I often wonder how others in their 40's feel about their lives in general - are you content/happy with where you are in life? Do you feel your age/maturity is helping or hurting you with your "get fit" goals?
I will be 41 in a month (*SHUDDER*) and I have honestly been dealing with a mid-life crisis. Turning 40 last year was a huge impetus for losing weight and getting healthy - I reached that breaking point where I said to myself, "I just cannot spend another decade overweight and miserable." I've dealt with pretty severe depression my entire adult life, and making the choice to be healthy was life or death - either I make the choice to make my life better, or I end it. Sounds severe, but I chose correctly and things are immensely better for me. But turning 40, though it makes me sad in many ways, is also the biggest reason I'm succeeding still...a year later. I spent my 30's absolutely miserable, for many reasons, and sometimes because of life events beyond my control; but my weight made everything worse and fueled my depression uncontrollably.
So now, at almost 41, I can say...I am content with my life. I am making positive changes, doing things I love that I let fall away over the past decade and I'm happy with myself. I do have regrets, but overall I am content. I have never been able to say that before. Turning 40 was, actually, a blessing for me and really snapped some reality back - what about you? Do you feel happy & content with where you are now? Do you feel different than you did in your 30's or 20's? In a good or bad way?
Just curious to see how my fellow 40-somethings are dealing! :D
03-28-2012, 10:53 AM
Im very happy. I spent my teens unsure of who i was, my 20s mostly pregnant lol, my 30s having yet another pregnancy and really busy in the mothering department. Now that i am nearing 40 i can anticipate life only getting better. My husband is really and truly my best friend and partner, my kids are great, and i cant wait to watch them to continue to grow, and become adults (i will have an 18 year old this year!) My mother has always told me that 40 on was and still is her favorite part of her life (she is turning 61 this year) Our finances arent always perfect, and yah id like to be saving more for retirement than i do but all in all i am SO happy and i cant imagine that it can get any better.
03-28-2012, 12:02 PM
Yes, I can fully comprehend the mid-life crisis. I had my kids in my mid to late 20's. Was a military wife with all the hassles of moving, raising kids on a shoe-string budget, ect. My ex and I both hit our 40s and we both realized the substance was missing. We divorced and I am the happiest I have ever been. I found (or did he find me) a real good man that loves to spoil me. ;) My baby turns 17 today and I am anticipating "starting over" with new adventures.
03-28-2012, 12:47 PM
Congratulations on your loss, you're really getting close to goal!
I'm 42 and happy. In fact, the only part of my life I'm really unhappy is with my weight. I decided once and for all I'd like to experience life and a normal weight. I'd hate that to be a regret I have later on.
I absolutely feel different than my 30s - more in control of everything around me and more content. My 20's are really just a blur... that hopefully will never become clear. :)
03-28-2012, 03:02 PM
My 30s sucked! I went through my midlife crisis in my 30s, realizing that my youth was over and done. I felt very out of control and very unhappy and the weight piled on and made everything worse.
Now in my 40s I feel much more in control. I've accepted that my youth is over, but I know now that the second half of my life can be even better than the first half. I can honestly say I am content. Am I happy? It really depends on the day. I have moments of happiness, but I also have moments of sadness and regrets too. However, that's life. Without the down times we wouldn't be able to fully appreciate the good times. I am most grateful for the good times in my life.
03-28-2012, 03:14 PM
I'm 43 and happy. As I've been every decade of my life though...
My twenties were for travel, living in other countries, meeting my future husband, working...
My thirties were for nesting - having 3 little ones (now almost 9, 7 and almost 3), building a house, gardening... a great decade too.
My forties so far have been busy (being a stay at home mom to my 3 kiddos), and the travel has come back as my husband works for the Canadian embassy and gets posted abroad rotationally. (Fits me to a T as I love travel!) ;) My big struggle though at the moment is to try to fit in time for me, for my diet and exercise plan, as well as to try to eke out some time for my dreams (especially writing a book). Still working on that one! ;)
As far as my weight, I've always been one of those 'fat but fit' types who exercised regularly and had consistent weight my entire adult life (albeit about 50 pounds too heavy). I gained an extra 25 having my 3 kids which really started to make me feel bad physically - in my hips especially. So now that that's almost gone (the baby 25), I'm going to keep working on that extra 50 I've always carried so I can see what it feels like to move through life as a light person instead! :)
03-28-2012, 11:00 PM
I am turning 41 in a few weeks and still can not believe it. I am very happy to have brought six wonderful children in the world and stayed married to a great man for 25 years. I really need to get the weight off from all the kids but have been carrying it around for the last 16 years since I had my first one. And I do have days since I turned 40 that I wonder if I have accomplished enough in all those years. But I wouldn't trade then for anything else.
03-29-2012, 12:31 PM
So interesting to read all the responses! I really, honestly, never had an issue with birthdays before I hit 40. From 29 to 30 was no big deal. Hitting 39, I remember thinking, "Uh oh, it's almost 40" - and even when I turned 40 I didn't give it much thought. But...40 was the year I started really losing a lot of weight and something happened...wrinkles! I can't believe how much they've shown up, literally overnight, as the fat deposits have whittled away.
And, I'm a blonde, so I've never really seen gray hair. BUT, this year, I spotted them...in my eyebrows! No denying it anymore, I could see them.
So it hit me slowly. I remember seeing a commercial last year of a Dr. Oz show where he was discussing aging and he said something about, "Aging after 40 - as you enter the 2nd half of your life." -- I was dumbfounded when I heard this...the 2nd half of my life?! I remember feeling terror in my stomach.
I'll be 41 next month and it doesn't bother me as much. I think finally getting healthy has really helped me get over it, or at least make it smoother.
So nice to hear that we've all dealt with it on some scale.
03-31-2012, 03:47 PM
Wow, what a great and thought provoking thread. I have to stay that right now I am NOT happy becuase I am going through the world's ugliest divorce. I always had episodes of anxiety and depression but looking back now I can see why. My twenties were hard years because I was so busy working hard to achieve things that I thought I had to.....like working to help my husband build up his business...then in my thirties I had my children and although they brought me so much happiness it was the first time I admitted that I was unhappy and felt trapped and controlled...I started putting on weight ...so here I am in my forties getting divorced and dismantling a life that i worked so hard to build. But even though I'm unhappy I know that peace is on the horizon, and I also know myself so much better now and have a confidence that I never had before. I will survive this time in my lief, and if I can survive this then I can find a way to lose this weight once and for all!!!
04-01-2012, 12:06 AM
I think I am actually in the middle of a mid-life crisis! I turn 40 in October and even though I don't put much stock in that being a big deal, I wonder if it has been doing a subconscious number in me. This year I resigned from my teaching position, in a school I love teaching classes the kids love. I'm walking away from a secure, well -paying job in this economy--what?!
I think it hit me that if I can't see myself doing this same job for 20 more years, I need to find something different. So, back to school for me! I want to become a marriage and family therapist, which will take 3 years in school and another 2 working before I become licensed. I'm both crazy scared to take this plunge and super excited to be doing something new and learning again.
Other than that craziness, life is good. Great partner, 4 kids who drive me crazy/I love like wild, and realizing I hopefully don't need to give up on being fat and ugly forever!
04-01-2012, 04:03 PM
I am not happy, but I have hope for the future - something I haven't had in a long time.
In 2010 I was totally miserable. I had a difficult job that took up most of my time and was living in a small town that made me feel isolated and lonely. Whatever time off I did have was spending time with my dad (my mom died in 2001). His health was deteriorating and i was his sole support system.
Things got worse in the fourth quarter of 2010. I took a short term assignment in another state, and when I was gone, my father was hospitalized. I also had to cut my short term assignment off, which I was enjoying, because of problems at my regular place of work. It turns out that coming back was good because my father had to go to a hospice and he died.
Three days after his death, I ended up in the hospital to have emergency surgery, and I had complications. While in the hospital, I realized how truly alone I was in life. After I got out of the hospital, I got a call from a VP in another division of my company. I had interviewed for another job and she said an offer was coming. I was so excited and sent an email to my boss to tell him. A couple weeks pass and no offer. Turns out my boss decided not to release me (he had originally been supportive) until February 2011 and the hiring manager insisted I be there January 3 - this is after the interview process had taken months - so she moved on to an external candidate. I just fell into depression.
Another company offered me a job in February and I took it, I moved and since then, I feel mote optimistic. I like where I live now, work for a good company and have a fair, honest boss. I have been losing weight, so I feel healthier and have taken up golf again, which I enjoy. My new job isn't as stressful, and due to good time off policies, I have been able to travel.
I still feel alone. I wish I had a relationship, and I still hope for that, but I think those possibilities are over for me. I have made a couple of friends at work, and hope to make a couple of friends outside of work, but my shyness and awkwardness in social situations makes it tough. But overall, I do feel better than I nice did.
04-02-2012, 11:00 AM
I will turn 42 this month and I have to say my 40's have been far better than my 30's. Through my weight loss I have found myself and have decided that it is OK to treat myself sometimes. My kids are older and they do not need mommy around 24/7 but I am proud of the job I have done with them.
My relationship with my husband is better than it has been in 10 years. After spending all of my 30's stressed about every little think, I am so much more relaxed and happier. I feel like I am finally able to enjoy life.
Do I wish we had more money? More savings, of course but I am leaning that how much we have in the bank does not define me as a person.
04-02-2012, 11:15 AM
I am 46 and I'm not happy, but I'm not unhappy. It depends on the day. I miss my 20's and 30's when I use to get out more, had more money and had so much fun. Also it was before I gained all this weight. So far there hasn't been anything great about getting older, just gaining weight and getting wrinkles and graying hair. I suppose in most aspects I am content, but not with my weight and I wish I had more friends here...I miss being back home where my friends and family are. I moved here to the city in 08 when I married and it's so different. And of course wish we didn't struggle financially. But at the same time, I am thankful for what I do have. So really it does depend on the day, some days I'm content and happy others, not so much.
04-06-2012, 03:29 PM
Ivy sometimes when we lose weight we sit there and say "Now what?" and then the focus is on other parts of our lives, rather than us obsessing over our weight. You have accomplished so much with your weight loss though....congratulations and may you find the happiness you so deserve.
04-09-2012, 06:29 AM
Nope 41 and desperately unhappy! Lost my job and realised my marriage is a sham last year. Been so depressed since January. Just slumped. Fighting my way back with exercise and anti-depressants. But I'm optimistic for the future. I need to get a job and lose about 165 pounds (my husband).
04-30-2012, 10:13 AM
Wow! What a great thread!
I'd say I'm happy and content, finally at 42. I do, however, wish I didn't waste so many years in my 30s as a fat girl! I feel so attractive and confident, and think that it would have been better when I was younger. But at the same time, I'm not sure how! LOL!
I was quite depressed a few years ago. I hated my life, my marriage, my job... I felt trapped and alone. I regretted leaving my career to be a SAHM because I couldn't break back in to my field. I never thought I'd care, but here I was, feeling like I had no solid foundation (marriage falling apart), no identity, and no options. I was stuck. I think I went through my mid-life crisis at around this time. I decided to go back to school so I could go back to a career and support myself. My 5 year plan. It would take that long, and then my kids would be older, and I could dump my husbands sorry a$$.
I began my weight loss about 1.5 years ago. I can't believe it's been that long and I'm not even close to being done! But I feel better about myself than ever, and things are really OK now. Not perfect. I wish I didn't have to work full time. I miss being able to participate more in my kids lives, their school, etc. But my husband lost his job and I needed to pick up benefits. It's not my big career either, and I really dislike what I do. I'm still working on that career goal. But I'm so fortunate to have this job with such great benefits, and my husband wasn't out of work for too long. We're doing OK.
My weight loss has lead to an improved attitude, confidence and generally feeling good about myself. I look better than I have in years, and I'm healthier too because I am fit, not just losing weight. Being out and working has helped too. I feel sexy and attractive (and although I hate to admit it, the fact that I have received some attention from the opposite sex has fed in to that feeling). My marriage has even improved. My husband and I are getting along great, and now my 5 year plan includes him! But it also holds the reality that if things don't work out with him, I will have something to fall back on.
While there are plenty of changes I'd like to make, and I still have my moments (life just isn't perfect), I think overall, things are pretty good.
05-06-2012, 12:08 AM
I find an amazing contentment a few times a month, but mostly I am thinking about what comes next. We have financial issues, which pretty much depresses the **** out of me so much so that I want to just run away to some unknown small town in Mexico and hide out. I am also fighting the wrinkles and chin hairs, menopause and no libido. I'm looking for a new career that doesn't mean college classes or big money spent. I have horrible lower back pain and neck/shoulder pain, so am stumped on what would fulfill me, and be gentle on my body.
05-10-2012, 12:31 PM
I turned 40 in March and it confused me. Birthdays never bothered me before but this one hit me and I am so spaced out about it. Maybe it is a continuation of my midlife crisis from 2008. I quit teaching and became a stay at home Mom I lost my identiy, my life had always been work and went into a depression that I am still working on. If I have to come up with an answer I would say I don't know. Maybe with the weight gone, time will help me know. Lsfunky
05-12-2012, 12:59 AM
I turn 45 in August. My 20s were school and my 30s were family/career. Over the years, I took jobs and made decisions because they were the right thing for my family at the time. Now, our son is grown with his own family and I have 4 years until I'll qualify for retirement--not that I can afford to take it, but it's a point where I've always told myself that it would be my turn to find a job that I really enjoyed. So, I'm getting back into shape and looking toward the future.
05-16-2012, 06:31 PM
Eh. I guess I am middle of the road leaning towards a NO. Late 40's. Tired of yo-yo weight most of my life. Husband may be mid job-change. He travels quite a bit now. Will probably have to move soon, we now have drug dealers...unemployed, loud cars, nightly noise....living two doors down and even tho we live in the historic district of a well know tourist town the police are doing nothing about it...so moving seems to be the only option...every day is an annoyance...so much so that we have had to arm ourselves to feel safe.
Love my house...great views, antique house...but economy crushed any ideas of any remodeling dreams.
Have thirteen year old who goes to great private boy's school and we are very proud of him. But he has a two hour commute every day and that kind of stinks.
Bought a small beach cottage a few years ago as an investment (we received a small $ windfall)...but I don't enjoy staying there and leaving house empty with current neighbors. Could care less about our belongings but I have three cats that I worry about.
Also all the teens and 20-somethings on the beach is depressing!
06-16-2012, 10:36 PM
Well, I've had a pretty happy life. I turned 42 this year and it hit me kinda hard. However, I do know that I kinda know what I'm doing now. I feel like I learned thru my earlier years and now I'm starting to get it. If that makes any sense. So, I guess Im saying I'm a pretty lucky woman with two great kids and a great husband. Must be doing something right. Now if I can just get my binging under control.
06-22-2012, 10:56 AM
Turned 45 this May, and I feel like I'm on the right trajectory. I spent a few years panicking about running out of time to do all the things I want to do - in the process I've changed jobs 3 times and finally have found myself with tasks that pay well, are intriguing, and have almost zero stress. It's a job that stays at work. My 23-year marriage is far from ideal - it's pretty much a civilized, abstinent partnership, but it's not a situation that has to be dealt with immediately. DS12 is a fantastic young man and I get a lot of joy from watching him grow up. I have some concerns for the future regarding my parent's health - they're divorced and I'm an only child.
All in all, I have no legitimate complaints, or anything that is truly outside of my control. I'm learning to require less and less to be happy, and I have really high hopes that my 50's will be even better!
06-22-2012, 02:13 PM
I'm 47 and I'm not happy with every aspect of my life. But I am very happy with others. Just like at any other time in my life.
06-22-2012, 04:52 PM
I just turned 42, and for me, the 40s have brought huge changes so far. When I turned 40, I had a "mid-life shift" and did something I have always dreamed of doing...got my daughter into horse 4-H and adopted two fantastic horses. They are BOTH a huge responsibility and an amazing journey. They are part of what has inspired me to take better care of myself and lose weight. My daughter has morphed from a prissy, whiny girl into a stronger, more confident and grounded young woman who shovels manure & hauls hay. Horse ownership/showing is expensive (but cheaper than teen pregnancy or rehab - as another 4H mom reminds me).
My DH may have to change jobs & we may have to move away from our awesome 3 acres in a small town - where we have lived for 7 years...the longest I have lived ANYWHERE in my life. Of course, I would also have to change jobs...and I have held this one for 5 years - longest ever. We also just launched my son off to college - and that is both freeing and terrifying.
I wouldn't exchange my 40s for anything - I think I am better at articulating and meeting my own needs than ever before. However, as my kids need me less, I realize how much I have wrapped myself around them - and that leaves me a little lonely (DH travels a lot for work).
06-25-2012, 03:33 PM
Hmmm, interesting topic. I would have to say both yes and no.
I was a young mom...had my first very young, and I have been married 26 years at the age of 45. I am looking forward to being "free" ...our eldest is getting married and our youngest is older but both still living at home. I keep waiting for them to leave so I can get on with my life. I feel like I gave up my own dreams to be a stay at home mom all of these years....looking forward to getting myself back and finding myself. Now some women at my age are looking at retirement, I am just thinking about what I want to do when I grow up (now that my kids won't need me as much) This is exciting, but also scary seeing I have only worked part time odd jobs here and there over the years. I don't regret it though...I was blessed to have spent time with my children and been a stay at home mom without the worry or stress of having to provide an income for my family.
I find that I am tired of taking care of everyone...I want to take care of myself now and I know that sounds selfish. Just wanting to move into the next chapter of my life, but at the same time a little scared of it. I also have some unique health issues and so I think for the most part I am very grateful for the health that I have right now and for the normalcy that I have in my life because it could change for me at some point. I know that with what I am dealing with, some things are uncertain in my life.
Some things have been much better in my 40's and yet there are other things that are getting harder...aging parents to take care of etc. I think life is like a roller coaster and has many different seasons. Hard to say if I am happy or not...I guess it just depends on the moment and what is going on. I will say that I have much less turmoil going on inside myself like I did in my 20's and 30's. Life eventually teaches you that many things just don't matter as much as you thought they did.
06-29-2012, 11:28 PM
My life is far from ideal, but I love my life and embrace every year that I am on this earth. I do not approach difficulties or opportunity any differently than I did in my 20s. I accept the limitations that my advancing years and family life (that I chose) that are present. However, I do not let things, including my weight hold me back from anything that I want to do. It may be difficult and it may take time, but if I want to achieve it, I will to the best of my ability.
I do not say that I am 30 (again). Instead I announce that I am 44 and will add the 1/2 and 3/4 later in the year! I really feel that our inability to own our age contributes to the security of the 'glass ceiling' that keeps women from progressing. This, I believe, contributes to the age/wage gap.
I will say that the only thing that I do fret over is not having enough quality time to do all of the things that I want to do in life as I am always adding new things! Currently I am graduating with a master's degree, giving seminars, writing a book running two businesses, graduated one kid from homeschooling and ushering another into homeschool "Jr. High" and advanced from classes to a performing bellydancing troupe. My life is what I make it! ;)
07-08-2012, 05:13 PM
I am happy and so very lucky. I am happy with myself. I have a wonderful life, a wonderful daughter. We are healthy. Life is not easy but I find a way to make it through. I am so blessed. :)
07-09-2012, 04:47 PM
Good thread! I feel great at 41 except for the weight, which will be gone in 6 months! I spent my 20's being single - traveling, dating, moving to a new state - and my 30th birthday was a real tough one for me. I knew the man I was with wasn't "The One" and that I wasn't living where I wanted to stay. I took charge, lost weight, lost the boyfriend and by the time I was 33, I married the man of my dreams and moved back to my home state! Hubby and I both got lazy in our happiness and put on lbs., but we also had 3 beautiful boys (ages 5 and 2 year old twins). I've been a SAHM for 2 years and it's been great and also a challenge. I definitely let myself go, but I am back on track to feeling good about myself. So, 40 was hard bc I felt and looked terrible. I just turned 41 and I vowed not to spend another year of my 40's hiding from mirrors and people!
07-09-2012, 06:32 PM
This is my first post on this board- I just turned 40. I already feel at home though as I'm reading many of the same themes on this thread from you all that I've felt in my own life.
I already hit my "Mid-Mom Crisis" in my late 30s. That's what I call it anyway. The "Mid-Mom" Crisis is more a function of where you're at in the kid-raising cycle than your personal age. It's when the kids are all in school and NEED you less physically and you finally have some time to decide what to do next. I think most of my life goals were about the "GETTING" phase of life- getting an education, a spouse, home, family, career. All that stuff is decided now and it's about hanging on to what I've got and making some stuff (like my weight) better. Who knew that the hanging on could be as hard as the 'getting' in the first place?
As for the question at hand. I am happy. I am fortunate to have a "hyperthermic temperment" which means that, unless I have a reason, I'm pretty much just happy as a matter of being. That said, my late 30s had me dealing with some hard stuff and struggling to be totally happy. I've come through the worst of that now but even if bad things happen, I have that same confidence in my ability to handle it that others have described. My 40s are going to be awesome! Even awesom-er if I could get some weight off!
07-16-2012, 05:45 PM
I'm 48 and the best answer I can give is, "Not at the moment." I was fired from my job last Tuesday after months of nonsense with my former employer. Although I do have another job offer in the works, I'm worried sick about the whole thing. I've never been fired like this before. In my entire career, I'd always left my employer in good standing and on good terms. This whole mess has stressed me out.
On the other hand, a lot of other things in my life have improved over the last few years, not the least of which is my marriage. My husband has long term untreated PTSD and that got really ugly for a while. We still have our ups and downs because of it but we bought a house a little over a year ago that provides the kind of environment he needs to be calm. Or at least calmer. Our little house has turned into a haven for me to.
My weight loss efforts are going well; I've lost 53 pounds since January.
I guess for me it all boils down to my blasted job and getting back on track with that.
07-16-2012, 05:54 PM
I will be 41 in a few days. For the most part everyone is right....20's unsure, 30's unsettled, 40's I know myself. I sometimes wish the wisdom you learn through experiences happened earlier in my life but with that said who knows how I would have handled them. Today I feel like I can handle any type of crisis. I mean shoot... I lost my job after 16 years, I moved to a city where I know noone and lost what I thought was the love of my life all right before I turned 40. Talk about mid-life crisis. Today though I look back over the last year and a half and think of all of the crazy things I had to do to get here and really realize every little cross road feels like a little blessing in disguise.