Weight Loss Support - Feeling depressed as ex-friend lost weight faster....




Candeka
01-27-2012, 07:48 PM
I know it sounds petty, and I feel like a horrible person for even thinking it, but it always made me feel better knowing that my ex-friend wasn't losing weight. She is a very stuck-up horrible person (reason why we are not friends anymore). Even after not seeing or speaking to each other for 6 months, I'd find out that she was calling me fat or something stupid on Twitter, even though we were the same size! I thought she would have moved on, but clearly she hadn't. We share the same circle of friends, and I found out today that she has lost a lot of weight due to taking diet pills and throwing up...

I understand that how she lost weight is not healthy at all, but I'm still feeling really depressed about it and like I am some type of failure because now I'm still bigger then her, even tho I have lost some weight. I feel like some petty 12 year old, but I can't help it =( I haven't thought about her in a long time, and I wasn't losing weight to "win" or anything.. but finding out that someone who was so rude to you and calling you fat is not skinnier then you SUCKS! Sorry I had to vent!


bargoo
01-27-2012, 08:07 PM
She might be losing, now but she will probably regain it plus more when she stops her unhealthy diet.

luckymommy
01-27-2012, 08:20 PM
Yes! Slow and steady wins the race. No matter what, if someone is ugly on the inside, it shows through on the outside, regardless of their size/weight. Stay strong and ignore her completely. :hug:


omgzitsmiranda
01-27-2012, 08:21 PM
How much did she lose & how fast?

berryblondeboys
01-27-2012, 08:23 PM
Its hard when someone you trusted turns and craps on you. Of course, it's human nature to want them to suffer for their ways, so it bites when it seems they are doing better than you are. But... She might have lost a few pounds now, but you know that they we she did isn't sustainable and probably doesn't t look as nice as you will when you get there. A healthy weight loss definitely looks better.

Daki
01-27-2012, 08:58 PM
She'll gain everything back (maybe and then some) and you'll be sittin' pretty at your goal =)

I understand that feeling though. My ex boyfriend use to tell me "not to kid" myself and that I've "gotten fat." Well you know what? We'll both be at the same wedding next month and I've lost almost 30 pounds. But him? He must have found my 30lbs and started suffering from a receding hairline and a bald spot. I'm feeling pretty smug about it. Just give your ex friend a few months, she's either going to keep damaging herself or she'll gain it back. And either way, you can pride yourself on knowing you did it the right way and you'll be able to keep it off without needing to vomit.

Nadya
01-27-2012, 10:30 PM
That's natural, don't worry about it. Four years ago, I told my Gram that I wanted to work out at Curves to lose weight. My cousin heard about it and started putting Curves down saying it was a waste of money. Months later, I was down 30 pounds. Just so you can get an idea of how petty and immature she is...she was in her late 30's, I was 19, and she was picking on me...

She decided to lose weight herself after I had put weight back on and acted like she was the cat's meow the entire time. She was walking miles, severely limiting her calorie intake, etc. and dropped a bunch of weight. Years later, we're switching again - I'm down 14 pounds and she's back up higher than she ever was before she started. :D

I haven't said anything to her, I've always kept my mouth shut, but I'm definitely feeling pretty happy...

If she's losing it like my cousin did - cutting corners, going too fast, being unrealistic - she'll put it back on. Don't check her Twitter or anything else if possible and if friends are reporting back to you on what she's saying, ask them to stop because you don't need to hear it. She's a loser, don't waste your time. ^.^

shcirerf
01-27-2012, 11:42 PM
I do get what you are saying about how you feel.

But face it. This friend is an EX for a reason.

Un Twitter, Facebook, Email, Text, Phone number. Let it go. Unless you have to work with this ex friend or are related, drop it.

This person is not good for you, only because you are giving her the control.

Take it back! :carrot:

birdfeet
01-28-2012, 12:02 AM
Yes! Slow and steady wins the race. No matter what, if someone is ugly on the inside, it shows through on the outside, regardless of their size/weight. Stay strong and ignore her completely. :hug:

I strongly agree with you. Losing weight doesn't make a better person inside,that good part is always there in those who have it to begin with.
Keep on trucken. Going slow,your weight stays off longer.

birdfeet
01-28-2012, 12:09 AM
I know it sounds petty, and I feel like a horrible person for even thinking it, but it always made me feel better knowing that my ex-friend wasn't losing weight. She is a very stuck-up horrible person (reason why we are not friends anymore). Even after not seeing or speaking to each other for 6 months, I'd find out that she was calling me fat or something stupid on Twitter, even though we were the same size! I thought she would have moved on, but clearly she hadn't. We share the same circle of friends, and I found out today that she has lost a lot of weight due to taking diet pills and throwing up...

I understand that how she lost weight is not healthy at all, but I'm still feeling really depressed about it and like I am some type of failure because now I'm still bigger then her, even tho I have lost some weight. I feel like some petty 12 year old, but I can't help it =( I haven't thought about her in a long time, and I wasn't losing weight to "win" or anything.. but finding out that someone who was so rude to you and calling you fat is not skinnier then you SUCKS! Sorry I had to vent!

IT IS OK TO VENT. jUST KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK ON YOURSELF AND STOP THINKING OF HER.

Lemongrab
01-28-2012, 12:11 AM
You're doing it the right way.
Don't get depressed over this.
She may be losing weight fast but you know she's struggling inside to resort to such unhealthy methods to lose weight.
You're more likely to keep the weight of if you're losing weight steadily.

Mimzzy
01-28-2012, 12:15 AM
I feel ya, Its hard to see people succeed where we seem to be falling short. I had a ex friend lose 60lbs and although she looked amazing I was jealous because I didn't think I would be able to do what she did. It was hard but I stopped all contact with her because seeing her success only made me feel worse.

You said she was losing weight in a unhealthy way, then be proud of yourself and try looking at it this way. You are losing weight the healthy way, the proper way, in order for her to do what you are she had to resort to doing it in the unhealthy way. :) Plus she will probably gain it all back and more when she starts eating regularly again.

twinieten
01-28-2012, 08:07 AM
Keep up the good work!!

I'm going to parrot everyone else. She will never be able to maintain if her weight loss is done by using unhealthy means. You'll get there and you'll look so hot because you're doing it right. Then you'll stay there. She'll gain it back.

Realistically, you probably already look better than her. People who lose weight too fast or by using unhealthy methods look sick. They don't look well at all!!

It sounds like you can only limit her from your life, but you can't eliminate her completely. I would ask mutual friends, or those in your life who are "filling you in" on what she says about you on Twitter or wherever, to please stop. You getting this information does not appear to be benefiting you in any way. It's upsetting you. It's not like you're friends and she's throwing you under the bus. You've already removed her from your life. Therefore, what she says about you doesn't' really matter. You already know who she is.

I don't know why you matter to her anyways. If you're not friends anymore, why does she mention you at all? She must be jealous of you or intimidated by you.

linJber
01-28-2012, 09:08 AM
It's not petty to feel like you do - it's human nature. Just keep thinking about how great it will feel to prove everyone wrong (talk about "petty!") and know that you're making healthy life style changes. It's going to work for you in the short term and in the long term, too. That's worth more than anything. Keep up the good work.

Lin

WildThings
01-28-2012, 10:53 AM
I'm sorry you're feeling depressed. It's hard to not only have someone say hurtful things, but also get what you want...especially when they haven't put in the work to get it like you are.

I will say, if I was friends with someone, or even around someone that was openly making fun of someone for there weight, especially being as immature and petty as putting it out on social medias, my opinion of her wouldn't be very high. I'm sure many in your circle of friends feel the same way. She's hoping to get a reaction from you, the best thing you can do is not give her what she wants. Just ignore her and continue to let her make herself look bad.

knoxie
01-28-2012, 11:17 AM
I completely understand how you feel but she is setting herself up for a fall and a wealth of medical issues in the way she has chosen to lose weight. You're doing it the right way and that's something to be proud of. So what if her weight is coming off quicker? Getting to goal is only part of the journey.

sacha
01-28-2012, 11:21 AM
This is just me,

But I would forgive her for being at such a low point in life (feeling the need to insult others, having an obvious eating disorder) and then move on. There's no sense in harboring ill will against someone who is not a good person.

I would also consider a new circle of friends. I'm not sure why you continue to participate with people who allow her to speak of you in this manner or tell you these hurtful things.

Bellamack
01-28-2012, 11:30 AM
Echo of much written, esp. it is "normal" to feel that way. I will tell you that several years ago, I read something that changed the way I thought about people like your "X". I was having a hard time with a totally immature, underqualified boss and I was reading all different self-help books and one thing stood out. Basically, it said when you look in the mirror in the morning, be thankful you are who you are and say out-loud " I am thankful I am not ______! So that is what I do. You need to look in the mirror and say I am so thankful that I am not "X's" name, I am losing weight in a healthy manner and I am a kinder person" I also (when I know I have a tough day ahead of me) get up and sing or play Carol King's "You.ve Got to get up every morning with a smile on your face and show the World all the love in your heart, 'cause people gonna treat ya better.............

kirsteng
01-28-2012, 11:31 AM
Sounds like a very toxic relationship to me. This is not an 'ex friend'.. sounds more like an enemy if ever there was one.

You're wasting your time and energy worrying about what she thinks and says. Her path is hers, for good or bad, and yours is yours.

Hold you head high and do what YOU feel in your heart to be right, both in what you do and what you say.

And let's face it, at your weight you're far from fat.. I bet you look pretty great already. Be proud of yourself for your own successes, don't measure yourself against someone else.

JudgeDread
01-28-2012, 01:50 PM
It's natural to be jealous no doubt...especially when you don't like them haha!

But I agree with everyone else, she will gain it back. Just keep doing what you are doing and you will be better off the rest of your life. You're doing this for YOU not to win against her.

Italiannie
01-28-2012, 01:56 PM
You have every right to feel the way you do. Betrayal is no fun. So..... keep that "X" friend firmly planted in the past, surround yourself with wonderful people who care about you, stay on plan, and be positive.

Living well will be the best satisfaction you will ever have.

Candeka
01-28-2012, 07:37 PM
Thank you everyone for all of your comments and advice! It helped a lot!

Petite Powerhouse
01-29-2012, 06:21 PM
Do you actually know for certain she lost weight that way, or are people just repeating toxic rumors? I don't know.... The whole thing—talking about what this or that person is doing behind her back—sounds ugly and unhealthy to me. Ignore it all. She's not a friend anymore. What she has to say should not matter. And her weight loss should not matter. It's time for you to focus on you. That's how you'll meet your goal and stay there.

naffy
01-29-2012, 07:58 PM
i understand how you feel, some girls can be disgustingly immature and mean. but if you think about it, she's losing weight by throwing up. she's going to ruin her health along with her teeth and what not. you're doing it the healthy way! and it's not like you haven't seen results. So, if you ever run into her at a restaurant... know that you're getting your money's worth, but her's will end up being thrown up.

i'm normally sensitive to girls with eating disorders, but she sounds like a total b!tch, so AH WELL.

hope this cheered you up a bit! hugs*

chubbybunny29
01-29-2012, 10:47 PM
I can understand that. I have a former friend who always acted superior to me because she's about a size 10 and I'm a 20 (or was when we hung out). But I began to realize she was that thin because she was addicted to oppiate pain killers (ie morpheine) so her appetite was artificially low(somedays she'd have nothing but a smoothie), and bulemic. So she'd occasionally binge and have a huge meal, and I always knew she was going to vomit it up before we even left the restaurant. She made me feel bad about myself many times, and I always knew she judged me for my weight issues.

For reasons having to do with other elements of her personality, we're not friends anymore. Even though I'm only working on my first mini-goal right now, I feel like I'm healthier being 260lbs and eating well and exercising, than she is at 150lbs with a dysfunctional relationship with food.

Skittlez
01-30-2012, 02:21 PM
I so understand where you're coming from. I have an ex friend who is literally crazy. Pathological liar, ect. This friend lost like 130 pounds after we stopped being friends. But the thing is I doubt he lost it in a healthy way, and I know for a fact that he's NOT healthy right now. He's way underweight for his height and has a super low bodyfat precentage (I only know this because we reconnected for a bit, I'm too forgiving and he ended the friendship again because he's a terrible person basically >.>). So I feel bad that I'm not as far along as I'd like to be, but I'm happy that I'm trying to lose in a healthy way. He'll eventualy gain it back or starve himself into the grave, so I just try not to focus on it or other toxic people. Hang in there, it's human to be jealous. But do your best not to focus on it, and move on :)

aliasihaya
01-30-2012, 06:16 PM
I understand. And I know you're venting. Obviously there are many opinions posted here about this. :) But like they've all said, take it for what it's worth that you're doing things the right way. And in the end you'll win out. Doesn't ever really help in the short term does it? :)