General chatter - Online Dating & Dating in General




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gimmeMYbodyBACK
01-18-2012, 10:07 PM
OK - so this is going to cover a few different things on my mind... I recently signed up for eharmony because they were having a 3 month special going and I figured I'd give it a shot... 1. I live in NYC where I moved for work, and while the city is huge, I don't know really anyone, 2. For work I am in office, by myself for 80% of the week, and the other girl in the office has a bf and the other guy is married... so I never really have the opportunity to meet anyone, so I figured why not.

Let me also point out that I tried eharmony and match.com over a year ago and felt overwhelmed with browsing, I wasn't living in the city, I had other stuff going on, and never met anyone, so I decided to give it another shot.

1. IS ANYONE HAVING ANY LUCK ON EHARMONY? I feel like the last time I got a few selective matches, but now I get about 20 a day, I don't have time to scroll thru them all, and maybe I'm picky, but none of them see too appealing to me! Does anyone have any success stories?

2. Fast forward to you find a match on EHarmony or in general, do you announce (and at what point) to your date, that your current main priority is losing weight and getting in shape? (At least that is my current main priority, and I really don't want anything stopping it) - or do you think that will turn him off? Save it for down the road?

3. Does anyone else feel just uncomfortable about dating while in this "transitional" period of weight loss? I have to admit that I am a little weary, while I do feel good about myself, I don't feel as good about myself as I know I did when I was skinny and in shape, and how I think I'm going to feel when I get back down to that point... Which makes me uncomfortable around others, especially in a date scenario, which is already awkward...

I think I'm in a rut! :?:

http://www.3fatchicks.net/img/bar-leopard/slide-jump/lb/202/130/195.4/.png (http://www.3fatchicks.com/)


Aunrio
01-19-2012, 02:12 AM
If your profile is honest and pictures are current, then don't sweat it. Chalk it up to a new year's resolution if you want. I wouldn't blurt it out first thing but some mention might make your suitor more conscious about restaurant choices or date activities.

I am married so I don't have the same concerns, but I met him on match.com.

DesertTabby
01-19-2012, 03:31 AM
You could always mention in your profile that you are trying to be more active and healthy, plus you wouldn't mind getting to know someone who will help you explore the city. That way you may meet like-minded individuals and you don't have to worry about 'divulging your deep dark secret' later on!


MiZTaCCen
01-19-2012, 11:41 AM
I personally hate dating websites, but simply because I'm a personality girl and sometimes it takes time for me to "like" someone because there personality needs to shine through...and for dating sites is like shopping for a boyfriend who will never be good enough. Like when you go buy clothing at a store...but these days it seems to be the only way to meet someone is through the internet now. ugh...

So anyways on my profile I have I'm a few extra pounds (when it comes to body type). I don't exactly say I'm trying to lose weight, I say I'm currently in the process of becoming a much healthier and active person. I would like to meet someone who has ideally the same type of goals and mind frame. etc...I also list other things I enjoy doing.

The truth is for me when I'm in this tranistion...I'm exteremly insecure and that is something I need to work on. I'm 170 pounds...most people think I'm less than that simply because I don't look it...but I know it and I feel it and my problem is I bring on my insecurity (I'm getting better about it this time around.) I'm also open on the "date" process, I say I'd like to lose some weight, tone up a bit and I'm currently going up against three of my friends on a biggest loser challenge etc. Make it fun like it's not really a huge deal but it is part of your life you are working on. As long as you're not going, oh I'm so fat oh I need to change this, oh I wish I looked like her...again you'll be fine!

Maybe you just shouldn't date until you learn to be comfortable and happy with yourself? I know that may sound bad, but sometimes we attract the wrong type of guys who aren't really good enough for us (or our typical guys we would dated) because we're in a rut, or a stage of life where we're so unhappy with ourselves...(I can't date right now...I'm blah plus it's too cold for me to go out! lol and I'm trying to work on myself since I tend to have an issue where once I meet someone...I stop putting myself first...hence the 20 pound weight gained back.)

Or just don't take it seriously. As someone said as long as you have current up to date pictures (not ones where you're super skinny or decieving) you should be fine. Go out there have fun, and try not to expect too much out of it. Meet people mingle and just enjoy it. (I once had three dates in one day LOL) If they call back for a second date great..if they don't well...hate to say it but theres a million other guys to choose from! lol :hug:

knoxie
01-20-2012, 05:02 AM
I don't internet date right now but some of the best guy friends I have in my life are ones I met that way :) No huge love connections but lots of good, nice guys that have become firm friends.

Point 3 is why I don't really date online or otherwise right now. I'm uncomfortable meeting someone at this point in my life in the midst of losing weight. It might sound awful but I don't want to date someone who knows the fat me, because my weight really gets me down sometimes and also I'm cuter when I'm carrying less bulk! Seriously though, I feel that I'm changing as a person inside and out and I'm not convinced bringing anyone else into it would be the right thing for me. Not to say if George Clooney knocked on my door I'd shut it in his face or anything, but I'm not actively looking if that makes sense?

ShesLosingIt
01-20-2012, 07:43 PM
1. IS ANYONE HAVING ANY LUCK ON EHARMONY?

I don't use eHarmony. It was too much $$$ and I wasn't sure what I was looking for so I used OKCupid. I met a few duds and potential matches that just fizzled then after only two months I met this guy from the same small town and we've been dating for over a month now.

2. Fast forward to you find a match on EHarmony or in general, do you announce (and at what point) to your date, that your current main priority is losing weight and getting in shape?

Honestly, I flat out put it in my profile - "I lost over 100+ lbs and plan to lose another 60". The boyfriend is a type II diabetic and hardcore into fitness so he understands my situation.

3. Does anyone else feel just uncomfortable about dating while in this "transitional" period of weight loss?

Definitely, especially at first. I mean, I have quite a bit of excess skin, there's plenty of stretch marks, I'm still chubby and I'm totally new to the dating scene after 6.5 years of marriage. I was horrified the first time I went on a date with a match but I got over it pretty quickly. I'm lucky in that I met a guy that is super attracted to me just how I am right now but also fully supports my goals to be smaller & healthier.

JudgeDread
01-22-2012, 09:53 AM
1. IS ANYONE HAVING ANY LUCK ON EHARMONY? I feel like the last time I got a few selective matches, but now I get about 20 a day, I don't have time to scroll thru them all, and maybe I'm picky, but none of them see too appealing to me! Does anyone have any success stories?

Yes! I had luck, and we have been dating for a year and a half now :) Talking about getting married! I did the same thing, join the 3 month special. It hooked me up with a lot of matches, comically with some of my coworkers..eww! LOL Anyways, I only met one guy before my BF face to face and he was pretty cool too, but our lifestyles clashed and there wasn't much for sparks. I met my boyfriend and he was absolutely awesome. I was a bit shocked at how well we matched. I can't speak for everyone, but it did work for me (it still takes time though!)

2. Fast forward to you find a match on EHarmony or in general, do you announce (and at what point) to your date, that your current main priority is losing weight and getting in shape? (At least that is my current main priority, and I really don't want anything stopping it) - or do you think that will turn him off? Save it for down the road?

I didn't have as much of this problem as I was lighter then...and when we started dating is when I put on a few more pounds..Workouts became less important than seeing him, we ate out more or I cooked to impress. Plus when I met his family his mom cooks fabuloso Mexican food, let's face it Mexican is not diet food! So now we are going to focus hard again on getting our exercise. We are going to start P90X Monday..God help us haha.

3. Does anyone else feel just uncomfortable about dating while in this "transitional" period of weight loss? I have to admit that I am a little weary, while I do feel good about myself, I don't feel as good about myself as I know I did when I was skinny and in shape, and how I think I'm going to feel when I get back down to that point... Which makes me uncomfortable around others, especially in a date scenario, which is already awkward...

I think it is normal to be self conscious, but think of it this way...if he can see the real you even though you are not happy with your body he is far more of a keeper than a shallow "bass turd". I think it is important to find someone who shares goals of keeping healthy so you can both work on it together or support one another. If you do start dating do not, not, NOT sacrifice your gym time for him, especially if you really want to prove you are trying to get healthy. I know it is hard to make time. But you can also do date nights that involve physical activity..skating, walks...or bike rides!



Hope that helps!

JudgeDread
01-22-2012, 10:12 AM
Oh PS..I had did some previous online dating prior to eharmony. I met a few guys, one guy I dated for 3 months.....but I think the good thing about Eharmony is that it weeds out a lot of guys you wouldn't want to get to know anyways.

NY is a big place so you will be overwhelmed for sure. You may have to get picky a bit...looks, goals..and just start emailing to see who can carry a conversation best!

Ookpik
01-22-2012, 02:27 PM
1. IS ANYONE HAVING ANY LUCK ON EHARMONY?

I'm not on EHarmony, but I am on Plenty of Fish, which is free. I had no luck, but I do know of some marriages and relationships that came of it. Right now, I am not interested in online dating, so I have my profile hidden, but go there everyday for the forums, which are better than soap operas. I agree with some of the others' suggestions, make sure photos and other information are current, etc. One of the biggest complaints on POF forums are from posters who go on dates with people who look nothing like their pictures. They feel deceived, and I can't say that I blame them.

2. Fast forward to you find a match on EHarmony or in general, do you announce (and at what point) to your date, that your current main priority is losing weight and getting in shape? (At least that is my current main priority, and I really don't want anything stopping it) - or do you think that will turn him off? Save it for down the road?

Why not just mention that you follow a healthy lifestyle, and that exercise and eating healthy are important to you? You might want to be more specific later on. Some people announce it right away, to each their own.

3. Does anyone else feel just uncomfortable about dating while in this "transitional" period of weight loss?

Yes. I don't feel good about myself right now, which is a big reason I have my profile hidden on POF. I have a lot of work to do on myself, I think, before I can be with someone. Previously, when I did not feel good about myself, I made bad choices when it came to men, such as taking the attention of any man, regardless of how he treated me. I won't put up with crap now, but at the same time, I still have to work on me. Also, I am in school and just want to concentrate on that for now.

And yes, NYC is huge, have you ever thought of trying meetup.com? It looks like a good way to possibly meet friends.

novangel
01-22-2012, 10:16 PM
Met my guy on eHarmony and have been together 4 years. :)

5aday
01-22-2012, 10:55 PM
1. IS ANYONE HAVING ANY LUCK ON EHARMONY?
I had no luck on eharmony because many people in my area were only on for the free weekends and not able to see the photos posted or communicate. I am now on okcupid. I have meet some nice guys on okcupid. I also tried plenty of fish and meet a nice guy I dated for about 3 months. In general I found plenty of fish overwhelming until I learned to hide my profile ever few weeks while working through the possibilities.

2. Fast forward to you find a match on EHarmony or in general, do you announce (and at what point) to your date, that your current main priority is losing weight and getting in shape? (At least that is my current main priority, and I really don't want anything stopping it) - or do you think that will turn him off? Save it for down the road?
I consider this to be my new normal. So I try from the start to have more activity focused dates rather then meals. I go for coffee or attend an event at the museum.

3. Does anyone else feel just uncomfortable about dating while in this "transitional" period of weight loss?
I have a lot of weight to lose and I am not getting any younger so I am not willing to waste anymore time. I am actively looking and trying to have fun meeting new people. I have also joined some meetup groups and that has been great for getting out of the house and making new non-romantic friends. For me I know there will never be the perfect time...

5aday
01-22-2012, 10:56 PM
p.s. I love this topic and the opportunity to see what people think

konfyoozed
01-22-2012, 11:56 PM
i was a member of okcupid for a while... i quit using the site about 3 years ago when i met the man who became my husband in may :)

i liked the site because it was free and had a bunch of different ways to gauge your 'match' with the person you were talking to. the 'wtf' report was awesome. basically it takes the survey questions you and the other person have answered and compares notes. kinda nice to know safe conversation topics ahead of time :)

MedChick87
01-23-2012, 03:48 AM
1. IS ANYONE HAVING ANY LUCK ON EHARMONY?

I have never tried eHarmony, but only b/c it costs money. I'm a starving college student so I stuck to the free ones when I did online dating (mainly plentyoffish). I met several good guys and my current bf of almost 4 months on there. I know lots of people who met their significant others online. It's certainly possible and very common!

2. Fast forward to you find a match on EHarmony or in general, do you announce (and at what point) to your date, that your current main priority is losing weight and getting in shape? (At least that is my current main priority, and I really don't want anything stopping it) - or do you think that will turn him off? Save it for down the road?

I personally wouldn't make a huge deal out of it. In your profile, i would stick to talking about wanting a bf who is active and overall healthy (as you are). If you start up something with a guy, then you might mention it. I know, for me, I brought it up several weeks into my current relationship. I didn't make it a big deal, just mentioned that I was trying to lose some weight. To answer your question, I'd save the "losing weight" part of it for down the road. Just b/c I don't think it's necessary to say up front.

3. Does anyone else feel just uncomfortable about dating while in this "transitional" period of weight loss?

I certainly feel more comfortable dating now then i did 50 lbs ago. However, I didn't let that stop me. It did kind of limit the people I would talk to though. I'm much more confident in messaging more athletic/fit guys than I used to be. I never thought they'd be interested. I was still hesitant, at 180 lbs, to message my current bf b/c he's very athletic. Turns out, he liked me the way I was and actually got confused when I said I wanted to lose weight.