General chatter - Please just let me rant about my mother in law




berryblondeboys
03-06-2012, 05:30 PM
I need a place to rant everyone once in awhile and right now if I don't rant, I think my head might explode.

So, my mother in law lives with us. There is no getting out of the situation and it's about as good as you can make it. She has her own living room, bedroom, and bathroom and we share a kitchen/dining area. I do all the cooking.

Problem is, I have never liked her, but I knew when I married my husband that this day would come. We've been living together for the last two years.

For the most part we have settled into a pattern, but recently some new stuff is irking me. The first has to do with my younger son. My 6 year old is high functioning autistic. He is a very easy going kid for the most part and very loving. But, he also doesn't 'push' to grow up or change. We have to push him. I think if he had a choice he would still be in diapers and breastfeeding. So, it doesn't bother him that his grandmother treats him like he's two.

I know, I know... all grandparents treat their grandkids like they are younger than they are, but we are talking about REALLLLLY treating him like a baby. Doing equivalents of patty cake with an almost 7 year old? It drives me crazy how she treats him, but for now I bite my tongue because I'm afraid if I tell her to stop, that she'll not interact with him at all - which is what she used to do.

Then there is our summer vacation. This summer we are going to vacation together in Croatia. That is where my husband is from and we haven't been in 6 years. It is well past time. My mother in law has never been with us in the 19 years we have been married and she's afraid that she won't ever see her grandkids at the seaside if we don't go this year.

OK, I can grin and bear it. I think. I mean it's a European seaside vacation - but with my mother in law. What is worse, is that she will treat me as if I don't know anything and will be all "expert" on me. I've been to Croatia 4 times. I understand the language and can speak enough to get by. I will hate being treated as "Oh, she doesn't know. She's american." I can hear her saying that to people now. And that just is so not me to be the ignorant American!

But... my new worry... my younger son understands Croatian. He's heard it his whole life, but he doesn't speak it and today I put two and two together why my mother in law has been spending more time with him over the last year. She wants him to speak in Croatian. Today she told him, "When we go to Croatia you will have to speak Croatian. The little boys and girls you can play with won't understand you if you don't speak Croatian." Then later to my older son (who does speak Croatian) Isn't that right Adrian, henry will have to speak Croatian when he goes to Croatia this summer.

My stomach just sank right there and I did tell her to stop pressuring him that if she insists, he will dig in and refuse.

My son is high functioning autistic. Play with other children? Talk with other children in a foreign language? Is she NUTS???? And then I got to thinking, "What other unrealistic expectations does she have?" He doesn't eat a lot of foods - is she going to expect he'll magically eat everything once we get there (and we are working on more foods and specifically on foods we know he'll encounter there to prepare him, but we also realize there is only so much we can do).

I'm afraid she has this whole fantasy of what the 3 weeks will be like and I can tell you now - it's not going to be like that. She'll want our 15 year old to talk with the girls - he won't. he'll want the then 7 year old to play with other little kids - he won't. and she'll want us to hang out with her 24/7 when she can't keep up with what we want to do because she's an out of shape 77 year old - we will probably do some side trips separately - it's too expensive a trip to just sit and watch old people.

We already had to convince her that a house on a beach with no night life or evening activities was ok for a few days but nor for 3 weeks like she wanted.

We were supposed to go last year, but couldn't afford it. I was so relieved when we had to postpone. We HAVE to go this year and I should be looking forward to it, but I'm not...

OK... rant is over... I know... I'm spoiled, but it's not easy dealing with an unreasonable mother in law day in and day out and vacationing with her seems like a nightmare. The only postive thing for me right now is that I will (hopefully) be at goal weight and will be thinner than my mother in law (which I am now). Every time I've gone I've been fat and unfit. i can't wait to go there as an active, fit, much thinner Melissa. As yes, I was always the fattest woman on the beach, but besides that... I'm worried about the vacation. My mother in law tends to get all "daydreamy" of plans and is so unrealistic and me being a people pleaser find it hard to make her happy, my husband happy, my kids happy and me happy when it's nearly impossible as we all have different ideas/things taht make us happy.


nationalparker
03-06-2012, 06:31 PM
Can you arrange those side trips to come every three days or so - then you are always looking toward a bit of a break? It sounds like it will be a big challenge, and I can understand your trepidation a bit at the whole other dimension traveling there with your mother-in-law brings...

Do you think her "pushing" the language is her pushing him along a bit and not babying that aspect? Or just her ignorance at his interactions in social situations.

I can feel for you with the whole "she doesn't know" makes you want to just smile sweetly, roll your eyes and say, no, i don't know a THING - i'm just American as you say. You know everything, right? That seems to be the way I deal with teens. Hm.

What are your chances of getting away on side trips by yourself or with a child so you get the experience of doing some things on your OWN - only what YOU want to do, where you want to eat, what you want to see, etc.? Good public transit near where you'll be?

Sounds like fun - the time will either fly, or d-r-a-g. Hopefully the former if you have those trips planned. But keep forefront in your mind that you're going there as FIT, THIN, ACTIVE MELISSA - you GO, Girl!!

yhahmd
03-06-2012, 07:03 PM
Wow. Has she been around your son for long periods of time? Because it sounds like she hasn't a clue about him, or autism in general. I can somewhat relate...I knew someone whose brother was autistic. He wasn't high-functioning (actually he was very low, and MR), but he was a lot more capable than they gave him credit for. He was also incredibly lazy lol. He used to raid the fridge at night, and crank up the music at 3 in the morning haha. He liked being treated like a child, which included being fed with a spoon during dinner. Once, everyone had left the table for a minute (but was still in the kitchen), and being impatient as he was, I turned around and saw him feeding himself! The second he saw me, he dropped the spoon and grinned the cheesiest grin I've ever seen.

One of the most clever, most lazy people I've ever met! He was a hoot. Great guy.

I can somewhat relate...somewhat. I too have a house guest--have, for several months now--and the plan won't be changing any time soon, so I've just got to grin and bear it. It's irritating having someone come into your living space and start changing things (whether how things are arranged, run, or whatever else.) You're lucky she has her own room and bathroom and such--my guest doesn't. We're on top of each other nearly all the time, which has resulted in me living in my room most of the time (as well as keeping my food here so it isn't eaten.)

Little by little, things start to change--maybe they like to keep bread in the fridge. Maybe they make their tea in a strange way, or stay up too late and make too much noise, or run the dishwasher or do laundry every freaking day.

Wouldn' t it just be awesome to say, "look, this isn't working. GTFO."

Ahhh. Music to my ears.

I second what nationalparker said, about setting aside time for yourself or your family without her. It might sound rude, or awkward, but she can't possibly expect to spend the entire time with you and have it her way. It's your trip.

I wish I knew a special set of words to make everything better--trust me I know what it's like sharing your home with someone you dislike. It's frustrating, and I don't know about you, but it depresses me, too.

Unrelated, but is your son on a special diet or anything? Just curious because the guy I knew was on a gluten and...oh what was it...caisen? free diet, I guess it's thought to be good for autism.


EagleRiverDee
03-06-2012, 07:25 PM
Your situation sounds difficult- I think it's incredibly generous of you to have your MIL living with you when you don't get along, and it definitely sounds like you are doing all you can.

My only suggestion is to adopt a "Qué sera, sera" attitude- what happens, happens. If you're religious, pray about it and give it over to God. If not, just try to stay as positive as you can about it. You might ask your DH to talk to your MIL about it. I wouldn't hesitate (and it doesn't sound like you do) to defend your children from her if she places unreasonable demands on them. But if you can keep the peace, that would be best. If your MIL is unable to live independently now, than it's likely she won't be around for that many more years. These are good opportunities for your husband and your children to be with her.

I think it must be hard for an elderly parent to move in with a child and the roles become reversed because now they live in the child's house - there must be a constant struggle for control in that situation. That would be very hard. My mom is welcome to come live with me should the need arise but I do hope the need does not arise because my mother is a very controlling person and I'm a very independent person. She would be constantly trying to tell me, my DH and his children what to do...and I'd be constantly telling her to butt out. We get along great living apart. I know it would be a nightmare if we lived together.

caryesings
03-06-2012, 08:55 PM
Extending my sympathy. No words of wisdom, just a hug.

berryblondeboys
03-06-2012, 09:26 PM
Thank you guys. It helps sometimes just to let it all out.

What is part of my worry is that of the four other times we have gone, the last two were disastrous. 10 years ago my husband,s aunt made all the plans. We wanted to help, but she had it all under control. Well, we were staying in an awful place, too small, not enough beds, disconnected from the city and they were acting weird the entire time. It was a very horrible 3 weeks. 6 years we went and my mother in law had promised my husband,s former step dad that we would stay with him at his house. He ordered new furniture, remodeled a bathroom - all in anticipation of us coming. Well, we were trapped in this country home with a turning senile old man. A horrible 10 days. Fortunately we had planned for half the vacation to be in Italy and that part was great.

So, the last two times family have hijacked us and being it's family, it's not like you can say "see ya!" but this trip is very, very expensive and why we only go every so often. We don't take any other big vacations because we have to save for this one. (we have done a few small ones). So basically in a decade we haven't had a good family vacation or family has totally ruined it. So I'm a bit nervous about this one.

I think if we plan it very, very well - including the side trips away from my mother in law for sanity breaks, I'll be ok.

And with mil pushing my younger son, well just have to remind her to not push and maybe get her to see him around others kids so she can burst here bubble now instead of bursting it on vacation ( him not really playing with other kids). Now, he likes others kids and such, but he doesn't give and take play or do creative play, but I can see him looking for seashells or something with other kids. And IF he isn't pushed, he might say hi and bye in Croatian, but there is no way he'll turn on a full language. Might make him curious for more vocabulary - seashells - skoljke, etc, but conversations? Nope.

My older son will tell her to bug off (in a nice way) if she starts pushing about girls, so he can take care of himself. I'm sure she'll find lots of time to embarrass him. Good thing we parents don't tend to do much of that. (even he would agree with that).

Ok... Off to get more buff so I'm a hot 42 year old wife and won't feel ashamed.

SensualSiren
03-06-2012, 11:43 PM
Wow, I could never live with my MIL. She has dreamed of moving in with my husband and living a weird, ridiculous life (apparently her still living husband has died off in this fantasy...), which was dashed when we got married. To be fair, my mom is really unhealthy and would be the first to need boarding if we were letting the parents move in with us. My MIL had been campaigning against me until last year when she finally crossed the line and now my husband doesn't make me deal with her anymore.

I hope that you work it out. I guess that my family troubles growing up have at least relieved me of my desire to please family at my expense. Hey, I found a silver lining!

sheramama
03-07-2012, 12:42 AM
First of all, I give you credit for living that long with the MIL. I would be homicidal. I lived with mine for a month and I swear it was going to come to that soon. Let her bum around the room and the beach. Tell her unless she can wave a magic wand and cure your autistic son, leave him alone. (BTW, if she finds that magic wand, all the parents of the autistic children I've worked with in the 5 plus years would love a go with it.) You're going to have to get hubby on board with putting her in her place bc otherwise, you and the kids are going to be miserable. That's not fair. Much luck to you :hug:

hatgirlie
03-07-2012, 01:46 AM
Oh, for the love of God, I could never have lived with my MIL..the MIL from ****! I would have had to either kill myself or her...Nobody liked her. She's lucky to have you...someone who puts up with her. I would never EVER live with my MIL or vacation with her. My God. Vacations are suppose to be for getting away from all the daily crap and go have some fun. You're a saint. I wish you luck. I couldn't do it. I'm getting all worked up at just the thought...and my MIL is dead.

zoritsa
03-07-2012, 07:55 AM
While I love my MIL,I'm glad she has a daughter :D We've had a few vacations like that,but luckily they were cheap vacations compared to yours...and it wasn't my MIL or FIL that ruined it...it was my SIL.I can only offer a :hug: and a good luck.

kateleestar
03-07-2012, 08:02 AM
Oh, I'm sorry Melissa... I have no words of advice, but I can offer a hug and sympathy, as I also have a bad MIL. She isn't intentionally mean, I dont think.. I hope not... lol.. but it always ends up that way with me being hurt.

I wish you luck... and I agree with the PP that said to plan small side trips every 3 days or so, to give you something to always look forward to. :D

Good luck!

berryblondeboys
03-07-2012, 08:42 AM
It's not so much that she is mean, but she has a narcissistic personality - she is a controlling person and I'm a very strong-willed person (as is my husband) so it can be tough.

There was an NPR show on once that did a segment on the dysfunctionally shy personality and they were describing my mother in law to the T. It's not shy as you would think of shy - afraid of talking to people. She does talk to people, but she is very 'awkward' about it. She never got over the teen mentality of "everyone is looking at me". She really believes that everyone looks her over head to toe (and therefore she looks everyone over head to toe). She won't step out of the house unless she looks perfect. She won't invite anyone into the house unless it looks perfect and guess what, my side of the house that I keep up is NOT perfect. We always have water glasses out or the mixer on the counter, or drying dishes to be put away - something as we are a busy family. It's not DIRTY, but in her eye it is because stuff isn't perfectly in order. She's one who lines up her pens/pencils on the table.

They went on to describe these people as not being good in relationships because it's all about them. OMG!!!! She's been married three times and had several 'friends'. Anyway, she has a very difficult personality. My husband is an only child and thank goodness is extremely independent and strong willed - so he's not a Mama's boy, but still. It's difficult.

myhaloisintheshop
03-07-2012, 12:56 PM
As someone with a son that is also high functioning autistic--I totally understand the frustrations of in laws pushing something.

I feel like my in laws feel like Im the problem and that my son isn't autistic. It infuriates me to no end. Im the only one that has researched and talked to doctors. My husband doesn't even research it. Their way of thinking and pushing makes things so much harder on me and causes a regression.

I don't think i could handle it on a daily basis.

kateleestar
03-07-2012, 01:19 PM
It's not so much that she is mean, but she has a narcissistic personality - she is a controlling person and I'm a very strong-willed person (as is my husband) so it can be tough.

There was an NPR show on once that did a segment on the dysfunctionally shy personality and they were describing my mother in law to the T. It's not shy as you would think of shy - afraid of talking to people. She does talk to people, but she is very 'awkward' about it. She never got over the teen mentality of "everyone is looking at me". She really believes that everyone looks her over head to toe (and therefore she looks everyone over head to toe). She won't step out of the house unless she looks perfect. She won't invite anyone into the house unless it looks perfect and guess what, my side of the house that I keep up is NOT perfect. We always have water glasses out or the mixer on the counter, or drying dishes to be put away - something as we are a busy family. It's not DIRTY, but in her eye it is because stuff isn't perfectly in order. She's one who lines up her pens/pencils on the table.
They went on to describe these people as not being good in relationships because it's all about them. OMG!!!! She's been married three times and had several 'friends'. Anyway, she has a very difficult personality. My husband is an only child and thank goodness is extremely independent and strong willed - so he's not a Mama's boy, but still. It's difficult.

OMG. We have the same mother in law!! :lol: and :hug: ;)

And, I'm way way WAY (way!) more independent and strong willed than she is, but my DH is not... unfortunately. I have a side business and sometimes I don't have time to clean up before I go to bed, because I have to get sleep to go to my real job the next day. (I bake and sell cupcakes on the side, and work in an office during the day.) Some days, I'm up at 5, working till 4pm, baking/making dinner till 9 ro 10 and I'm totally ready to shower and go to bed. Cleaning up is something that can wait till tomorrow after work for me, but to her (and to my DH when we first were married) it was THE MOST IMPORTANT. I'm sorry, no.. my health/sanity/well being will not be sacrificed for a clean kitchen. I'm good. My grandmother used to say "A clean house is a sign of a wasted life." and I completely agree. Those dishes will not kill anyone sitting on the counter in a nice little pile overnight. But she HARPS on it. OMG. Lordy. Sigh... lol.


ETA: I'm an only child and so is DH's dad. They spent EVERY HOLIDAY with DH's dad's family and the reasoning was that it was because he was an only child. Now... since I am, when we split holidays, she makes a HUGE DEAL about DH and I going out with my family... I've had to - more than once - tell her, well, hey.. you never went out with your family, what does it matter?.. its very hypocritical of her. BOO. Ugh.

berryblondeboys
03-07-2012, 03:57 PM
OMG. We have the same mother in law!! :lol: and :hug: ;)

... My grandmother used to say "A clean house is a sign of a wasted life." and I completely agree. Those dishes will not kill anyone sitting on the counter in a nice little pile overnight. But she HARPS on it. OMG. Lordy. Sigh... lol.


I'm a baker too (used to do a little business - can't in Maryland) and I bake all our bread and goodies for home. Which is why my kitchen is always in a state of flux. We have lived together for 2.5 years and she has made a meal ONE time (my husband's birthday over a year ago) and dessert a handful of times.

She has no hobbies. She has no life. And why? Because all those things make a mess, so to avoid cleaning up messes, just don't create them.

I actually feel sorry for her. When she dies what will her grandkids remember by? That she liked to keep things clean? She doesn't take them anywhere or play do anything with them and doesn't even cook or make things. She watches TV, walks the mall and reads about art and music. She's not even that old and isn't in bad health.

ParadiseFalls
03-07-2012, 11:33 PM
I don't really have any advice, but I just wanted to say hang in there! :hug: I have no experience with anything near what you're dealing with, but I was in an 8-year relationship with a boy whose mother I could not STAND. It got better in the last couple of years, but your troubles have already gone on so much longer. Anyway, I hope that if you can't learn to like each other, you can at least compartmentalize the annoyance and try to ignore her :dizzy:

astrophe
03-08-2012, 03:05 AM
My mother in law tends to get all "daydreamy" of plans and is so unrealistic and me being a people pleaser find it hard to make her happy, my husband happy, my kids happy and me happy when it's nearly impossible as we all have different ideas/things taht make us happy.

Been there! :hug:

Give yourself permission to be on vacation and not people please all the time. Take a break. Let everyone else hold their own emotional baggage. You are not responsible for other people and their happy 24/7.

Take a poll of the people. Perhaps agree on top 3 things to hit as a big group, and then let the rest be what it is for your resting vacation needs. So you don't please her daily while on vacation. And? Is that so horrid? To want a break from people pleasing?

My Dad is that way. Controlling and narcisstic. He complains I do "elder abuse" because I won't give in to his every whim. He also complains I'm "bossy" and a whole mess of other stuff. Everyone knows I'm not unkind -- and everyone knows he's being unreasonable and he's one of those fusspot seniors! Not all seniors age well or pleasantly. That is the reality.

He also struggles with mental illness. We're not unkind to him or inconsiderate of his needs but we do have to take a firm hand with him sometimes when his expectations are just over the top and he views his wants as needs. We meet his needs for care. But his wants take turns with everyone else's wants. Where we go out to dinner, what movie we rent to watch, etc. It is not his way all the time. It is fair. And he doesn't like it.

That he doesn't like that? That's his problem. His own unrealistic expectation that "his way should be the way all the time" sets him up for disappointment when it isn't. That's not his people hurting him. That's him and his thinking hurting himself. Mom used to try to change his mind but I told her to leave that job to his psych. Don't be doing other people's jobs. We do ours. Psych does his. Dad? He has his jobs. He can choose to apply himself and do his therapies work with his psych or not. He's the one who was to live his life. We cannot live it for him.

We can only choose how we want to live our own.

We all traveled to my grandma's 90th bday. Big family reunion. Dad wanted to control everything all the time and that was nuts. My sister and I ignored his nonsense and asked Mom what her top three things were. Turns out she only had two. So we did them to honor her and honor my grandmother since she's the reason for the big reunion. We also let Dad pick some things he wanted so he got something. But the REST of the time? We did as we pleased and took off in separate directions. We all thought it was fine and fair. Dad was huffy he didn't get to boss all.

But 7 people unhappy trying to please the unpleasable + 1 grumpy pants?

How's that better than 7 people reasonably happy + 1 grumpy pants?

He's always grumpy pants, and his grumpy stems from his own overstepping bounds/unreasonable expectations!

My kid is 8. She knows her grandad is a fusspot. I don't want to raise a people pleaser. So I invite her, but if she doesn't want to come I don't make her when I go see the parents. If she decides to come along? I don't MAKE her play with him. She has to be polite and clean up whatever when she's done playing as basic manners. But I won't dictate to her how she spends her time there. She knows there's consequences. If she makes a big old fort, she's cleaning up that big old fort! If she makes the cat mad, he might scratch. If she decides to play with grandad, he might be having a good day or he may be in fusspot mode. It is what it is.

I don't say anything mean about my Dad to her. But the child herself can see he is difficult and she reacts naturally. If she spends less time with him because he's a fusspot... He can choose to try to be less fusspot or not. Sometimes she plays with my dad. She obviously prefers playing with my mom, because mom leaves her alone and doesn't try to control the games like my dad does. Sometimes she's off with the cat and other times she just wants to play by herself.

Dad says I'm "brainwashing her" against him. I pay it no mind and let the child-grandad relationship unfold however it will. It's their relationship to develop. Not mine. THEIRS.

What I won't do is force her to play with him and raise a people pleaser. That can lead to accepting abuse/drama/wacky in future relationships because she's not secure about just saying "thanks, but no thanks. not for me right now."

I rather support her in her making her own judgement calls about who she wants to be with or not. She can own that. And Dad? He can own how his fusspot alienates his grandkid. That's his baggage to decide to hold, or drop. Not mine to dictate or hold for him, no matter how many times he tries to saddle me with that baggage.

A.

PrincessSophia
03-08-2012, 04:04 AM
As someone with a son that is also high functioning autistic--I totally understand the frustrations of in laws pushing something.

I feel like my in laws feel like Im the problem and that my son isn't autistic. It infuriates me to no end. Im the only one that has researched and talked to doctors. My husband doesn't even research it. Their way of thinking and pushing makes things so much harder on me and causes a regression.

I don't think i could handle it on a daily basis.

I second that... My parents also tried to find problems somewhere else... He doesnt speak yet because he is boy not because he is autistic... Or we had never have any history of autism in our family, dont push too much... (probably, my mother in low told my husband the same things but he is much more harder than me, so she stopped instantly).

What I tried to when I came back from depression is to teach everyone around to help my son. Basic ABA, basic floor time, prt... etc. So they should know what to do (and provide tons of information but I ma not sure it helped much)

Vex
03-08-2012, 12:54 PM
I totally understand what you're saying. My son is 10 and probably has aspergers (I am not getting anything diagnosed, but that's another story.)

Both my mother and my mother in law are the same way. For example, despite the fact that I tell them, yes he really only eats 3 things, they push and push other stuff on him. Another language? He's still working on English thank you.

Luckily I don't live with them, like you do. It doesn't seem like anything you say will make them stop - and they probably won't. All you can probably do is talk to your son afterwards that grandma just loves you and those are the ways she shows it - that HE isn't doing anything wrong.

Is her moving out an option? I doubt it's going to get better down the line and you definitely don't want to end up hating her. Is it really worth having that much stress every day? What does your husband think - it's his mom.

.

berryblondeboys
03-08-2012, 01:35 PM
Thank you everyone... For day to day stuff we have found a way to make it work. It helps a lot that we found a place that accomodates everyone. It was a planned move. She followed us everywhere with our moves and she does some things that made us worried about her living alone - like not eating sometimes. And, when we moved this last time, we knew it was our last big move (or so we hope) and on our own we couldn't afford a home that also suit his mom if/when her health really went south and we knew that day was coming. So, we had the big family talk and decided it was better to pool resources and get a home that was big enough and arranged in a way that gave us all enough space to live comfortably.

So, there is asking no her to leave. She owns part of the house - and we planned it that way so no one gets in their head "it's my house - like it or leave it" mentality. basically she provided the down payment (less than she would pay if she was buying her own single bedroom simple condo) and we took on the mortgage. We also pay all the utilities, cable, phone, food, etc. For things like phone and food my husband keeps track of her portion of that and if we ever need help with something in the house - like last year we needed new gutters, we ask her to pay for part of it from the money she is 'saving' on not buying food/phone, etc. That way she is contributing, we aren't taking advantage of anything and don't feel we are being taken advantage of either. All of that financial stuff works nicely for all of us.

We all have our own spaces too. On the main level she has a living room (19x13), a bedroom (13x14) and her own bathroom. On the main level is also the kitchen and dining/sitting area and laundry room - we share that space, but I take care of it. We have the upstairs - all the bedrooms, office, bathrooms and a family room over the garage. Basement I guess is shared, but she never uses it - it's for storage - (she has some down there) and a big open room with a ping pong table and a couch and TV for the Wii.

Basically, she lives like a boarder. She has her own private spaces and comes out for meals and we all eat together.

It's just for me, I don't like her company (never have) and I prefer to avoid her as much as possible. It's the only way I can stay sane.

You know what else is really odd about her behavior? She's a psychiatrist and a neurologist. You would think her training would make her more in tune or knowledgeable. Nope. She is in denial that her older grandson has terrible ADHD and then wonders why he is so disorganized? And she totally doesn't get autism. I think for her because he's not severe, it doesn't count or something. He is very verbal, gives good eye contact and is very bright. He just doesn't care to play or be part of a group and his behavior is very repetitive as his is language (telling you the same thing over and over again).

Oh well... Sorry for the novel.

futuresize6
03-14-2012, 04:32 PM
There is a golden rule-no 2 grown women can live in a home at the same time.
I believe it to be true based on my past experiences and from friends' experiences. Now with that being said-just so I don't sound horribly insensitive and a vile human being-my MIL passed away very young almost 2 yrs ago very abruptly and unexpectedly...and... It has been the most peaceful 2 yrs of my life since being with my hubby 20 yrs now. Sorry if it offends some ppl but it's the honest truth. So I keep this knowledge for my 2 teens at home who will be married some day...
So dont feel badly for wanting to have a normal relaxing vacation and for that matter...and a life.

AlyN
03-14-2012, 09:40 PM
Oh Goodness. It's hard with women. There is no "alpha male", you can't fight it out, and yet you don't want to "put her in her place" for fear of the dramatics afterwards, especially when children are involved.

But I would just explain to your children that while they have to respect her, they have to live their lives according to their personalities. Not hers. That's the whole thing, it sounds like she is only thinking of her perfect life and not understanding that it directly contradicts others.
Hang in there! Sometimes, you just have to ignore ignore ignore. Others, kill with kindness. Whatever your choice, stick with it. Don't back down. And always be you. :)

puneri
03-14-2012, 10:17 PM
Guys remember one day you too going to be old and some one is going to "rant" about you.
Patience and tolerance have no place in this world looks like. I am an Indian almost 60 years old. What I have seen is mil and dil do not get along for some years and after some years they cannot live separate. If you want to fight, fight. If you want to shout, shout at each other. But after that you should be able to talk to each other and make up. That is called " family".
Never forget each person has some good and some bad qualities, no one is only good or only bad. But, once you know he/she is your family, you should be able to let go some things.
Always remember one day you are also going to need help and if your son has seen you helping his grand mom, he will feel it is his duty to help you.
As you sow, so you reap.