General chatter - How old were you when you had children?




konfyoozed
03-01-2012, 11:04 PM
My husband and I are 28, and don't plan on having kids for another 2-3 years... once he's out of grad school (and once I drop the weight!). I think this is perfectly fine, women in their 30s have babies every day. Meanwhile people of my mom's generation are telling me I need to have kids NOW before I'm too old!

So, I'm just curious, how old were you when you had children?


98DaysOfSummer
03-01-2012, 11:17 PM
I had my daughter when I was 33 (and also, very overweight. I don't recommend it but when you reach a certain age, if you want kids you can't keep putting it off based on "I hope I lose weight" because the clock WILL run out on you). There were pregnant women and women with newborns at my 25 year class reunion. A friend of mine had both of her kids in her 40s.

There are advantages either way - have your kids when you're younger and you may find you decide to have more.

Have them when you're older - you'll have had time with your SO to know yourselves as a couple and you'll probably more more financially stable.

There's no right or wrong choice. It'll work just fine either way.

Micki k
03-01-2012, 11:42 PM
I had my daughter at 38. I wasnt at my highest weight ever, but not too far off. Other than some pretty extreme morning sickness in the beginning I had a very uneventful pregnancy. I actually lost 17lbs in the beginning and only gained back 8. The doctors were very good at scaring the crap out of me about my age. There are risks with having a baby over 35, but if you take good care of yourself you can minimize those risks. Definitely start taking a prenatal vitamin as early as possible.
In 2-3 years you still have plenty of time to have a safe, healthy pregnancy.
Good luck!


mandalinn82
03-01-2012, 11:45 PM
I'll be 29 when this one (my first) is born.

It's all very personal! We were in a place in our lives where we were ready...if we weren't, we wouldn't have made this decision, you know? You have to trust your instincts a bit!

konfyoozed
03-01-2012, 11:50 PM
waiting until he graduates gives us the opportunity to enjoy being a married couple without children. we also won't have to deal with me being pregnant, or carting around infants or toddlers in the THREE more times we're moving over the next few years. and the most important one: it allows my husband to finish grad school and start his career... meaning financial stability and medical benefits. we've had this discussion multiple times over the last couple years from when we talked about possibly getting married, through our engagement, and most recently when i realized we'd been married for 9 months and if we had conceived on the honeymoon, we'd have a baby by now.

i just get those "i want one..." moments when people are all BABIES SOON?! and i need to remind myself that we've got a plan, it's a good one, and things will happen as they should.

cherrypie
03-02-2012, 12:17 AM
I had my first at 34 and my second at 37. I don't think my age was a problem exactly, but it took me 4 years of trying to have my first. I always shudder when people want to wait expecting to have a baby 10 months after the day they start trying. Unfortunately it isn't always as easy as they led you to believe in high school. Waiting till your early 30's isn't much of an issue but when I hear people putting it off till their late 30's I always fear they will have issues and just run out of time.

suzukigurl
03-02-2012, 12:23 AM
I was 31 when I had my son... For me (and my husband) it was more about what was going on in our life more then age. We had been together for 12 years, married 5, I was done with nursing school, we finally had a house etc...

chickadee32
03-02-2012, 12:28 AM
We began trying a little over 2 years ago, when we were both 31, but couldn't conceive. This summer we identified the reason for my infertility after surgery to resolve an ectopic pregnancy, and now we're going through IVF to get pregnant. I wish that we had begun trying earlier, as my condition is a progressive one and is worse now than it would have been had we identified it 5 years ago. But, our situation was different than yours, and your reasons for the timeline you've chosen seem perfectly logical. As long as you have no solid reason to suspect you might run into an issue with fertility (like close female relatives who had difficulty conceiving - mother, sister, aunt, etc.), then I don't think starting in your early 30s seems late at all. My friends are all in their early/mid 30s and all still having babies.

astrophe
03-02-2012, 12:36 AM
I was 28 when my child was born.

I met her father when I was 18, and married him at 22.

So she was planned to come at or around our 10th year together if we had good luck so we had plenty of time bonding alone as a couple first.

I started preparing for TTC at 26, it took us a year to get pregnant, then the time to BE pregnant so even with the PCOS weird cycles it worked out quite well.

If I didn't have PCOS issues, I may have put it off a bit. My sister just had her first at 32.

But since I did have extra issues, I didn't want to put it off too long in case TTC took years and years like for some PCOS ladies. Mostly, I was aiming for between 28 and 35 to have her.

And one high risk PCOS pregnancy was enough for us. I would have liked 2, but not so much that I want to struggle like that again. I had an easier TTC than I expected, but one miscarriage, gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, and emergency C-sect was just a lot to handle.

I was so glad my sister had a nice boring pregnancy with natural water birth in her hospital like she wanted!

HTH!
A.

konfyoozed
03-02-2012, 12:52 AM
my doctor diagnosed me with PCOS a few years ago, but last year she told me that it doesn't seem to be affecting me much if at all... she put me on birth control pills for a while, but i couldn't afford them after about a year and a half... and between going off the pill, and going back on the pill about a year ago (almost 2 years), i didn't miss a single period. the doctor told me that was a good sign, and that if i managed to get the weight off of me, i would likely have a much higher chance of conceiving than if the PCOS was severe. i didn't think there were levels.

astrophe
03-02-2012, 12:58 AM
There's various types of PCOS patients - at least 5. (http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/pcos-insulin-resistance-support/223873-poll-what-type-pcos-patient-you.html)

I'm one of the ones that doesn't ovulate much. For TTC, that could be a prob! :D

A.

shishkeberry
03-02-2012, 01:02 AM
I guess I'm the youngin' here! I had my DS at 21 and my DD at 27. I'm 28 now. Even though I don't think I was ready at the time when I had DS, I'm glad I had them when I did. I'll still be in my forties when they're both grown.

ValRock
03-02-2012, 01:27 AM
I was a youngin' too. I had my first at 21 and my 2nd at 24. I'm 28 now and they're about to both be in school all day! I can't believe I'm at this place in my life already! It was REALLY hard when they were young. I was still figuring myself out and trying to raise babies. I'm glad now, but MAN sometimes I wished I'd waited.

sacha
03-02-2012, 06:28 AM
I was 25 for #1 and 27 for #2. If I had known my husband earlier (we met I was 23) then I would have had them earlier. I really wouldn't want to be any older (even 27 is a bit much for me now) but that's just my opinion.

I will be selfish and say that I want my kids out of the house by the time I'm 50 LOL

Laura78
03-02-2012, 06:40 AM
I had DS at 25 and DD at 27. I would have head them earlier but DH wanted to have some time for us as a couple. I will be in my mid-forties when they are done high school.

kateleestar
03-02-2012, 07:52 AM
I just turned 30 in December, my husband will be 33 in April. We are waiting till this time next year to TTC. We have a house, cars, great jobs and are completely financially stable, and by that time, we will have been married 5 years and together 7. I'm too much of a planner to have had a kid already, LOL, so our waiting was right for me. Besides, once they are around you can't put them back, so you better be ready for them!! :)

And whatever YOU feel is right for you is RIGHT. :D

GL!

runningfromfat
03-02-2012, 07:53 AM
My daughter I had in my mid-20's. This was shortly after having cysts, one of which led to a tumor so that they had to remove one of my ovaries. It was a pretty clear decision for us that it might be a now or never decision. We'd like another child but if that happens I'll be very early 30's before it happens. However, I saw my mom struggle for years with miscarriages and infertility before she had my sister so I know that getting pregnant as a young 30 year old might not be that easy (and realistically it might not happen at all, I've already had one miscarriage). I also have had many friends who have struggled with infertility in their very early 30's so I know it's a real thing. I only have one friend who TTCed in her early 30's and never had a miscarriage, all the others who I know who have TTCed in their early 30's have had at least one miscarriage. That being said, many have gone on to have healthy pregnancies afterwards.

All that is to say. You have to do what's best for your family BUT be realistic about it. You might be one of the lucky ones who has no struggles whosoever but statistically speaking dealing with fertility issues is a real thing and it does get harder once you enter your 30's. I think many times it gets sugar coated too much in the media (and it's an excuse for policy makers to ignore women rights when it comes to maternity leave, health care etc).

Sorry for the rant but it's an issue that strikes pretty close to my heart.

Daki
03-02-2012, 09:03 AM
I'm 27 and I don't have kids yet. My boyfriend (28) and I have a plan in place and with any luck we'll have our first baby when I'm 30 or 31. This is after we buy a house (Moving in with his parents to save for a down payment NEXT WEEK), after we get married (He recently asked my ring size and we're going on a big vacation in August.. ohmygawd!), and after we have some time to be a married couple.

Thankfully we won't be pestered by our parents about grandchildren. His brother and sister are still in college and my brother and sister are 12 years old and 8 years old, so both sets of parents don't feel old enough for grandbabies haha.

Sum38
03-02-2012, 09:12 AM
27 and 29.... I wish we had had more kids. My DH traveled for work and I felt I made a great mom of two as ~nearly~ a single parent; but 4, which I originally wanted to have; I would have made a pull-your-hair-out-crazy mom.....now I regret it :(

I think I would make a better and less goal oriented mom now. I am 44. Don't get me wrong; my kids are doing great. My DD is a senior in HS with 3.9 GPA and 32 ACT score; she has a full scholarship for her college of choice (she wants to be a pharmacist) ...my second year HS son has 3.9+ GPA (he wants to go to medical school)...so yeah, I was "on top" and involved all the time... I just feel I wish I had been a more relaxed as parent and smelled the roses along the way. -- So maybe if I had been in my mid 30's as a new parent; i would have been more relaxed.

I am looking forward to being a grandparent and a relaxed one :D

konfyoozed
03-02-2012, 09:32 AM
There's various types of PCOS patients - at least 5. (http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/pcos-insulin-resistance-support/223873-poll-what-type-pcos-patient-you.html)

I'm one of the ones that doesn't ovulate much. For TTC, that could be a prob! :D

A.

kinda wish my doctor would have clarified that during the diagnosis. it was just "here's the internal ultrasound picture showing a raspberry looking ovary instead of an almond looking ovary. you have pcos. read this. and here's a prescription for an estrogen + progestin birth control pill. have a nice day." she also gave me a pill to induce my period, so i could start on BCP... then i took the pill for a year... and my period has been regular as clockwork ever since. even when i was off the pill.

berryblondeboys
03-02-2012, 09:38 AM
I was 26 with my first and 35 with my second. We had planned on having a 5 year gap (time when my husband was getting his PhD), but then we ran into infertility issues. I'm sure my weight played in part of that too. It was after I dropped a bit of weight that I got pregnant, so who knows.

The one we had at 26 was WAY harder. I was in grad school and when I finished, DH started his PhD. We were sooooooooo strapped for cash, time, etc. The second time we were better off financially, but I didn't have as much patience. I didn't handle the sleep deprivation as well. I could feel I was older.

I'm now 42 with a 15 year old with very strong ADHD and a 6 year old who is high functioning autistic. My hands are FULL as a parent and having more seems like an insane thing to think about. My husband has always been there, but he was either doing his PhD stuff or working long hours. THAT part I didn't expect as a parent - to be doing it so much alone. He was gone 8 am to 7 pm. He came home, we ate and then the little one went to bed and he would go unwind while I spent time with the other one.

It's only been in the last two years that he has gotten more involved (when he had a job change) and it has made a HUGE difference in my life. Probably made it easier for me to start taking care of myself.

I guess all of this is to say, "it's never easy". But it's also YOUR decision and no one elses. You two need to do what is right for you as a family.

Sum38
03-02-2012, 09:41 AM
I asked this on different thread; what causes PCOS? I read two things; being overweight causes PCOS and the second thing I read; PCOS causes women to be over weight-- Do "skinny" women have this problem and then they gain weight?

Droopysgirl
03-02-2012, 10:14 AM
I was 36 & 38 when I had my two daughters, I am now 50. I can honestly say it is a lot harder to have children when you are older. I don't have the git-up-and-go that I had when I was younger but on the other had my life is less stressed now. I do wish that I could run and play like I did when I was younger, but otherwise I have a great deal of fun with my girls.

PinkLotus
03-02-2012, 10:29 AM
I had my daughter when I was 30, and we'll be trying for our second this year, meaning I'll probably be 33 around the time he/she will be born. I didn't really choose to start having kids until my 30's, I just didn't meet my husband until I was 26 and we didn't marry until I was 29, so that's why I started at that age.
It's definitely a personal choice, and everyone is different, but I am glad I was a little older when I had my first.

kirsteng
03-02-2012, 11:02 AM
I had my first a week before I turned 35.

My second at 36 1/2.

My third a month before I turned 41.


I had 3 super-easy, healthy pregnancies. I never had even a bit of morning sickness with any of them (I know, it's hard to believe!), and I was obese for the lot of them (starting weight around 240, 248, and 255 pounds).

I got pregnant on the first month with baby #1, the second month with baby #2, and the first month with baby #3 (at age 40). I had one miscarriage, the month we conceived my third, but it was on the 3rd day after I got a positive pregnancy test. If I hadn't tested, I would have just thought it was a slightly late period. Our third son was conceived the month after that miscarriage.

So yes, I DO realize I'm ridiculously lucky and probably won the genetic lottery for baby-making (my grandmother had 12 children)... but at the same time, it's not all doom and gloom for late pregnancies. I had natural (no medication) childbirth with all 3 of my babies, and the third was born at home with a midwife. My only pregnancy complaint was heartburn.

I think your timeline and your plan are great - sounds like in a couple of years you'll be well-set-up for a baby. In the meantime, keep up with your own plan! ;)

konfyoozed
03-02-2012, 11:30 AM
I asked this on different thread; what causes PCOS? I read two things; being overweight causes PCOS and the second thing I read; PCOS causes women to be over weight-- Do "skinny" women have this problem and then they gain weight?

i don't know, but in the time after college my weight shot up from around 200 to 275 in about a year. i had just moved and was definitely eating some of my loneliness, but i don't think i was eating 80 pounds worth of loneliness in a year. as the weight ballooned, my period disappeared. in a 2 year time span after the major weight gain, i only got my period 3 times. saw the doctor, got my diagnosis, panicked and ate my way up to 300 pounds thinking I'M NEVER HAVING KIDS MY LIFE IS OVER in an overly dramatic fashion.... then my period came back regular as clock work, after a year on the pill and last year my doctor told me that the more weight i lose, the easier it will be to conceive, and i shouldn't have much trouble if my period continues to be regular.

i don't know if it was the PCOS that made my weight jump, or if it was my finding comfort in the fridge that led to PCOS developing. but from everything i've read, becoming a healthy weight can reduce or eliminate the symptoms. one of the many reasons i'm trying to lose weight.

joyc21
03-02-2012, 11:53 AM
I was 22 with my first and 28 with my 4th (and last). I always knew that I wanted to be done having my kids by the time I hit 30.....Several of my friends in their early to mid 30s are having kids now. To each his/her own.

Rana
03-02-2012, 01:56 PM
I asked this on different thread; what causes PCOS? I read two things; being overweight causes PCOS and the second thing I read; PCOS causes women to be over weight-- Do "skinny" women have this problem and then they gain weight?

Actually, no one knows exactly what triggers PCOS. But they do suspect part of it may be genetic, as it travels in families. For example, my sister has PCOS and my father's side of the family is full of diabetics.

PCOS is an imbalance of your endocrine system and from what I've read for those that have IR with PCOS, it's probably related to the weakening of the pancreas (which does so much, not just excrete insulin!).

PCOS causes your hormones to be out of whack, that includes your progesterone, your estrogen, and your testosterone, along with your FSH, LH, and your adrogens.

Because it affects your FSH/LH and adrogens (this is what regulates a woman's cycle and release of the egg for fertilization), a lot of women with PCOS can have issues conceiving. But the issues aren't only related to ovulation, since many can ovulate, but also the ability to keep the pregnancy and not miscarry, and complications during pregnancy. Well, it adds a whole lot of other complications that aren't pregnancy related either -- like excess hair in the wrong places or missing hair (head), acne, obesity, insulin resistance, and so on.

The insulin resistance is really where a lot of people find that the vicious cycle of weight gain and loss drives them batty. Our bodies (since I have PCOS/IR) aren't secreting the right amounts of insulin, then we end up overeating, which causes us to increase in weight and our bodies are taking that excess glucose from the carby delicious things we eat and stores them into fat.

Being overweight does NOT cause PCOS. If you are struggling losing weight and you are eating reasonably (and not in denial about what you're consuming) you may have something wrong. It might be PCOS if you display some of the other symptoms associated with it.

For example, I never got my period regularly without the help of BCP. I gained weight very quickly and even being on a low calorie diet, I lost weight slowly if at all.

In order to treat it, I had to understand how my body was processing the foods that I was eating, include regular exercise to balance the glucose in my body, and accept that my body was going to let go of the weight slowly.

There are a number of different treatment options, personally, I go for the more natural ones and my PCOS has been managed well through that. I think I even ovulated last month and I'm not trying to get pregnant! I've been off BCP and getting my period regularly.

Some people think that bPA (found in cans, plastics, etc.) and other pollutants affect our endocrine systems and have caused women who otherwise don't have a genetic link to the disease to develop it. Nothing conclusive, but it really makes me think about all the stuff I've ingested throughout the years and if I could have handled my PCOS earlier had I known that.

I hope that helps! No children here, don't want them, but I have tons of friends who did, both with issues and non-issue. My aunt had her second child at 43, so it's all possible. It was NOT an accident.:)

erinrenae80
03-02-2012, 02:07 PM
I was 18, 21, and 28. I wish that my ex-hubby and I would have had time to just be a married couple for a while before having kids. A friend of mine from high school that is a year older than me had her first when I had my last one. There is nothing wrong with having a plan. Remember plans can change when you least expect it too. Do what is right for the two of you.

surfergirl2
03-02-2012, 02:30 PM
I'm single...just kinda stumbled onto this thread...but just wondering...for those of you who conceived after your mid 30s...were you worried about birth defects? If i ever get married/have a baby, it will be in or after my mid 30s, so i wonder about that.

berryblondeboys
03-02-2012, 04:19 PM
I'm single...just kinda stumbled onto this thread...but just wondering...for those of you who conceived after your mid 30s...were you worried about birth defects? If i ever get married/have a baby, it will be in or after my mid 30s, so i wonder about that.

Yes I did worry about it quite a bit. One of the reasons we opted for an amnio. And I recall saying after the amnio results came back that all was OK was, "Now all I worry about it autism" and my son is autistic (asperger's - though they are going away from using aspergers and just calling it high functioning autism).

Would I have changed anything? No... but we also made decisions on what we would do if we found out bad news with the amnio - you just have to have a plan as a couple.

rachaelm
03-02-2012, 04:48 PM
Yes, I do worry about the risks of an AMA (advanced maternal age 35+) pregnancy.

I am 36, and had my son when I was 29. My biological clock is ticking, but I cannot decide that I'm ready to do it again.

Lambiechop
03-02-2012, 05:05 PM
20 with my first, 22 with my second. Glad I had them early. They'll both be in school full time next year. I like being a young mom. I'm 27 now.

lovemydoggiesx2
03-02-2012, 05:29 PM
If fertility wasnt an issue I would have started in my mid-20s. I always wanted 5 kids and to be done by 35. Now, Im 31 with 2 failed IVFs and I just pray for at least 1 healthy child and I dont care what my age will be! (next IVF is in August with DH is home from Afganistan. Hoping to be preggers this year)

kirsteng
03-02-2012, 06:09 PM
I'm single...just kinda stumbled onto this thread...but just wondering...for those of you who conceived after your mid 30s...were you worried about birth defects? If i ever get married/have a baby, it will be in or after my mid 30s, so i wonder about that.



I was worried.. very worried in fact. But it was what it was. I met my future husband at age 29 and we didn't get married until I was 34. Life works like that sometimes...

I did the amnio because DH and I had also talked it out and decided that we needed to know, and had made our decisions prior to amnio. Everyone has to decide for themselves what is right for them. I was incredibly relieved to pass that 18 week ultrasound each time. Not fun - but if you really analyze the risks, they're still not incredibly terrible even at 41. I have a friend who just had her first baby (healthy, easy pregnancy) at 44.

That said though, you never know for sure until you try. :hug:

cherrypie
03-02-2012, 06:14 PM
really, right through your 30's your chance of having a healthy baby are still way better than your odds of having one with birth defects.

astrophe
03-02-2012, 07:07 PM
I asked this on different thread; what causes PCOS? I read two things; being overweight causes PCOS and the second thing I read; PCOS causes women to be over weight-- Do "skinny" women have this problem and then they gain weight?

You can be a thin cyster. I was thin for a long time!

Research hints at a problem in Gene 19 (http://www.feinberg.northwestern.edu/news/2002/2002E-August/pcos.html) -- so in time we may start seeing more answers for why it happens and they further that.

But for now it has no known etiology or cure, and it is an endocrine disorder that can affect all systems in time -- NOT just reproductive areas. I didn't use to be hypothyroid for instance. Or Syndrome X! It's a domino effect of sorts.

Can learn more basics at the inciid faq. (http://www.inciid.org/faq.php?cat=infertility101&id=2)

HTH!
A.

kprincess45
03-02-2012, 07:15 PM
I had my daughter when Me and my husband were 20. I was a month away from being 21. we are both 25 and haven't had anymore kids. My hubby wants another one, But i'm not ready. I want to lose the weight first and then stay active wihile being preggo this time so hopefully in DEC we might go for it :)

Vex
03-02-2012, 08:46 PM
I was 32 when I had my son. I was probably 230's when I had him.

I was able to avoid the pregnancy weight gain though because I was only pregnant for 25 weeks. He was pretty early. :/

.

SmallSteps
03-02-2012, 09:23 PM
I had my one and only child Jennifer when I was 19. We grew up together :)

Arctic Mama
03-02-2012, 11:48 PM
I got married when I was 19, had my first daughter at 20, my second at 22, and my son at 24. That's the tally so far, I'm 25 now and nowhere near done. I love being a younger mom. I would not recommend putting children off as there's only one thing on earth better than them, but to each his own!

purpleunicorn
03-03-2012, 07:52 PM
I was married at 14, had my first daughter at 15. First son at 16, second daughter at 20, second son at 26 and third son at 27! I always wanted 12 kids, but that wasn't meant to be. I'm glad I had my kids young, I don't think I would have had any, or not as many if I had waited longer. I'm 54 now and I'm enjoying the grandkids & great grandkids :)

junebug41
03-04-2012, 05:21 AM
We decided we were ready in October 2009 and he arrived November 2011. I was 29. Since it took longer than I wanted I used to have major regret that we didn't start earlier because I got the itch a while before that, but in hindsight it all worked out for the best. I'm glad it was a little later rather than earlier than when I was ready. I had just lost about 25lbs in pcos gain and I was glad to get the pregnancy started on the right foot. I only gained about 25-28 lbs, which is surprising considering I had a more carb-heavy diet. Eating that way not pregnant would've been a disaster, but that's pcos for you. Unfortunately it has been stubborn coming off because I can't eat that way anymore.

JessD
03-04-2012, 11:05 AM
I was 32 when I had my daughter. I don't necessarily wish I had her when I was younger, but I've often wished I had picked a better father for her. Live and learn, LOL. She's 18 now and trying to figure out the mechanics of being an adult.

sheramama
03-04-2012, 07:05 PM
I had my daughter at 21 and my son at 24. I originally envisioned myself as having kids in my early 30's, but it didn't work out that way. They were the best surprises in the world :)

alaskanlaughter
03-04-2012, 08:01 PM
i never envisioned myself having any kids...however i became pregnant at age 19 while in college...i graduated with my degree about 5 months before my son was born, i was 20 by then...ive never regretted my son although he was unplanned...my younger son was born when i was 27(?) or 28(?) im not sure now...but he's almost 6 and im almost 35...so maybe i was 29(?) when he was born...that pregnancy was somewhat planned, as in we knew we wanted a child and i went off birth control but we weren't actively trying to conceive, just seeing what might come about...and i got pregnant about 3 months after i stopped birth control...

i do not want any more kids...i gained weight with both pregnancies and it's taken me years to get it off again...i want to have my body for myself, work out, continue to run and run harder and longer, i want to sleep all night which might sound selfish but i also work full time and it was VERY hard to get up 5-6 times a night with a baby and still be to work by 7 a.m. daily

Blueberries
03-04-2012, 09:03 PM
I was 28 with my first, and 30 with my second. We were married a few years before our first was born, and I'm glad we had that time. Now I really miss our lazy Saturday mornings drinking coffee and reading the paper!