Hello, everyone!
My name is Sarah, and I'm 35 years old. I'm 5'6" and 355 pounds. I was shocked enough when I hit 300. I hovered around 300 for a couple of years, and now I'm 355?!? 355 is, to me, completely unforgiveable.
I weighed around 175 all the way through high school. I played softball and was on the dance team, so I was muscular and not consider overweight. I never thought of those fun sports as "exercise", so I was lazy about eating.
Then came college. Most of the exercise stopped, but I didn't top 200 because my eating habits weren't that bad yet, and I still got SOME exercise.
Enter my mid-twenties and some serious depression. I started eating to feel better and lost all motivation to go outside. Once I reached 240, I knew it was time to do something. I managed to get back down to 180 by counting calories and exercising 4-5 days per week. I was really happy, and it didn't feel hard at all. Then, more depression, more weight gain, more weight loss, and so it goes. Now I'm 355 and afraid to leave the house most days because I've never been THIS big. My hips are my widest point, so I don't fit in movie theatre seats. I can't fly without buying two seats either. I haven't been able to ride a roller coaster in years, and I really miss that. I can't go to baseball games. I'm denying myself SO MUCH by being this fat.
Luckily, I have a boyfriend who encourages me. He bought me a membership to the Y so I can start walking on the treadmills (walking outside in the winter is tricky, what with the ice and snow). I've also been swimming laps on weekends. So far, my weight is the same, but I feel a lot better. It's only been a week, and I can already tell I'm making some progress.
It's daunting to think about how far I have to go. My boyfriend and I were talking last night, and we agreed I should take it ten pounds at a time. If I think, "I need to lose 180 pounds," I'm going to get depressed. Even "50 pounds" makes me feel nervous. So, I'm going to think of it in bits and pieces. The last time I lost weight, I was able to buy a new pair of pants every 15 pounds. Since I'm much heavier now, it might be more like every 20-30 pounds. He also reminded me that I tend to lose inches before pounds. My waistband has always gotten really loose really fast in the past, so we're going to take my measurements every two weeks along with my weight.
I'm not telling anybody about what I'm doing. I've found, in the past, people can become very critical and judgmental. They'll ask, "Should you really be eating that?" not knowing I budgeted my calories to allow myself a Pepsi as a treat. Or they'll sort of roll their eyes when I say I'm working out, as if they know I won't stick with it. Plus, when I don't lose the weight, I feel like an idiot for not doing what I set out to do, and now my shame is "public" in a sense. So no more Facebook. No telling people, only to let them (and myself) down again. Only my boyfriend (and this forum) know what I'm up to. I figure I might announce my progress to Facebook after the first 30 pounds or so. Once I've lost 30, then people can't really say much, and they might have noticed the difference anyway.
They say it takes two weeks for you to notice, four weeks for your SO to notice, and eight weeks for the world to notice. Makes sense.
Sorry this got long. I'm really nervous right now because it's just so much weight, and I'm also scared because I've never been this heavy. Plus, I feel bad that I allowed myself to get this heavy. Thank goodness I don't have diabetes or heart trouble (yet). Hopefully, I'm taking action soon enough to prevent those issues.
I do have some issues with my knees, and I'm hoping I caught that soon enough too. That was another catalyst. I can hardly get out of a chair without some pain.
Thanks for listening.
Hello From Snowy Michigan!
