your deal... enjoy your craziness because it's not touching me in the least.

Best... it's so rough and so unfair but you have the right attitude. We choose what we buy into and invest in. Don't invest.

kaplods
04-12-2012, 04:52 PM
This sounds like normal female chatter to me, not necessarily envy or jealously.

At all weights, I have received (and sometimes even participated in) this kind of feedback/conversation/gossip about photographs (of myself and others).

"Too much cleavage," "not a flattering color/outfit," "too much makeup"...


It's not always polite or politically correct, but I don't think it's necessarily rooted in "envy" taking either. It's just normal chatter/gossip/social feedback conversations.

It's not unusual for women of an older generation to see the younger generation of women in modern fashions as "too sexy." Odds are their mothers and aunts thought they dressed too sexy too.

And it's not just generational, different folks have different standards regarding what is and isn't "too sexy" for a photo (especially on a public forum like face book).

I don't envy you and I might or might not think your photos are "too sexy." We might just have different opinions about what is and isn't appropriate for a facebook photo and where to draw the "too sexy" line. If you were a relative or close friend, I probably would feel comfortable sharing my opinion, but it would just be my opinion. Envy or jealousy probably wouldn't have anything to do with it.


I think "jealousy" isn't nearly as common as assumed. Most people (even those close to us) have mixed emotions and sometimes jealousy is wrapped up with more positive emotions (so people can be jealous and happy for us at the same time). But overall I think most people don't think about us nearly as much as we tend to think. They're too wrapped up in their own issues.

Rather than trying to analyze the possible motives (which may or may not be accurate), I think it works best to assume the best and just move on.

It doesn't matter why or that your mother (and/or aunt) consider your photo "too sexy." That's an opinion they're free to have and free to share. You don't have to care one way or the other, and you don't have to guess or assume their motives are negative (you don't have to make any guesses aas to their motives at all).

If you saw your mother, daughter or niece had a photo on facebook that you thought was "too sexy" would you say something? If you did, would you expect the person to attribute your opinion to "jealousy" (and would they be right?)


I think it's just normal family conversation. Not perfectly polite or p.c., but pretty normal. Especially coming from an older generation.

k8325
05-03-2012, 09:44 AM
This happened to me too! Last year I decided to lose weight and miracle of miracles, I did! During the summer of last year, I had lost a significant amount of weight-40lbs! It was all anyone in my family could talk about. this did two things: 1)made me very uncomfortable because it was like I no longer valued for myself but only my weight loss and 2) pissed my aunt and preggo cousin right off. There started to be sly conversations when I was around and I would hear bits of phrases like "that will be you next year" My aunt would suddenly not look at me and I could tell she was angry. I curbed visiting her because it seemed like she wasn't happy and then she would call and ask why I wan;t coming around and invited me to come over. When I did the **** totally hit the fan! She accused me of using her house like a hotel, making messes and never doing anything for her, which was patently untrue. I always brought supplies for the house, picked up little things she needed, cleaned up after my nieces and nephews bought food and cooked for teh entire extended family...none of my other cousins did those things...not even her own kids! In the midst of it, she turned to another aunt and thanked her for folding the hanging laundry and getting it out of the rain. I had done that. She kept searching for excuses to be angry with me. I know this is because of my weight loss. it really bothered her that I was getting so much positive attention. I was definitely busting out of the quiet fat cousin corner she had placed me. All of a sudden, not only was I smarter and more helpful than her own daughter...I was also prettier and it was NOT ok. As a result, I am not allowed at family gatherings without her express invitation, even though everybody else has an open invitation. I know it's because I dared to lose weight. So, yes to all of those who are passing this off as just normal gossip or womanly doings, it can and does happen and it can be very hurtful. I have never NOT supported any of my family members in their efforts for anything, and they turned their backs on me as soon as I stopped being the fat cousin. Who needs enemies when you have family like that?
And yes, I do feel bitter about it all. :)

caramelkitty
08-06-2012, 11:51 AM
Haters only hate because they can't be you.

Don't let it get to you, 1) its YOUR facebook.
2) You worked freaking hard so enjoy your new body!

Sometimes when we are unhappy with the way we look, we tend to have a negative outlook on other people's appearance or happiness.

I know when I was obese, I would look at skinny girls and say something mean, or insulting, or say she looks like a whore but now.

When I see someone with a nice body, I look up to them, I admire them.

It's all about how you feel on the inside. That's probably why it's hard for your aunt to see you that way.

Besides, you look hella hot on your avatar!! Work it girl!!

Ps. Since I've lost about 50lb, I've been posting pictures of myself in shorts, skirts, tank tops, I don't care. I worked hard for it and I want everyone to see it!! :)

Enjoy your tiny legs girl! ;)