20-Somethings - People look at me like I'm a fool

Anytime I tell people I want to lose around 75 lbs people look at me like i'm a fool.. I have had numerous people tell me "don't set such high goals" for me a 5lb goal here and there is worthless.. i rather say I lost 12 lbs this month or whatever.. i don't like the look i get that basically says "yea right you'll never lose that much!" It's just annoying to me, maybe its because i'm in a new state where people have only seen me at my heaviest... but I have lost a lot before... i guess I'm just getting anxious because I cannot wait to make them all eat their words..don't get me wrong I am doing this for me... but it would totally be great to show everyone that doubted me!

Anytime I tell people I want to lose around 75 lbs people look at me like i'm a fool.. I have had numerous people tell me "don't set such high goals" for me a 5lb goal here and there is worthless.. i rather say I lost 12 lbs this month or whatever.. i don't like the look i get that basically says "yea right you'll never lose that much!" It's just annoying to me, maybe its because i'm in a new state where people have only seen me at my heaviest... but I have lost a lot before... i guess I'm just getting anxious because I cannot wait to make them all eat their words..don't get me wrong I am doing this for me... but it would totally be great to show everyone that doubted me!

This x a million. I'm sorry they make you feel this way, but just wait until they can eat their words haha.

It could also be that people don't believe you have 75lbs to lose and think that you're trying to be a stick! I have that problem. So maybe it's more of a compliment than an insult, however frustrating that is haha.

Pardon me for sticking my beak in but... this is why we have online forums where people understand and appreciate your goals.

I was having a conversation about weightloss with a nice woman who I know didn't mean any harm but she was telling me that she used to be huge "a size 14 or 16". I laughed and told her I was currently wearing a 18/20.

I know how you feel. I want to lose over 100lbs and I am sick of peoples opinions.

I honestly don't tell anyone my goals anymore...I'd rather just do it and get it done, than have to listen to anyone's well meant advice (esp. from people who don't have weight problems) or have someone watching every single bite of food that goes in my mouth.
My husband was made aware of my goals (YAY!) and that's IT! =]

Good luck with your 75!

I hear ya! I have 100 lbs to lose but the thing that i get that people say to me is REALLY??? U DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU NEED TO LOSE THAT MUCH! I hate that bc I feel like they're trying to be nice but they know I'm big. Telling a girl thats 250+lbs she doesn't need to lose that much I think is down right mean.

Oh & I also can't wait to prove people wrong either. Especially my jerk of an alcoholic woman abusing brother who called me a fat wh*re & fat slut about 20 x's in a row 3 weeks ago (mind u hes 5'9 & pushing 210). Luckily i i live states away from him but I cant wait till he sees me again so he can feel as dumb as he looks. (lol sorry little rant)

Just use those peoples stupid comments as ammunition to fire off! :)

Hahaha more modivation to get it off...but seriously, Never listen to other peoples comments when it comes to weightloss. Because ultimately its about you and your body. 75 pounds at your height puts you at a good weight and i'm sure you'll be able to get it all off. :)

I have people telling me now that I don't need to lose more, but I know my body, and I know my weight is to high for my frame. Wish people would just say something nice like good luck xD instead of all their opinions on the subject

Anytime I tell people I want to lose around 75 lbs people look at me like i'm a fool.. I have had numerous people tell me "don't set such high goals" for me a 5lb goal here and there is worthless.. i rather say I lost 12 lbs this month or whatever.. i don't like the look i get that basically says "yea right you'll never lose that much!" It's just annoying to me, maybe its because i'm in a new state where people have only seen me at my heaviest... but I have lost a lot before... i guess I'm just getting anxious because I cannot wait to make them all eat their words..don't get me wrong I am doing this for me... but it would totally be great to show everyone that doubted me!
Well its good that you know whats what a least. Its awesome what youre doing and I wish you the best. :)

As much as talking to your friends and loved ones is amazing, when it comes to weight you just cannot listen. This is why I'm here - I don't talk to my boyfriend, my friends or my parents about all the little details, my goals, my aims - it's all noted down here because you all understand. It's what makes this forum so amazing!

I tell friend and family my successes and that's it. They're supportive and know I'm losing weight, but I leave the numbers out of it because you get all sorts of comments like "you'll waste away!" "don't get too obsessive over it!"

well, what everybody else said...

but also, why would you feel the need to tell people you wanna lose those huge amounts? i mean, it's none of their business, first of all. but just saying you want to lose weight (or you want to lose a LOT of weight) should be enough, no?

stating your big numbers at the end is understandable, and you totally have bragging rights, but it just seems weird to me to go around proclaiming it at the beginning of a weight-loss journey.... i dunno. maybe it's just me.

I had this problem with a lot of my family as well. When I told them I needed to lose around 50lbs they laughed at me and said "good luck" in that snide sarcastic tone. My mum also took me aside and tried to tell me I would never be a "thin" girl, my thighs and shoulders were just far to big lol

I am almost there and can't wait until I can say I did it and rub their noses in it! Its going be to glorious!

The number might seem large, but you will be amazed when you lose the weight and look back. I've lost almost forty pounds since my highest weight, and I can barely believe that it is forty pounds. I haven't even reached my goal weight yet, so that number is bound to grow. Also, those people may not understand what 75 pounds mean as you do, since weight looks different on every body. After a while of experiences with unwanted comments, I've stopped talking so much about my diet plans & weight loss. My friends just end up warning me not to develop eating disorders. >.>

It's okay not to talk about it with other people, and maybe even best. They just don't know your body as well as you (or your doctor) do. Just know that you're doing a great thing for yourself and that, in the end, those other people don't count nearly as much as your health. :)

Thanks everyone! I'm glad to hear i'm not the only one going through this. I guess I could avoid the issue all together by keeping the number to myself.. i guess it just feels more realistic to say it outloud.. lol

well, what everybody else said...

but also, why would you feel the need to tell people you wanna lose those huge amounts? i mean, it's none of their business, first of all. but just saying you want to lose weight (or you want to lose a LOT of weight) should be enough, no?

stating your big numbers at the end is understandable, and you totally have bragging rights, but it just seems weird to me to go around proclaiming it at the beginning of a weight-loss journey.... i dunno. maybe it's just me.

I also don't understand why people state their weight loss goals to their family/friends then actually get upset when their family/friends make comments about it. It's like: if you didn't want someone to make comments about something, why did you bring it up in the first place? Not all comments will be helpful or supportive and people have to realize this. Getting upset at other people over something that was well within YOUR control, is wonky IMO. When I started to lose weight, I didn't tell anyone my goals. ****, I didn't even tell anyone I was losing weight. Then, this past Christmas, a year since I last saw my family, I arrived home 80 pounds lighter (about 50 pounds lighter than when they last saw me) and everyone was all like, "Good job!" "You look great!" :high: One person didn't even recognize me. My philosophy is that if one cannot handle potentially negative comments about a topic, then do not even broach the topic. So, if you cannot handle negative/seemingly negative comments from family/friends regarding your weight loss journey, then don't tell them about it. Make it a surprise! :yay:

I made the same mistake with one family member when I first started. I wasn't going to tell anyone, but I felt like I needed to tell someone, to confirm it outloud. When I said I wanted to lose 100-115 pounds and ultimately try for a size 4/6, they laughed at me (not what I was expecting.) After that I realized exactly what everyone above has said...first of all, it's just not anyone's business, and second, what did I expect? To them it probably sounded like the delusional dreams of a girl who had finally realized how overweight she was.

With that said, however, I live overseas and will see everyone for the first time after I've hit goal (hopefully by this summer). How fun it will be to get off of the airplane!

Just do what is best for you, you don't need anyone's approval, and we will all support you on here!

I don't know when I see my friends I accept them for who they are. It is difficult to imagine when people want to make a drastic change. Most people don't have the mental toughness and patience needed to lose a lot of weight, so maybe they, themselves know they wouldn't be able to do it.

Either way, you should use it as motivation to prove them wrong! You can do it!! Change your life :)

I feel for you! I don't bother telling people my goals any more. I've lost about 25lbs and am back down around my high school weight. I look and feel great compared to the last few years but I'm still about 40lbs away from where I want to be. Even my biggest cheerleaders can't fathom that I have 40lbs to lose because they can't imagine what I'd look like at a smaller, healthier weight.

Maybe not giving people a number will help keep you sane and will lead to fewer people offering their unhelpful (if well-intentioned) opinions about your weightloss.

people knew I was dieting but I didn't declare a specific amount. I think I just declared I was "making a change." But people did tell me they noticed...for me, it seemed that the weight loss was noticeable in a few stages. I think part of it was my clothes got ridiculously baggy (I went from 265 at sz 22...then bought some used/clearance clothes at 16/18 at maybe 240 (comments)...more used/clearance clothes at 10/12 at about 200 and some new 10s at 185 (a lot of comments...even "you're getting too skinny" lol)

I think it's important to not give people bait/open doors. I think at the root of it that most people are unconsciously afraid to see others succeed where they can't. I'm a minister...I'm open about it...I've even used my struggle with weight gain, loss, and gain as a sermon illustration.

I feel like people sometimes are insecure about themselves and are avoiding their own weight issues when they make those comments.

My advice is to tell no one about your weight loss as all you get is unsolicited opinions.

Stick to this forum where people actually understand.

Pish posh! You definitely can do it! Right now my goal is 150 so that is 60 pounds but I want to be at 130 eventually myself. So that's 80 pounds. . . well not at this point in my diet but it was what I started out with last week. Don't let people make you fear your weight loss or make you think you can't do it. You are more than capable and it's pretty achievable in your case.

Anytime I tell people I want to lose around 75 lbs people look at me like i'm a fool.. I have had numerous people tell me "don't set such high goals" for me a 5lb goal here and there is worthless.. i rather say I lost 12 lbs this month or whatever.. i don't like the look i get that basically says "yea right you'll never lose that much!" It's just annoying to me, maybe its because i'm in a new state where people have only seen me at my heaviest... but I have lost a lot before... i guess I'm just getting anxious because I cannot wait to make them all eat their words..don't get me wrong I am doing this for me... but it would totally be great to show everyone that doubted me!


Oh lovely I know exactly how you feel. I have lost 45lbs.
1. people still dont beleive its 45lbs.
2. they still dont beleive i have 70lbs. to go.
3. they dont beleive its possible to lose it on your own.


Lucky for you... you know the truth. Mini goals and taking it on one pound at a time is possible. You can do it. :hug:

Honestly I remember someone else posting about what to say to people when they ask how much you plan to lose. Her family and friends were giving her a hard time to. I saw someone who had responded with tell them, "ill tell you when I get there" for me i thought this was not owning up to what you have to lose so i didnt like it at first. But i realized that people have such a warped idea of healthy and of weightloss that this phrase is seriously a great comeback. :) hope this helped in some way. :) :hug:

and dont forget your doing great! So keep it up! :) :hug::carrot::carrot:

As others have said, I think its best to keep it to yourself... I have a few reasons for this...

My first reason is that I want to determine how I do it, I'm making huge diet changes (ie I normally start my day with a coke and a chocolate bar, super healthy I know, lol).. so now instead of having 5 cans of coke a day, maybe I will have 1... but when I have that 1, I'm giving myself permission to have it and I don't need people making stupid comments or looking at me like I'm a failure.

My second reason is that I think people in general tend to want others to fail. I see it happen ALL the time in my career. You tell someone you are on a diet and the next thing you know people start bringing in brownies or cake or other stuff... if they can't lose weight, they don't want you to either... several people in my job are trying to lose weight constantly... they are never successful but they go around telling everyone how they cant eat this or that because they are on a diet etc...

Finally, I had the same problem originally when I mentioned that I might like to lose some weight. Lots of people telling me oh no you can't possibly need to lose that much etc... I'm 205 and 5'4.. According to one website, my height of 5' 4" puts my ideal healthy weight at 130 pounds. My recommended weight range is between 116 and 145 pounds. Now, I know from past experience that I don't look good under 130 lbs, my goal right now is actually 150 lbs. Even when I was 120 lbs I had large breasts and I was athletic when I was younger and have large muscles in my legs etc... I'm not even sure I would be able to get under 150 lbs... so we will see... but 150 is my "end goal" right now... If I go around telling people here that I want to lose 50 lbs and that I am on a diet etc... they will make sure I fail!

3. they dont beleive its possible to lose it on your own.


No kidding! Between trainers they don't keep appointments with, drug store diet pills, weight loss clinics and consults for surgery, I plan to be the most successful one just to prove it is possible!!!

Anytime I tell people I want to lose around 75 lbs people look at me like i'm a fool.. I have had numerous people tell me "don't set such high goals" for me a 5lb goal here and there is worthless.. i rather say I lost 12 lbs this month or whatever.. i don't like the look i get that basically says "yea right you'll never lose that much!" It's just annoying to me, maybe its because i'm in a new state where people have only seen me at my heaviest... but I have lost a lot before... i guess I'm just getting anxious because I cannot wait to make them all eat their words..don't get me wrong I am doing this for me... but it would totally be great to show everyone that doubted me!

The truth is people are @ssholes...When I say I want to lose 30 pounds people look at me like I'm an idiot too because in the end it's people like US who are strong and determined and know WE CAN DO THIS...and they sit back on the side lines with envy and jealousy because their too lazy to change anything in their lives so they'll attempt to sabotage us! Even friends will do anything they can to sabotage us because in the end majority of the world is miserable and SETTLES for what is given to them. So good for you for setting a goal and wanting to achieve it!

It was like when I went to the gym for sign up for my 10K challenge I'm giving myself a year to lose 30 pounds which is reasonable and the guy said to me. What makes you think you'll accomplish this goal? I said because I learned from my destructive patterns from last year and this year I'm going to do it this time around instead of repeating my same mistakes.

He then asked me, well what happens if I can't accomplish it? I told him there isn't an I can't, it's I can accomplish it and I know I can. He then went on going about well there is a possibilty and I said no there isn't because I'm determined to change my life around. He shut up afterwards.

Like people have said and I've learned too it really is best to keep quite about it even though it's nice to be able to talk about it with people, but theres just way too much negativity in this world and people will bring you down because of it.

75 pounds? you can do this!:hug:

I think people just have a hard time believing that someone is capable of making that dramatic of a change. I think that most people don't like change (myself included to a certain degree), so they don't expect you to be able to change your eating and exercise habits. But don't be discouraged! My very best friend used to weigh about 350 pounds when we were teenagers. She had been extremely fat almost her entire life, and I'm sure everybody would have laughed at her if she told them she wanted to lose 200 pounds. But guess what? She did! Now she's a size 6 or 8, depending on the brand, and has been maintaining for seven or eight years.


i guess I'm just getting anxious because I cannot wait to make them all eat their words..don't get me wrong I am doing this for me... but it would totally be great to show everyone that doubted me!

They used to run commercials for trim spa with Anna Nicole Smith, and they said something like "The best revenge is looking great." I agree with that statement. There's nothing better than proving everyone wrong!

I hear ya! I have 100 lbs to lose but the thing that i get that people say to me is REALLY??? U DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU NEED TO LOSE THAT MUCH! I hate that bc I feel like they're trying to be nice but they know I'm big. Telling a girl thats 250+lbs she doesn't need to lose that much I think is down right mean.

I know what you mean! Back in late high school, when I used to weigh between 200 and 210 and was a size 16, if I told anyone my weight, they would freak out and be like "No way! You can't possibly weigh that much!" Even when I was above 300 pounds, people couldn't believe that either. I think I could buy people thinking I weighed less in high school, but there's no way you could mistake me for weighing less than I do now!

Thank you all soo much! I can happily say I am down 10lbs this month... but you are right.. I don't need to tell people my business to feel better.. I think at 1st thats what I wanted, but now I keep my end goal to myself. My girls at work have been very supportive in telling me how great i look and keeping me motivated.. and honestly I feel better.. i spent 3 hours at the park walking and playing with my little girl yesterday, I never would have done that a month ago.. maybe a half hour and then head home.. but no.. this was part of the reason I began my journey to begin with so I can play with my little girl and actually keep up!!

I rarely tell people what my end goal is, or what my current weight is. People have varying reactions to big weight loss goals, from not believing you can do it to trying to talk you out of it. At my heaviest, I needed to lose 90 lbs. I have since lost 36 lbs. I would like to lose another 54 lbs. I know I can do it. I have my thyroid condition under control now, I have a better understanding of diet and how to eat properly, and I am exercising more. Plus I have support now, through 3FC and also an exercise support group on Facebook. That makes a big difference. The one thing I lack is someone in my day-to-day life to be an exercise buddy, but it doesn't seem to be holding me back much.

I guess I would just recommend you not tell people anything specific if you don't want them to toss out their opinions. If they ask how much weight you plan to lose, say- "I want to achieve a healthy weight" or "I'll know it when I get there." Stuff like that. The unfortunate reality is that most people aren't really supportive by nature. Most people are judgmental by nature.

I have only told two people how much I want to lose. My hubby and a close friend. My hubby is in great shape and is all for being my support buddy as he tones up. My friend said they will exercise with me. :) But neither can believe even looking at the scale with me at how much I weigh. I don't look like it I have been told. Thats nice but I hate weighing this much.

I didn't dare tell my family ie mom, aunts/uncles, cousins. I knew I would get a load of manure from them. They just know I have been working out and I have lost a pants size (I lost two pants sizes depending on the brand lol).

I really think most people, especially anyone who hasnt needed to or haven't chosen to lose weight, have no idea what 75lbs. looks like. It seems like this huge, massive number. And, while I wouldn't ever diminish the strength it takes to lose that amount, I think people believe you have to be "huge" to have that much to lose. We don't believe "normal" fat people could possibly have such a number to lose.

I find it better to not ever talk numbers. When I lost 60lbs last year, the few people I told didn't believe me, nor would they believe I had another 40 to go.