100 lb. Club - Feeling like giving up




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meltaway
03-28-2012, 01:09 PM
So I weighed myself today. 224 pounds. I've been working my a$$ of for a month. I've been restricting the bad stuff, eating the good stuff, working out everyday, and nothing. I have NOTHING to show for it. I mean what's the point? Why am I working so hard just to see no results?? I am so depressed today, I just want to throw in the towel. I feel like maybe I'm just meant to be fat. :(


NEMom
03-28-2012, 01:14 PM
Sounds like you are having a rough day. We all have them but don't give up.
This post has really kept me going when I have had dark days on this journey. I am not the original writer and sorry I cannot give the correct person credit but I hope it will help you too.

One Year From Now

One thing I can absolutely promise you without a doubt, is that time will pass. 24 hours from now will be tomorrow. 7 days will be a week later. 365 days from now, a year will have past. This part is certain. What isn't certain is what your life will be like then. The next year will pass in its own time the same way the past year has gone by. The question is - what do you want to be doing/feeling one year from now?

You can decide that the amount you have to lose is too daunting and will never happen and give up. That is a choice that you can make. Think about the consequences of that. Your life will be much like it is right now. You will probably be having the same emotional feelings about your weight and your past year will be filled with happy moments and sad ones just like this previous year.

Or, you can decide right now that you want to start today and make one healthy choice after another. Each choice gives your body nutrients it needs to build healthier organ functions and strong muscles. Even before you see results on the scale, you will feel better because your body is functioning better. I can't promise you that you'll be at goal weight or that you will have even lost a lot of weight, but I can promise that if you spend the next year making healthy choices you will feel better than you do today and will be well on your way to getting to goal. You will have learned what works for you and what doesn't and you will have tackled some of the emotional issues that keep us overweight. This journey is about more than losing weight. It's about self-discovery. That isn't something you can "gain back." I can't promise that your year will be void of sadness and nothing but pure elation. It won't be. I would predict that you'll find that when you learn to deal with the ups and downs of life in non-food and self-destructive ways, you will handle them better and your self-esteem will skyrocket.

So, the next year will pass regardless of what choice you make. The question is do you want to look back and thank yourself for starting today and allowing yourself to feel better and be healthier or do you want to look back and wish you had started?

You can do this! Break it into smaller goals, but think of your progress as a long term journey.

bargoo
03-28-2012, 01:31 PM
Are you following a diet plan ? How many calories a day are you eatibg ?


melodymist
03-28-2012, 01:37 PM
Do Not Give Up!!!!!

Unicorn67
03-28-2012, 01:38 PM
Wow NEMom that is a very inspirational post. I'm going to print it and stick it on the fridge!

kaplods
03-28-2012, 02:09 PM
nI didn't lose my first month either. In fact, I didn't lose my first year, or even my second.

It's true I wasn't working my @$$ off, but I was working consistently.

I also want to tell you that you ARE experiencing results, and you DO have something to show for it. The results just aren't meausurable ON THE SCALE yet.

And you know what? That's absolutely normal. Most people who try actually DON'T lose much if any weight. "At least 2 lbs a week" isn't normal, that's bullcrap. No loss is normal. Absolutely no loss.

We're taught to lie about weight loss (or at least keep silent) about slow and nonexistent weight loss. Even though it's what most of us are accomplishing, we're taught to be silent about it, because we're taught that everyone will think that we're lazy, crazy or stupid and not really trying as hard as we think/say we are.

But it's just not true. Slow weight loss and almost no weight loss is absolutely normal, even when you feel like you're working your @$$ off.

It sucks, but it's normal. And it really doesn't even suck unless we make it suck. When we know it's normal, we're more patient with ourselves.

I NEVER lost this long or this consistently and the biggest difference this time is that I NOW KNOW that slow weight loss is absolutely normal, and that no matter how hard I work, I AM NOT IN CONTROL OF THE SCALE or how much weight comes off. I can do absolutely everything "right" and still have a gain. I don't get to control my weight (except with a chainsaw, and I'll pass on that method of weight loss - way too messy).

I learned this lesson by whining to my doctor (in the beginning) when I wasn't even losing 1 lb per month, that "I should be able to lose 2 lbs a week like a normal person," and my doctor told me essentially "where did you hear that crap?" He said "normal isn't losing two pounds a week. Normal is losing nothing, or losing and then regaining it all plus some, or losing nothing and gaining anyway - that's normal. Losing even half a pound a month is EXTRAORDINARY and sticking with any weight loss is EXTRAORDINARY.

It was an epiphany for me. To keep myself motivated, I only had to ask "do I want to be normal (and stay fat) or do I want to be extraordinary (which I can only be by staying on the journey, even when I see absolutely no results).

For me to overcome all the crap and lies that I had internalized over the years, I had to change my focus on weight loss (because frankly, there were times in my life when even the "magical" 2 lbs per week wasn't enough for me. It seemed like poor compensation for the work I was putting in. Even one week under that 2 lbs or even too many weeks at "only" 2 lbs, I would think (because we are taught to) "At this rate, I'll never be thin, and if I'm going to be fat anyway, I might as well get to eat what I want. And if I eat WHAT I want, I might as well eat WHENEVER I want, and maybe even some times when I don't, because eating is what fat people do!"

It's all crap.

You want me to prove it? I can't prove it to you, but I can tell you how to prove it to yourself. Join a TOPS (taking off pounds sensibly) group. Not Weight Watchers, because (despite being a good program), WW is not honest about members' weight loss. They will tell you how many people lost weight on WW, but they won't tell you how long it took them, or how many people gained and how much.

TOPS will. Every TOPS chapter reads off the total gains, total losses, and net gain/loss of the group. To determine the average weight gain/loss you can divide this by the number of members in the group (and even so, this is going to be better than the "average" because research has shown that TOPS results are better than average).

In a TOPS group members also go around the room and share whether they've lost, gained, or turtled (stayed the same). (In our group we share the exact amount, but most groups I've been in just have shared the trend. Actual weights are never shared unless a person volunteers the information (for example when I finally got below 300 lbs, I shared that with the group because I was so excited).

TOPS helped me see that even though I STILL lose less than 2 lbs a month on average, I am still doing better than average.

If I expected more, I would eventually give in too. Constant disapointment is discouraging, even when you DO know that you're EXCEEDING normal. So I had to give myself something to celebrate. I chose to change my goal from weight loss to "not gaining" so that I could celebrate at most weigh-ins. My secondary goal was to try to lose "just one more pound" while I was at the business of not gaining.

I also had to stop working my @$$ off. That pace gets exhausting and exhaustion inevitably leads to giving up. When you feel you can't make a step further, you're going to stop. Eventually you're going to stop.

You also ARE experiencing results, even if they're not on the scale. Those two years I tried but didn't lose, I did GAIN strength, stamina, and health improvements. Just because you can't see the improvements, doesn't mean they haven't occurred.

thistoo
03-28-2012, 03:07 PM
I'm having a really sucky weight loss month myself. It's frustrating and hard, especially when you come here and see lots of people having success.

But I can tell you this: A couple years ago I got all the way down to 150, and then I got stuck. For months I just kept bouncing around the 150s and feeling like a failure because I couldn't break into the 140s. So eventually I did give up, and now here I am, all the way back to 200 and fighting to get back into the 100s.

IT IS NOT WORTH GIVING UP.

Keep at it and eventually you will see results. Maybe not as quickly as you like, and you may have to try a few things before you find what works for you, but if you stick with it I promise you won't regret it. If you give up, I can't say the same. Good luck. Plenty of people here know how you feel, and we are right there with you.

sunshauna
03-28-2012, 04:15 PM
I'm sorry you're discouraged. If your calories are the right amount, then I'm wondering if it's a medical reason. I had 6 to 7 weeks surrounding February that I couldn't lose. I found out at the end of that time that I was very anemic. After my dr put me on iron and I starting eating tons of spinach every day, I lost 9 pounds very quickly. I still don't know if it was coincidence or medically related, but I sort of feel that my body wasn't allowing weight loss because it was already deprived of something it needed....iron. Moral of the story is that you need to find out WHY you're not losing rather than give up. Calories in or out not being the right amount, or medical.....there's got to be a reason. Be persistant in trying different things until you find the reason. Hang in there.

Trazey34
03-28-2012, 05:22 PM
UGH sorry you're discouraged, but you know what??? I bet all of of us have had a few weeks or a month when we ate crappy food and we didn't GAIN much weight either. $h!t happens! Our bodies all work differently, but the law of physics states that if you take in less calories than you need, you will lose weight. No one is "meant" to be fat, no one is prohibited from losing weight. If you keep your head down and barrell thru, tweak you plan so you know you're getting good nutritional bang for you buck and less calories than you need, the scales will move.

The alternative is to do nothing, and be in the same boat next year, or even heavier and more depressed.

it suckss A$$ don't get me wrong, but it just has to be gotten thru, and giving up is not an option missy! LOL

I sound like such a b!tch sorry, but it's what i feel !!!

meltaway
03-28-2012, 05:59 PM
Thanks for all the encouragement. I'm used to losing weight pretty quickly so this is very hard for me. I average 1200-1400 cals a day, and I work out pretty intensely, either Jillian Michaels, HIIT or P90X. I also do IF and I try to stick to mostly a Paleo diet (mostly, I've not perfected it yet) I can feel my endurance building, but I don't look any smaller and I haven't lost any weight. It just really hurts, and I'm also pushing myself to lose some weight before I start grad school in September. And I want to join a masters swim team, but I need to be at a certain fitness level to keep up, so it's all very stressful, and I know I'm pressuring myself, but I feel like if I can't do anything right anytime I see the scale stay on the same number. I'm also re-losing, so there's also that added pressure. All in all, I'm having a pretty rough day. I can't even look at myself in the mirror.

I'm not in the US right now, so WW or TOPS are not options for me. This is basically the only support group I have. :(

SMSDREAMER2007
03-28-2012, 08:13 PM
That might be your problem. If you are working out that intensely, you probably are eating too little. I know it seems counter intuitive but you do have to eat to lose. If your body doesn't have enough to run then it won't lose. Yes you need to eat less to lose but not so much less that your body goes to starvation mode. Also, a lot of people don't lose in the first month because that month confuses their body, it takes time for your body to adjust. Once it does though im sure you will lose. I didnt lose much in the month of jan when I restarted but in feb it started coming off slowly and now in march its flying off. It takes time.

Justwant2Bhealthy
03-28-2012, 09:27 PM
First of all, there is a possibility that something needs tweaking in your plan. I have heard people say that when they first started an intense exercise plan that they started to retain water which stops weight-loss.

Secondly, you are eating low, and if you are exercising too much; your body may refuse to lose. How about starting at 30 minutes a day and working up to 60 minutes a day and see what happens. We don't know how tall you are or how much you weigh, so it is a guesstimate on our part. Some believe that your diet is more important than exercise (which is good for toning & fitness), so overdoing it may not help at all.

Thirdly, other things like TOM, hormones, and too much salt/sodium can halt or stall weightloss as well. Just some things to consider. I agree with NEMOM's shared post; here's a saying that sums that up ...

"One year from now, you'll be glad you started today!"

I also believe that QUITTING IS NOT AN OPTION! Make that one of your daily mantras whenever you get in a funk and are tempted to stop. If you were in a race, you wouldn't stop if you wanted to finish. It doesn't really matter how fast or how long it takes you to get there, all that matters is reaching your goals and crossing that line ... ;)

So keep going; tweak things a bit. You have options. Try less exercise and/or a few more calories to see what helps; try cycling your calories up & down (1400; 1200; 1500; 1300; 1600, and so on) for at least three weeks.

As a reloser, you really do know that you must continue to eat & live healthy if you want to be at a healthy & comfortable weight; to reach your goals, and to fulfill your dreams.

In order to succeed, you need Determination: be decidedly, decided on what you want. You need to be Committed: ever loyal to your dream. You must be Persistent: keep digging, keep fighting, keep going ... and, you have to Persevere: never give up, no matter what!!! :D

Tai
03-28-2012, 10:18 PM
I know that it's easier said than done, but please try not to be discouraged! When I was losing and it was very slow going or I felt like I was stuck, I just considered it good practice for maintenance. I knew if I just stuck to my plan and kept plugging away eventually I would get results.

meltaway
03-29-2012, 12:06 AM
Thanks for all the encouragement! I'm 5'9; 224 pounds but I don't ever feel like I'm starving myself on 1200-1400 cals :-/ I started the Ripped in 30 today, so I'm going to stick with that only, tone down on the other stuff and just focus on those workouts, which are about 27 minutes or so and has one rest day. I have to cut back cause my knees are acting up.

I won't give up. I need to be healthy! And I'm sick of hating my body.

melodymist
03-29-2012, 02:35 AM
So my previous post was just short, with a few encouraging words. But now, now I want to tell you something.

In 2010 after a bad break-up I decided that it was time for me to lose this weight. In December of 2010, yes December, holiday season :present: I busted my ***. :exercise:

While everybody was eating and overindulging, I worked out like crazy. Did Zumba 5 times a week, rode bike and every now and then went for a jog. Also started sharing with the people in my life about trying to change an be healthy, no one really cared honestly. People just assume that you will fail.

After almost 30 days, start of 2011, I weighed in. NOTHING changed.:rollpin: Not a single digit changed. I felt my world crashing down (this may sound dramatic but this is really what happend). Here I was (in the midst op December by the way) working out like a crazy person and eating healthy with NOTHING to show. Nothing.

The following months I felt sorry for myself and comforted myself with food. How ironic, I was comforting myself with the one main thing that caused me to be overweight to start with.

In April or May 2011 I found. 3 FC :wel3fc: I was instantly addicted to the site. The goal stories, fitness tips, eating tips but most of all the encouragement :hug::hug:. Everyone here, loves each other (well most of the time anyway :p). With my new "secret" that I discovered (3FC) I was ready to take on the world!! It took lots of hard work, days I felt like giving up..and yes I did at times and I still do sometimes hehe. But I just want to tell you that, you really really CAN do this. :carrot:

Just take it day by day :) and if you ever feel discouraged. You know you have a home here :D;)

Elizabeth779
03-29-2012, 06:36 AM
Hi meltaway -- DO NOT give up! I am new to 3FC and gave up on Atkins today, but I'm not giving up on the quest to lose weight and be healthier. I hope you will hang on, hang in, keep doing all the good things you are doing to make healthy changes and the weight loss will come. I'll not give you any advice since I'm hanging on by fingernails too....BUT I will send my best wishes your way.....you just have to keep on.....we won't get there if we quit now....

Elliemar
03-29-2012, 07:24 AM
Great post NEMom!! :)

Don't give OP - I think most people struggled to see results at some point. I started very slowly and for 3 months didn't lose a single pound....but I stuck to it and just over a year later am nearly at target.

All that work you're doing IS paying off - I'm sure you feel much fitter. Try taking body measurements so that you can see progress even if there doesn't appear to be any on the scales. I measure myself once every couple of months and the results are really interesting to look at - I lost inches in those three months I didn't lose pounds!

Keep at it - it'll be worth it in the long run :)

Resipoo
03-29-2012, 10:37 PM
Wow, I know just how you feel. I remember the last time I tried to lose weight. I lost 14 pounds the first two weeks. I was so proud. Well now, I'm at least 45 pounds heavier and didn't lose a pound my first week and a half. I lost the next weigh in but it was an incredible amount. I figured a reasonable short-term goal for me would be 50 pounds lost by June. Well, I'm no where near making that goal.

I appreciated many of the posts here. The posters are right. If you and I give up because of slow weight loss, just imagine where we'll be a year from now. And if we are to truly conquer our weight problems and not just lose weight temporarily, we have to find a way to make it through these hard times.

I was really struggling today. I wanted to eat everything under the sun. I know part of it is tomorrow is a weigh in day, and I'm stressed that I won't have lost "enough" weight to make me happy. But, I know that giving up is not an option. Even if I screw up one day. Because giving up would require me to give up on ME, and I'm all I've got.:)

threenorns
03-29-2012, 10:49 PM
Thanks for all the encouragement! I'm 5'9; 224 pounds but I don't ever feel like I'm starving myself on 1200-1400 cals :-/ I started the Ripped in 30 today, so I'm going to stick with that only, tone down on the other stuff and just focus on those workouts, which are about 27 minutes or so and has one rest day. I have to cut back cause my knees are acting up.

I won't give up. I need to be healthy! And I'm sick of hating my body.


i guess nobody told you that little secret, eh? you NEED at least one day a week off where you do NOTHING.

you give six days a week to your body - you NEED one day a week, minimum, for your mind and spirit. one day a week where you lounge in the hammock with a suitable beverage (i like flavoured black tea, myself, or lemonade made with stevia) or soak in teh tub with candles on the edge, cucumber slices on the eyes, and something plinky-plonky on the disk player.

if you have kids, send 'em to a sitter.

it's called "down time" and trust me, it's just as essential as butt-kicking time.



what gets the results is not diet, and it's not exercise.

it's not even diet AND exercise.

without persistence and consistency, all the dieting and exercising in the world isn't going to help.

give it two more weeks - if you still don't see results, do NOT fret. just review your diet: you obviously cannot go any lower, so review what you're eating - are you getting enough protein? if you're not eating enough protein, that'll hurt because your body will scavenge protein from your own muscles (including your heart!). if everything's good there, then add some calories - not a lot: a recovery shake (protein + carbs) after your workouts is a good start.

do not give up.

packgirl
03-29-2012, 10:58 PM
For the first month and a half, I lost 3 pounds. I worked my hiney off, ate right, gave up soda, and lost 3 pounds.

Since then, I've lost at a decent enough clip. I see a downward change almost every weigh in. I haven't moved up at all.

I've tried to not focus on the weight, instead to focus on how I feel, being healthier, and considering how my clothes feel. But it's still frustrating as heck to see no change.

Just know that if your clothes feel better and you feel better, you are definitely making progress. Don't ever give up.

meltaway
03-31-2012, 02:09 AM
Thanks everyone :) I really needed to hear everything you guys are saying.

meltaway
03-31-2012, 02:45 PM
Guys! I weighed myself yesterday, and I just weighed myself again today. 221! So maybe I was just retaining water? :) I'm a bit happier with that.

pixelllate
03-31-2012, 02:54 PM
Guys! I weighed myself yesterday, and I just weighed myself again today. 221! So maybe I was just retaining water? :) I'm a bit happier with that.

Yay! All it took was 1 more day of waiting. Whenever I feel like giving up, I tell myself that I should be keeping up these habits for health reasons-weight loss or no weight loss. That holds me over until I see the scale budge-and it does, eventually-then I think "Yesss I'm getting closer to having a cuter body!"
haha:p

Justwant2Bhealthy
03-31-2012, 03:02 PM
:congrat: Well, there you go -- you see, time is a big factor; and yes, we can hold 3-5 lbs or more in water weight. So many factors come into play. I agree about giving yourself a day off to rest your body; I do that too ... :D

defenestrator
03-31-2012, 03:15 PM
I was looking for a "before" picture a while back because I'm getting close to losing 50 lbs and I wanted to post a "before and after" when I got there because I'm proud of myself. What I realized is that my pictures from 2008, 2009, and 2010 are pretty identical. And there was a pretty reasonable amount of dieting and giving up in that time period. I'm sure my weight went up and down by about 20 lbs 5 or 6 times.

But after the fall of 2010 I decided I wasn't going to give up until I hit my goal and started very slowly losing weight. And after the spring of 2011 I started losing weight a little bit more quickly. It is still only about half a pound a week -- I'm going to hit the 50 pound mark about 18-20 months after I started. But even though I'm now about where you are starting, I am so glad that I have persevered for this long. And I know that I can keep going.

It has taken a lot of readjustment and some frustration, but if I had done in 2008 what I'm doing now, I'd be at goal already. And the only choice that leads to me getting to goal is not giving up and continuing to try.

A "before" for inspiration.