General chatter - My cousin is pregnant I don't know what to say to her?




j0lamo01
12-31-2011, 01:34 AM
I feel bad because I had always imagined what it would be like when my cousins had kids. But my cousin is pregnant and I do not approve. She is not married has only been with the guy a year and a half does not have her own place is only 21 and dropped out of college(at first she said she planned on going back to college but now that she is pregnant I doubt she will find the time to go back) I have posted about this subject before about how it bothers me so much when teens get pregnant and are unwed then this happens to my cousin. I don't understand why girls can't stand up to to their boyfriends. I mean do you think it is ever the girl who is like "oh yeah I want you to c**** in me" you know???? its the guy who wants to do it. But it is the girls fault for letting them. Anyways she said she was off the pill because she was switching pills and she didn't know that she had to wait until taking the new one a full cycle. Whatever its just gross. I am not a prude I am quite promiscuous actually but that crosses the line for me. ANYWAYS I wish that she was in a point in her life where I could be happy for her and say "congratulations" I have not congratulated her I haven't even talked about it with her, she showed my mom the sonogram while I was in the room and I didn't go over and look at it. I saw it on facebook already. I feel bad because I just graduated from college and she told me "congratulations" should I say congrats to her? What about when she has the kid and brings her(its a girl) around me.

Even if she and her boyfriend did WANT a child it is wrong and selfish to WANT a child when you cannot properly provide for your child! so even if they did WANT a child we shouldn't all just do things we WANT now should we?
She also does not have health insurance and she cannot qualify for free insurance at the moment so if you WANT a child shouldn't you be sure that you have proper care for you and the child? it makes me very upset.

sorry if this turned into a rant...
What should I say to my cousin should I just continue to ignore that this is happening or should I say congrats to her?


shcirerf
12-31-2011, 02:29 AM
Well, you can't put the baby back. :D

Your cousin may not have done things in the proper order. Date, finish college, get a career, get married, etc. but it is what it is. She needs your support now, not your self sanctimonious, holier than thou attitude.

One thing you said, I take issue with. "It's the girls fault for letting them."

Men are equally responsible for their reproduction. If they don't want children, they need to suck it up and make sure they don't get someone pregnant by taking precautions themselves. I'm sick to death of men getting off the hook, on that subject, and the woman getting all the responsibility and/or blame.

kaplods
12-31-2011, 02:42 AM
You don't have to approve of a person's choices to be supportive of them, and children should never ever be considered a mistake. The pregnancy may be unplanned, but the child is a miracle, regardless.

My biological mother was a college student. She gave me up, and while my adoptive mother was grateful for the opportunity to receive me, she also never hid her astonishment that anyone could give up a child under any circumstances or her astonishment that anyone would refuse to support - physically and emotionally a family member in such a situation. She just couldn't invision a family in which parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, and uncles wouldn't rally together to support the mother and child. I now realize her views are naive and oversimplified (but understandable considering her desperate desire to have children).



My mother was barely 19 when she married my father. They knew each other less than a year before marrying and were married less than a year before applying to adopt me (when they learned that conceiving a child would be unlikely). Because my bio-parents were in college, it's quite posible that they were older than my adoptive parents, and they were undoubtedly of higher socio-economic class, but the bio-parents chose college and their careers over me.

I don't resent it, but I don't really fell grateful for it either (except in choosing adoption over abortion). The bio-parents aren't my parents, my adoptive parents are - and I was raised to see life as sacred. I was taught that premarital sex and pregnancy were mistakes (but not unforgiveable ones), but child weren't mistakes. A child is never a mistake, only a miracle.


You can judge your cousin, but it will only destroy your relationship with her and with her daughter. And if you disappoint your cousin by judging her so harshly, what do you think you can expect when you make mistakes? Do you want people to turn away from you for a lapse in judgement, or do you want them to help you pick up the pieces when you fall.

Or do you think you're immune from mistakes, that you couldn't ever make an error in judgement that your loved ones would possibly disapprove of?

Never say never, because what seems a no-brainer when it's someone else's mistake, doesn't seem as clear when it's your own mistake. You may never make THIS particulary mistake, but you will make them, and your family members will be in a position to either judge or be supportive. How do you want them to respond when you've made the mistake?


CherryQuinn
12-31-2011, 02:43 AM
its her decision. its not the way you want to live your life, but her life isnt yours. ive been with my bf 1.5 years, if i got pregnant now it wouldn`t be like i was up a creak without a paddle -not like 1.5 yrs is a one night stand lol, i wouldn`t keep it but thats because i never want kids they dont fit my lifestyle or my wants , call me selfish i dont care lol, but if we did keep the child so what. that would be our choice and we would raise it and we would pay for it and other ppl can stay out of it and shut their mouths or ill start pointing out the things they did that i didnt 'approve' of. 1.5 years is a decent amount of time these days especially when youre in your twenties, its not like we have lived long enough to have a 10 year relationship in the first place. and so what if they arent married? alot of ppl dont get married today and those that do, 50% of them divorce. sadly marriage is just a piece of paper to alot of ppl and youll often find alot more love in longterm non married couples then married ones. not saying all married couples are unhappy or vice versa, but so many get married today just to get married. i plan to marry my bf but itll be once i finish university, not because i want to do that first, i just feel far too young right now at 24 to be married. everyone does things in a different order how they see fit in their lives, its their business, they dont need your approval.

Arctic Mama
12-31-2011, 02:43 AM
Just say congratulations and wish her a healthy pregnancy and birth. Keep the rest to yourself unless she asks your council.

I'm as opposed to cohabitation and premarital sex as the Pope is Catholic, but arguing someone's irresponsibility or lack of planning to them after the oars have already washed down river isn't much help, you know?

Maybe this will wake them up to the need to be responsible, self-sacrificing, stable adults and be a real blessing in their lives. It has happened many times. The time to warn boys and girls to stop playing at being men and women is before they have taken on far more responsibility than they can handle. After that? Just wish them well and pray for wisdom and responsibility in their future actions.

cherrypie
12-31-2011, 02:46 AM
Turn the tables around and suppose you made a choice that she didn't believe in. How interested would you be in hearing what a mistake you were making. Part of being a grownup is that other grownups in your life are going to make choices you wouldn't or that you don't approve of. But it is their life and you don't necessarily get a vote in it.

CherryQuinn
12-31-2011, 02:52 AM
be a good person. congratulate her and if you dont have anything else good to say, shut it. respect others and they will respect you. everyone has their own life to live and as long as they arent doing something illegal you have no right to butt in. be kind and respect others and youll hopefully get that in return. everyone has a different path to walk and yours wont be without stones either. everyone has different belief systems or religions or whatever but that shouldnt be used to hurt another person. i dont think thats what anyones religion or belief structure intended. i dont have a religion or belief structure, i just believe in being a good person to the best of my abilities and i should hope thats something core to everyone regardless of if they are christian, jewish, etc or an athiest.

KatTheAmazon
12-31-2011, 03:43 AM
[QUOTE=j0lamo01;4150218] I mean do you think it is ever the girl who is like "oh yeah I want you to c**** in me" you know???? its the guy who wants to do it. But it is the girls fault for letting them.[/QUOTE

Seriously? TMI but whatev - I'm on BC and I've been happily married for 3.5 years and with DH for nearly 10 years. In all honesty, that is one of my favorite parts. Always has been. Of course, I am a stickler for following BC rules and make sure I don't get preggers (knock on wood, but if it happens it happens. hasn't happened yet).

You ought to suck it up buttercup because she is your kin and your blood. You may not agree with the pregnancy, but the child that results does not need your disdain.

CherryQuinn
12-31-2011, 03:47 AM
[QUOTE=j0lamo01;4150218 I mean do you think it is ever the girl who is like "oh yeah I want you to c**** in me" you know???? its the guy who wants to do it. But it is the girls fault for letting them.[/QUOTE

Seriously? TMI but whatev - I'm on BC and I've been happily married for 3.5 years and with DH for nearly 10 years. In all honesty, that is one of my favorite parts. Always has been. Of course, I am a stickler for following BC rules and make sure I don't get preggers (knock on wood, but if it happens it happens. hasn't happened yet).

You ought to suck it up buttercup because she is your kin and your blood. You may not agree with the pregnancy, but the child that results does not need your disdain.

lol one of my fav parts as well but i didnt want to be the first to say it lmao girls enjoy intercourse too all its parts. seems the guys the only one with lust and desire yet the girls always the s**t and the one to blame. odd lol

FreeBird3
12-31-2011, 03:55 AM
Your emotions are very strong regarding your cousin's pregnancy. It almost feels like an emotional trigger based off something more personal. I hope you find some peace with this situation.

KatTheAmazon
12-31-2011, 03:56 AM
lol one of my fav parts as well but i didnt want to be the first to say it lmao girls enjoy intercourse too all its parts. seems the guys the only one with lust and desire yet the girls always the s**t and the one to blame. odd lol

:D so true! Like the saying goes, it takes two to tango!

ArtyKay
12-31-2011, 06:51 AM
Your emotions are very strong regarding your cousin's pregnancy. It almost feels like an emotional trigger based off something more personal. I hope you find some peace with this situation.

I agree with this completely.

I can relate in that I lost a very much planned and very much wanted baby recently, so when I hear about people who just "oops" get pregnant, or are bringing a child into a completely inappropriate environment (no insurance, bad living conditions, ect.) it makes me angry on a personal level...but I would never NOT support them. I may be hurting, but I would never take that out on the mother...or the baby.

Whatever you think of your cousin, she's obviously in a scary situation and needs as much love and support as she can get. The baby needs as much love and support as she can get. If you shun your cousin, you're indirectly hurting the baby.

So if you're going to ignore that there's a baby coming, you should probably get out of the situation completely...a baby's pretty hard to ignore.

sacha
12-31-2011, 08:19 AM
You sound like a very judgmental person. So far you've said she's an adult and that she's happy about her upcoming baby girl. So- what is your problem exactly? That she hasn't finished university according to YOUR standards, her relationship is not wedded according to YOUR standards. You said yourself you are "quite promiscuous", so I'm not sure where you get off holding someone else to your 'high' standards.

When I was in college, I got pregnant with my boyfriend of 1.5 year. We are now married, have a house, and guess what, I even finished my degree! I did that for MYSELF, not to please some relative with her nose stuck up. I really wish you could see how cruel you sound... this is a baby, it is to congratulated whether it was born to married parents in a castle or on a street corner. It is an innocent life.

sontaikle
12-31-2011, 08:33 AM
Your opinion doesn't matter. Really it doesn't and it's a really disturbing and misogynistic opinion anyway. I urge you to really think about what you've written here.

It's HER life. She can do whatever the heck she wants and it doesn't matter what you think.

She and her boyfriend (yes both of them) are responsible for this child who will be a part of your family. The child doesn't get to choose its circumstances for entering the world and thus the child is not at "fault" for anything its parents did. You don't have to support the parents, but do not punish the child because of that.

The best thing you could say, if you can't say congratulations is: "I hope you and your baby are happy and healthy."

bargoo
12-31-2011, 08:36 AM
You say you are promiscous yet you do't approve of your cousin's pregnancy even though she is in a committed relationship.
Who do you think you are to judge her when your lifestyle isn't exactly pure , either ?

indiblue
12-31-2011, 09:10 AM
She is not married has only been with the guy a year and a half does not have her own place is only 21 and dropped out of college(at first she said she planned on going back to college but now that she is pregnant I doubt she will find the time to go back)

A college degree isn't a representation of someone's worth. It helps in securing a job, so in that regard I can understand if you are concerned for your cousin because she doesn't have a degree. But it sounds more like you are disgusted by it than anything else.

I don't understand why girls can't stand up to to their boyfriends. I mean do you think it is ever the girl who is like "oh yeah I want you to c**** in me" you know???? its the guy who wants to do it. But it is the girls fault for letting them.

It seems like there's a lot of assumptions and judgments in this statement that I'm not even going to get into. All I'll say is that pregnancy can happen even in the most careful of situations.

Anyways she said she was off the pill because she was switching pills and she didn't know that she had to wait until taking the new one a full cycle. Whatever its just gross.

I don't even know how to respond to this

I am not a prude I am quite promiscuous actually but that crosses the line for me.

Your cousin had sex. It sounds like you are having sex as well. You are both doing the same activity, but she received an unintended result. How in the wowrld does that cross the line for you?

Even if she and her boyfriend did WANT a child it is wrong and selfish to WANT a child when you cannot properly provide for your child! so even if they did WANT a child we shouldn't all just do things we WANT now should we?
She also does not have health insurance and she cannot qualify for free insurance at the moment so if you WANT a child shouldn't you be sure that you have proper care for you and the child? it makes me very upset.

It doesn't sound like this was a planned pregnancy. And now that she's pregnant she shouldn't have to push away feelings of happiness and joy for her baby because it's not the exact right circumstance. Every baby should come into the world feeling wanted, by someone.

What should I say to my cousin should I just continue to ignore that this is happening or should I say congrats to her?

You should congratulate her. And I really, really hope the rest of your family isn't as spiteful and judgmental as you are. It sounds like she needs a lot of love and support right now. Not her family ignoring one of the most important things that is about to happen to her.

Beach Patrol
12-31-2011, 10:49 AM
Originally Posted by j0lamo01

What should I say to my cousin should I just continue to ignore that this is happening or should I say congrats to her?

you should congratulate your cousin, wish her a healthy, happy baby, and keep the rest of your judgmental condescending **** to yourself.

bargoo
12-31-2011, 11:05 AM
Your cousin risked getting pregnant and she did. With your admitted promiscous lifestyle you are risking something worse than pregnancy.

mandalinn82
12-31-2011, 12:36 PM
I recently had a situation in my family where there was a pregnancy that, frankly, I felt shouldn't have happened for a lot of reasons. You can call that judgmental if you want, but there could be a TON of circumstances that make the OP feel like this is a really bad, selfish idea (there was a lot more to my situation than met the eye, and there might be to hers). The problem isn't in feeling like bad choices are being made, it's in REACTING like you feel that way. So what did I do?

I acknowledged that at this point, that baby was coming, so there's no use lamenting what might have been.

I got myself into therapy to try to understand and work through the very strong emotions I had on the topic, and took steps to repair my relationships with the parents.

I made a conscious effort to remember that the baby had NO choice in being born, in any way, and didn't deserve to not be celebrated because of poor choices by his/her parents. And I also recognized that because of certain shortcomings in his/her parents, that child might need other adult influences more than ever, and that I could provide those influences if I was willing.

At a certain point, I sucked it up, said congratulations, and started buying gifts for the precious kiddo.

I love the KID, born in September, more than anything, even if I disagree with the decisions that resulted in his/her arrival. I hope you can work through your issues with this to do the same.

124chicksinger
12-31-2011, 12:41 PM
Well, here is the thing, and I mean this in the nicest way so you can move on. It isn't about YOU. Your opinions are yours and you are entitled to have them and feel your feelings. Ultimately, however, the baby is coming and it doesn't impact on YOUR life. You won't be providing for it, you won't be caring for it, it won't cost you a dime (except that society will be paying for it because she will probably go on some sort of public assistance like plenty others in her position) and, it isn't your life or your concern.

You don't have to be lovey dovey this is great over the top supportive...you don't even have to be supportive....but you don't have to be in her face about your feelings either, nor do you have to ignore the fact.

Live and let live.

bitetoobreakkskin
12-31-2011, 01:15 PM
Bet you didn't think everyone would react that way huh? I personally think you should re-evaluate your thinking on the matter. Remember that this is HER life, not yours. She is your cousin, and I feel strongly that you love her dearly. Sometimes our loved ones make mistakes (I do not feel the child is a mistake) or make decisions we do not approve of. Our job as family is to LOVE one another and SUPPORT one another. Be there for her! That baby is a precious GIFT, and although babies are very stressful, they bring more joy to our lives than anything. Pure, precious, innocence. I wish the best for your cousin, and for you. Also, because you say you are quite promiscuous-please be safe with your own body.

MissGuided
12-31-2011, 05:01 PM
I don't think your issue is your concern for her or the baby's well being.

I think you need to grasp that a baby is a blessing, regardless of whether she was planned or not. Stop holding people to YOUR own standards. If you feel things should be done the way you mentioned, YOU do it. & be proud of the way you have done it.

chickadee32
12-31-2011, 05:32 PM
You're allowed to feel like your cousin was irresponsible - but remember that those are YOUR feelings, YOUR reactions, and you're not in charge of her life and have absolutely no right to have a say in it. Working through your feelings, getting past them and getting to a place where you can support this child with love and affection is the very best thing you can do.

My husband was the product of an unplanned pregnancy among teen parents, and thanks to the reaction of family members he grew up feeling unwanted and lost. He still struggles with those feelings in his 30s, and I, as his wife, struggle daily to make him feel safe, secure, worthy and loved.

Your cousin's pregnancy will become a baby, and that baby will become a person who will be shaped by the environment around him or her - an environment he/she has no control over. The circumstances surrounding this child's conception and birth may not seem ideal to you, but you have an opportunity to help shape this child's life in a positive way. Do what you can to make this child feel wanted and loved.

j0lamo01
12-31-2011, 08:49 PM
I did take your alls advice and I asked her how her baby is doing today
Actually to all of you who said I should keep my mouth shut and keep all of the judgmental thoughts to myself, I never asked you all IF I should tell her how I was really feeling inside because I never intended to tell her how I really feel. I asked if I should either congratulate her or ignore it. I never said anything about telling her my opinion.
I do feel that maybe if more people did tell their true opinion maybe young girls would be less likely to get pregnant. Maybe if we didn't reward these choices then girls would be less likely to make a mistake like this. And yes it was a mistake what she did maybe the child is not a "mistake" but she definitely made a mistake getting pregnant and I get upset when people reward those who get pregnant out of wedlock or unprepared with a baby shower because I think that is like encouraging it. But not giving a baby shower is not-supportive. If she does have a baby shower from the family(she already had one from people she works with) then I don't know if I will attend it or not.
*Also I did not say it was all the guy's fault. I said the guy is the one who wants to do that to a girl and who tries to do that action so of course the guy is to blame as well. So it is both of their faults. I am sorry if you felt I was saying that the guy has no responsibility because I definitely do not think that.

bargoo
12-31-2011, 08:55 PM
You stated that you are promiscuous, that puts you in danger of getting pregnant, also and even worse you are in danger of getting an STD and spreading it.

j0lamo01
12-31-2011, 09:05 PM
I do get tested for STDS and I do use condoms the only way I could get pregnant or get an STD is if I was raped without a condom or if the condom somehow broke, and that could happen to anyone. Thanks to all of you who are concerned

KatTheAmazon
12-31-2011, 09:08 PM
You stated that you are promiscuous, that puts you in danger of getting pregnant, also and even worse you are in danger of getting an STD and spreading it.

This.


No matter how careful you are, it can still happen. You ought to take a close look at yourself before coming down so hard on your cousin (even if it is your thoughts only and you never speak about them to her). You may even end up preggers without a boyfriend, but I bet your cousin would support you more than you are supporting her.

CherryQuinn
12-31-2011, 09:16 PM
lolllll you do know condoms arent 100 percent right . shes 21 not a teenager. it sounds like youre really jealous of the attention shes getting. maybe you were hopeing you'd get to be the one to have a baby first or maybe you wanted the attention being put on her put on you for another reason. it sounds like the marsha marsha marsha syndrome lol if you think the only way to get pregnant is if they arent using protection or letting the guy c*m you are mistaken. it only takes one lil guy you know :P shes a grown woman having this baby and youre acting like shes some 14 year old and everyones like yey a 14 year old is pregnant, but shes 21 and in a commited relationship. its not your place to judge. even though you say you werent asking whether or not to tell her how you feel, you dont have to say it for ppl to know how you are thinking. its like the elephant in the room. people can sense your negativity and it creates a bad enviroment for a baby to come into.

j0lamo01
12-31-2011, 09:19 PM
@Kara in my last post(second to last) about a guy wanting to do that I was replying to those who said that I said in my original post that it was all the girl's fault. Of course I do not know what went on but either both wanted to do it and both allowed each other or one wanted to do it and the other allowed them. I do think it is usually the guy who wants to do that but that is just my opinion and experience. As I said before I think girls should stand up to their boyfriends and say it is not OK to do that. I have never been on the PILL because I have not let anyone *** in me and I think that more girls should be that way to avoid pregnancy.

MissGuided
12-31-2011, 09:19 PM
Actually to all of you who said I should keep my mouth shut and keep all of the judgmental thoughts to myself, I never asked you all IF I should tell her how I was really feeling inside because I never intended to tell her how I really feel. I asked if I should either congratulate her or ignore it. I never said anything about telling her my opinion.

Sometimes not speaking your opinion at all tells a person exactly what they need to know.

Also, do you ever think about the consequences of you being promiscuous? The results of the condom breaking? Or do you feel justified because you haven't yet had an std or ended up pregnant?

Would your college degree vouch for 'making a mistake'?

CherryQuinn
12-31-2011, 09:22 PM
my parents were 17 and everyone pretty much hated me. my great aunt and uncle adopted me so i wouldnt end up on the streets. i dont know my biological family. they send me a card once a year with a generic merry christmas. i had an uncle i didnt know walk up to me on a bus stop when i was 15 and say to me everyone wishes you werent born no one wanted you you were the mistake, and walk away. it didnt bother me when i was young but the older i get the more it f**ks with my head. i never did sh** to deserve being tossed aside and 'ignored'. i hope with all my heart and soul that this baby doesn't end up as an adult with the same issues i have with my bios because of ppl like you.

j0lamo01
12-31-2011, 09:22 PM
Kara I when I say "to do that" I meant the action of of a guy ***ing inside of a female. I didnt want to get too graphic on the board.

MissGuided
12-31-2011, 09:24 PM
my parents were 17 and everyone pretty much hated me. my great aunt and uncle adopted me so i wouldnt end up on the streets. i dont know my biological family. they send me a card once a year with a generic merry christmas. i had an uncle i didnt know walk up to me on a bus stop when i was 15 and say to me everyone wishes you werent born no one wanted you you were the mistake, and walk away. it didnt bother me when i was young but the older i get the more it f**ks with my head. i never did sh** to deserve being tossed aside and 'ignored'. i hope with all my heart and soul that this baby doesn't end up as an adult with the same issues i have with my bios because of ppl like you.

:hug:

j0lamo01
12-31-2011, 09:24 PM
I am not jealous at all I am glad I am not in her situation I have even had an ex boyfriend tell me before that it takes years for a guy **ing in you for you to end up pregnant. :( sad some girls believe this. I just can't reward this type of stupidity

CherryQuinn
12-31-2011, 09:26 PM
do you not realise you can get pregnant during intercourse and not just at the end with the ejaculate right? you need a sex ed course.

j0lamo01
12-31-2011, 09:27 PM
@charlain09

because of ppl like you.

Actually if this child did end up like that it wouldn't be because of people like me because like I said before I would never tell my opinion as your uncle did. Also if my cousin had waited for the right time to bring a child into this world then this child would not have to go through that. so I don't see how it could be my fault.

j0lamo01
12-31-2011, 09:28 PM
@charlaine09 yes I do realize that, that is why I sad before that I use condoms

CherryQuinn
12-31-2011, 09:28 PM
:hug:

:hug:

its ok though i think its made me a better person i have more empathy and compassion for others because of it.

MissGuided
12-31-2011, 09:29 PM
I am not jealous at all I am glad I am not in her situation I have even had an ex boyfriend tell me before that it takes years for a guy **ing in you for you to end up pregnant. :( sad some girls believe this. I just can't reward this type of stupidity

In her situation? She is obviously happy with her 'situation' and doesn't need your approval. You are naive in a sense to think this won't happen to you. Evaluate what is truly bothering you and tackle it before it's too late.

CherryQuinn
12-31-2011, 09:29 PM
@charlaine09 yes I do realize that, that is why I sad before that I use condoms

condoms have anywhere between a 82-98 percent effectiveness, they aren't perfect. the only way to never get accidently pregnant is to never have sex under any circumstances lol how many of us are honestly gonna be nuns for the rest of our lives :lol:

j0lamo01
12-31-2011, 09:30 PM
With all the methods of birth control and all the education out there I don't see how a 21 year old(you are acting like that is an old enough age to make mature decisions) could make such a bad decision.

MissGuided
12-31-2011, 09:30 PM
@charlaine09 yes I do realize that, that is why I sad before that I use condoms

:lol:


With all the methods of birth control and all the education out there I don't see how a 21 year old(you are acting like that is an old enough age to make mature decisions) could make such a bad decision.

She made a mature enough decision to keep and care for this baby while many other promiscuous females older than her use abortions as a method of birth control.

j0lamo01
12-31-2011, 09:31 PM
@charlaine09 I was just responding to how you said that you can get pregnant anytime during sex. well using protection and not letting a guy *** in me has worked for me so far much better than the pill worked for my cousin.

CherryQuinn
12-31-2011, 09:33 PM
lol a 21 year old is an adult. i made my own decisions at 21 for better or worse , no one helped me make them, they were all on me because im an adult.

CherryQuinn
12-31-2011, 09:34 PM
@charlaine09 I was just responding to how you said that you can get pregnant anytime during sex. well using protection and not letting a guy *** in me has worked for me so far much better than the pill worked for my cousin.

so far is the key there

how old are you anyways you dont sound very old are you really old enough to have a degree? are you a virgin? cause it definetly doesn't sound like you know a tonne about what goes on sex or relationship wise. its cool if youre really young and a virgin and this is your older cousin, you dont need to say you have a degree and are promiscuous to hide that fact or anything. just wondering cause you sound real young

j0lamo01
12-31-2011, 09:36 PM
To be clear I use condoms along with not letting a guy *** in me. So other than abstinence that is the best anyone can do. I am not making myself look bad this is what I do and it has worked for me so far. With the pill I know a lot of girls who take the pill like my cousin did it is not 99% effective even when taken correctly nothing is other then abstinence. She did misuse the pill by not waiting a full cycle before having unprotected sex but that is another story.

sacha
12-31-2011, 09:36 PM
This thread is just ugh. I hope one day you look in the mirror and realize that you really just don't seem like a nice person at all, sorry

j0lamo01
12-31-2011, 09:39 PM
I may have naive thoughts when it comes to this subject so that is why I sound young. I earned my degree to say I just "have" one sounds like it is just something I got. lol

MissGuided
12-31-2011, 09:40 PM
This thread is just ugh. I hope one day you look in the mirror and realize that you really just don't seem like a nice person at all, sorry

!!

j0lamo01
12-31-2011, 09:40 PM
@sacha I agree, on this subject I am judgmental and I am not nice about the situation.

CherryQuinn
12-31-2011, 09:42 PM
I may have naive thoughts when it comes to this subject so that is why I sound young. I earned my degree to say I just "have" one sounds like it is just something I got. lol

having a degree isnt that big of a deal.its a great accomplishment yea, but one a lot of ppl have. off your high horse is what im saying.im working on getting two right now and theres a lot of ppl that don't have degrees that make a lot of money and are a lot smarter than many university grads.

j0lamo01
12-31-2011, 09:43 PM
I really am just concerned about the child that's all. I just feel like with all the resources out there for girls why does this have to happen. Why can't girls wait until they are in a better position to be a mother and then if they want to have a child then that's great. I am not in the position right now to bring a child into this world and I would never think of doing it. I would give it up for adoption if that ever did happen to me.

j0lamo01
12-31-2011, 09:44 PM
@charlaine09 I agree with everything you said about having a degree. I am not the one who brought up the subject of my degree, you are, I only mentioned it in my original post because I was saying she said congrats to me.

CherryQuinn
12-31-2011, 09:44 PM
the world isn't perfect, sh*t happens. you adjust and deal.

KatTheAmazon
12-31-2011, 09:44 PM
To be clear I use condoms along with not letting a guy *** in me. So other than abstinence that is the best anyone can do. I am not making myself look bad this is what I do and it has worked for me so far. With the pill I know a lot of girls who take the pill like my cousin did it is not 99% effective even when taken correctly nothing is other then abstinence. She did misuse the pill by not waiting a full cycle before having unprotected sex but that is another story.

I've been on the pill for 10 years and I have never gotten pregnant. When done correctly it is a very good Contraceptive. While pulling out and using condoms are decent contraceptive methods, for you to think it won't happen to you is naive. What are you going to do with yourself if you end up pregnant and unmarried?

It is seems odd for someone so promiscuous to have such strong feeling against unwed mothers. One would think that person would be abstinate.


Like others, I think there is something greater going on that you need to deal with.


ETA: saw your post about adoption. You do seem to have hypocritical feelings about all this.

CherryQuinn
12-31-2011, 09:46 PM
@charlaine09 I agree with everything you said about having a degree. I am not the one who brought up the subject of my degree, you are, I only mentioned it in my original post because I was saying she said congrats to me.

i know but you seemed to use her not having one as a basis for her not being ready for a kid and the reason she shouldnt have one. alot of ppl dont have degrees but have kids and are doing just fine

j0lamo01
12-31-2011, 09:48 PM
I did not use that as a basis charlaine09 I only mentioned it ONE TIME to say that I felt bad because she said congrats to me on something in my life and I did not say congrats to her on something in her life

CherryQuinn
12-31-2011, 09:49 PM
it kinda feels like you would prefer if ppl shunned your cousin as a w**re now and treated her badly to teach her a lesson not to get pregnant before its 'right'. lol like you wanna tar and feather her or something :P

j0lamo01
12-31-2011, 09:49 PM
I just feel like if I can have sex and not a have kid why can't other girls do it. unless they are raped or something.

CherryQuinn
12-31-2011, 09:50 PM
I did not use that as a basis charlaine09 I only mentioned it ONE TIME to say that I felt bad because she said congrats to me on something in my life and I did not say congrats to her on something in her life

check your OP. you talk about her not finishing her degree in the context thats its a bad thing now with the baby

j0lamo01
12-31-2011, 09:51 PM
@Kara like I said before I do have strong opinions on this subject and you're right I did express them in my original post. This one subject has always boggled my mind why can't women have control of their own bodies?

CherryQuinn
12-31-2011, 09:52 PM
I just feel like if I can have sex and not a have kid why can't other girls do it. unless they are raped or something.

not everyone wants the same things in life as you and not everyones bodies are like yours, just because you haven't been knocked up yet doesn't mean it won't happen. its like you want everyone to be you, like you think of yourself as this perfect being. gah.

sontaikle
12-31-2011, 09:54 PM
@charlaine09 I was just responding to how you said that you can get pregnant anytime during sex. well using protection and not letting a guy *** in me has worked for me so far much better than the pill worked for my cousin.

You can get pregnant at any point during sex. You've lowered your chances by using condoms, but it's not foolproof.

Some people are just unlucky, even if they take all the precautions they still wind up with a baby. Don't be so quick to judge them.

CherryQuinn
12-31-2011, 09:54 PM
@Kara like I said before I do have strong opinions on this subject and you're right I did express them in my original post. This one subject has always boggled my mind why can't women have control of their own bodies?

wow. just wow. i just felt my blood pressure shoot up.

j0lamo01
12-31-2011, 09:54 PM
yeah I did say that charlaine09 she had originally planned to go back but now she got pregnant hopefully she does find the time to go back but why make it harder on yourself by having a kid? Well hopefully she goes back or finds a job thats good(I know not everyone likes their jobs) or maybe can be a stay at home mom. I really do hope things go well for her.

CyndiM
12-31-2011, 09:55 PM
This is a really sensitive topic. It's impossible to know all the details from outside.

Everyone has had a chance to share their thoughts and it is time to close this thread before feelings are hurt.