General chatter - Can anybody identify with me on any level?

03-29-2012, 01:48 AM
I was recently terminated from a job I just despised-I wish I could remove it from my memory-it was a clique there and I cannot even stand to see pics of former coworkers on a particular social network(that I'm sure we all know so well), now have new job and am so much happier in that department at least. Unhappy with my weight(what else?), my lack of social push/drive(due to the weight), and wish I could hibernate for 6 months and just reemerge smaller, braver, and happier in general.
I turned 40 just after this new yr-I'm told regularly that I dont look 40(mostly cause no wrinkles-my grandmom always said it's cause we have such oily skin and we dont wrinkle like others...haha). But feel like a fat old lady-and just cannot look @ my does bring me to tears honestly.
I have become what I never wanted to be ever...that fat mom.
And I have a raging addiction to Pepsi-one 20 oz a day & sometimes 2 20 oz a day-dont drink or smoke so I validate with this guilty pleasure.
I dont dare vent on any other social network because clearly everyone knows each other on THAT one. The infomercials I watch regularly are Zumba, P90X, insanity and Brazilian butt lift videos-what one should I start with???
My back of my head fantasy is to show up @ some party months from now with huge weight dropped and ppl to just flood me with compliments-I feel like it can be in my grasp and would change my bummer disposition. I felt valid when I was thinner-I want that back.....

03-29-2012, 09:34 AM
Wow... I do understand. Question, if you don't like them, why are you still friends with them? And, why do you care what they think? There is a saying that holding a grudge is like drinking a poison and expecting the other person(s) to die from it. While I understand and have been there, I have to say... let it go. If they are not your friends, cut them out and block them from your life. You do not need that negativity. Get healthy and rock your body for you, not as revenge against them. Their validation won't magically make you a happy person, only you liking yourself can do that. I would say every day make a commitment to let them go until you wake up one morning and don't even think about them. Live for yourself and your future. Be who you want to be because it makes you feel good about yourself and not because of what you think someone else thinks.

Good Luck!

03-29-2012, 09:48 AM
Ditto what Fiyah said......

Also, try to not drink the Pepsi at home.....only water. I was a diet soda addict as well. Even though it is doesn't help. I now only drink water at home (no soda of any kind is brought in the house). I will get the occasional diet Dr. Pepper when I am out shopping or what ever. I have even now started only getting water when I am out to dinner. (flushes the high salt content out of the meal)

It is a long process to not only get fit and healthy in the is a very long process to get fit and healthy in the mind. And they go hand in matter how healthy your body is, if your mind isn't healthy then you won't be happy.

03-29-2012, 10:56 AM
I do relate! I lost a job at a very cliquey office about a year ago. When I first started there I thought it was my dream job in a big beautiful office in a wealthy part of town! I had just lost 40lbs and thought this ment I had the confidance I needed. Turns out my lack of confidance was only in part due to being over weight. In fact, in hind sight, my lack of confidance probably plays a role in my struggle with weight!

I also agree with Fiyah! Delete them! By keeping them aroun you are engaging in self defeating habbits! being able to peer into there live at the click of a mouse and allowing them to do the same to you is keeping you from being able to move forward! You should only surround your self with ppl who lift you up! that goes for media outlets as well as personal tangible relationships!

Why are you holding on to them any ways? What else are you holding on to that is self defeating and mentally unhealthy? I had to ask my self these same questions! Like why, if I was unhappy and felt left out, did I keep replaying my time and interactions there? I think it was because I had this unrealistic expectation that every one shoul like me because I am kind hearted and easy going. Also I thought that being good at what I do and exceeding expectations= job security! Wrong! So I got myself stuck looking back trying to find out what I did wrong at work and why I was not accepted in to the clique.There is a big diffrence in healthy reflection and self destructive dwelling.

Lift your head up Girl! Be beautiful on the inside and let that light shine through! The rest will follow. Any one worth having around will notice the change in you and the compliments will pour in! I knw you may not be happy with your outer apperance right now but peachpeg is right! It always has to start with a good attitude and sense of self worth!

Good Luck and God Bless

03-29-2012, 11:20 AM
The joy of that particular social network is the delete button! I think you need to start using it as these so called "friends" aren't that at all. What will you gain by losing them and what would you gain by keeping them? :)

I'm in my 40's and for me the catalyst was the breakdown on a long-term relationship. A couple of weeks ago I went to a party he was at and the sight of his jaw hitting the floor when I walked in made me feel about 10 feet tall! :D

I know how you feel - I've been there. It CAN be turned around, but only you can make the necessary changes. Start by making small changes like substituting water for that Pepsi. Start walking a bit more. Little bits at a time and set small goals. Each little goal met will get you towards that finishing line. Go for it! :)

03-29-2012, 11:24 AM
I can't relate as I am not a mom, but for fitness stuff......DO NOT START WITH INSANITY! I started with P90x...and I am over 60 days in...tried Insanity yesterday and it was a killer! Out of breath the whole time and that is me IN shape, well better shape than 2 months ago.

If you like dancing, Zumba may be your thing...personally I am not a fan as I feel like I look like a ******ed cheerleader....that's just me though. (I am not graceful)

Good luck, take it one step at a time...and what is easier to start with is controlling what you eat by keeping track every day..every bit of food!

Earth Goddess
03-29-2012, 11:35 AM
To be frank, I think your being silly. First of all who cares what anybody else thinks? Your 40 and you sound like your in high school. And as for the "social network" delete anybody you do not want to share information with and set your profile to private. I have about 100 friends on there and they are all family and friends only people I care to know things about me, and if there family or a friend who well only talk about stupid stuff I just unsubscribe from them but stay friends so they can view my stuff and so if I want to contact them I can. Now listen I am sorry Im blunt but I think you need to view yourself in a new light you have reached middle age your a mom and your in your prime (so they say) so for YOURSELF and for your family try to get off your butt and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Now as for the work out programs the P90X works wonders but is not for beginners its really hard. The zumba looks super fun and isnt that hard, Id go with that one. As for me I just walk (soon to be jogging) and at home I do things like push ups, sit ups, jump rope, squats and the like. I wish you the best of luck on your journey. :hug:

03-29-2012, 01:33 PM
I totally relate, on lots of levels. I got laid off a few years back from a job I hated, HATED! I was waaaaay overweight and mid-30's - so I totally get it!

In 2008, at my highest weight ever (I stopped weighing myself at 230, so it may have been higher, just not sure) I got laid off again (I'm in the financial services industry, been hit hard the last few years). The job was okay, not great, not bad, but it was stressful.

Last year, I turned 40 and it all hit me. I decided not to live another decade as a fat person. DH had taken up running about a year & a half prior and he'd lost 40+ lbs - I dropped a few naturally, since he was eating better and we didn't eat out every meal or order pizza 3x a week anymore. I got the Zumba DVDs for Christmas 2010, and started doing them in Jan 2011 and dropped about 10 lb in a month. I then joined WW online to get my eating in order and I dropped another 10 lb in a month. I was getting bored with the DVDs, so I joined the YMCA and I took any & every class that looked interesting - and the weight continued to come off.

I've been maintaining at 160 (give or take 3 lbs) since November, mainly a motivation thing, and I'll be 41 next month.

Here is what I can tell you, honestly, DO IT NOW. I have been amazed at how things are falling apart on my body, above and beyond what was falling apart because of my weight. I can't imagine how I would feel right now, on the cusp of 41, with that extra 73+ lbs still on my body. The confidence I feel has gotten me over the mid-life crisis depression and the weight gone has improved how I physically feel 100x over.

For me, it all stopped being about how I looked in my jeans and became more about my complete lack of self confidence at 40 years old, the fact that my body was, literally, falling apart and that my depression was raging.

Do not trifle with immature people on social networks, or at work. Sounds like you are just lacking the confidence to do that. I've gained a lot of self confidence, and maturity, as I've changed my life over the past year.

Good luck!

03-29-2012, 02:56 PM
Ugh. Yes, I was in a similar circumstance a few years ago. I would never have imagined being fired but it was a relief and now I have a good story to tell (my boss was drunk at the time and wearing flip flops, so...) The people who worked there were like the haves and the have-nots. Us have-nots got along great and were some of the best co-workers I've ever had. But we were not in the main clicque and you could tell a major difference.

I eventually unfriended the few people I liked there who were FB friends. They really weren't a part of my life anymore and honestly, I had such a visceral reaction to the sight of the other coworkers they were friends with, I just couldn't put myself through seeing them whenever I logged on.

I live in a small town so I have the joy of running into the bad people from time to time, but I usually pretend I don't see them. It's funny because I'll be sitting there waiting for my girl to get out of dance and the whole time I'm seeing this horrible two-faced woman I used to work with (whose daughter is in the same class), and she's all stressed and working on her laptop if she actually remembers to take her daughter to dance that week. She even had to miss her daughter's first recital because of work. That might have been fine with her but I came to realize that getting out of that office was such a blessing. My job now pays a little more but there is so much less stress in my life. And I'm not really close with my co-workers but no one here is close, which is much better than feeling like I'm left out. We're all friendly but we keep it professional, which is how it should be. That lady at dance regularly buys my former boss expensive birthday presents (like a Keurig) and named her as the godmother of her son. That's just really really weird to me.

Honestly, they do a lot of bad things in that office and I feel like karma is going to get them. Their unethical practices are going to come back to haunt them.

03-29-2012, 03:12 PM
If it makes you feel any better, being a 42 yr old mom of 4 but not over weight, I feel the same way about getting older. I have aches and pains. My bladder lets out a bit when I sprint sometimes. I am working out like no one else I know and my body just doesn't look like the 20 something I think all this work should make me look.

Ya know what I do? I concentrate on what I can do. I pat myself on the back for what I know I do better than anyone.

Surely, there is something you can name about yourself that you have pride in. Concentrate on that as motivation. And I second the opinion of every previous poster. You're in a rut. The first step is identifying it. You've done that. Now make plans to get better. You've set a long term goal, now simply make short term goals to get there. Don't forget to plan a self-reward after each achievement.

You can do this!! The alternative is continuation of how you are feeling. What better motivation than that?

03-29-2012, 03:21 PM
you're lucky: i was 43 when the osteopath told me if i didn't lose weight, i was looking at an artificial hip before i was 50. at the followup appt with my family doctor, he said i'd be lucky if i got an artificial hip - with my labile hypertension and tendency to diabetes, my other options were a wheelchair, a dialysis machine, a coma, or a coffin.

even after that, it still took 2yrs for me to finally get it together.

don't just jump straight into something like p90x.

zumba is a much better starting point: you go as intense as you want - if you can't keep up, do jumping jacks or march in place or, like one lovely sexagenarian in the class i went to, stick your finger on top of your head and samba around in a circle like a ballerina. nobody cares - they're all too busy laughing and having a good time. there's a wide WIDE mix - teenaged geek boys, scrawny little girls, very VERY not-scrawny ppl, one lady in a chair who could only do upper body, another with a cane whose off-leg was barely functional after a lifetime of living with polio, etc. the instructor doesn't talk at all unless it's explaining a new routine which is good cause we wouldn't hear her over the music and chatter anyway.

another is walking - it sounds silly, but walking really does work: the more you put into it, the more you get out of it. go for a 1hr walk a day and you don't have to be huffing and puffing - all you need is to slightly elevate your heart rate - PLUS you're not in the house eating. dogs are great for committing to that - if i don't walk my dog twice a day without fail, he eats my house.

the worry about jumping into intense exercise right out of the gate is that it's so easy to burn out and give up on the whole deal. it's better to set yourself a plan, with small, easily achievable goals and deadlines.


april 1st - bad habit goal: switch pop for lemon water with stevia (if you need the sweetness)
- diet goal: start logging food intake (dont' change anything, just record what you'er eating, when, why, and how you feel)
- exercise goal: walk 30min every morning
april 21st - bad habit goal: switch double-double coffee for delicious flavoured teas (black - cause flavoured and herbal teas taste wierd with milk - use stevia for sweetness)
- diet goal: review food journal and crunch numbers; determine appropriate caloric average goal (by day or by week); and develop meal schedule
- exercise goal: walk 45min every morning OR 30min in the morning and 30min in the evening

and so on - the reason for the 3wks is bec it takes 21 days of daily effort to establish something as an unconscious habit.

doing it this way, you're effectively reprogramming yourself for a healthy lifestyle instead of doing the really-quick-fix thing.

03-29-2012, 10:45 PM
For me, this is what worked-
Don't think too much about the goal-looking good in a room. The end result happens at the end of your weight loss journey (maintenance being a whole nother stage). It will feel like a long time, and thinking about the end result will only make it seem further away. Don't feel too unhappy about the way you look-you are working to change it and that is what matters. Getting to goal weight might not be what it seems like-maybe you won't get the attention you expect, maybe you will-I'm just saying this because when I first lost weight and saw my family I was crushed by the nitpicking despite the hard work, and part of the stress made me go back to old habits.
Just focus on finding out what diet/exercise will better your health and help you lose a little at a time.
Focus on diet FIRST. That will make a big impact on your weight. Exercise burns cals, but not as much as many think, and it might not make up for the amount you are consuming.
Stay active-don't be a couch potato and just exercise, find little ways to be active-walking around and such.
Then focus on exercise. And any of those are just fine, what you enjoy and stick with is the best. Try them all out, one each day. If its too much for you, try another one.

03-31-2012, 05:40 PM
hmmm @ 40 (I'm a few years older so I can say this) you should really have your $h!t together and not care what a "high school type clique" thinks or says. As for revenge of being thin in front of them as motivation, that'll last about a week. Even if you managed to accomplish it, so what? They'd probably say "oh you look great...wonder when you'll pack it all on again" The fantasy is never as good as the reality -- people are horrible LOL And caring what horrible think is demented in my mind.

Do what you need to do for YOU, being thin(ner) won't make you happy if you're a miserable sod on the inside -- work on YOU, the inside and out, get to the root of all these feelings and petty jealousies and revenge fantasies, they'll eat you alive.

Be happy :D

04-03-2012, 12:09 AM
@ Trazey 34-are you really a clinical psychologist? Wow-abrupt words for a professional, using the word "demented" in regards to me. Again-wow!
@ Earth Goddess-your 26 yrs old? When your 40 and experienced more of life we can chat.
Other than these 2 neg posts-thanks so much for everyone's advice, encouragement and positive vibes. You positive ladies rock!!!

Earth Goddess
04-03-2012, 05:46 AM
I dont feel I said anything wrong, I do hope when I am 40 that I dont revert back to child hood and care what everyone thinks about my appearance, what an awful thought. I was just being honest and I gave some good advice if actually read it with out a fog of "oh this little girl just told me Im acting immature" which you are. The truth hurts sorry, and as I said before I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

P.S. I am not your typical 26 year old.

04-03-2012, 09:24 AM
@ earth goddess-"you get more bees with honey than vinegar"-sound advice. Advice would be taken more readily if it is not cloaked in snarky, abrupt words. Don't make it a habit of calling ppl out on this forum-ppl come here for positive reinforcement not negative energy-it's not facebook or you tube. And I hope in the next 14 yrs you will find more compassion in your words to a stranger-age brings wisdom. Thanks.

04-03-2012, 09:35 AM
I did "house cleaning" what came to my life last december. I cut off all toxic people out of my life. -- I even started a brand new FB.

Results - MUCH happier me; 20 pound weight loss; healthier me because I started spending my time walking instead on toxic relationships and worrying about them; Instead of FB I surf healthy recipes and fitness sites, and biggest; because I am getting healthy inside and out, I am off my blood pressure meds.

Good luck! :hug:

04-03-2012, 09:38 AM
Also watch this youtube about sugar, it really will open your eyes; It is long.

04-03-2012, 09:50 AM
@ Sum 38-thanks! I agree regarding the toxic ppl in your life-did that 15 yrs ago with close family members-sad to say but had to. Life has been very difficult in the past 2-3 yrs, several close family members' deaths, new career-new aweful job experience, in addition to extreme financial difficulties. It can all be overwhelming to a person @ times-so weight piles on and depression sets in. But spring is here-sunshine and happier times are ahead.

04-03-2012, 12:32 PM
I'm 42, and had maybe what you are going through last year. Depressed about being the biggest mom at all the school functions and looking even OLDER than I was because of my size. I'd watch all the moms in their 20's or 30's and feel just so out of place and OLD.

I tried to use that energy into focusing on losing weight... on making that determination that I was not going to be the fat mom anymore - especially when my son starts middle school.

Somehow, someway, use those awful feelings of negativity as strength for you to get healthy. I wish I could push a magic button and tell people how exactly to do that, but I can't. I know it can be done though. Depression CAN fuel change.


04-03-2012, 01:48 PM
I think the ladies were not "mean".....just straight forward with their opinions. I always say, if you don't want the answer, don't ask the question. It is called tough love.

04-03-2012, 05:46 PM
Tough love? What? And I asked can anyone identify with me on any level? If you cant...dont write a rude, "tough love" comment. It was not nice...its not an intervention, I dont know these ppl on that type of personal level. I think THAT point was missed a little here.

04-03-2012, 05:51 PM
And I do appreciate anyone that took the time to write on how they were in my shoes or got what I was saying-this turned into something unpleasant and too far from what I was interested in hearing from other ladies.

04-03-2012, 06:06 PM
All I am saying...people can give one a different perspective. I gave you mine. I did not think anyone was being rude as you implied :( They just made their observations. But I think you were being harsh with them.... they may have not given you opinion you wanted to hear...Not everyone will always give you a pat on your back. If you ask for help on public forum, be prepared for all answers.

I think all and every opinion was very informative and kind.

Arctic Mama
04-03-2012, 06:25 PM
@ Trazey 34-are you really a clinical psychologist? Wow-abrupt words for a professional, using the word "demented" in regards to me. Again-wow!
@ Earth Goddess-your 26 yrs old? When your 40 and experienced more of life we can chat.
Other than these 2 neg posts-thanks so much for everyone's advice, encouragement and positive vibes. You positive ladies rock!!!

Let's not be ageist here, wisdom and good advice can come from all quarters, just as immaturity can extend well into retirement ;)

I think you are giving your ex-coworkers far too much power. Fix yourself and your life, these are malleable factors that you can affect directly with your habits and choices. Then enjoy your health and increase in confidence, never mind what anyone else thinks.

04-03-2012, 09:37 PM
A very big thank you to all who "got" what I was saying on my original post.
Kind words take just as long to type as unkind words. Thanks!

04-04-2012, 12:35 PM
demented to care what peripheral, unimportant people in your life think? Yup. Making huge life changes to show these people up, demented? Yup. Berating a 26 year old for not having maturity, but dismissing a 44 year old because I don't agree with you?? Priceless LOL

Next time be sure to caption your post with "Only respond if you agree with me 100% and offer no dissenting perspective" then you'll always get what you want, yay!

:) Have a nice day.

04-04-2012, 01:01 PM
Please note this isn't directed at anyone but I'm sure people will take offense to it:

I think people are a little too sensitive when it comes to this place sometimes. You gotta take everything with a grain of salt, not everyone need's too sugar coat things because we're all adults here. I sure don't and then again I'm not a very sensitive person either, but thats me. This isn't directed at any particular person I've just been seeing it alot lately because someone gives THEIR opinion on something and the other person takes offense to it. Then theres posts bashing people (without the names) because omg feelings got hurt. Get over it...

Now back to the orginal post I was like that when I started my journey, but after being in therapy and finding more about myself and learning to be happy I just don't see the point in having everyone oo and awe at my weight loss.

The truth is if people don't like you fat, there not going to like you thin either and sure they'll congradulate me on my success and then two seconds later behind my back tell the other chick that'll I'll just gain the weight again. It's fake, a lot of fake people in this world.

I'm doing this for me, and I learned that I can't base my detemination on having other people envy me and be jealous. If they are that's their problem. I'm doing this for myself and myself only. I don't care about the jealous haters and their fake congradulations. I care about the small group of people that ACTUALLY support me and that are ACTUALLY proud of me because their comments mean so much more because they actually mean what they say. That's what's going to make me happy and continue to succeed.

Good luck on your journey, I'm sure in time you will figure it out and eventually those people at your old work place won't mean a thing to you. Not even their opinion. :)

04-04-2012, 03:31 PM
A very big thank you to all who "got" what I was saying on my original post.
Kind words take just as long to type as unkind words. Thanks!

04-04-2012, 03:44 PM
Again..."you get more bees with honey than vinegar"...sometimes its the "tone" and not the "content". Some of the advice was "priceless" and "yay" to all of us who struggle with weight and adversities in our daily lives. Thanks all!!!

04-04-2012, 04:52 PM
Oh dear.

Arctic Mama
04-04-2012, 05:12 PM
Oh dear.

Just walk away, it isn't worth the time to type something witty in response ;)

We're big meanies who don't know what we're talking about, in weight or life.