[ll*Muffin_Kittie*ll]

I'm not even sure if this was the right place to post this but how do you handle the emotional side of the weight loss?
I've been big for most of my life and the weight has always acted as a shield..now that it is dropping off i feel like i am losing my identity and i dont even recognise myself anymore
Last time i lost alot of weight i got scared and put it back on just to feel safe again too. I dont want to do that again though so i'm really stuck..

I know i want to lose weight but i just cant handle this side of it and hopefully someone else in here would be able to relate to what i'm going through

Sorry to vent but i just had to get it out and i would love to hear anyone's thoughts on it or hopefully offer me some insight.

Much Love Kell.

~Mods if this is in the wrong place plz feel free to move it to the proper thread.

[RavenToy]

Hiyas Kell -

Your post really struck a chord in me. I was actually thinking about this very issue on my drive in to work this morning. Though with me it's not so much NOT recognizing myself as it is FINDING myself. And honestly, myself is kind of scary sometimes. I, too, have used my weight to insulate myself against situations and to protect myself against myself, primarily. It *is* safe to be overweight for me. But .. it's also lonely and depressing and boring and I know I'm not who I really am. Sometimes I wonder if it's my way of not acknowledging who I really am or what I really want out of life.

Honestly, sometimes just the *thought* of being at 135 or 140 and physically fit again scares the wee out of me. And I really don't know how to override that fear.

[LindaT]

Morning Kell and Raven,

Sure I can identify with what you are saying. ANY sort of change is scary. This extra weight is a marvelous excuse for a lot of things... "he didn't like me because I am fat", I can't go on this trip because I am too fat", "they didn't hire me because I am too fat.".. etc. It is a terrific security blanket. Protects us from all the things in the world that we don't want to deal with. We take away that security, we are faced with a whole new set of scary problems. Skinny people have problems too. Just because we lose weight, we cannot expect our lives to be perfect. Losing weight is not going to fix everything that is wrong.

When we stop stuffing down our emotions with food, we have to find new ways of dealing with them. A few ways I deal with the emotions are:

Exercise _ yes it works. I am addicted to the endorphin rush.
Hobbies - Cross stitch, gardening, playing on the computer, reading a book.
Pampering - hot baths, doing your finger and toenails
Social Activities - calling a friend, chatting online, going to a church funtion, volunteering. Being around people helps you take the focus off of yourself for awhile. Have you ever been out with a bunch of fun people and realize you forgot to eat? I know I have.. and I don't even notice it because I am having fun.


When I grab for something to eat outside of mealtime.. I stop and think. Put on the brakes. What am I eating? Why am I eating this? For example, if I grab something unhealthy.. stop and think. Am I hungry? If you really truly are hungry, an apple, or some veggie will stop the growling stomach. If you think , no I am hungry for chips. That isn't hunger.. that is a craving. Some people have a rubber band on their wrist to "snap" them back into their senses when they are dealing with emotional cravings.

I don't think there is any one thing that will work all the time, but having an awareness of the problem is the first step in making the change. I am a firm believer that the majority of successful weight loss starts in between the ears.

[ll*Muffin_Kittie*ll]

Thankyou so much both of you for responding and for being so honest. What you both said really helped me and knowing that others are going through the same thing makes it a little easier to bear too


[QUOTE]Originally posted by LindaT

It is a terrific security blanket. Protects us from all the things in the world that we don't want to deal with. We take away that security, we are faced with a whole new set of scary problems. Skinny people have problems too. Just because we lose weight, we cannot expect our lives to be perfect. Losing weight is not going to fix everything that is wrong.[QUOTE]

I totally understand what you were saying here too. I guess i have been hiding behind the weight for so long in order to not embrace life and whatever problems may come along the way. Hopefully over time i'll be able to get used to idea of my new self and start to live the life i deserve.

Thanks alot again to both of you for responding and all the best of luck in whatever you are doing

Thanks alot for sharing your tips on dealing too!!!

Love Kelly

[Leenie]

Well I can tell you all, that I also feel comfortable (to a degree) behind my big belly, it is a firewall for the rest of the world. When I was 150 lbs and people would look at me, I felt very uncomfortable or when I was walking w/a friend and some guy looked at me, my friend would say boy that guy was checking you out.... I would deny it left right and center....no not ME !! My weight makes me feel like I am in my own world and nobody could or would want to come in, and thats okay, but !! not really ok.

Its a scary thing and your not in it alone. Since I've gained alot of my weight back, at this point in time, I don't know what to feel. So weather I was thin or fat, I still stayed behind that wall. My point is exactly what LindaT is saying "Just because we lose weight, we cannot expect our lives to be perfect. Losing weight is not going to fix everything that is wrong."

You know what I don't like about losing weight or shall I say scares me about losing weight, is people saying things to me, like ohhhh looks like your losing weigh, to me thats kinda embarassing...... but when you gain weight MOST people don't say hey, looks like your plumping up again

Kelly, hang in there and enjoy the ride down (to being healthy).

I'm so tired today, I'm wondering if any of this makes sense

Love, Leenie

[runnergirl]

Thanks for posing this topic. I find it so interesting and usually gets to the root of my problem. I find i use food for 2 things. When I'm having a "real world" problem if I binge all my focus goes to the food and I can escape my "real world " problem. I know that problem will still be there but I can live in denial for awhile. And 2 I get uncomfortable with the attention. Most of the time it's okay but other times it's like I wish people would quit staring at me. Not to say I'm a raving beauty but the attention still feels odd.

I guess it comes down to a decision to be uncomfortable with being overweight or being uncomfortable with being thin. I still have setbacks but I guess I'll work on the thin part outside and the getting comfortable on the inside.

Just my 2 sense but it's great to know that I'm not alone out there!! Take care..

runnergirl

[ll*Muffin_Kittie*ll]

I'm so happy i'm not alone in this and thankyou again everyone.
It'll be hard but i'm sure we'll all be able to overcome everything
Best of luck to you all
kelly xx

[Janie61]

Kittie,
I can really relate to you!!! I believe I'm scared of being thin again! I really am scared of the attention! I was single when I was thinner. I craved the attention men gave me. I've been married 13 yrs to a great guy. I'm afraid of craving it again. Hiding behind my "big belly" (as Leens put it) seems a lot safer! It's not that I thought I was "all that"! I wasn't! My dating record proves that! I agree with Linda and Leen. Losing weight won't fix everything but I have to say it seems like it would make things a lot easier!

Runnergirl and Linda,
How do you get past this fear of being thin again?! It seems to carry so much more responsibility the older we get! I suppose I'm afraid of that! But I'm also sick of being overweight and miserable. I hate having problems getting out of the car. Not finding anything to wear unless it's big and baggy. Feeling very confined in the clothes that are a little tight! I want to figure out how to let go of my fears!!!!

Sorry to unload! Just got on a role!
Janie

[dlcinslc]

I know how you feel about losing your identity. I seem to be sabatoging myself BEFORE I am able to lose the weight. I lost 15 lbs o\ver thew summer and have gained back 8. I get to the point most days where eating is so familiar as a way out of depression, that I just go ahead and over eat. I am trying the WW diet and it is good and it could work but as soon as I am sad I eat crap, and then I feel like crap and then I eat more.
I know other people feel this way, too. What do I do to get over this hump? I don't feel like I can trust myself around food at all.
thanks for any help-I am at my wit's end.