40-Somethings - Standing Next to a Thin Girl

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03-26-2012, 01:01 PM
Just throwing out this random thought. Yesterday, I was standing next to a mirror at the end of a stall of dressing rooms waiting for my daughter who was trying on clothes. I didn't really pay much attention to my reflection in the mirror.

All of a sudden, a thin teenage girl came out of one of the dressing rooms in a darling sundress and came over to the mirror to check herself out. As I moved aside to give her space at the mirror, our reflections were momentarily side by side. Although we were about the same height, I looked so wide and huge compared to this girl! It was almost like seeing my 18 year old self standing side by side with my 42 year old self and it was mortifying!

Now, I know that I will never look 18 again, but there is no reason why I can't lose enough weight to be thin again. It is so frustrating that even with all the weight I have lost, I still look like a frumpy, lumpy, overweight house frau! It was a reality check after thinking that I was starting to look thin - slow down there, cowboy! I still have a long way to go.

Have any of you had similar reality checks after losing a good chunk of weight, but still not yet reaching your goal weight?

03-26-2012, 01:10 PM
guacamole ... i think your being a little hard on yourself there .....

at 5'5 and 159 your definitley not waif thin ... but id wager to bet your trim-esque perhaps your eyes/mind have not yet caught up with your weight loss

also keep in mind evreyone looks bad in those dressing room lights and mirrors ... of course she looked wonderful she was trying on a cute sundress and ... lets face it shes 18 ... your a little older .... shes cute , your at the age of sexy .... dont down yourself this is the time to shine take care of you!

03-26-2012, 01:36 PM
CHUNKEY_MUNKEY - Awww...that is so sweet!!! Thanks for the pick-me-up.

I am not trying to be super down on myself, but actually, I was thinking more the opposite - that lately I have been seeing myself as thinner than I actually am, because people have been commenting on how think I look. Then I see myself standing next to someone who is truly thin, and BAM! It smacks me in the face how much work there still is for me to do.

ETA - I love the term trim-esque! LOL! :) If someone is trim-like, thin-like, or skinny-like - what does that make them? If someone is pseudo-thin, are they actually thin? Pseudo-pretty - are they pretty or falsely pretty? The list could go on... :)

03-26-2012, 02:57 PM
guacamole- remember too that your body type makes a difference. I have broad shoulders and there's no way in the world that they're going to be as small as some other women I see walking around. Also, I don't have a nipped in waist (very straight torso) so again, there will always be women who at the same height/weight have significantly smaller waists than me.

Plus, if she was a teen she might not be fully developed yet and, therefore, have wider hips/smaller bust than you.

I get that it was encouraging for you but understand too that there's a limit when it comes to comparisons. There's a lady at work who is about he same height has me but is very, very small framed and quite thin. No way in the world could I ever be her size due to my structure so I'll always look bigger than her. Doesn't mean that I can't still have an amazing body, though! ;)

03-26-2012, 03:21 PM
You know, I wonder if never being thin and if if never being a small built person has made me not get this feeling? I guess I've had to accept a LONG time ago that I will always look bigger in the mirror as it's the way I'm built.

What I am finding shocking though is watching my two boys grow up. They both have this most gorgeous wavy reddish/blonde/brown hair (the color of copper or honey) and brown eyes and are both very tall, but other than that, they are built completely differently. My older son is built like my husband - just going to be taller. He has broad shoulders, a tiny rib cage and waist, slim hips and long legs. He's about 6'2" and weighs 135-140 pounds - so SKINNNNNNY, but my husband at 6'1" is 170 pounds and trim/fit.

Then there is my second son. He is very tall, but so stocky built! He has broad shoulders, but this enormous chest and big waist and big hips and long legs. He is not fat and is strong like an ox, but when you stand him next to his classmates, he's HUGE!!! Like seriously looks like a mini linebacker (minus the gut). I look at him and I realize - that's me. He got that from me and it's weird to see that in a child.

I can totalllllly see that he will never be tiny. He will never be small looking. But I also can see he doesn't look chubby (unlike a couple kids in his class). He just is BIG. And I realize, that's how I look too. There is 'fat' big. and there is 'build' big.

Looking in the mirror I will always look big, but that doesn't mean I have to look fat. But I also won't look like I'm 18 any more either. Over a 100 pounds lost and two babies have taken that possibility away forever. So give yourself a break too Guacamole. There are some tiny people in this world, but that doesn't mean you can or should try to be that way too.

03-26-2012, 05:50 PM
running - you are correct that everyone is built differently, so it's almost pointless to compare.

berry - I think my problem is that I am comparing myself to my younger self. I know that I will never look the way I used to again - but I think I had this idea that underneath all my fat was the girl I used to be, and all I need to do was peel away the layers and she would be waiting to emerge like a butterfly from a cocoon. Now I know that she is gone forever. I might peel away the layers of fat, but I really don't know who the stranger underneath will be.

03-26-2012, 07:00 PM
My reality check is this, and I've had to accept it...when younger people 20s/30s lose weight, they tend to revert to a more youthful, slim appearance, naturally. But, usually when I see people in their 40s/50s lose weight, they have to work harder, especially with body-shaping exercises in order to recapture that slim, thin figure that is the goal.
I wish it weren't this way, and I wish I had the correct health information 10 years ago, so I wouldn't be struggling so much now.
Another tip I've heard from successful dieters who aim to get their figure back is that it helps so much to have a one-on-one partner who can motivate you with some friendly competition.

03-26-2012, 07:29 PM
oh my heck, i hear you on the kid thing!

my oldest daughter was incredibly tiny as a child - she was three years old before she tripled her birth weight. she didn't actually gain any pudge at all until she got married - on her wedding day, she was five-five and 83lbs (17yrs old). one year later, she was five-six and twice the weight. she's now 26 (still happily married), five-seven, and wants to go back down to 120 instead of her current 140 (which would be perfectly acceptable had it not ALL settled in her thighs and butt!).

my second daughter is now 23 and, because of the food we had to eat to try and keep her sister from starving to death, plump her whole life. but try as i might, i simply could not reconcile five-eight and 200lbs with what i was seeing - she had no bum, no boobs, and no waist so she carried it all perfectly evenly distributed. she lost 80lbs in six months and now, at 135lbs, is the proud owner of a "baby bootay" - an actual bum. it's a liddle one, but she has actual cheekage in the derrier. but alas - still no boobs, still no waist. she did, however, uncover a natural athlete's body - wide, wide shoulders then straight highway down to her narrow hips - and pretty much anything she tries, she's good at. she prefers running and swimming but has gotten into rock-climbing since she moved to FMac.

and then there is my youngest, just turned five.

the Tank.

since she was 20mo old, she's always weighed betw 50 and 54lbs. she's pushing into a size 8 now and is insanely strong with mind-blowing endurance: she carried a full-blown tantrum for seven straight hours, complete with door-slamming and top-of-her-lungs screaming. she can go on the rebounder for a half-hour, hour and barely break a sweat and that includes flopping on her bum to bounce back up to a standing position.

she scares me.

03-27-2012, 09:31 AM
First-you've lost 59 pounds and are currently 159. That is amazing! Personally, I don't think 159 is heavy and would be elated if I could get there. As another poster said, I think you are being way too hard on yourself.

Second-I can totally relate. I have a gorgeous, thin 21 year old daughter who I sometimes look at and see myself at that age and I know for certain my 21 year old self would be mortified. Time's a b***h!

03-27-2012, 09:52 AM
Keep in mind, if you thought she was around 18, she was probably 12 and something like 100 lbs.

I swear I see what I think are 10 year olds driving.

Don't be down, you've done great! Besides, if you moved to the side maybe your reflection was a bit distorted at the time. :)

03-27-2012, 11:19 AM
While we have to accept our personal best, we also don't know what that may be! I was just by central park and I saw some lady jogging who must have been around 65+ but she had a bum of an inshape 20 year old!

03-27-2012, 12:06 PM
I think that I will just use this as motivation to be the best me that I can be. It is going to take a lot of work to get there, but I have a vague idea of what I would like to look like at the end of it all. I want to be lean and strong - I don't want to be 18 again - to much angst and uncertainty at that age!

03-27-2012, 03:30 PM
I don't want to be 18 again - to much angst and uncertainty at that age!AMEN to that, sister!

I know what you mean, though. I have to work really hard not to compare myself to others, but I think it's in our DNA - we're taught at young ages to compare ourselves to others constantly - grades we get in school, sporting events, how tall we are, how well can sing, etc. - it's always "we got this" but it's only valid in comparison to someone else. Kind of sad in a sense, but that's the way it works, I guess.

I've gotten down a lot over the last year about my fading...or faded (hah!) youth. I was a great weight when I was 18 - high school athlete, no weight problems at all. *Sigh*

I have two photos on my computer that I open all the time - one when I was at my highest recorded weight in 2008 (230+ lbs) and one when I graduated high school (at 130). I am always astounded that it's the same person, but the best part is - I'm closer NOW to the way I looked in high school than that person on vacation in 2008. Amazing! :)

03-27-2012, 03:33 PM
I feel like a hag around svelte teenagers. I'm 25 and a healthy weight for my height and feel pretty good about my looks most of the time, but all it takes is one skinny girl in the room to temporarily make me forget all I've achieved fitness and weightloss-wise.

03-28-2012, 12:14 PM
I know what you mean. I feel that way around my niece who is 25 and she is in excellent shape. She rides her bike for miles and miles and also runs. I feel like a slob around her, it's hard not too. But I too was once like her. Age has not been kind to me. But you are doing great at 5'5" and 159 pounds. I am 5'5"...well use to be 5'6" but according to my Dr. visit the other day, I've shrunk, I'm now 5'5" and I weigh 174. I'm trying to get down to 135, but my first goal is 155. So you are doing great! Keep up the good work.

06-07-2012, 06:49 PM
I'm sure we've all had those days where we leave the house feeling and looking good, and then we see someone taller/thinner/prettier/more stylish who bursts our high-esteem bubble. Now that I'm older I have convinced myself to concentrate on me and stop trying to compare myself to younger or slimmer girls because we are not the same and live different lives.