Hi,
First to say - happy new year to everybody here! A lot of love and health!
I am from Europe - it's already 8 am here...
to the point, 5 years ago, when I was 18, I had around 130 lbs, from then I went all to the 230 lbs gradually (i think at one point i was even 260). I also got hypothyreosis 5 yrs ago and started to taking hormones, instead of making me thiner because thyroid hormone makes metabolism faster, it also makes your stomach faster so my apetite went through the roof, that, combined with depression made me just lose breaks to how much I eat, I didnt try to not eat much - i was rewarding myself with food! etc. I was severely depressed and thought I dont deserve to look good. All until 1 month ago this was
my biggest obstacle in weight loss (actually the reason I've put on a weight as well - to look like sh*t, as I thought I deserved it). So whenever I would start a diet I would stop it when the weight loss was obvious. After 25 lbs I would just stop it so I dont look better. it worked like magic. i was protected - kept people away and especially men, it was a defense mechanism besides other things.
Anyway, it changed a month ago, since some circumstances, and mostly working through reasons for my depression, started to make me feel like I deserve to be beautiful again.
I also met a boy, online though, who I told about my weight issues and expected he would reject me but he didnt, since we knew each other over skype/phone for 40 days, I thought that will turn him down, but he didnt go away at all, instead became my RL bf. This was really encouraging because
1) I got confirmation my worth doesnt depend on my looks, which was important for me. i was scared to be pretty because then they would want me for wrong reasons (feeling unlovable)
2) the trust and acceptance that we built encouraged me to stop eating, because I feel positive responisibility towards him - he loves me and I want to stop being self-destructive for me and as gratitude towards him.
TLDR version:
I am currently 220 lbs, 5'6''. My mini goal is 190 lbs, to be reached in 2 months. Let's say May 1st. Super-mini goal is 205, at January 31st.
I already lost about 40 lbs (didnt weight myself regularly so I dont know how much
GREAT INFO: I am totally on a effort-free diet, I dont have an urge to eat, I feel like a skinny girl in my head. Like I broke the addiction. It is only to wait for results, and to grieve those scars on my soul and stretchmarks I have that remind me of 5 years of ****. My weight isn't just about the looks, it is more of a scar that reminds me of tough times, and that I kept there to torture myself.
Thanks everybody who read - and half-read haha - I will probably start a video blog soon!
But it will be private so I will add anyone who will send me a PM to see it (i never posted videos on YT so dont know how it works but I guess I can set it that way. I could go public but I want it to be 100% honest so for a closed group of people it will be the best.. Beware, though: I go on a tangents a lot and it will consist of not only getting my body in shape, but also getting my soul, life, love, self-worth in shape!
Kind of a self-search getting-your-****-together video blog, but with biggest concentration on weight loss.
early 20ies, got more than 100 lbs in 5 years!H
