Support Groups - Oh I HATE Valentines Day.




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TheVikingNinja
02-14-2012, 01:12 PM
I guess I was stressed this morning. I ate a bowl of cereal and refilled it afterwards like I should never do. I got up and walked to the store figuring I'd burn it off, got my bf some small gifts, and upon coming home all **** broke loose. I have not moved from this couch since about ten. Except to eat. And pee.
A 3-egg omlette with jalapenos probably more bacon bits than egg, and plenty of salt plus 2 pop-tarts later I want to cry, throw up, curl into a ball and do nothing until tomorrow. I even called the bf earlier saying I'd get dressed up since we are going to the movies tonight and he was all excited. Now he's probably going to come home to me, unshowered, in a beat up hoodie and sweatpants, chainsmoking, in a pissy mood not wanting to go anywhere. I look so bad. I feel so bad. I'm miserable. I can't bring myself to do anything...haven't gotten on the scale today to know if my fears of gaining back all the weight I've lost are founded or not...I just feel awful. Screw Valentines day and it's need to be sexy and happy...rather the need to fake it when I'm not anyways.
If I made no sense here I'm sorry. I'm in a bad place.


cherbear
02-14-2012, 01:27 PM
Well stop. Get off the couch. Get yourself dressed up and got out with your boyfriend. Change the behavior. You are perfectly capable of doing this, you just have to do it. If nothing else, spend an hour looking over goal stories and photos. That motivates me like nothing else!

You've not done anything that is permanent, so all you have to do is get back on plan and life will go on. Dont quit on a bad day.

MadameZombie
02-14-2012, 01:39 PM
You want to sit there and feel sorry for yourself or are you going to get up, take a shower, and go out with your boyfriend?

Be consistent, not perfect. You aren't ruined for the rest of the day or the week or the month. Make a goal to not binge for a week, get excited for someone who wants to be with you but don't give up.


valalltogether
02-14-2012, 01:45 PM
so you had some pop tarts and a hearty breakfast. really isn't all that bad. (not like you ate a whole cheesecake..i could totally see myself doing that) stop beating yourself up, find something to wear that you like and get out there. tomorrow is another day. enjoy your time with your boyfriend!

TheVikingNinja
02-14-2012, 01:54 PM
A major problem I've found is I really don't have any clothes...I mean, not in the normal girly I have nothing to wear sense...
I am probably a size 20-22 and all my old clothes are anywhere from 11-16 and I don't go shopping because I don't want to spend money on "fat" clothes...so I probably put a lot of this on myself. instead of looking good in a normal outfit, I cram into a smaller one and both look and feel terrible. I'm just going to wear my work pants(the only ones that fit) stop trying to make mysef 160lbs in 3 hrs since I know it's impossible and go out...besides its cold I can hide in my coat I suppose. I'm just stressing myself out more by being too proud to get bigger pants.
I'm almost laughing at myself here which i guess is a good sign.
So I'm goung out. Eating the icecream or popcorn or whatever it is he is going to insist on buying me at the show because he loves me and wants to spend money on me and keep my mouth shut. Sound good?
And tomorrow I do yoga.

evilwomaniamshe
02-14-2012, 01:56 PM
Girl no use beating yourself up again and again, you can't change what you ate, but you can move on & learn from it! Remember how it made you feel & try not to go down that road next time... You are human, things happen we all cave from time to time, life goes on.. Now go take a long hot bath & pull yourself together. Do your hair and makeup & maybe even your nails, & if you look better, you will feel better! :) Enjoy your Valentine date at the movie & have fun, no need to be a debbie downer all damn day. Go ENJOY your night out with your boyfriend on this day of love- afterall you deserve it!!!! :)

TeeshG
02-14-2012, 02:18 PM
Hi VikingNinja!! I know exactly how you feel and joining here yesterday made me realise I'm not alone. I can't really speak to boyfriend and friends as they don't have same food issues.

I get very depressed (not so much I need medication) and I know my weight is the root of it.

As soon as I am asked out anywhere I get all stroppy and annoyed! It's all because I know I can't wear what I want to wear and feel how I want to feel. I have to consciously sit down and tell myself that my friends and family are not looking at my weight, they see me for what I am, the person they love. They only worry about my weight if it affects my health and mind, but they would never bring it up unless I speak about it first.

The people around you love you for who you are!!! Now get yourself up, dust yourself off and go have some fun girl!!! I bet you feel better after and you can get back on track tomorrow!

:)

TheVikingNinja
02-14-2012, 02:29 PM
Yea my bf doesn't really get why it bothers me so much. He's overweight too and is just like "yeah, I'm fat. And?" lol it pisses me off so bad sometimes. Though he only needs to lose 30lbs at the most compared to my whatever.
The depression is something I've been learning to deal with. I was on meds since I was 9y/o, and off of them for about 3mos. So, still adjusting to life. I'm trying not to let it get me down, but I think I use my "diagnosis" as an excuse sometimes.
I wish I could see my family like that. Or anyone. I think everyone is looking JUST at my weight. it can't be true, it just is always in the back of my mind.
But I am just going to try to relax, put some food in the oven for my bf in a bit, and get prettied up which *should* make me feel better.
Thanks to everyone for commenting. I am sure without this site i would be eating something awful watching crappy movies crying until he got home and severely hurt his feelings...which I never want.

ValRock
02-14-2012, 03:13 PM
Stop stop stop stop!!! Don't be mean to yourself!!!

You deserve better than that. Be kind to yourself, PLEASE!!!

EagleRiverDee
02-14-2012, 04:59 PM
Don't let some manufactured holiday get you down. I see so many people acting weird today and really it's just another day. If you want something more from the day, make it happen yourself. Don't wait on someone else to make it happen for you. (((Hugs)))

TeeshG
02-15-2012, 06:32 PM
Well, how was your night? :)

astrophe
02-15-2012, 06:51 PM
I hope you feel better.

Losing weight is a challenge, and losing it while battling depression is a whole other thing.

Do your best to take care of you.

And once you are in a better headspace, GO SHOPPING!

Get yourself some basics that are happy colored and fit you NOW.

It is not a waste of money! You are working on the weight loss and that will take some time. We all understand that.

But cramming yourself into too-small things is NOT uplifting for your depression.

And this is something you CAN change right away. Shop in person or shop online but get yourself some new things. I'm not saying retail therapy is the answer to all happiness but dude... if you need new clothes you just need new clothes. Neglecting yourself further won't help – so get that bit that you can do now done NOW.

Invest in yourself and in your well being. Shoot -- even at goal weight clothes will wear out and we will sometimes need new. Stop holding yourself back in this area.

GL!
A.

DietVet
02-15-2012, 08:38 PM
And once you are in a better headspace, GO SHOPPING!

Get yourself some basics that are happy colored and fit you NOW.

It is not a waste of money! You are working on the weight loss and that will take some time. We all understand that.

But cramming yourself into too-small things is NOT uplifting for your depression.
A.


This is so right. Feeling uncomfortable and unattractive in your clothes is SOOO hard for the soul. It makes me want to stay inside and mope and probably eat too much!

Another thing (and this is definitely a mixed blessing) is that the bigger we are, the more space there is between sizes. I've lost almost 20 pounds and I'm still wearing all the same clothes I was before. Some of my skirts are a little looser, but I'm still wearing them. Actually, I think I'm still a ways away from fully jumping down a size and finding all my clothes really too big. Probably another 10lb at least. Sizes can be slow to change at the higher end--you might as well get a few things that fit you and that you feel comfortable in while you're working your way down.

TiffNeedsChange
02-15-2012, 11:06 PM
You should really buuy yourself some new clothes, ones that fit. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I did the same thing to myself for a little over a 2 years! I couldn't afford new clothes that I liked or couldn't find ones that I liked so all I had to wear were extremely tight jeans (1 pair) and stretchy pants, and absolutely no decent looking shirts that fit me. Anytime my bf wanted to go out I got pissy, aggravated, upset, and depressed. Well I still didn't have money but I forced myself to find a way to get 1 pair of jeans that fit and a few shirts and I tell ya it made me feel so much better about myself (eventhough I still dislike my body). Having decent looking clothes makes a world of difference, so indulge yourself and buy some new clothes! TJMAXX has an ok selection of plus sized clothes for a good price (nothing fancy).

TheVikingNinja
02-17-2012, 07:08 AM
Yeah i need to get on that. I got paid today, so maybe my sister and I can have a shopping day. I tend to get really depressed and pissed off cause 90% of what I try on NEVER fits....but I guess I just have to face it. It's a denial thing...like one day I'll wake up and everything will fit again overnight...I have huge tupperware tubs in the attic FULL of old clothes sizes M-XL...it hurts to be unable to wear them anymore. I should just donate them or something, but in my mind then I won;t have anything to wear wjhen I'm skinny again...which I still hope to be tomorrow. :p
Maybe I'll take a trip over to goodwill on Monday...it's hard to find clothes, but its very cheap. And they actually have changing rooms.

astrophe
02-17-2012, 08:40 AM
Even basics from Walmart or Target will do -- just get one shirt and jeans to start. Maybe some undies. You'll feel better.

:hug:

A.

TheVikingNinja
02-17-2012, 03:38 PM
LOL underwear. My mother likes to buy me those, unfortunately she thinks I'm an 11 when I'm about 8-9 so my bf always laughs at how they could pass as shorts. I love my mom haha