100 lb. Club - Bizzaro world...
03-04-2012, 02:45 PM
I don't mean to sound whiny, but I am finding that as I lose weight the people closest to me are reacting more coldly/negatively to me (with a few exceptions that I'm very grateful to for keeping me sane) and complete strangers are being so nice to me. It's like I'm in bizarro world - I'm used to being ignored or treated negatively by strangers and appreciated by the people I'm close to, and it's becoming the opposite...
I feel a little lost and confused, and am wondering if anybody has had similar experiences...
03-04-2012, 03:21 PM
I have very few friends that have known me since my high weight. But the few that I did, seemed to have dissipate over the last year or so. It seems like the more weight I lose, the more my heaviest friends top making an effort to keep in touch. And the less I weigh, the more other people i've met within that year or so, seem to want to keep in contact...It could be things just changed with our lives other then that so its effected our friendship. Strangers on the other hand do seem more friendly. Salespeople in particular...
03-04-2012, 03:22 PM
People hate change and when things around them change, they have trouble controlling their feelings. Jealousy can also play a big part in peoples actions. If the people close to you need to lose weight, they could see failure in themselves when looking at the amazing accomplishments you are making. Once they adjust to the weight loss I'm sure they will start warming up to you again.
03-04-2012, 04:29 PM
I've noticed the exact same thing. When I was 130, girls weren't quite as friendly, especially my former roommates who were - and still are - obese. I was never mean or snooty with them, I tried to be kind, but they just didn't like me. My roommates actually commented on my weight several times all on their own - it was as much on their mind as it was on mine it seems. Men, however, noticed me more often and flirted.
As I get thinner, I find the same to be true all over again with one exception - the girls. The girls at my first school were on the mean side. They just weren't friendly people. But the ones at my current school kinda just have their own things going on and don't care. That's not to say they are perfect because they're not, they have their own set of flaws, but they seem to leave other people alone for the most part. If you lose weight their reaction isn't likely to be cruel, if they react at all.
In general, I feel like I'm being treated a little better I suppose.
03-04-2012, 05:31 PM
I agree with Candeka, people hate change and not being in control. Some of it can also be jealousy. You are accomplishing something that they can/have not done.
01-21-2014, 03:06 PM
It is a bizarro world to navigate, that's for sure. Sometimes it's US too. Maybe we bent over backwards to put other people first when we were fat, and they got used to it. Got used to us always asking how THEY are, listened so attentively to all their grumbles about life etc., and now that we aren't so readily available or willing to JUST be that for them, they can pull away.
Same with strangers. Maybe before we were a bit shy or awkward, or embarrassed, or aggressive, whatever the case, when meeting new people or being in new situations. Once you get a bit of confidence, maybe we tend to be more friendly ourselves, more outgoing and receptive to people.
It's rare that 100 people are completely different and we have remained exactly the same ;)
01-21-2014, 04:58 PM
I know this is an old thread but the bizarre world still exists. :(
I saw my mother on Thanksgiving (after losing 150lbs and not seeing her that whole time) and she didn't say one word to me about it. I know she heard about it from my dad, brother and sister but still, to see it in person you'd think there would be a reaction. NOTHING. Talk about weird.
Last week, my DH and I saw another couple we haven't seen in over a year at the local tavern. They looked twice at us when we walked in and I just waved. They were whispering to each other thinking me and my DH were no longer together and this was DH's new woman! How funny is that! They were thrilled for me and my weightloss which made me feel great. :)
01-21-2014, 05:11 PM
I've actually had a lot of weight loss support, but let me tell you the, also, bizzaro reaction I've encountered...in spite of working many many years with these same people they do not remember me at all from years before! I work in a call center so it's easy to get "lost" but some of these people started this job the same time as me, was in the same training classes, etc!
So pretty much when I was 350 lbs they never saw me but when I went under 200 lbs they started talking to me. I don't hold a grudge or think anyone has bad intentions, it's just funny when I was at my largest size I was invisible but when I lost weight I was visible! LOL...was blind but now I see!
01-21-2014, 05:12 PM
I really want people to notice but yet I don't. I got myself so ready to be defensive at Christmas that when my family just took it in stride, I didn't know what to think. No "OMG you're eating that?" or "come on, one won't kill you".
So I am super lucky not to have had any judgmental or sabotaging remarks which I think is sort of bizzarro world because usually there's at least that one person who tells you you look fine (when you're overweight) or thinks you should lose weight THEIR way or are threatened. And, really, if somebody is having a problem with YOUR diet that affects them directly not in the least, that says more about them than it does about you.
01-21-2014, 05:38 PM
I've noticed that people in my life think the fact that I've lost weight is cart blanche to be nasty to me about my eating habits. For example, I left my nephew's birthday party early on Sunday for another engagement. My brother asked me "Aren't you going to have a piece of cake... or 6?". Even my boyfriend seems to totally lack a filter when it comes to "gentle teasing".
One thing that I've figured out: Those that comment nicely, even if it's just a generic "you look really good" are the most confident people that I know. Ignorance or snarkiness generally comes from people who lack self confidence or have issues with their own bodies. This of course isn't true for everyone, but it's something that I've noticed.