Body Image and Issues after Weight Loss - How is the spouse taking the changes?




Aunrio
02-29-2012, 12:48 AM
I think my husband might be a tiny bit insecure as he has recently told me "I refuse to let someone else reap the benefits of all your hard work." I think he's right as he has lived with little me, big me, pregnant me, smaller me for the past 8 years but the comment threw me off guard a little. He made it after some guy asked me to dance when we went out for the first time since New Year's Eve this past Saturday. I never really bothered to think that I am not the only one getting use to a changing weight or body image.


lovemydoggiesx2
02-29-2012, 04:33 AM
I think it is normal for them to be insecure a little. Just make him know you arnt going anywhere.

Quick funny story. My hubbers was deployed in January for afganistan, during his going away party I was at the bar, and the hubby was talking with his friend (who they call sharkie, casue he silently gets ALL the girls) when the friend said....¨oh, look at that hot blonde girl, I have never seen her before¨. My hubby said ¨that´s my wife¨and they both started laughing and came to me. I think it makes my husband feel good that other men look at me, becasue he knows Im not going anywhere.

sheramama
02-29-2012, 11:27 PM
I think my husband might be a tiny bit insecure as he has recently told me "I refuse to let someone else reap the benefits of all your hard work." .

Augh, my guy said something very similar to me a couple months ago. I replied, "Maybe you should have been nicer to me when I was fat." Let other guys look. Flirt some even. It boosts the self-esteem and a little bit of jealousy makes our other halves appreciate what they have. :D


VermontMom
03-01-2012, 08:12 AM
wow, that was quite a dig from him, I think. Does he dance, were you not dancing because HE doesn't?

Unfortunately he cannot keep the world from seeing (and appreciating :D ) the newer, smaller you.

sontaikle
03-01-2012, 09:22 AM
Significant others are funny like that. They get a little bit on edge when we lose weight and it can be hard to understand why. My fiance can't keep his hands off me, but there were times when he expressed apprehension about my weight loss.

I think a lot of our spouses/significant others are afraid that we're getting ready to run off with a millionaire or something!! It helps, I think, to reassure them that you're doing this for yourself and leaving them probably didn't even cross your mind.

I'm going to turn the tables around here a bit. My fiance wants to start getting into weight training and jogging. He's told me he wants to be one of those muscular guys with a six pack (He's already pretty darn muscular actually, his arms are rock hard). I started fearing that he was going to leave me, wanted to do this to find some hot chick, etc., even though he said "I would feel better about myself." He just wants to FEEL better...not find some other girl, haha! I think we all sometimes fear the worst :)

astrophe
03-01-2012, 10:15 AM
"I refuse to let someone else reap the benefits of all your hard work."

Was he joking? Does he think he owns you? Is he being insecure? I guess I find it off putting that he expressed that in that manner.

I'm probably just reading through my own filter. I hope it was a joke.

I had an ex-bf who was SO insecure all the time he drove me crazy with comments like that. It was the reason we broke up later. I just couldn't stand it any more.

A.

berryblondeboys
03-01-2012, 10:20 AM
My husband LOVES that I now look so much better. He's so proud to say "that's my wife". And he likes it that other men are taking notice of me.

Because he is also confident that I'm not going anywhere. That statement your husband made is all about his OWN insecurities!

StephanieM
03-01-2012, 11:25 AM
My husband has expressed concerns about me getting too thin, but back when I lost the weight the first time he was also really turned on by the fact that I was taking care fo myself.

I asked my husband about this and says he understands where your husband was coming from, haha.

Munchy
03-01-2012, 01:34 PM
Was he joking? Does he think he owns you? Is he being insecure? I guess I find it off putting that he expressed that in that manner.

I'm probably just reading through my own filter. I hope it was a joke.

I had an ex-bf who was SO insecure all the time he drove me crazy with comments like that. It was the reason we broke up later. I just couldn't stand it any more.

A.

Agreed. I felt the same way reading that. You know who reaps the benefits of your hard work? YOU DO!

Sum38
03-01-2012, 01:43 PM
My husband is so happy for my weight loss; he also loves when other men take a second look at me -- He says; yup that is my hot wife :D -- I can't wait to reach my goal weight and be a real hottie; walking and holding my proud husband's hand. :val2:

guacamole
03-25-2012, 09:47 AM
My husband likes how I look, but he has expressed the concern that he needs to start losing weight so that he looks like he belongs with me! He feels that we are starting to look like one of those mismatched couples where people ask themselves, "What's he/she doing with him/her?"

threenorns
03-25-2012, 03:15 PM
yep. went the jealousy route and now i have another problem: he's become mister grabby. from the time i started to show pregnancy up to about two wks ago, the number of intimate moments (and they *were* "moments") could be counted on both hands with enough fingers left over to dial 1-800-WAKE-ME-UP-WHEN-ITS-OVER. our daughter, i should mention, just turned 5. years.

suddenly he's after me 24/7 - i told him not without rubbers, he's refusing to buy them - "tomorrow, come on, i'll get some tomorrow".

i'm starting to feel this is an extreme sabotage attempt - figures if he gets me knocked up, i'll have to quit dieting.

little does he know that when i was pregnant with our daughter, i weighed 180 and two drs - my family dr and the ob/gyn at the high risk clinic - both said they were perfectly fine if i weighed less at the end of the pregnancy than i did at the start (basically, eat a minimal clean diet and take really excellent supplements).

i need a chastity belt.

fitmom
03-25-2012, 08:17 PM
My hubby loves how I look now. We've been married for 15 years and together for 20 and quite honestly, can't keep his hands off me, lol. My older son, who's almost 11, said to us recently that we remind him of a couple of teenagers. I did this for me but I never counted on what it would do for us, you know?

threenorns
03-25-2012, 08:45 PM
day-um - if i looked like you, i'd need a full-body titanium corset to keep him off me!

fitmom
03-26-2012, 09:16 AM
day-um - if i looked like you, i'd need a full-body titanium corset to keep him off me!

You're too sweet. You totally made this 40-year-old's day! :D

lyv33
03-31-2012, 08:49 AM
Augh, my guy said something very similar to me a couple months ago. I replied, "Maybe you should have been nicer to me when I was fat." Let other guys look. Flirt some even. It boosts the self-esteem and a little bit of jealousy makes our other halves appreciate what they have. :D

I want a like button on these forums! I like your post!

586
04-18-2012, 12:16 PM
Oh yes, my BF got livid during my weight-loss last year. "You're going to look how you did when we started dating and you're going to leave me!". Well, the year went on, we had always had problems, I did get back down to where I was whenever we started dating but the breakup wasn't weight-related at all. We couldn't work through our other long standing issues and his jealousy over the weight thing was the tipping point. I said "You know, you only got worried about my fidelity and wanted to Put A Ring On It whenever I got thinner. That's not a good basis for marriage and we have had so many other issues you aren't working with me on. This is silly."

And you know? I've been single since early this year and his fears I'd go out and wildcat it up because I'm thinner have yet to be made true. How shocking, right? Getting my weight back under control and dealing with my issues has helped give me confidence I've needed for years and any guy who can't handle I have a human form that fluctuates with illness, pregnancy, age, laziness - they can kiss my rear.

krampus
04-18-2012, 12:40 PM
Amen to that, 586!!!

I'm not married but every guy I've been with has championed my efforts to get in shape. Who wouldn't want their girl to be excited and confident about looking their best? I mean, I guess I can answer that question - insecure losers.

k8yk
04-18-2012, 07:55 PM
It hasn't changed our relationship at all :) Except that I feel better about myself and I enjoy his attention more without feeling like he's faking it or something (he never was, that was my insecurity)
He really doesn't seem to care whether I'm fat or thin, he actually just likes "me" no matter what size I am. It seems hard to believe, but I think it's really true.

Natasha22
04-18-2012, 09:42 PM
He's feeling insecure and it's not your fault! My boyfriend appreciates my efforts to look good and get more toned because he knows he'll benefit off of them as well :) Just talk to your husband, figure out where his insecurities come from and reassure him that others may look, but he is your one and only.

Precious Little
04-21-2012, 08:30 AM
I'm actually thinner/lighter than I was when I first met DH which is probably why he thinks i'm too skinny already and he preferred me a bit 'curvier'. He has said he's happy as long as I am and as long as I don't go too crazy and get sick (from being too thin, starving or exercising too much).

electrongirl
05-08-2012, 06:01 PM
My husband is loving my new body, although he has seen it before. When we met I was about this size.

He loves that I get attention from other men and is usually pretty confident that I won't be stolen away. But he does have his moments when he is worried, but I think that is normal. I don't think anyone should be too confident, we should never take our loves for granted.

fyreflie24
05-30-2012, 10:57 AM
My hubby keeps calling me 'new wife' lol! I told him, now he doesn't need to trade me in for two 20 year olds :) He's weird, he kinda likes when I get attention from other people; I think he finds it validating or something.