Support Groups - My Breakup is affecting my eating habits.




EmilyLarnder
03-27-2012, 12:39 PM
A little over a month ago, my boyfriend and I broke up. (I'm 16, he's 17, we dated for a year and three months.)
I broke up with him because he lost feeling in me and was insensitive, and never paid attention to me in public.

Ever since then, I am NOT motivated to eat any greens whatsoever.
When I try to eat them, I can only take a few bites and I get extremely nauseous, and I can't finish anything I eat.

He plays games with my head, so I'm going to try to stay out of contact with him for a while. However, when we do talk, we get along for the most part...

I need help and advice on getting over him easier, this is extremely hard on me...


DietVet
03-27-2012, 01:00 PM
Aw, sorry about the break up.

I think you just need to go through it. Let yourself experience your feelings and remind yourself that your life is still full and valuable. Treat yourself kindly. (And no more boyfriends who treat you badly in public--that's not ok. Good for you for realizing it and breaking up with him. That's extremely wise and self-preserving of you.)

And stay away from him! Down with guys who mess with your head! This is a BIG clue that you are better off without him!

Munchy
03-27-2012, 01:08 PM
:hug:

The best way for you to be able to truly heal is to stay away from him and not talk to him right now. You two can be friends in the future, but for a while (months? a year?) it will probably be best to keep a distance.

It will hurt until one day it just doesn't. If you aren't eating much for now, it's okay. After a particularly bad breakup I recall losing 6lbs in 3 days because I was too upset to eat. Eventually my appetite (and the weight) came back.


EmilyLarnder
03-29-2012, 08:36 AM
Thank you both for the advice..
@DietVet: We're not talking; he suddenly cut me off completely without closure or explanation. However, maybe it's for the best.
@Munchy: We parted 5 weeks ago; and he kept upsetting me until now. Like I said to Diet, he cut me off completely. I blocked him on facebook and deleted his number from my phone - I want to get over my fear of being alone and live my life without him.

Thank you so much, to both of you :hug:

mammasita
03-29-2012, 09:40 AM
You're young and I'm sure EVERYONE has pointed this out, but we've all been in that position where we feel like nothing will ever be OK again and we can't live without "him".

It takes time to heal. I've been dumped, lost friends, boyfriends etc and its a healing process. It honestly doesn't hurt any less as we age, but our coping mechanisms can improve.

I agree that you need to cut all contact with him. Someone who has no regard for the way they treat you in public, not to mention insensitive, doesn't deserve your time, energy or love. I find that healing is easier when I get angry. Be angry that he's insensitive and had the nerve to treat you that way.

EmilyLarnder
03-29-2012, 10:02 AM
You're young and I'm sure EVERYONE has pointed this out, but we've all been in that position where we feel like nothing will ever be OK again and we can't live without "him".

It takes time to heal. I've been dumped, lost friends, boyfriends etc and its a healing process. It honestly doesn't hurt any less as we age, but our coping mechanisms can improve.

I agree that you need to cut all contact with him. Someone who has no regard for the way they treat you in public, not to mention insensitive, doesn't deserve your time, energy or love. I find that healing is easier when I get angry. Be angry that he's insensitive and had the nerve to treat you that way.

I completely agree - I heal easier when I focus on the things he did to me...

Thank you for your support.

XLMuffnTop
03-29-2012, 10:46 AM
Aye. Break ups suck, especially when they're your first and lasted a while. I dated a guy from the age of 15 until almost 21. That's a long time at that age. When I finally broke it off with him (long over due) it was hard! I was insecure, he was insecure and there was a lot of back and forth, he'd showing up at my place, me at his and we'd hang out and sorta "see each other" for a while. There was never a clear end. I was so afraid of being alone and becoming the crazy cat lady!

What's so bad about being alone? Nothing really. It gives you time to reflect and take care of yourself . That doesn't mean you won't find someone, because you will, especially at your age. ;) But enjoy the time you have to yourself and your friends.

It's even possible after much time that you could become friends with this guy again but just don't hold your breath. Ignoring you in public is never the making of a good person, let alone friend or boyfriend.

So, big hugs! :hug: It absolutely WILL get better.

EmilyLarnder
03-29-2012, 10:53 AM
Wow, 15 to 21. That's tough!!
We dated from November 2010 to February 2012.
I know it will get better, but the process of getting there is going so slowly.

bargoo
03-29-2012, 11:00 AM
Break ups are hard, there is no denying that, no matter how old you are or how long you were together, they are tough. Good advice to have as little contact with him as possible, keep it to "hi" and do not get into conversations with him if you can possibly help it. Take it one day at a time , it will get better. I promise it will get better.

EmilyLarnder
03-29-2012, 12:34 PM
Thank you so much. It's especially difficult when he's moving on to other people, whereas I'm not ready to.

MusicalAstronaut
03-29-2012, 03:27 PM
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. :( I went through a break up in December after a 2 year relationship and I'm still not over it. I haven't lost any weight since, but I haven't gained either, so that's good. He was my motivation (I wanted to lose weight to look pretty for him) and now I don't see the point. At first he completely cut me off, then he wanted to talk, acted like he was trying to make sure I didn't forget about him even though he dumped me, then we did this weird 2-week sort of dating thing, then he got mad at me for that and REALLY cut me off. It's horrible, but not seeing him/thinking about him/hearing about him is what makes me happiest. In the past week I ran into him and found some ooold pictures of us, and both upset me. It made me think of when we were happy together. And it is always possible that one day we (or you and your ex) will run into each other and be friends or acquaintances or something more. But I think the only way for that to happen is for the couple to grow apart completely.

My point to all that is, I completely feel you. I can't stand hummus now! He got me into that and I used to eat it all the time, and now it makes me sick.

I've been trying to move on to other people, but I know I'm not ready. I've gone on a number of dates and I'm just not happy. As far as I know James hasn't tried to date anyone else, but it's hard to know when he and his (immature) friends deleted me on facebook. So if you're not ready to see other people, don't force yourself to. It's only made me unhappier.

Natasha22
03-29-2012, 06:34 PM
Break-ups can be really hard, it's something we all go through in life. I think it's a good think that you've deleted it on Facebook and deleted his phone number, you need to stay away from him until you get over it, and after that perhaps you can be friends again. I think each person has their own coping mechanisms, with me it's just focusing on something else: my school work, my friends, or starting up a personal project that would keep me busy (a blog, re-decorating my house, adopting a pet).
Some people like to rush into another relationship right after a break-up, as a rebound, but I'm against that, because eventually somebody ends up getting hurt. There's really no universal recipe for curing a broken heart, but at least I can tell you for sure that it does go away and you will forget him and fall in love again, this time with a boy that actually deserves you.

You are a beautiful girl (I see it in your avatar) and I'm sure any boy would adore to see your smile every day. :)

Leenie
03-30-2012, 11:34 AM
I am going to move this to the support board, I think you will get more responses there. :hug:

KatieAlyse
03-30-2012, 01:39 PM
When my daughters, err, "donor" and I broke up (a little over 3 years ago, we dated on and off again for 4 years) it was motivation for me to lose weight, I wanted to show him what he was missing. I did it the wrong way at first by not eating because it seemed like everything I put in my mouth was just nasty and I didn't want to eat. I lost about 14 lbs in 3 weeks. (I know not healthy and I gained it all back in no time) Give it time. You'll find someone even better! I finally came to the realization that I could do it on my own and be happy and then all of a sudden after I did that I met the guy I've been with for almost 3 years now. Keep your head up! The right guy will come!

neon_zephyr
04-14-2012, 09:40 PM
He plays games with my head, so I'm going to try to stay out of contact with him for a while. However, when we do talk, we get along for the most part...


If he's playing games with your head, the first thing you should do is stop talking to him altogether. This sends a very clear message that says, "I don't like how you are treating me."

Break-ups are very very hard, but you must remember that there is more to your life than him. The more you can start focusing on yourself and your goals, the more you will regain control of your life.

Set goals for yourself that are concrete and then act in ways that will help you achieve those goals. If you want to lose weight, then remember that eating greens is part of that goal and it will feel great when you get there. Eating badly won't help you get over your break-up and it won't help you feel better about yourself. So, take this time to work on you and the future will unfold as it does...

astrophe
04-14-2012, 11:16 PM
Hang in there. :hug:

First break ups are always hard because there's nothing else to compare them to. The late teens and early 20's are collecting yardstick experiences. Everything is bright and new and every feeling is sharp and poignant.

I remember my first break up was HORRIBLE. But my second was a lot better and made up for the first -- much classier way to part and though we eventually lost touch, I have fond memories of him. Other break ups past that were even easier because I knew how to tell if it was going to be a long term BF or not even a runner, how to handle the "you aren't the one for me" talk more gracefully (giving and receiving). Both I and my dates were older too -- less awkward, more gracious. Dating gets better.

First break ups are also hard because often as a teen this person has become very important and you've lost a bit of connection with other friends. So when something horrible happens it's like you want to tell you BEST companion and wait a minute... that's the ex... shoot! Don't want to talk to THEM about how it feels horrible without them!

But don't worry. Take a deep breath. Be with your family, your other friends. Do your school activities and hobbies and volunteering and hobbies and work and whatever else you do.

You will heal at your own speed. Don't worry too much about how he's doing with his process. That's not your worry or your job. Tend to your own self.

In fact, it's like tending a garden. Life cycles around. There's a time to rip old plants out and compost to make room for the new. It's grubby and UGH feeling work. If it is your first garden you might not know how to work it well yet. Not esp efficient at clearing the brush. Not esp adept with the garden tools.

BUT... If you have learned something from the experience -- yay! You will be all the richer for it the next cycle for when it is time to plant and clear and plant and clear over time. Your next heart garden crops will probably yield even better!

It may feel like your heart is broken, but it keeps on beating all the same.

Don't worry about whatever he's doing. He's got to do his own healing/personal growth at his pace/style and he's got his own row to hoe.

:hug:

A.

Justwant2Bhealthy
04-21-2012, 03:16 PM
Yes, break-ups are difficult at any age, but we are more tender when we are young. The good thing is that you realize in your mind that the relationship wasn't a good one, but it will just take a little time for your heart to catch up ...

You are a very pretty girl, and lots of guys would be honored to be your friend. Try to keep busy, have fun with your friends, enjoy your youth and singleness -- the world has so much to offer you right now. Life is an adventure, and a continuous learning experience. Take advantage of it now, while you are young and free ... :hug: