100 lb. Club - I'm so beyond exhasperated (Rant: Read at your own risk)




TheActress
02-29-2012, 02:32 PM
I've tried so many times I've lost count to lose weight. I've been on and off "diets" since I was like 11. The past few years I've honestly been trying to change my eating habits but I just keep failing. (Not to mention I've been on and off of 3FC)

I'm the heaviest I've ever been at 295lbs. I know I need to do something but everything is just overwhelming. It always seems like I get started with changing my diet, and then I end up broke as HECK and busy. My problem is honestly that I eat too little (sounds dumb right?). Seriously though, I eat maybe once a day. I just forget to eat.

The thought of losing weight is terrifying too. Everything just compounds. I've always been fat, so the thought of being NOT fat seems completely unattainable. I'm a horrible self motivator, and if I don't see results I get frustrated. I don't know why but even thinking about it just makes me want to cry.... the thought of losing the weight is scary, but the thought of keeping on the direction I am and hitting 300lbs is terrifying. I just want to crawl in a hole.

Point blank period I'm scared, of everything. Of failure, and of success. And I'm completely lost.

I didn't really have a question here, I just needed to rant to some ladies who might understand. I just don't know what to do :?:. If you read this, btw, thank you.

Edit: Haha (laughing so I don't cry) just saw my siggy, guess I better change all that.


Galadreal
02-29-2012, 03:12 PM
No worries, everyone is allowed a rant once in awhile...or more often as needed. They are a good way to get some stress out so you feel better. I do understand about losing weight being scary, I have only been fit once in my life and that was over 10 years ago.

Good luck though, and just remember you can come on here and rant of bounce ideas around whenever you need to.

suzukigurl
02-29-2012, 03:14 PM
Hi TheActress :wave:
I am so happy to met you... :welcome3:

I truly understand where you are coming form, the feeling of frustration, being scared to start a change and feeling scared not to start a change. Just a few weeks after the start of this year I decided to pull out my dusty scale that was stored in the basement for the past few years. When I got on an saw 285 lbs I started to cry, I had never been that heavy before, I even weighed more then when I was 9months preg with my son. I said to myself I didn't know how I let this happen, I was in a very low place, and then I cried some more.
The next morning I got up and decided I NEEDED to make a change. I wanted to be healthier for my son, but most of all I wanted to be healthy for myself. So why was this time going to be different? I had been on sooooo many diets in the past, I think I have been overweight since I was in 3rd grade.
It all started with a change in my state of mind. I have decided that the best and only "diet" that will work for me is a good state of mind. So now I have thrown the word diet out of my vocab, I am on a mission, a journey to be happy, healthy, and a lot lighter!!!
So far the plan that I have used (and has been working for me) is Calorie counting. My daily goal is to stay around 1200 calories and try not to go over 1400. I didn't add any exercise for almost a month and a half, in fact I just started working out this week ( and I am so loving it). I have set mini goals for myself because concentrating on the overall goal can sometimes be daunting. I get on the scale EVERY MORNING and use the number on the scale as motivation and am committed to never letting it get me down. If I lost weight it's a victory and something to celebrate, if I happened to gain it is my motivation to get back down and lose that weight again. My plan will change as I change, I may need to modify as I exercise more, I am NOT going to let change scare me anymore.

So now I have gone through my story & enough about me...

You need to find what will work for you and you need to want it more then anything else. So many of us here have a long journey ahead of us and even if we trip and fall as long as we get up dust ourselves off and start pushing forward again we all have the ability to get to that happy healthy place that we need to be. Celebrate the victories no matter how big or small they may be, victory #1 coming back to 3 Fat Chicks, I have found so much support and inspiration here it has been awesome. :hug: I have found it's the perfect place to rant, get inspired, and keep pushing forward!


astrophe
02-29-2012, 03:41 PM
First -- :hug:

Take a deep breath. Then start over when you are ready to assess the situation with clear eyes.

Bring on the basics first.

When you eat once a day -- what IS it? How many calories? Do you not feel hungry? Or can you not keep food down? Not know how to cook?

How is your sleep? Restful? How many hours? How is your bedroom? Too many things in there? Not a peaceful sanctuary type space?

For your body health -- Have you been to a check up? Could you be diabetic? hypothyroid? Low in vitamins? Could it be an underlying problem making you not hungry? Or causing the weight?

For your mental health --- you are working yourself up. Back up a bit. If the task seem too big to deal with and you can't picture being slim, break it down. For now just stay overweight then! Just not THIS overweight.

Stop pressuring yourself with things that are not current reality and "what iffing" it all to death. Can you see yourself and be ok in yourself 5 or 10 lbs lighter? Then aim for JUST that and stop there for a while.

Give yourself credit for trying, be ok making mistakes and having setbacks. Don't worry about results just yet. You learn to ride the bike before you enter a bikeathon, right? Be ok with being at the beginning and being a beginner. Treat this as a fresh new experience. Accept you might fall, get dirty, get clonked. That is just part of learning to ride a bike. Tell yourself you just have to try, you don't have to be perfect or anything. Just giving it a whirl here. That's is all. Coast down the driveway a little from the house to the street. There that's good enough. Tomorrow you can try getting a bit further. Maybe to the tree. Or just repeat the same. No hurry. Just try.

When your thoughts are piling on extra pressure "go faster! go longer! you look weird doing that bike thing!" tell the mental monkey to SHUT UP. And tell yourself some boosts to kill monkey thoughts. Things like "Shut UP, monkey! I'm in charge here, not you! This is NOT a big deal thing. This is ONLY this. And that is good enough for today! And I'm doing it without you. Shoo! I am EXCELLENT and AWESOME for even just trying. You just sit around complaining at me never trying anything! Who are you to talk big? SHOO!"

If your mental health seem to be a larger component (not just some anxiety but Anxiety with a capital A -- see a doc for that too.)

How's your emotional health? Your spiritual health? How do you keep those buckets full? It's hard to make changes in the body bucket if you aren't feeling nourished in the mind, heart, and soul buckets.

A.

MadameZombie
02-29-2012, 03:45 PM
I'm a little confused... If you are putting on weight then you are not eating 'too little.' There are many people who only eat one or two meals a day and lose or stay a consistent weight. http://www.leangains.com/ So either you are eating more through out the day than you think or you are eating at least several hundred calories over your bmr in a single meal.

I am not saying this to call foul on your post. My concern is that if you are putting on weight and you're not eating that much then you might have a problem that has nothing to do with disordered eating. You could be looking at PCOS or Cushings and they are bother serious conditions.

And finally what I have to say to your post is... You are going to die no matter what. Time is going to pass you by and you will one day perish, it is the human condition that none of us can escape. I would personally hate to wake up and realize that I wasted my life being afraid of success when I had every opportunity to try. You are a self-fulfilling prophesy of failure going down the line of thinking you have. So make a choice now, do you want to be 300 pounds? No? Then DO something about it. Success doesn't require perfection, it requires commitment. Weight loss is just a numbers game, the math behind it is simple. If your problem is more than just counting your calories then you need to confront it. You are in control of your body, not food, not anyone else. You. Having no 'time' isn't a good excuse for not taking care of yourself. There are plenty of people strapped for time who are healthy, they just made their weight loss a priority and the truth is, it doesn't take any longer to whip up a healthy meal than it does a bad one.

You can do this. Don't shut down.

SmallSteps
02-29-2012, 05:09 PM
:hug:

It is perfectly normal to be confused and afraid of change. It is also perfectly normal to be hurt, frustrated and need to RANT believe me I have had one of those weeks myself.

Like you I looked into the mirror (scale) one day and it said 298 pounds. I knew there was no possible way that could be correct, there was no way I weighed almost 300 pounds, it was WRONG.

That night and probably the following day while I cried at what I had BECOME I consoled myself with all my favorite emotional comfort foods, pepsi, chips, dips, chocolate, ice cream the list goes on and on. When the food orge was over and I could cry no more I made the commitment to DO something about this and to get my health and hapiness back.

I started slow I began walking one lap daily around the parking lot (1/4 mile) and the first week I thought I would DIE making that one lap. Today I can walk 2 miles in 45 minutes and do that 5 times a week.

I bought a food scale and started weighing everything and journaling every bite I placed into my mouth.

I FINALLY gave up ALL SODA on January 1, 2012 and started drinking water. I had convinced myself that I hated water there was know way I could drink 8 glasses a day and now my body craves water.

You CAN do it!! Make a commitment, start slow, and always remember we are here on the good day and even more so on the not so good days!

:hug:

MsBrightside
02-29-2012, 06:15 PM
I feel exactly like you. Always been overweight ever since I can remember. I would try to diet, once I got into high school but that didn't work out. So I continued eating away year after year. I always knew I was in the high 200's then one day, I decided enough was enough. I weighed in at 294 about 7 weeks ago. I was almost 300+ at 25. That was when I knew I had enough. I know it is hard..it really is. You just got to do it. For yourself. So ever since that day (Jan 7th) I have had my mindset and have not lost it yet. I started calorie counting, removed all junk food and fast food out. Completely. Only drinking water and eating lean meats, veggies, and fruit. I try to exercise 5-6 days a week. Even if it's walking around the block. Everything counts. First thing you got to do is get motivated and the rest will fall into place. You can do it! I believe in you. We believe in you.