General chatter - Relationships - Age differences?




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mammasita
12-20-2011, 10:24 AM
So, it seems pretty standard to find "older" men with "younger" women. For me, its always been the opposite. I don't intentionally seek out younger men, but it ultimately works out like that. My mom is 6 years older than my dad. Yeah, it's not a big deal now, but I'm sure they were given plenty of "advice" lol when they met back in the 60's.

Anyway, my boyfriend is 9 years younger than me. 27/36, It kinda scares me honestly. Like whats gonna happen when I hit 40 and he's barely 32. I don't have any doubts about his feelings, and our relationship is pretty great, but I know how I was when I was 27 - unsure, never happy with the person I was with etc.......

I'd really like to hear some success stories to ease my mind :^:


ArtyKay
12-20-2011, 10:38 AM
Don't let age bother you. My husband is 6 years older than me...which, like with your parents, is becoming less of a gap as we get older...but when we started dating I was 19 and he was 25.

As far as older women with younger men...you're both adults. As long as you guys are both at similar emotional maturities and (less importantly) similar points in your life...age is just a number.

What other people think is not a big deal, its all about how you guys feel about each other. by the time you hit 40 you guys will have been together a while, and moving forward in your lives as a team, so the age gap is going to close more and more the longer you're together.

Don't worry about the future, enjoy being together and respect each other and the rest will take care of itself.

sacha
12-20-2011, 11:16 AM
My mom is 52 and her husband is 26 lol, I really don't know what to think of it (I'm older than 26...) but hey, at least you are old enough to know to enjoy life :) What if he got hit by a bus tomorrow? Just enjoy yourself if you are happy.

On the flip side, my best friend & his girlfriend started dating at 15. We all laughed that they wouldn't make it a month, well, that was almost 15 years ago... age stereotypes aside, some do just fine.


mammasita
12-20-2011, 11:31 AM
WOW @ Sacha!!! That's a HUGE difference but you're right, as long as the parties involved are Happy, then whats the issue?

@ ArtyKay - that's true - we're similar maturity wise, so it works for us, nothing else should really matter (within reason LOL)

ade903
12-20-2011, 12:41 PM
I really agree with the above that it is about maturity level. I'm very mature for my age, so I need to date older guys (I'm 23, current guy is 30). I've tried dating my own age and it just hasn't worked this far.

Chubbykins
12-20-2011, 05:04 PM
The only problem I could see is that if he wants kids you don't have a lot of time to do that in a healthy way, since pregnancy after 40 has increased risks and almost nothing strains a marriage as much as a child with health problems or (god forbid) losing your child.

And even if he doesn't want to have kids now he might change his mind when you are 45 and he is 36.

Another problem is that men who's wifes/partners go through menopause are more likely to have severe middle age crisis.

Now both of these things are simply something you can discuss, plan and get over if you are truly in love :) On the other hand there is nothing wrong with loving someone for a while and parting ways later when things aren't as pleasant anymore.

Sinoia
12-21-2011, 02:36 AM
My partner is 21 years younger than me and it used to bother me, but not her. We have been together for nearly thirteen years and married for ten. Totally devoted!

I am keenly aware that, in the normal course of events, I will die before her and leave her alone probably at an age when she may feel she cannot form another committed relationship ... or even want to. As I think she is the most wonderful person in the world, it upsets me to think she may be without a significant other when she is passing 60 too.

However, right now our age gap is no problem. We have so much in common, have weathered so much together and achieved so much happiness that it almost surprises us if anyone notices. I think someone has only once mistaken her for my daughter and then we just giggled and put them right.

Don't have `future fears'... it sounds like you two are pretty solid and age is not a worry for him. Like you, it was me who had concerns and I wasted a whole lot of good time on it!

KatTheAmazon
12-21-2011, 09:46 AM
My mom is 11 years older than my step-dad. When she was 40 and he was 29, they had twins. They've been together for 15 years now, I think.. She's 52 and he is 41. They still love each other like the day they met :)

We used to tease her saying she needed a younger man to keep up with her! (and all the robbing the cradle & such)

mammasita
12-21-2011, 11:28 AM
@ Sinioa - that's fantastic, It makes me happy to hear your story.

@ Kat - yeah I get the same. I know my age difference isn't that huge, but I do get the robbing the cradle and cougar jokes LOL. It doesn't bother me, and I love that your mom and step dad are still going strong!

ArtyKay
12-21-2011, 11:37 AM
Eh..when people make robbing the cradle jokes I just tell them that he's not robbing the cradle...I'm robbing the grave! :lol:

mammasita
12-21-2011, 11:47 AM
/\ LOL!!!! that's awesome

leaningonthelord
12-21-2011, 11:58 AM
My husband is 8 years older than me and we couldn't be happier! And besides the age difference, we have another eyebrow-raiser-we met on the internet. When we first got together you didn't hear about many successful online relationships, but we proved everybody wrong I'm happy to say :) Every relationship is different. We'll be married 7 years (together 8) in February. The age difference has never bothered either of us. There is a lot more to a relationship than age!:)

Esofia
12-21-2011, 01:03 PM
I'm five years older than my partner. I considered the issue for, ooh, a good ten minutes before we got together, when we were 28/23 respectively. I honestly don't think of only five years as an age gap, it's just a little less common in mixed-sex relationships for the woman to be older - or at least, it's less expected. I have friends who have a 28 year age gap and got together when the younger partner was 19. They've been together 15 years now, have children and so forth. Yes, an age gap that large is less common, and yes, chances are the younger partner will be widowed relatively young, but hey, how many relationships last that long anyway?

Arctic Mama
12-21-2011, 02:10 PM
There are generally more issues, maturity wise, with younger men and older women, especially when both parties are not near middle age. That being said, it can totally work! The people involved make the difference, not any specific number.

My husband is eight (briefly nine) years older than me, and when we met I was 19 and he, 28. You can bet both families were a little trepedacious initially, until they saw our relationship. Now, three kids and six years later, we're even more in love and joyously content than when we were courting, and it was the best decision of our lives. There is a little bit of an experience gap, as I was in college and my husband was a professional with his own home by the time we met - he spent more time working, acquiring assets, traveling, and everything else before our marriage that I just never had time to do. But that is really the only gap between us and it has become more irrelevant the longer we have been married. We love one another more than anyone else on this earth and work hard for our family and God every day, those attitudes make so much more of a difference than any generational gap.

That said, I do start getting twitchy when age gaps are more than 10-12 years, because the things the couple have in common are less and less as the gap widens, not to mention the issues of one spouse dying far prior to the other. But those are general issues, and not applicable to every couple in that situation.

Arctic Mama
12-21-2011, 02:13 PM
Eh..when people make robbing the cradle jokes I just tell them that he's not robbing the cradle...I'm robbing the grave! :lol:

I just joke that my husband was driving by the elementary school and I was so cute, he just couldn't resist. He HATES that joke :lol:

Glory87
12-21-2011, 04:42 PM
My husband is 10 years younger, it's hardly ever a blip. Sometimes, it's weird when he doesn't have the same pop culture memories that I do (what do you mean, you've NEVER seen Starman??).

cfan
12-22-2011, 12:52 AM
Honestly, I don't have a guy right now, but I know he will probably be older than me. I am just attracted to that, and feel my maturity matches more with an older crowd. My own parents were 10years apart, and it did leave my mom to be a young widow when my dad died at age 41 (she 31). So I understand the trepidation about the age gap. I honestly do not feel awkward about an age gap until 15+yrs. Most of the music and stuff I like is from the 70-80 era, so I would have that in common with an older guy. I think,at age 22 now, that my comfortable range would be dating up to early 30s...it just depends on the man and our chemistry.


The one creepy relationship I have seen recently is that 50+ yr old musician marry that 16 yr old girl. CREEPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

Sinoia
12-22-2011, 02:49 AM
And besides the age difference, we have another eyebrow-raiser-we met on the internet.

Us too! We met on a text mud (remember them?). I was an animist and she a necromancer and she killed me a lot! We still play MMRPG together =) I don't find it surprising how many people get together over the internet because it is so much easier to confide if you at least start off anonymously. Plus you are likely to meet on common interest ground to start with. I think it creates a great foundation for when you actually meet up.

I do start getting twitchy when age gaps are more than 10-12 years, because the things the couple have in common are less and less as the gap widens, not to mention the issues of one spouse dying far prior to the other.

I would argue on the things in common. Like I said, my partner is 21 years younger and we have more in common now than when we started off 13 years ago ... and that is without either of us having to work on each other's interests. I think if you meet your `right' partner just about everything else becomes irrelevent, like age or gender. I do agree on the dying prior to the other, in the normal course of events.

Naturally this could happen the wrong way around and anyone could quote statistics on same age partners dying anyway. But, yes, normally you would expect the elder to die first. It worries me but there is something people do not get if they are not in the same situation .... you discuss it and face it and live your life not fearing it. It is like anything that could be seen as unusual in a relationship - you don't let it loom over you and destroy things. You become terribly honest. I hate the idea of probably not being around for my partner later on but we have covered this ground and I know she will be okay ... it is me who wants to be around and brush her white hair when she is feeble and still enjoy her jokes.

Arctic Mama
12-22-2011, 06:30 AM
I don't disagree with you - statistically, once the age gap grows beyond a decade or generation, depending on the age spread (the gap can be greater at older ages with less detriment than at younger ages) couples generally don't fare as well. Despite being young AND possessing a large age gap, my husband and I met in a place where we had mutual interests in common and our values are identical - which all but melted the weirdness of him being obsessed with space launches that happened before I was born ;).

In real life there are all sorts of variables but on statistical averages and in basic, general advice, it's better to look within 3-5 years of your age (on either side) first and then consider each special person on a case by case basis from there. Intentionally hunting for much older or younger spouses suits some people, but it isn't the best formula for success as a general anecdote. Common interests and similar value systems and worldviews are much better predictors of marital success than age, location, financial distribution, etc etc, anyway!

grim
12-26-2011, 11:58 PM
I'm 23 and I was recently dating a man 12 years older then me, he's a great guy, really funny, but unfortunately being in the military requires me to move around a lot and we're no longer together. It was the most civil break up I've ever had. Before this I always got together with guys around my own age or a bit younger but I think I'm going to switch to older guys from now on.

I don't think a age gap is really a big deal... as long as it's legal.

wtfudge
12-27-2011, 12:51 AM
My mom was six years older than my dad. It worked out well. They eventually got divorced after 20 years, but it was about financial circumstances. I think you'll be fine :) It isn't that unusual lol

caliyah
12-29-2011, 03:59 AM
I had two uncles marry older women and they both have great relationships and families. One married a woman about 5-6 years older - they have 3 kids (20 years together). Another uncle married a woman in her late 30's when he was in his late 20s. About 12 years later they have 5 kids (big family! wow) and are happy. I guess it is just compatibility that matters in the end.

MissGuided
12-31-2011, 05:32 PM
I just joke that my husband was driving by the elementary school and I was so cute, he just couldn't resist. He HATES that joke :lol:

:lol:


I'm only two years older than my boyfriend, so I don't hear much. But my mother is 11 years older than my father. They've been together for 30 years now.

As cliche as it may sound, it's nothing but a number. :)