General chatter - Does it bother you when people make fun of "fat" people?




grneyedmustang
02-01-2012, 12:14 PM
So lately, I've been feeling a certain kind of way about a lot of things in my life, including being overweight.

I have a friend who I've known for years. A few months ago, she informed me that she was going to try and start working out since I made it look "so easy" (and honestly, I am feeling somekindaway about that comment in and of itself). So she's been on a healthy eating and workout quest for about 4 months now.

I've noticed that her "fat commentary" has gone up since she started her journey. She's even, on occasion, taken pictures of people working out in the gym when she thinks they're either fat/unattractive (or both). I think her behavior is extremely childish, mean spirited and annoying.

But it's not just her. I've noticed lately that I am really bothered when people make fun of those of us who are overweight/obese, and I don't know why. Especially when it's implied that all we do is sit and eat deep fried twinkies all day - which in my case - is very far from the truth. I work out quite a bit; try to watch what I am eating daily (yes, it's a daily struggle with me) - but I'm not a size 6, and never will be. My doctor has informed me that my bloodwork looks good and I am actually in good physical shape.

So why am I so bothered when people make fun of "fat" people?

And I put the "fat" in quotes - because often when people are making fun of "fat" people - they look like normal sized people TO ME.


kateleestar
02-01-2012, 12:19 PM
Oh, I totally get that way. Like, I don't know if people who were never overweight dont get it, or people who are overweight use it as a coping mechanisim, or whatever, but.. I've actually yelled at people and given them a look, lol. A look that says 'were you raised in a BARN?!' :lol: I cant stand people in general making fun of anything, I even call my husband out on it, lol. Then I make fun of him and ask him if he likes it.

I hate it when people don't act their age, as far as maturity is concerned. It's a pet peeve of mine, lol.

:D

grneyedmustang
02-01-2012, 12:22 PM
Then I make fun of him and ask him if he likes it.

:D

Ya know, I like that approach - and I'm already quite sarcastic. Maybe I should start doing that. :D


MariaMaria
02-01-2012, 12:24 PM
You're wondering why you think your friend is an a** for <i>taking pictures of fat people at the gym</i>?

I've never been seriously fat-fat, and I find that ridiculously offensive and childish and overall a s****y thing to do.

sontaikle
02-01-2012, 12:32 PM
I call people out on making fun of fat people. It's a stupid thing to do.

I also NEVER EVER understand why people who complain about fat people make fun of the fat people at the gym. WTF are they supposed to do, magically turn thin with the snap of their fingers?

knoxie
02-01-2012, 12:37 PM
If working out was truly 'so easy' everyone would be doing it but maybe her comment was more recognition of how well you've done as opposed to being condascending? :smug:

As for being bothered about making fun of 'fat' people - of course I am, much the same way I'd be bothered about making fun of someone who had a skin condition or was a really bad dresser. I don't see the humour in other people's misfortune (not exactly the right word there but you know what I mean right?). However I know that people will make fun of whatever sets you apart from everyone else (in my case it's my weight, for my sister it's acne) so if it's aimed at me I can brush it off pretty easily and that's where my perspective on it comes from. I think it's bad taste and hurtful but I don't let it hurt me.

bargoo
02-01-2012, 12:41 PM
There are people who are just naturally rude. They will always find something to critisize.

mizzie
02-01-2012, 12:46 PM
You're wondering why you think your friend is an a** for <i>taking pictures of fat people at the gym</i>?

I've never been seriously fat-fat, and I find that ridiculously offensive and childish and overall a s****y thing to do.

And the worst part of that is that she is mocking "fat" people while they are at the gym trying to do something about it! Does anyone else see the hypocrisy there? I've never understood that. It's a trend I've seen before. Do they even stop to think that she's actually working on it. They, on the other hand, are jerks and don't seem to be doing anything to improve themselves.

Instead of thinking "Eww, fat girl running", why aren't they thinking "Good for her!" A lot of chubby people avoid gyms for exactly this reason and sadly, it's a risk. How is that helping anyone?

I tell you, I'd rather be fat than mean. grneyedmustang, if that was my friend, I would tell her exactly that.

freelancemomma
02-01-2012, 12:49 PM
My 14-yo son disdains fat people (through no influence of mine). He believes they lack discipline and claims he'll never be fat in his life. I've tried to moderate his thinking, to no avail so far.

F.

bitetoobreakkskin
02-01-2012, 12:55 PM
it drives me nuts! My husband can be a real idiot sometime when he talks. He will make fun of a fat person, and expect me to be ok with it. I tell him "she is the same size as me" and because he doesn't see me in that light, he doesn't agree. I think it's ridiculous! He has almost completely stopped, thank goodness. I told him that even though he might not think of me as "fat"...i am much more overweight than i would like to be.

lovemydoggiesx2
02-01-2012, 01:12 PM
I cant stand when people make fun of fat people. We all have our battles and food just happens to be one of them for most of us..

People can just be downright cruel. (quick example, a couple months ago I was at my Hubbys Grandmas funeral and all the family sat down to eat before the service and DHs brother called me a fat pig at the dinner table in front of everyone. I started sobbing and screamed F:::YOU, and ran out and havent talked to him since!)

knoxie
02-01-2012, 01:23 PM
quick example, a couple months ago I was at my Hubbys Grandmas funeral and all the family sat down to eat before the service and DHs brother called me a fat pig at the dinner table in front of everyone.

Well if you're a 'fat pig' with only 33lbs to lose there's really no hope for the rest of us is there?! I don't get where he was even going with that, was the whole table supposed to laugh and pat him on the back about it? He's a fool, and you married the better brother!

Sunshine73
02-01-2012, 01:34 PM
The mean spirited comments and behavior definitely bothers me. There's never any need to be unkind like that to anyone. :(

Lunula
02-01-2012, 01:43 PM
I think the real question should be, "Why wouldn't you feel bothered when you hear someone make fun of anyone for anything?" You're obviously a much more empathetic person than your friend, and that's a very good thing. Furthering your reaction would be that you have fallen into the category of what some would deem "fat" - so not only do you feel empathy, you've actually been there.

Would it not bother you if your friend took photos and made fun of people in wheelchairs? Or children with Down's Syndrome? Or people at burn centers who are maimed over large parts of their bodies? That's called being human.

I gotta say, making fun of overweight people seems to be the last bastion of "acceptable teasing" in this country - it's not politically correct to make fun of the mentally challenged, of the handicapped, of different ethnicities or religions, but I regularly hear the Jay Leno's of the world still making "fat" jokes and it chaps my hide.

Sounds like your friend is a frightfully under-confident individual who sincerely has to put others down in order to propel herself upwards. I think it's fantastic that you're appalled by her behavior!

kaplods
02-01-2012, 01:47 PM
So why am I so bothered when people make fun of "fat" people?.


I think a much more important question would be, "Are you not bothered when people make fun of people for other reasons?"

If you're bothered by people ridiculing others for any reason, simply on principle - then the "why" is simple - it's called having compassioon.

If however, you're ok with people ridiculing others, as long as it's on other topics, then your compassion is selective, and my question would be, "why doesn't it bother you when people make fun of others for (insert reason here)."

Do you have enough compassion and confidence to confront your friend on her lack of compassion? And do you have enough compassion and tactfulness to do it in a way, that isn't unnecessarily harsh and cruel.

My friends know not to ridicule anyone in my presence, because I'm going to call them on it. In a gentle, kind way - but I'm going to tell them I don't appreciate it, and that I believe that they're "better than that."

newkristine
02-01-2012, 02:33 PM
all i can say is really?!?! two things....maybe she's uncomfortable and it removes her feelings about her to make fun of others(kinda disturbing), and the other she's the reason so many overweight people are afraid to go to the gym maybe she should be introduced to that idea. and number three karma. i also get in this situation with my boyfriend like so many others on this post. i think people just don't realize what they are saying or what it feels like. you can't make them understand it, but you can be supportive of those who are being made fun of. maybe your friend needs to be reminded of the fact that anyone and everyone can become very out of shape, no-1 is excluded from being fat...it could be her, and how would she feel. or you could sneak behind her and get video of her at the gym lmao! ok that's kinda mean...but you get the point.

Bridget Jones
02-01-2012, 02:38 PM
I've noticed lately that I am really bothered when people make fun of those of us who are overweight/obese, and I don't know why.

The reason it bothers you is because it's a dick thing to do. Unfortunately, some people have such low self-esteem they have to constantly knock others down so they feel better about themselves. It's dumb and in the words of the great Jay-Z, "What you eat don't make me sh*t."

I'll never forget something one of my professors said in a psychology class when I was in college. She said you will almost never see someone who is physically attractive, confident, and succcessful making fun of fat or unattractive people. It doesn't happen because they don't need the psychological boost (even via negative methods) that a person may get from doing such things.

Ever since then, I've always taken note of who does that kind of thing, and the theory has almost always been true. It makes me feel a lot better. When I get to a normal weight, I won't be an a-hole either.

InsideMe
02-01-2012, 02:53 PM
It's mean mean mean. It's mean spirited to make fun of ANYBODY, for whatever reason. People do it to mask their own insecurities. I can't stand it. It's a huge pet peeve of mine. On an off note, sort of, I find myself looking at the bigger girls in my cardio classes, not because of their weight but because I'm so HAPPY they are there doing something for themselves, so I try to send some good vibes their way when I see other's smirking at them....but I hope they don't take it as a smirk also cause that isn't my intention :(

andrew80k
02-01-2012, 03:18 PM
It bothers me a lot when people make fun of other people for any reason. It's unacceptable, childish, and rude. And what's the point? Typically to make one feel better about one's self. If they have so little going for them that they have to make fun of someone else to feel better themselves, then they are indeed a sad excuse for a human.

lovemydoggiesx2
02-01-2012, 03:33 PM
Well if you're a 'fat pig' with only 33lbs to lose there's really no hope for the rest of us is there?! I don't get where he was even going with that, was the whole table supposed to laugh and pat him on the back about it? He's a fool, and you married the better brother!

His mother gave me a big peice of pie and everyone else a small one. I asked her why mine was so big, and thats when he said becasue it proportional, since your a fat pig!!!

My husband is French, and none of his family (besides the brother whom aslo married an american girl) speak english.

I am already very self aware of what I look like.

Do you guys ever feel its you the people are looking at and judging? I am not too large by american standards, but I am by european....ugggg

Steph7409
02-01-2012, 04:01 PM
I think one reason people feel its okay to make fun of overweight folks is that being fat is seen as being a choice of some sort, unlike being in a wheelchair or having Down Syndrome. We're fat (and by "we," I mean people like me who struggle with our weight) because we eat too much, we're too lazy, etc. And there's a certain truth in that for most of us, but that doesn't make it okay to be an a**hole.

This can be a tricky subject for me because I enjoy humor like The Daily Show or the website Regretsy, where certain kinds of people are indeed made fun of. I justify it by saying, "well, they've chosen to be in the public eye in some way" so that makes them fair game. I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm a hypocrite, though.

Candeka
02-01-2012, 04:09 PM
His mother gave me a big peice of pie and everyone else a small one. I asked her why mine was so big, and thats when he said becasue it proportional, since your a fat pig!!!

My husband is French, and none of his family (besides the brother whom aslo married an american girl) speak english.

I am already very self aware of what I look like.

Do you guys ever feel its you the people are looking at and judging? I am not too large by american standards, but I am by european....ugggg

If my husbands brother said that to me, my husband would have ended up punching him square in the face. What a horrible little man.

baker23
02-01-2012, 04:59 PM
Ok, how much weight has your friend loss? Is it noticable...? If it is, show her a bunch of pics of how she looked before she started losing weight and and point out what would she have done if she heard people making fun of her? Not everyone is overweight/obese by choice and your friend couldn't have a way of knowing what there story is.

Sorry but I'd drop her as a friend because I have no pacience for rude people. And quite honestly, if I heard one of my friends saying something like that, I'd start pointing out all there flaws(petty yes..) and give them a good hard kick about making fun of someone when you should only be worrying about yourself...She has serious self esteem issues and seems like the only way she can cope is through making fun of someone else.

I've never understood how people could make fun of someone based on appearence...ugh...
Those "fat" comments hurt more then people know but like a few people said, it seems to be the last form of acceptiable bullying. Which is sad considering how much of the population is listed in the "Overweight" catorgory making a good amount of the population targets for this s**t

Dorian5
02-01-2012, 05:21 PM
If my husbands brother said that to me, my husband would have ended up punching him square in the face. What a horrible little man.

Freaking THIS. Exactly what I was thinking. :yes:

lovemydoggiesx2, you're extremely lovely, from what I can tell from your avatar, I hope you didn't take what that pr*ck said to heart. :hug:

omgzitsmiranda
02-01-2012, 05:24 PM
For some reason being "fat" is a GOOD reason to make fun of people, at least in the experiences i've been through & saw happen to other people.

I find it so amusing *NOT* how it's so awesome to make fun of overweight people because there's nothing else better to do right? Funny thing is, a lot of the time the people that are making fun of other overweight people aren't the most in shape people. Talk about hypocrites.

Arctic Mama
02-01-2012, 05:35 PM
I call people out on making fun of fat people. It's a stupid thing to do.

I also NEVER EVER understand why people who complain about fat people make fun of the fat people at the gym. WTF are they supposed to do, magically turn thin with the snap of their fingers?

Yes to this! It is infuriating how socially acceptable it is to mock people trying to better themselves. Damned if we do, damned of we don't, right?

Sum38
02-01-2012, 05:45 PM
Interesting topic!

I used to hate the skinny comments people made about me.... I was very tiny until about 5 years ago. I was 96 pounds on my wedding date. 108 pounds after my 2nd child was born.

I worked HARD to be that tiny. -- I kinda gave up and took the easy way, and reached 170 pounds...all food and little exercise.

I found the skinny comments very hurtful; like it is so EASY for you, when I was literally starving each and every minute and monitoring each bite and working out for hours. -- If it had been easy I still would be 50 pounds lighter :D

I guess my point is, we should let people be. "Tiny" or "fat", it can all be hurtful.

Lori Bell
02-01-2012, 06:51 PM
Would it not bother you if your friend took photos and made fun of people in wheelchairs? Or children with Down's Syndrome? Or people at burn centers who are maimed over large parts of their bodies? That's called being human.

I gotta say, making fun of overweight people seems to be the last bastion of "acceptable teasing" in this country - it's not politically correct to make fun of the mentally challenged, of the handicapped, of different ethnicities or religions, but I regularly hear the Jay Leno's of the world still making "fat" jokes and it chaps my hide.


I think one reason people feel its okay to make fun of overweight folks is that being fat is seen as being a choice of some sort, unlike being in a wheelchair or having Down Syndrome. We're fat (and by "we," I mean people like me who struggle with our weight) because we eat too much, we're too lazy, etc. And there's a certain truth in that for most of us, but that doesn't make it okay to be an a**hole.


I totally agree with steph here. People make fun of fat people, and it seems to be socially acceptable because being overweight is controllable by probably 99% of all overweight people. The jokesters will make fun of alcoholics, druggies and smokers as well. People with addictions make good targets for mean people because we are seen as weak. I've grown to except it becaue it's been going on for the last 46 years of my life, and will continue until the day I depart from life. Let the haters hate. I got bigger fish to fry...like maintaining a freaking 190 pound weight loss! :D

grneyedmustang
02-01-2012, 07:10 PM
For some reason being "fat" is a GOOD reason to make fun of people, at least in the experiences i've been through & saw happen to other people.

I find it so amusing *NOT* how it's so awesome to make fun of overweight people because there's nothing else better to do right? Funny thing is, a lot of the time the people that are making fun of other overweight people aren't the most in shape people. Talk about hypocrites.

This is exactly what I think.

For the most part, I don't like for other people to be made fun of -- period. I absolutely hate when comedians do it, because I don't think it's funny.

Weight and (and a few other issues) are especially hot button issues with me though - especially because I feel like I fit the bill.

And I do think that weight is one of the "few" areas where it's still okay to make fun of people. Making fun of people with disabilities etc. - generally unacceptable. But I think that sometimes there are individuals in our society that feel it is still okay to make fun of and ridicule fat people.

As far as my friend is concerned, I haven't really spoken to her in a few weeks. I know it's a conversation we're going to need to have, and I'm not looking forward to it. And deep down, I think she's insecure about something, so she makes fun of others to feel better about herself.

Vex
02-01-2012, 08:40 PM
I'm going to say I think it has become more prevalent over the years. With the advent of social media, people are getting accustomed to trolling and insulting everyone about everything - and so many other people see it and feed off it.

Some people will carry that over and actively start to bully people offline too because they're so used to it online.

Can I do anything about those people? Probably not. I can, however, make sure that no one in my household does it. It doesn't make me any less annoyed or hurt.


.

OhThePlaces
02-02-2012, 08:08 AM
Absolutely. It really bothers me when someone makes fun of another person for any reason. Your friend is taking pictures? I'd report her to the gym! I also wouldn't be able to call someone like that a friend.

JudgeDread
02-02-2012, 08:20 AM
Well to be frank, taking pictures at the gym without peoples' knowledge or consent is REALLY CREEPY!

If she was a dude she would have been jailed already LOL

fatferretfanatic
02-02-2012, 09:45 AM
I hate it when anyone makes fun of anyone else. It makes my heart sad. In elementary school, I was always made fun of and though I was young it hurt. It hurts now when I get poked fun at, and I can't imagine it's different for others. I definitely don't participate in that.

Beach Patrol
02-02-2012, 10:15 AM
I think "making fun" of people is prevalent in today's society. What we find humorous has expanded throughout the years. What was funny in a sitcom from the 1970's might not be viewed as funny today. If it were, The Brady Bunch never would have gone off the air! AND YET! - I still laugh my butt off at I Love Lucy re-runs. I guess it's all in the funny bone... ?? :^:

I remember as a child, watching Don Rickles on television, thinking "how mean!!!" - and yet, I've grown up with that type of "humor" all around me. My brothers & cousins ... we all made fun of each other. Now I'm immune to it. I no longer think of it as mean; and it's not "making fun" of someone anymore, it's "ragg'n" (on somebody) & it is humorous in so many social circles.

Now that I think about it, I don't know of a current sit-com that doesn't rag on somebody in some form or another. The way someone dresses, dances, talks (people rag on me all the time for my hick-ville southern accent...can't tell you how many times somebody has called me "Ellie May"... all in fun, of course) - being too stupid (Joey on Friends) or too smart (Big Bang Theory); too pretty or not pretty enough (Ugly Betty), fat/thin (Kevin James on King of Queens) male/female (who doesn't make fun of the opposite sex?) gay/straight (Chandler's parents on Friends), black/white altho more so today is the asian/spanish thing (Carlos Mencia rags on everybody for everything) - we get ragg'd on about the TV shows or music that we like (ever hear somebody knocking people for liking Nickelback or the Twilight movies?), etc. While some comedians DO still pull the "Don Rickles" type of humor, I have found that most of them are not necessarily mean spirited, but more of the sarcastic type, & yes, there is a difference.

That said, no I don't like it when people make fun of fat people. I find it in poor taste.

And yet, let some spaz with a mullet & wife-beater t-shirt out on the dance floor with his 1978 disco moves, & I'll be laugh'n my big-boned'ed butt off!!!

serendipity907
02-02-2012, 01:22 PM
I think a lot of people are scared of becoming fat, since it's something we can all be, regardless, race or religion or social class etc.

Your friend is probably taking these pictures more out of desperation, trying to persuade herself to never become fat again. It's very disrespectful and I wouldn't associate with someone doing that tbh. But I doubt she's doing it out of malice, just afraid.

4myloves
02-02-2012, 02:23 PM
I am of the mindset that people shouldn't be made fun of for any reason.

This is slightly OT, but still ties in w/the overall message--

I'm facing a delimma w/Disney/Pixar. I love most of their movies, and we watch them as a family. Lately I've been considering "banning" Toy Story 3 from our watch list because of the scene where Potato Head calls Big Baby "Mongo."

I know it's not a big moment in the movie, but it just REALLY REALLY bothers me. Why is that even in a Pixar movie?

But then, I just think maybe I'm being overly PC.

Back to your friend. I don't know if I'd be upset with her only for making fun of fat people--where does she get off taking pictures of ANYONE in the gym. That's gross, disgusting (on her part) and a complete invasion of privacy. I realize the gym is a public place (just like Wal-Mart), but people usually go there for a specific reason--and that reason is to get hot, sweaty-looking, and over-all not their best. She's strange.

Rainbowgirl
02-02-2012, 03:15 PM
Yes, it does bother me, because my father (and the whole side of his family) are very judgmental when it comes to women and weight. An overweight woman is more or less a complete failure at life and though I know he's proud of me and loves me, I know he'd be even more proud were I a size 2.

It annoys me when I'm thrown into stereotypes of any sort, but especially with my weight. I didn't get this big by eating nothing but McDonald's. Sure, that didn't help, but a lot of the weight I put on was from "normal" foods in excess. It doesn't matter how active you are - if you're eating more than you're burning, you'll gain weight, and that was my problem. I was active as a teenager (until about age 17 anyway) but I was still over-eating because everyone in my family does.

I think making fun of and discriminating against overweight people is one of the few remaining, socially acceptable, forms of discrimination. We can't openly make fun of race, religion, or sexual orientation, without someone being offended, but fat people are fair game. It's not even just the sitcoms or comedians that do this. Look at magazines, news shows, etc. Who's fat in Hollywood, who gained weight, Celebrity Fit Club, etc. etc. Look at the backlash Jessica Simpson had aimed at her over those jeans? Look how much weight Jennifer Hudson has lost (they even did a Dateline segment with her!).

So yes, it does bother me. I don't know why other forms of "comedy" don't bother me, but jokes about race, religion, sexual orientation, and obesity bother me.

EagleRiverDee
02-02-2012, 03:48 PM
It does bother me when people make fun of other people (to their face or behind their backs) regardless of the reason they are mocking them. I actively avoid people like that. I don't need that negativity around me.

pamatga
02-02-2012, 05:03 PM
Good discussion.

A couple "highlights": your friend who is taking unauthorized pictures of other people in the gym might be asked to rescind her membership. I believe that is illegal.

As an older person who has mixed feelings about the whole social media thing primarily because of what many of you are discussing here: immature, cowardly people using the internet to cyber bully or harass unasked for taunting. I just wonder how much of this would go on if they were face to face with that person.

Now, that I have lost nearly 60 pounds, look twenty years younger than my actual age, and still need to use a cane to be vertically mobile (I have both advanced arthritis and shaking tremors -gotten from being over-medicated on anti-depressants 25 years ago), I no longer get that "she's so fat she has to use a cane to get around" looks that I used to get. I now fit five separate areas to be discriminated against: obesity, needing to use a cane and other aids, age, being low income and struggling with 50+ years of chronic depression. If someone wants to diss you, they can always find something---anything.

I am glad though that there is the general awareness among the rest of us that this behavior is wrong and unacceptable. I also believe in karma, " what goes around will eventually come around." ;) Their turn is coming.

Amy8888
02-02-2012, 05:38 PM
Is your friend about 13 years old? Because it sounds like she is. How catty can you get? And of course it would bother me. Bullying always bothers me.

makingthechanges
02-02-2012, 08:04 PM
I hate hate hate the whole making fun of fat thing. I remember even when I was younger, before I was overweight at all, at the time Liz Taylor had retired and pictures of her were published where it was evident she had gained weight. The comedians had a field day and were sooo cruel and vicious in their "jokes". I remember Delta Burke getting the same treatment. And these were absolutely gorgeous women!!! (Not that it would be ok otherwise but geez!!) Editing to add- same thing happened to Kirstie Alley.

One of my absolute pet peeves is men bagging on overweight women WHEN THE MAN HIMSELF is also overweight! I always feel like saying, "Do you own a mirror?"

But it's this attitude that it is a woman's duty to be sexually attractive to ALL MEN, even the most repulsive specimens imaginable.

Sinoia
02-03-2012, 02:13 AM
There is social permission to deride whatever popular/media/government perception perceives to be contrary to the norm. Right now there is such a worldwide condemnation of obesity that you constantly see it being criticised and the myriad of news articles, magazine articles, television documentaries and other public portrayals means that the stage is set for anyone and everyone to pick up and run with it.

Everyone has been given permission to victimise and depersonalise fat people, so they do.

At one time, and still to an extent, they were given permission to do this with smokers.

So fat people are made into a sub-class that can be bullied and humiliated and, unfortunately, we (that is fat people like me and allegedly you) are conditioned to believe that we are a sub-class, that we do feel we are slightly disgusting and we do behave, at times, like victims.

How many of you, when you go to a nice restaurant, notice that some people watch to see what you get on your plate ... so you end up ordering the salad when you would rather have the lobster thermidor? How many of us try to pull in our tummies when people seem to be looking, or catch a glimpse of ourselves in the store window as we pass and try to step out as if we are thinner, or breathe so very carefully so we dont look as if we are out of breath after walking? These `cover up' responses are so that we don't get perceived as fat. They are response to external, critical stimuli.

So anyone with the IQ of a gnat has a free-for-all on fat people because they are being allowed to by the authorities they think protect them. And the authorities want them to do it because it is a cruel, but effective, way to enforce a programme under which we will mend our ways.

During the anti-smoking blitz there was the outcry that you must be stupid to smoke ... clearly you will die and cause other people, especially innocent babies caught in the secondary smoke to die ... horribly. It was a guilt trip. Plus of course they enforced that you, your clothes, and your home smelled like a sewer because of smoke and dripped with sickly yellow nicotine from floor to ceiling. So you are caught on many fronts, you stink, you are stupid and you are a murderer.

So, likewise, the message is ... you are fat ... you are stupid, you will die and make anyone and everyone around you suffer. You are getting fat-related illnesses, you are using up all the hospital space and clinics and health support because you are stupid and fat and therefore other people... and little babies, too, will suffer because someone is looking after you so that they don't get health attention. Therefore you are a murderer and you stink because you sweat more than thin people and you take up too much space and you are slow.

See what I mean. You are not a person you are a depersonalised blob of fat and blobs have no feelings so everyone can be spiteful. Stupid, fat, murdering blobs.

And yes, I have been called "blob".

The prisoner shouted "I am not a number, I am a man" and likewise I get to shout "I am not a fat blob, I am a woman".

My doctor does not like fat people. I am fat. You can imagine how it goes. She is covert in her criticism and she is otherwise a brilliant doctor. I know she is a caring, devoted mother, she is kind to animals and she is a pillar of support and genuinely concerned about the community and her work. She is a nice person ... but still sometimes she cannot help herself and her dislike leaks through.

We are our own worst critics. We take in all the criticisms that are levelled at us and we make ourselves into a subclass that deserves to be deriled ... we make fun of ourselves. We ... we ... we... just saying that makes us a `we' class, definable by our fat. If we do that, and we do need each other so very much for support and encouragement, then someone looking at us also makes us separate and definable by our appearance.

You know what, it is okay to be seen as fat. What is not okay is all the rubbish that is caught up in that perception, like we eat too much, we dont exercise, and from that ripples spread out ... like, you eat enough in one meal to keep a village in Africa alive for a week, you cannot fit into a shower stall so I am taking you to the sheep dip ... you know the cruel implications of all that.

People make fun of and are cruel to fat people because the misperceptions of obesity and causes of obesity are being publically deriled by authoritarian enforcers ... because those enforcers believe that this is the way to combat obesity. That this depersonalises, humiliates and victimises part of society is simply a side effect. They are hoping that by doing this they encourage people to be more healthy, productive and socially responsible. In short the means justifies the end.

And this is why it sucks ... they are selling it and people are buying it and it is plain wrong.

grneyedmustang
02-03-2012, 09:05 AM
Sinoia, I think your post is spot on (and well written). :cp:

ANOther
02-03-2012, 02:03 PM
With all due respect, can we give this trope about "the last acceptable prejudice" a rest? It's a common lament among people who feel strongly about real or perceived criticism of their identity or trait (Catholicism/other conservative Christianity, Mormon faith, atheism, mental illness, weight, Irish travelers, "gingers" [i.e., redheads] ...) while feeling that other identity/trait groups are handled with kid gloves. But human nature being what it is, people will find something to be prejudiced about, and if fat were perceived as the desirable norm in our society (at one time it was since it meant you had plenty to eat!), no doubt people would log-on to 3 Skinny Chicks Trying to Bulk Up complaining about skinny-ism. Read these links:
http://truth-unleashed.blogspot.com/2011/03/last-acceptable-prejudice.html
http://lastacceptableprejudice.wordpress.com/

EagleRiverDee
02-03-2012, 03:22 PM
Irish travelers]

That's a new one- there's a prejudice against Irish travelers? Really?

EDIT: Never mind, I see that "Irish Travelers" doesn't actually mean Irish citizens traveling abroad but rather is a pejorative term somewhat akin to "gypsy" or "trailer trash". Never heard of 'em until today. For a minute I thought people actually didn't like Irish citizens traveling and I thought, "What craziness is the world coming to now?" Haha.

emmveepee
02-03-2012, 03:35 PM
To be honest...

Being fat is not okay. That's why we're here.

Amy8888
02-03-2012, 05:50 PM
To be honest...

Being fat is not okay. That's why we're here.

It's not okay to make fun of people for being fat.

EagleRiverDee
02-03-2012, 06:07 PM
No one should be ridiculed, for any reason. But there needs to be a balance struck between acceptance and enabling. I think that the push to accept obesity has crossed way over to enabling, personally. I think the same thing has happened with alcoholism. Labeling a behavioral issue a "disease" and protecting it by law isn't helping either situation. And yes, I fully believe that there are some obese people who are that way due to medical reasons, but I also believe most obese people are that way due to overeating and under-exercising. That's not a disease- that's a lifestyle problem. And society should not have to pay for that. Can we not have compassion for each other while at the same time encouraging each other to eat healthier fare, eat healthier portions, and move more? I think so. I think we do it every day here at 3FC.

novangel
02-03-2012, 07:18 PM
Some people lose weight and become smug about it...Same goes for ex-smokers, ex-alcoholics..ect. All of a sudden they think they're higher up on the food chain. "Whatever" is all I have to say.

dragonwoman64
02-05-2012, 02:02 PM
If someone wants to diss you, they can always find something---anything.

My bf always says this, and I do think it's true.

until science eliminates the condition, or we're wiped out as a race, there will be fat people. how they're looked upon by society will be a fluid thing.

as a person who is fat, I would appreciate compassion and empathy. I don't want to be fat for health and social reasons, general quality of life. it's been a long struggle for me to get this off, with successes and failures, all of which no stranger would have any awareness of -- a stranger only sees that I'm fat.

I do think it's not necessarily a bad thing to have a sense of humor about our differences, and to laugh at ourselves. better than crying, being overly self-pitying and paralyzed by it (states I've gone through to a certain extent).

OP: I'm sorry your friend created such a negative gym experience, for herself and other people -- including you! I've had several people say nice, supportive things to me, and when I stopped going as often when I changed jobs, who approached me on the street asking if everything was ok.

I mean, none of us are saints, without judgment or snarky comments about this or that, or prejudices, but we really can raise the quality of life for each other with just a little effort!

bandit bear
02-05-2012, 03:04 PM
I'll never forget something one of my professors said in a psychology class when I was in college. She said you will almost never see someone who is physically attractive, confident, and succcessful making fun of fat or unattractive people. It doesn't happen because they don't need the psychological boost (even via negative methods) that a person may get from doing such things.

This. Exactly. I can't even begin to tell you how many people I knew in college (actually, in my sorority) who were overweight and unhappy just downright criticizing thin or attractive people. Calling girls who were in other sororities "sluts" and "whores" for dressing scantily. I so wanted to say "Um, if you were their size, you'd dress that way too.'

I'd also have friends who were average, but unconfident, make fun of people who were fat.

nicolebug
02-05-2012, 03:13 PM
yes it does,,,,and at one time,,,i was 100 pd cheerleader who did that,,,,i'm very sad to say!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have now been obese for 10 years and pay for it everyday. it makes me very mad now,,,and can't believe that i could have ever did that.

aliasihaya
02-05-2012, 03:23 PM
This topic spawned off thoughts in a few areas related to this:

1. The friends that claim to not see you as fat - I was at dinner with a two friends, husband and wife, and he was talking about how all of the fat people were up at the buffet eating all the food, or something like that. So I said 'geez that was really nice' very sarcastically. And his wife actually says to me 'He didn't mean you.'. Ok, how was I supposed to take that? And does it make it right just because it wasn't aimed at me?

2. The skinny friends that see themselves as fat. I have a lot of friends in this category, but the worst are my neighbors who are very fit and naturally thin. And the husband is always saying how fat he is. He's not as fit as he was starving in the army in Iraq, but that wasn't healthy either. So when he constantly says how fat he is, I immediately think 'well if he says he's fat, what must he think of me?'.

3. The media and the topic of fat. I was watching a televised pod cast on new years of the year in review for various topics. And the guy talking about music shows pictures of all of the women who were big in music last year...Lady Gaga...Rhianna...Adele..etc....and then he makes the statement something like 'and Adele is the only one I wouldn't like to f@$k'. And Adele isn't really that overweight in my opinion. Was I really supposed to laugh at that? Which of course the whole audience did. I was so sickened I turned it off even though I liked the other topics. But he just had to ruin it for me because he thought it was funny to make fun of what he considered to be 'fat'.

In the end I think that #3 is the worst. Because I believe the media can set the tone for what is or is not acceptable to talk about or make fun of. And for awhile now, fat is the one thing that 'everyone' agrees is the easiest thing to make fun of no matter how it may make any of us feel. I agree with the people who've said that people feel justified because they think that obesity was brought on by laziness and gluttony. And most of us feel embarrassed or ashamed so we're not going to fight back. I personally sit at home a lot of times and hide because I don't want to hear the fat jokes. Or I don't want the kid pointing at me and telling me how big that I am while his mom embarrassingly tells him not to make fun of the fat lady. Ugh, it's all irritating. Which in the end, I've realized that I'm the one that gives the word 'fat' all of its power by giving into the shame and embarrassment.

And, as I was writing up my rant, my mom called to tell me that one of my uncles has passed away. I wasn't that close to him but he was a good guy and had a family who loved him a lot. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes these types of events to wake you up to what's really important. And I need to remind myself that 'fat' is just a word. And for those that use it negatively, well I can change being fat, but you can't change being an a@#hole.

fitness4life
02-05-2012, 03:50 PM
I totally agree with everyone here. As a skinny person, idk if others think I'd in particular find their fat jokes funny, but I seem to have an aweful lot of people in my life that poke fun at the over weight.

I find it disgusting. As many here said, would they make fun of any other non-perfect person?

Sadly, the answer is yes. I suppose I'm guilty of that as I have a tendancy to make fun of people who do something stupid.

Truth is, we all make fun of people. I just think that making fun of people in the gym is wrong, wrong, wrong.

It had always been my belief that no one is watching others in the gym like that. If they are seriously there about their business at hand - working out - then why do they have the time to give a thought to someone else who is working at getting in better shape?

It seems like your friend is totally off. And more importantly, why are you friends with her?

That'd be one to keep at arms length and quietly disassociate from.

Another thing: One thing I learned to say to people who make inappropriate comments or ask off-questions is to ask them, "Why do you say that?". It gets them to question their own motives and quite often shuts them right up.

bandit bear
02-05-2012, 04:20 PM
To be honest...

Being fat is not okay. That's why we're here.

Ok. I'm going to say this as nicely as I can.

It's OK to be fat. To say it's not OK to be fat is akin to saying that it's not OK to be gay (not comparing fat to gay).

You ought to get informed on the Fat Acceptance movement. And understand that you can be healthy at any weight. Myself, I am 225 lbs, 5'4, and there is literally nothing wrong with me. My bloodowork is perfect. Low cholesterol, perfect blood pressure, the only thing is thyroid cancer that was due to external forces (aka not my weight). There are star athletes who are who are 300lbs who can run like a m*therf*cker. I'm perfectly healthy. I'm trying to lose weight because I simply don't like being tired and sore and out of shape. But the thing is, I don't hate my body. I kinda like it. I'm luscious. I'm curvy. And my husband likes it.

You don't like it, that's fine. But what isn't OK is to make generalized statements like that because that's what contributes to fat hatred.

canadianwoman
02-05-2012, 05:21 PM
Yes, it bothers me, it is NOT okay to do and is seriously immature IMO.

tessendicott
02-16-2012, 12:17 AM
It absolutely INFURIATES me. Especially when the people are very morbidly obese and you can hear people making jokes about them. I want to walk up and sock them in the eye. There is NO reason as a GROWN ADULT you should be acting like an immature 5 year old and making such snide comments about people's weight.

I honestly believe that people who make fun of other people for their weight have EXTREME self-confidence issues and put other people down to make themselves feel better, which only ends up making them look like horrible people as well as ignorant.

happybug
02-16-2012, 12:43 AM
I have found that even being a little bit overweight you are made to feel ugly and unattractive. I feel bad when I go out with my brother in law. He is massively overweight and when we eat out, he is very cautious with what he orders, even though I have the feeling he would rather be eating something other than what he's ordered. It's a shame that some people think it's alright to make fun of people, whether they're fat or any other way.

Candeka
02-16-2012, 01:31 AM
No one should be ridiculed, for any reason. But there needs to be a balance struck between acceptance and enabling. I think that the push to accept obesity has crossed way over to enabling, personally. I think the same thing has happened with alcoholism. Labeling a behavioral issue a "disease" and protecting it by law isn't helping either situation. And yes, I fully believe that there are some obese people who are that way due to medical reasons, but I also believe most obese people are that way due to overeating and under-exercising. That's not a disease- that's a lifestyle problem. And society should not have to pay for that. Can we not have compassion for each other while at the same time encouraging each other to eat healthier fare, eat healthier portions, and move more? I think so. I think we do it every day here at 3FC.

I have to agree with that statement completely. Almost all people are overweight due to lifestyle issues, not because of horrible medical disease. If society was to completely accept it, than the number of overweight people would vastly increase causing more medical issues and an even greater strain on the medical system. It's not fair for any one to have to pay and help cover the cost of those who are overweight, just like its not fair to have to pay for medical issues caused by smoking, excessive drinking and other health issues that are completely avoidable. When my husband would refer to someone as "fat" (example: you remember the fat blond girl?) I used to think he was being down right rude. But then he pointed out that its just an statement or an observation. He said "fat is a word, just like referring to someone as short, tall, white, black, skinny, blond. If they are fat, then they are fat. Its a description"

Of course, not accepting it doesn't need to happen in a mean or crude way. Making fun of anyone isn't right for any reason. However, it does motivate some people to lose the weight, and if it bothers people that much and its something avoidable, why not fix it so it doesn't happen to you anymore? I used to hate being called a ginger (back in high school, now i love my hair color)... so I fixed it by changing my hair color. Yes, we shouldn't have to change for society, but at the same time we cant expect everyone to magically accept us. We are all very hypocritical in this way. I can almost guarantee that there are women in this conversation who look down on an alcoholics or drug users, yet sit here and say its horrible people look down on them for being over weight. I'm sure half of us would say something rude about the drug addict who can't stop using meth, but isn't that the same as us not being able to stop an unhealthy life style? People with addictions make easy targets as it is society's way to try and prevent the rest of society from becoming that problem.

Again, I do not condone making fun of ANYONE and it would be awesome if people could be who they are without repercussions. But society does not like those who are different and will use them for humor.

tessendicott
02-16-2012, 09:53 AM
To be honest...

Being fat is not okay. That's why we're here.

That's still no reason to make fun of someone. You wouldn't point at an amputee and say "HAHA YOU LOST YOUR LEG!"

It may not be okay, but it's still not right to pick on people because of their weight.

PinkLotus
02-16-2012, 10:17 AM
It upsets me a lot, especially when people make fun of big people at the gym. Um, they're doing something about it, how do you expect them to get un-fat?? You should be supportive and encouraging. It can be VERY intimidating for a big person to go to the gym, and sometimes it takes a lot of courage. (I speak from experience).
It upsets me because people who have never had a weight problem think "oh just stop eating", they think we're all fat because we just eat too much. While that is definitely true, for a lot of people it's just not black and white like that. I have a food addiction and also emotional issues that tie in with food and eating due to being emotionally abused by my grandmother since childhood. Yes, I know if I stopped eating I wouldn't be fat, but if it were that easy, I would have done it years ago. It's a mental battle for some of us also, not just a physical one.
I don't expect people who have never had a weight problem to understand, since well, how could they? But it still upsets me.
Of course there are millions of fat people who are fat because they just like to eat and don't care to do anything about it. But we're not all that way.
Someone taking pictures of big people in the gym and making fun of them is just disgusting and immature behaviour.

krampus
02-16-2012, 02:40 PM
I'm perfectly healthy. I'm trying to lose weight because I simply don't like being tired and sore and out of shape.

I think this is the only thing "wrong" with being fat - not being able to move as efficiently and feel as good as if you were carrying less weight.

There is nothing wrong with liking food and enjoying eating. There is nothing wrong with occupying more space than someone else. And no one should be made to feel ashamed of their bodies for the way they look - or for anything, really.

There are issues that bother me more than fat bashing, but I don't ever think it's OK to discredit someone entirely based on their appearance, and I think it propagates the messed up trend of judging women solely on their looks.

einszwei
02-19-2012, 10:52 PM
I think there is nothing wrong with being fat. Eating gives you pleasure and we as humans tend to look for things that give us pleasure. Fatness in the past centuries was considered sexy. Paintings from Rubens showcase big people and their beauty

JoJoP
02-20-2012, 08:28 AM
Yes, especially when some of those people could be "fat" themselves if it weren't for the miracle of great genes and a super-fast metabolism.