Weight Loss Support - Fear of something..




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Engraved
12-15-2011, 10:37 AM
I am at 165lb/75kg . That was my original goal when I first started this journey. I wasnít even sure back then if I will be able to reach it. It seemed impossible at the time. But now here I am, at the top of the normal bmi range. (I donít value bmi that much, it is just easy to use for mini goal purposes).
Somewhere along the journey I re-evaluated my goal and made it 155lb/70kg which is the first weigh I remember being at 11yo. And some lil time after that I changed again to 150lb/68kg. I am European and we measure in kg, and I ve never seen the 60s so I though it would be very exciting for me.
Now I hit 165lb and I m flirting with the idea of going down to 143lb/65kg which would take me far beyond I ever imagined. All the times I changed my goal was because I wasnít happy with what I was seeing in the mirror..
Ofc I am happier now than I was 100lb ago, but I am still not where I wanna be.
And now I realize that my mind is probably playing some cruel trick on me, cause what happens if I go to 143lb and I am still not happy? I know 143 is still healthy but I doubt I will be able to stop. Seems like I am on a journey and I keep extending it for fear of stopping and be left to deal with a body I donít like. I can live with 1200-1400kcal/day for the rest of my life, but I doubt this will be healthy. Even tho I do a very balanced mediterranean diet and the only foods I donít ever eat is junk food, sodas etc., I took back my blood test results, and they donít look so healthy, very low iron, low blood sugar, and generally low in everything.
I cannot let myself go that way, I cannot end up with an eating disorder just because I cant deal with my body image.
Thanks for reading that far :)
Any suggestions or thoughts to get out of this mindset would be really helpful.


NEMom
12-15-2011, 10:53 AM
First off. A Huge congrats on your weight loss success! You are truly an inspiration that it can be done.
Sometimes our minds can play tricks on us, it takes a while to actually 'see' our new bodies as they are. If you can afford it, maybe talk to a nutritionist and a mental health professional. A nutritionist can help you develop a food plan that is well balanced and may help with the blood work that you are concerned about. The mental health professional could help you appreciate all your hard work and become more comfortable with who you have become.
I too am not really happy with where I am now. I have met my initial goal but now I am here, I want to lose 10 more lbs and there is a part of my brain that says can I do 20 more.

Unna
12-15-2011, 10:53 AM
I don't want to downplay the psychological problem you presented, but What types of things could you do to improve your very low iron and low blood sugar/ your overall test results for next time? Did your doctor mention anything in specific?

Its just that I'm very concerned with your physical problems and I fear they are really affecting your mental processes, creating extra angst and anxiety that you needn't have.


Engraved
12-15-2011, 11:05 AM
I don't want to downplay the psychological problem you presented, but What types of things could you do to improve your very low iron and low blood sugar/ your overall test results for next time? Did your doctor mention anything in specific?

Its just that I'm very concerned with your physical problems and I fear they are really affecting your mental processes, creating extra angst and anxiety that you needn't have.


yea i forgot to mention what he said, and what probably started all this extra thinking on my part. I am too young to take meds for this kind of things(i m 27 not a teenager but..), as he said, so i just have to eat more. Isnt that ironic? A doctor actually said to me to eat more. Ofc eat all the nutritious stuff, but more is still more.
I will go to another one for a 2nd opinion ofc, but i really am not willing to start eating more YET. Thats what scares me i guess.

Unna
12-15-2011, 11:22 AM
You don't have to start eating more yet per se, maybe the new doctor can help determine which foods you could swap out to increase your iron and blood sugar levels.

There are also lots of low calories options that could help immediately: kale, bananas, brocolli, romaine, berries, soybeans, oatmeal.

Btw, you did lose, really, an outstanding amount. It also has not taken you long at all. I can understand why, after all this hard work, you aren't willing to simply "eat more." Doctors can really be quite clueless when it comes to anything psychological or eating related (not all, of course). He just tells you "eat more" and then sends you on your way? Yeah - I'd definitely find a new one. Doctors aren't there to be our psychologists, but it wouldn't hurt them to understand the dynamics of counseling someone on how to really treat a health problem.

ShanIAm
12-15-2011, 11:38 AM
I totally understand your fear. I have the same one when it comes to the fear of developing an eating disorder. I already know I have a body image issue as I can't see what other's see but I also know that I am in the high BMI range/weight category for my height right now. But anyway, when I started this journey my goal was 155 pounds. I got to 160 and decided that 145 sounded nice. Then I got to 145 and went to 135. A few weeks later I was like, "Eh, let's make it a nice round number of 70 pounds lost and go to 124!".

But what worries me is that when I was 180+ I would have seriously killed to be in the 130's. And now I'm here...and still not happy. When will I find my happy??? That's a rhetorical question but I'm sure you understand what I'm saying!

But lately I have been focusing on my curves. Curves that make me feel and look like a woman. And you know what? I am loving them more and more every single day. I am slowly replacing my fear of changing my goal to something lower with being afraid of losing my curves. And it helps keep me in check.

This probably doesn't help you much at all, sorry!, but just know that you have been heard and you are not alone. Most of us do this. And if you are still not happy where you are now then there is NOTHING wrong with going with a lower goal as long as you keep things in perspective... and chances are you absolutely will! :)

CONGRATS on such a phenomenal weight loss so far!

January Snow
12-15-2011, 12:04 PM
You sound goal-oriented (as am I). This isn't a bad thing; usually it's pretty handy. I think it would help if you set a non-weight goal. If you're running work on running faster. If you're lifting work on lifting a little more. You may end up losing some more weight, but if you start focusing somewhere else it should help ease the compulsion to make the number on the scale go down.

ArtyKay
12-16-2011, 04:12 AM
Another thing I think you should consider...You had no idea what your body would look like or how you would feel about it when you set the goal, so don't focus so much on reaching a specific number. What are your non scale goals? Will going to a lower goal weight help you reach those goals?

I really really really want to get rid of the stupid awful backfat that I have. I don't know if it'll be gone by my goal weight, and if it isn't then I will lower it. On the other hand, if I start feeling like I've lost too much or if I find a weight that I like which happens to be higher than my goal weight, I'll raise my goal.

Ultimately, you need to be comfortable in your own body. At any weight. You've lost a lot, and its going to take time to get used to it.
Its hard to take the mental fat suit off.

Maybe you should try maintaining for a month or two and see what happens. That'll give you time to increase your calories a bit and let your body rest up...and it'll help you get used to your new body and a better chance to start seeing it a little bit more clearly. THEN you will be in a place where you can make a good decision about whether to stay at this weight or whether you'd like to lose some more.

Esofia
12-16-2011, 07:23 AM
Congratulations, you've accomplished an amazing amount!

How about a plan of maintain for a month, reassess, if need be lose 5lb, the maintain for another month, reassess, 5lb more if you think it's necessary? That way you have a structured approach which allows you to pause and get your head round things.

Meanwhile, it's probably worth talking about what you eat in more detail here so that we can help you work out a diet that's nutritionally better for you. I'd also suggest a basic iron supplement such as Floradix. It won't do any harm, and some people get anaemic even if they're on a perfectly well-balanced diet (and enough of it). If you're female, do you have heavy periods?

Unna
12-16-2011, 07:33 AM
Esofia: In Germany the doctors tell all their patients to never take an over the counter iron supplement - not even the herbal ones, because of liver damage.

Is this similar in the UK?

sontaikle
12-16-2011, 08:56 AM
First off, congrats on the loss! You have done amazing!

I know how you feel. I remember when I lost my first 20 pounds and thought: "ok, just 20 more." And well as I got closer to that number I knew I needed to lose more. So I decided to follow the BMI and set it down to 140, or 60 pounds lost. As I got closer to that I set it to 130. I thought about going even lower at one point, but when I got closer to 140 I realized that I really like the shape I had. Sure, my stomach wasn't perfect or anything but my weight kept coming off from my hips...I knew that more weight loss probably wouldn't help my stomach and I really needed to focus on toning over weight loss, so I moved my goal to 135 (plus I'm large framed so 130 is at the really really really low end of what I can weigh).

I'm not completely happy now that I've gotten to that goal by any means, but I think it's important to realize that we're never going to have "the perfect body." That's what I was chasing—perfection—and I needed to realize that the perfect body doesn't exist! More and more weight loss won't necessarily help get us closer to the perfect body.

Most recently I studied pictures of me when I weighed 145-146 pounds and I have to admit that I don't understand why I was unhappy with that weight. I actually really like how I look in those pictures now and almost think I look better there than I do now! Sure I was technically "overweight" but once again I'm large framed so that weight was actually healthy for me! I was so focused on the numbers and chasing an illusion of perfection that I didn't stop and see what I already had.

Esofia has the right idea. You might want to consider maintaining for a time and seeing how you feel. It's what I'm doing right now because I'm not sure another 5 pounds is really going to matter, but it's also not a big deal to jump back into weight loss mode and take them off.

I also suggest looking at pictures and comparing them...sometimes they really put things in perspective.

berryblondeboys
12-16-2011, 11:17 AM
Also realize it takes the body time to shrink up the skin and to look better. I'm realizing with body that it is a slow process, but event Hugh I'm still saggy, it is still getting better and better. Also.... I think we think that we all should look like cover girls. Guess what? They are the exception, not the rule! And, a lot of their looks is touched up. Very, very few of us have bodies we find are perfect.

pageta
12-16-2011, 11:38 AM
I've struggled with this issue for over a year. In Sept 2010 I got down to the top of my BMI range, which was my official goal. Then I kept going until I got 20 pounds below that. I liked how I looked, but at the same time, I felt like I looked the same as I had when I started losing (my bust still didn't stick out further than my tummy from the side view - ugh!). But then my weight loss stalled out (a lot of stress during that season) and I spent a year messing around and seeing what I could get away with in terms of eating.

I am now back at the top of my BMI range and in the last couple weeks, I've finally found my groove again and have been staying right on plan. I have every intention of getting back down to where I was, and this time I intend to stay. I have added yoga to my workout routine so I should be getting some toning and lengthening from that, which should help me look better. And there is a difference between my body here and there, and I liked my body there better. I think a lot of why I didn't stay there was self-confidence - I got fat in the 9th grade and had never been in the healthy weight range since then.

So my short answer would be to keep going and give yourself time. Your weight loss will be slower in the healthy range. Be deliberate, make sure you have a balanced workout routine, and give yourself time to find where you want to be. It may take more than a year. It's not a question you can answer overnight.

Congratulations on your achievement! Savor what you have accomplished!