General chatter - I don't know what's wrong with me.
03-25-2012, 12:32 AM
I don't get it. I get so many nice compliments from my boyfriend, and some friends, and yet I cannot accept them. My boyfriend is like "You're so sexy, you're not fat" and I always have to tell him no I'm not, and then we end up fighting about that. Or, I can get compliments from people, pretend to "accept" them, and move on then go home and look in the mirror and only believe what I think about myself. That I'm fat and ugly. It's weird because when someone calls me fat, or ugly, I say "thank you" but when I get a compliment such as "you're so gorgeous" I always have to tell the person, "no, i'm not" and then fight with them. I don't get it, what's wrong with me. Why do I have to accept the bad compliments that make me feel like ****?
Does this ever happen to any of you wonderful people on 3FC?
03-25-2012, 12:46 PM
I'm sure a lot of us has had some self-confidence issues at one point or another. Not just people on this forum, but just people in general. You have to learn to appreciate yourself more. What is it exactly about yourself that you hate? If you think you're still too fat, go shed more weight, if you don't like your hair style, go get a haircut, if you don't like your clothes, go buy new ones, if you don't like certain features on your face, perhaps use make-up to enhance certain things. A little confidence in yourself goes a long way. Just know that everyone has their own flaws, not just you!
03-25-2012, 12:55 PM
You have to believe it yourself. You've lost a lot of weight and you seem to still think you're the person you were before you lost weight. Since you still see yourself that way you fight with the people who tell you that you're pretty. That is a HUGE accomplishment that you've made! Don't be so hard on yourself, I can't wait until I get to the day to where I can say, "look what I did!". And I'm sure I'll still be hard on yourself too. Just accept that you are pretty and that you do look good! Just try to put yourself in that mind set!
03-25-2012, 01:00 PM
I've gotten comments from people who like bigger physiques that I shouldn't lose, and they really do mean it. So I just think "Their opinion is just different from mine. My idea of "good" isn't their idea of "good" its not any better or worse than my opinion but its my body and my opinion of my body matters the most cause I'm in the one in my body 24/7 lol"
03-25-2012, 01:50 PM
Whether you believe it or not, it's polite to say thank you rather than argue! It's one thing to be humble, but I am sure people don't appreciate being argued with when they are giving you a compliment. Sometimes smile and say thanks :) They are being nice! Trust me, I have to do it too even though I don't believe them!
03-25-2012, 03:13 PM
Whether you believe it or not, it's polite to say thank you rather than argue!
I have to go with that. Even if YOU don't believe it -- the person thinks you are great, is trying to tell you that you are great. It's fine to accept a comp with kindness. "Oh, you are so kind. Thanks!" and let it go.
03-25-2012, 04:00 PM
the comment about how you see yourself is 100% true: it takes a very long time for your mental self-image to catch up with reality.
a common question is "why did she not notice how much weight she was packing on?" or "why does she keep wearing that when it clearly is too small now?" it's because the image they see in their mind has not caught up with the reality of weight gain.
it works the other way, too - you lose weight, but in your mind, you still see the "before". it won't be until you accidently catch sight of yourself in a mirror and go "oh! omg! that's ME!???" that it will begin to sink in.
another problem women have is misplaced modesty - we've been raised to shunt off compliments, to not accept flattery because that's vanity, that's being nose-in-the-air, that's having a high opinion of ourselves. a "proper", "decent" girl doesn't smile and say "why, thank you!" - which of course is utter shyte. a REAL woman says "thank you" and returns the compliment sincerely.
there is something else to consider: all the ppl who love you, who care for you, who want the best for you, have your best interests at heart, their opinions matter less than some random stranger or some casual acquaintance or some person you don't even like or some news media article written by someone you've never met in your life?
seriously - does that make sense?
03-27-2012, 02:37 PM
If people still thought you were fat and honestly thought you didn't look good you wouldn't get any compliments. As another poster said, just because you can't believe in yourself and believe at 5'5 143 pounds you are not fat. Doesn't mean you need to push your insecurities on to other people. Just thank them and get over it.
03-27-2012, 02:41 PM
Seconded. Even if you don't believe your boyfriend, just let him think what he wants to think!
x Ophelia x
03-28-2012, 03:07 PM
I think you should talk to a professional.
I haven't gotten any compliments thus far but my weight loss isn't really noticeable yet.