Support Groups - I Lost a Friend Over My Weight...Thankfully.
02-14-2012, 06:46 PM
I just really needed to get this off of my chest.
Hi, I'm a junior in high school who's still trying to drop about 20 more pounds. Last year, I was at my highest weight (230 pounds at 5'6...ugh) and since then I've slimmed down to around 160. Most of my friends and family have been positive about the changes I've made, and for that, I'm grateful. :)
In fact, I feel so happy and free now that my body is cooperating with me. I've been trying to remain peaceful and happy, and I've attempted to treat others better. However, one of my "best friends" (who I've decided to ditch from now on) almost ruined my progress.
Everyday when I would come up to her locker, she would stand there, give me a look up and down, smirk, and whisper something to the girl beside her. At this point, I already felt like crying. She proceeds to tell me (with the biggest "I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU!" grin) that...
1. I have toothpaste/stain on my shirt
2. I "smell like onions" (which I believe she made up, because everyone else claims that I smell like candy :P)
3. My pants are baggy or ugly
4. My hair is frizzy/messed up
5. My makeup is smeared
6. My necklace is crooked and too sparkly
7. My ponytail is "weird and ******ed" (Seriously?)
This girl used to be such a great friend. Honestly, I know she is just jealous. You see, this "friend" used to be the skinny, popular and pretty one of our group. But she's actually gained a good deal of weight in the past year. As I lost weight and got healthier/happier, she gained weight and lost her own self-esteem, apparently. It's sad that I have to lose a once good friend over this, but I'm not here to be her punching bag.
02-14-2012, 07:06 PM
Well, Bless your heart. You are doing great, and you are an unbelievable success. I'm sorry your friend hasn't been more supportive. She must have a sadness or bitterness inside her that she is directing at you. High school can be very difficult.
Lean on those who really love you and who have always been there for you and you will have a wonderful junior and senior year.
You sound like a fabulous person, live each day that way, and never look back. Stay kind to others and it will come back to you ten fold.
CONGRATULATIONS ON AN AWESOME JOB!
02-14-2012, 07:16 PM
Hm, it sounds like maybe she was jealous of you becoming more "beautiful" maybe she was a little threatened. Either way I'm glad you didn't let her get to you because some "friends" can be destructive. I had an ex like that and it can wear on you! I hope you have plenty of good friends :)
02-15-2012, 02:11 AM
Approx 6.9 billion people in the world, don't let one bring you down. She appears to unhappy with your success. She is not getting the attention you are and that's makes her envy you. Keep up the go work.
02-15-2012, 07:57 AM
I have had this problem myself, but of course at the time I was unable to see it for what it was-- jealousy. It's AWESOME that you're in high school and are mature enough to see through her petty actions. For many it is only in retrospect that we understand the animosity of others, and even if that understanding hurts, it helps to move on.
:hug::hug::hug: I know it's hard to lose a friend, but you're making a really positive change. And who knows, maybe you leaving will be a wake up call for her that she needs to value her future friends and treat people better if she expects them to stick around!
Congrats on your weight loss success as well, you're doing great!!
02-15-2012, 11:02 AM
GOOD FOR YOU! Seriously, that's awesome and I commend you! Most young women your age wouldn't have the courage, or the confidence, to dump a toxic "friend" and you've done it - congrats!
And huge congrats on your progress! I'm 5'6 and topped out at 230, as well - down to 160 now and back on track after some rough business trips/travel over the holidays - it's not easy, but take it from someone who is 40 and still battling this demon - doing it at your age will set you up for so much more happiness & success and in the future! Had I not spent so much time & energy concerned about my weight all these years and concentrated all that effort on my job...heck, I'd probably be CEO of this company! :)
02-16-2012, 06:26 AM
Go you!! She is taking out her feelings of jealousy and insecurity on you. Obviously jealous of how well you are doing and getting slimmer and slimmer while she is getting bigger. Jealousy is a very ugly emotion and you are better off without this person in your life!
02-16-2012, 10:03 AM
Aww honey, that is such a bummer, but I have found in my 58 years that the best thing to do is "kill her with kindness." I don't mean you have to socialize and put up with that nonsense, but show her you are the bigger person and won't play her ugly little game. When you see her in the hallway say Hi or nice jeans, or great shoes or whatever and leave it at that. Self image and body image is the absolutely pits when you are a teenager. You could be perfect, though there is no such thing, and you would find something wrong with yourself or someone else. So, hold your head up high, keep working getting those last few lbs off, remind yourself every day you are a beautiful girl and a beautiful person and embrace the you inside you. Good luck to you and WAY TO GO!!!!!!!:carrot::bravo::cp::cb:
02-16-2012, 10:15 AM
Your 1 strong cookie there girl. I can remember Jr. High and I would have never handled this as well as you have, I probably would have curled up in a ball and died! You go girl, you have learned one of the hardest life lessons not to engage with people who bring you down! She is deflecting her own insecurities on you and trying to bring you down with her. So happy you have the strength to say NO, this is your life and you want to be happy :) BRAVO! It's sad and hard to part ways with people you once thought were good friends, but if she is a true friend maybe she'll come back, and if she doesn't then at least you know that through your amazing progress you saw her TRUE colours. Keep it up!
02-18-2012, 10:05 PM
Hear, hear! Life, and especially youth, is too short to waste it on insecure people who try to make themselves feel better by nitpicking and belittling others.
02-19-2012, 07:07 PM
Good for you ilovelosing !! I'm glad you can recognize people that you DO NOT need in your life! You can see where her jealousy comes from, and Im sorry that she is hurting, but that's no reason to bring you down. She's jealous, plain and simple, and was looking for anything about you to make you seem less amazing (which you are btw ;) ) to make herself feel better. She needs to grow up! Good riddens!! ^_^
02-19-2012, 10:20 PM
@Ilovelosing... continue a humble outlook...I have a friend that has lost 60 lbs and she has turned into the biggest a**hole ever. She complains about "yo-yo dieters" at the gym and ridicules fat people even though she is yet to be called slender herself...
congratulations on losing not only lbs but crappy friends! :)