30-Somethings - male attention




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meditateinmydirectio
03-27-2012, 08:27 PM
I have been "chubby" my entire life and am getting back towards "normal weight" territory now at 30 years of age. I'm finding the male attention a little overwhelming. Is anyone else in the same boat?

How are you dealing with it?


Aunrio
03-27-2012, 10:08 PM
I wish I could say I empathize but I have a wedding ring and it acts like a magic shield so I haven't noticed an overwhelming increase in attention. If you are single, get used to the fact that you are now a hottie and learn to flirt or turn them down with tact.

Munchy
03-28-2012, 10:55 AM
I wish I could say I empathize but I have a wedding ring and it acts like a magic shield so I haven't noticed an overwhelming increase in attention. If you are single, get used to the fact that you are now a hottie and learn to flirt or turn them down with tact.

Ha, when I was engaged I was fighting them off with a stick - I think the rings attract men for me :dizzy:

I agree, though. You should flirt with the ones you're interested in, and learn how to disengage those who make you feel uncomfortable. It took me a long time to learn how to politely say, "I'm not interested" without an excuse of a boyfriend, etc.


InsideMe
03-28-2012, 10:57 AM
I HATE male attention and it's becoming more so as I'm dropping it's driving me crazy! I just act like a snotty *** biatch. LOL I don't know what else to do.....cause I certainly DO NOT want to get picked up! I also avoid eye contact at all costs and look straight ahead! but I'm gay so I stare at women LOL So I'm not sure if my way of dealing with men would work for you?

philana
03-28-2012, 11:01 AM
InsideMe: when I saw this topic I just couldn't help but peek to see what all the 'straight' ladies on here have to say about it. But I so know how you feel. I am gay too, and I just hate it. I get so uncomfortable. Maybe even more so than straight people because just the thought of anything more than friendship with men is kinda alien to me! lol.


Anyhow, I'll jump back to the 20s-something board again. For aslong as I can... (another 3yrs)

Elliemar
03-28-2012, 11:13 AM
**** yeah and I love it! :D

I'm in my 40's now and having been soundly ignored for some 15 years, I admit that the attention is a big confidence booster and puts a smile on my face. I don't do anything about it (yet) - just smile and say thank you if I get a compliment. Or say thanks but no thanks to invites that don't interest me.

The funny thing is, that the more confident I'm getting, the more attention I seem to get. Still - it may end as quickly as it started so I'm enjoying it while I can!

meditateinmydirectio
03-28-2012, 06:27 PM
I don't mind a compliment or a look, it's when a guy invades my personal space that I get freaked out.

peachykeen tlc
03-28-2012, 06:51 PM
When a guy asks me out and I don't feel like it, I just tell them "no" flat out. I guess it depends on how well you know the dude. My back ground with my struggle with self-image contains a verbally/mentally abusive ex husband that had called me fat and that "it looks like your back is stuffed in your jeans" was his favorite one to use. Now after the divorce and 40pound loss, I'm a little more confident, only I still have demons to kill and hurtles to get over before jumping into anything serious. And you will get new attention, but I'm very picky to make sure it genuine.

ubskinnyagain75
03-28-2012, 07:55 PM
I've always had male attention rather I'm a lard butt or my skinny self. I find them all dogs as of late, a little cynical here. Honestly, I've never had issues with "male" attention, some are actually more attracted to the "chubby" or "fat" version of me but when I'm thin (which has been forever now) I get about the same amount of attention. I think it has to do with my self esteem, I haven't lost it just cause I'm not a pencil.

Munchy
03-29-2012, 10:00 AM
I don't mind a compliment or a look, it's when a guy invades my personal space that I get freaked out.

Sexual assault is when someone forcibly touches an intimate part of another person. Just remember that!

ghlover
04-02-2012, 11:03 AM
when I was single I used to LOVE the attention lol, as long as they didn't creep me out, I loved the sexy walk, and the hair flowing, and just looking cute, I loved being able to throw on anything in my closet with ought having to think twice about the way I look, I miss those days so very badly
lol I say enjoy it! Embrace it! But be careful and be wary of the stalkers and the creeps

Anssett
04-04-2012, 01:13 PM
This is a complex issue. I'm super curvy so even at my heaviest I read as crazy sexy to people who like curvy girls. So, when I let my figure show I always get attention. However, when I was heavier I was more embarrassed (internalized judgement) so I wore baggy clothes almost ALL the time to hide my body. Also, because of some younger abuse, showing my body and getting attention felt scary and dangerous.

So I've spent years doing therapy and other growth to
1) come to terms both with the fact that I'm gorgeous heavy or thin
and
2) There are scary sexual predators out there but I have enough tools to take great precautions and keep myself as safe as possible

xJox
04-05-2012, 12:10 PM
I've never had this issue even when I was at my smallest. So I'm no help. People tend to treat me as if I don't even exist.

mammasita
04-05-2012, 12:58 PM
I love it......as long as it's not gross attention or overstepping personal boundaries.

As a side note, I believe that this all has to do with how we feel about ourselves. I know when I'm bigger, my self esteem SUCKS so nobody pays attention. When I feel good and think (lol) I look good, I walk with my shoulders back and head up and I'm confident - that in itself demands attention.

Jez
04-10-2012, 11:51 PM
It's definitely a double-edged sword. I like being attractive. My looks have always been very important to me. But I also like being invisible, especially when I'm doing something like working out, or running errands, or working in a not-so-safe city/area. :-/ Ah, what a problem to have.

chelsealeigha
04-13-2012, 10:25 PM
I have mixed feelings about this. I think the attention is one of the reasons I gain weight. It's one of the reasons I eat emotionally. However, I have been up and down with my weight enough to get kind of angry about it all too. I understand the fact that men are visual, but I have had some of my male customers that have never paid any attention to me, start getting crude after I thinned down. I hate that. I hate the feeling of going from invisible to seen practically overnight.

neon_zephyr
04-14-2012, 08:24 PM
I like hiding behind my fat, but since I realized that I'm doing it, I have tried to lose weight. I get lots of male attention (and female attention) and usually find it flattering. When it gets too close for comfort, sometimes, I eat to become more armored. It's an emotional reaction; I become more agoraphobic and eat really fatty calories and I'm usually aware that I'm doing it. Lately, though, I'm recognizing that there's a source of power in it. I don't shrink away from the attention and try to enjoy it. Doing so makes it easier to push people away with a little attitude, but it gives me a boost of confidence, too. I try to be more careful how I dress, now that I'm aware of it.

Annah
04-16-2012, 01:44 PM
heck, I wouldn't mind getting some male attention .....or women LOL!

sheramama
05-20-2012, 01:35 AM
I love it......as long as it's not gross attention or overstepping personal boundaries.

As a side note, I believe that this all has to do with how we feel about ourselves. I know when I'm bigger, my self esteem SUCKS so nobody pays attention. When I feel good and think (lol) I look good, I walk with my shoulders back and head up and I'm confident - that in itself demands attention.

I totally agree. Personally, I noticed as I started to lose, I became more confident. I dressed nicer and sometimes a little more revealing. I don't want to blend...I want to be looked at. I'm no where near the 140 lb girl I was (Though damn it I will be!) but I feel better about myself. Guys sense that.

RandomPaige
06-03-2012, 05:06 PM
I'm not accustomed to, or been the target of much male attention. I'd welcome some, but I can see why it would become overwhelming pretty quickly.

I have a "friend" who's recently hit the 100 lb-loss mark. He was someone who originally encouraged me and one of the few people I can go to with weight-loss issues. During some of our conversations, he'd hinted that once I hit my target weight I could play the field and take advantage of "being attractive". I explained that attractiveness doesn't have anything to do with weight.

Friday we were out after work with a group of friends. He doesn't usually come out, but for some reason he did. He made some inappropriate comments about our regular waitress, and how he would "wreck that". A little while later, he shouted out another inappropriate comment to a very large girl leaving the bar. I was absolutely dumbfounded. The last straw was when he made a sexual innuendo about me and a short, small, guy friend.

I'm not a violent person, but before thought entered my head, I reached back and smacked him so hard across the back of the head his ballcap flew off. Our entire circle of friends were stunned, and I immediately felt horrible. He chuckled, and played it off. The girls high-fived me.

As we were leaving, I called him out and told him he was being a complete and utter d*ck. I told him I thought someone with his weight loss experiences/struggles would be more sensitive to other's feelings. He made an excuse about how people used to make fun of him when he was overweight.

I told him when I get to my goal weight, I may be perceived as being "more attractive" based on what society believes. By this definition, he should be "more attractive" now, but he's always going to be a d*ck, and for that, he'll stay unattractive and single.

I've decided I don't need his influence or assistance in losing weight.

Softykins
06-26-2012, 05:12 PM
I would love to get some male attention - that would make me feel pretty good!