General chatter - I'm furious! -vent




View Full Version : I'm furious! -vent


ArtyKay
12-15-2011, 04:31 AM
This man retired from our department before I started here, but he stops by sometimes to chat with the people who used to be his employees. I've only met him a few times, but I've heard he's a piece of crap who has no regard for women.

He came by a little bit ago...he thought that somebody else was working. He was making a little bit of small talk, asking me how I like the job, and then he walks behind the desk and stands next to me. Nobody's allowed behind the counter but cops and dispatchers. He starts looking at our schedule, and turns to me and says "Well...you don't have much longer here, right?" confused, I say "Excuse me?"

He looks me up and down and looks pointedly at my stomach. "Well, you're about to have a baby, aren't you? Not much longer now."

I had a miscarriage a month ago. Not that my pregnancy or loss of pregnancy is any of his business, but I tell him. "No. I'm not pregnant."

"Oh, well I was told that you are." He says this very defensively, like he's arguing with me, and takes another look at my stomach.

"Not anymore."

"Oh. Sorry." He didn't sound sorry at all. "Well, that's a good thing, though."

"No. No, it isn't." Any living thing with eyes could probably tell that I'm very upset at this point. "My baby died, so its not a good thing at all."

He shrugs. SHRUGS. And has this look on his face like he thinks I'm being stupid...same look one might have if they saw somebody being hysterical over a plant dying or something. "Well, maybe not for you, but its good for everybody else. They don't have to deal with your maternity crap now."

He then gives me this look, like I'm supposed to feel sorry for being sooooo selfish. This "You should be ashamed of yourself." look.

He kept trying to talk, and started trying to get me to trash talk my coworkers. I started playing solitaire on the computer and wouldn't look at him...if I had I think I might've started cursing him out and told him to leave.
After a couple of minutes of him saying rude things and me responding with short clipped answers like "I like him." "He's a hard worker." "Good guy." in response to him saying rude things about my officers, he just started mumbling mean stuff about me under his breath and walked out the door, but not before giving me a "go to h311 look."

This is at 1:45 a.m. Almost an hour later I'm still so mad that my heart is pounding. I almost wish I'd told him off and called him every name in the book! This much is for darn sure, if he comes to the door while I'm working ever again I am NOT buzzing him in. I'm just not going to let him into this building. I'll tell him he's trespassing and has no business here, and that he needs to leave. Nobody talks to me like that, and nobody trash talks my cops.

Those people you were calling lazy and stupid and criticizing..they work their butts off and put their lives on the line every single day so that your sorry-a** worthless person can sleep safely at night. How. Dare. You.

I'm not the type of person who generally writes people off, and I'm usually really nice to everybody...but once you cross a certain line with me that's IT. You become an official non-person to me. Lower than dirt.

Ugh, sorry for the rant, guys. I feel a little better already now that I've got that out. :hug:


Unna
12-15-2011, 04:52 AM
Oh my goodness! I haven't run across anyone SO terrible in ages. Definitely never ring him in again and I would even go so far as to tell someone higher up that he is a threat to the department, insofar as he is trying to bring out hostility where there should be a team.

I'm always tempted to try to explain people's motivations when they act so unethically. I think, first, he is obviously quite lonely and bored (thus the frequent visiting). Second, he probably has found that he receives much more attention from those around him if he says racey things - even if it is not positive attention. Third, he is trying to make alliances by creating false enemies. Maybe this has worked for him with a few other co-workers, but certainly not you.

Ultimately, he has a very low level of social intelligence (well, probably every form of intelligence) - clearly he cannot figure out how to make friends and also has no real censor for his words.

The good thing is, when people are SO inhumane, you can typically heal from any bad feelings they may have caused you to feel extremely quickly - after a few rants to others.

Like the other day, I got on the bus and wanted to sit down. The best seat that was open was next to another younger woman (25-30). There were other seats closer to the front, but I didn't want to sit there because I know the route and I know a lot of elderly women eventually get on - it is best for them to quickly be able to sit down.

I asked nicely if I could sit down, her purse was on the seat. She looked up at me and said "OH my purse is SO big, can't you just sit somewhere else?" She had some sort of huge fake gucci crap bag. I gave her an evil eye and just stood. I noticed that, about 5 minutes later, she had her bag on her lap because she was looking through it, trying to find something! She could easily put the bag in her lap - okay. End rant.

Such inconsiderate human behavior unleashes a great anger in us - when other humans exhibit such stupid behavior we feel heat and anger rise from our most inner being - and then heart races, chest warms, eyes squint.

Something about being entirely unintelligent AND incondsiderate TOGETHER is a lethal combination. It is actually the worst combination of qualities a human can possess and we can rejoice that we are fortunate enough to not share these qualities.

I'm hoping the planet that was recently discovered by NASA, the one that is supposedly more earth-like than the others, will soon be reachable - we can then gather these people together and send them there!

ArtyKay
12-15-2011, 05:32 AM
Oh my goodness! I haven't run across anyone SO terrible in ages. Definitely never ring him in again and I would even go so far as to tell someone higher up that he is a threat to the department, insofar as he is trying to bring out hostility where there should be a team.

I'm considering it. There's no room for hostility in any work environment, but especially in mine. People's lives depend on us doing a good job, we can't afford to have bad feelings towards one another!

I'm always tempted to try to explain people's motivations when they act so unethically.

Same here. I'm kind of a naive person, in that I generally assume that people are good and kind. When somebody acts otherwise in such a brutal way it really throws me for a loop.

The good thing is, when people are SO inhumane, you can typically heal from any bad feelings they may have caused you to feel extremely quickly - after a few rants to others.

I think that this is why I write people off when they cross a line with me. I give them no thought afterwards, I don't have room in my life for negativity. If somebody causes it, I move on after ranting for a while and if I come into contact with them again I don't even make an effort towards civility. I'm not mean or angry with them, just 100% indifferent.

I noticed that, about 5 minutes later, she had her bag on her lap because she was looking through it, trying to find something! She could easily put the bag in her lap

Wow. I would've sat down while she was looking through the bag, lol. I don't understand why people don't treat each other better. Karma. That's all I can say about it. What goes around comes around...and around, and around.



I just can't wrap my mind around it when somebody treats another person badly. Especially when a man is rude or mean to a woman he barely knows. I just think...would you treat me this way in front of my husband or my dad or my brother? How would you feel if somebody treated your wife or daughter like that?

And no man has any right to make any comments about anything body related to a woman he's not married to or related to.


bargoo
12-15-2011, 07:32 AM
You must tell your supervisor of his visit. This should not be allowed.

losermom
12-15-2011, 08:22 AM
You must tell your supervisor of his visit. This should not be allowed.

Agreed! I'm sorry you had to endure such a distasteful person! :hug:

sontaikle
12-15-2011, 08:58 AM
:hug: I can't believe anyone would do that! How insensitive and cruel...he should not be allowed to deal with people ever!!

I don't think there's a witty comeback in the world that can combat that :(

I'm going to send lots of hugs and support your way...

You must tell your supervisor of his visit. This should not be allowed.

I agree 100% This should not be allowed to happen


Unna - Maybe it's because I'm a New Yorker and we're generally known for our bluntness and rudeness, but I would have just sat down or moved her bag myself. I've actually done it quite a bit on the subway and LIRR when someone refused to move their bag. My rule is: ask nicely and if they aren't nice in return, I'm rude. :joker: no reason for an object to take up a seat on a crowded train!

Riestrella
12-15-2011, 09:59 AM
Oh...my...God. What an absolute see-you-next-tuesday. You should most definitely report him to a manager and make sure he is banned. Not only did he insult you but he also is not allowed in an employees only area. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, I probably would have swore at him and got super angry, but I also know that I too might have reacted silently due to the shock.

I hope you're ok, and staying strong. The best you can do is get him banned from the shop!

4myloves
12-15-2011, 10:35 AM
You're a dispatch, right--county, city, state? If he ever comes in again, radio for help AS SOON AS HE WALKS IN THE DOOR. One run-in with him is enough.

ArtyKay
12-15-2011, 11:47 AM
You're a dispatch, right--county, city, state? If he ever comes in again, radio for help AS SOON AS HE WALKS IN THE DOOR. One run-in with him is enough.

Yep. County/City/DPS. The good thing about my shift is that the office is closed to the public when I come in, so the doors are all locked (and bulletproof), and operated by a button behind the desk.

I talked to my immediate supervisor when she came in today...I tried to be calm about it but I couldn't keep my voice/whole body from shaking and my boss started crying a bit.

I just let her know what happened, that he got behind the counter and looked through our schedule and what he'd said. I told her that I felt like I needed to tell her that he looked at the schedule because that has the officers' schedules on it too...NOT ok for a private citizen to be looking at that stuff. And I told her that I just wanted her to know that if he came back on my shift I wouldn't be letting him through the doors and that I would immediately radio for backup...I felt the Sheriff should know that in case the issue comes up they know ahead of time what the situation could turn into.

She's going to have a discussion with the Sheriff about it. There's nothing they can do, but we've agreed that there will be no more discussion about the incident, and that nobody is to say a word to the deputies or police, because that would definitely escalate into a big problem, and my husband and I don't need any added stress or attention right now.

alaskanlaughter
12-15-2011, 12:21 PM
you said this was at 1 a.m. or something right?.....was he drunk??

ArtyKay
12-15-2011, 12:25 PM
you said this was at 1 a.m. or something right?.....was he drunk??

It was almost 2 a.m. and nope. He wasn't drunk, he was dropping by on his way home from being out of town...he lives right down the street fom the SO.

4myloves
12-15-2011, 12:35 PM
It was almost 2 a.m. and nope. He wasn't drunk, he was dropping by on his way home from being out of town...he lives right down the street fom the SO.

Right across the street? So he can see when people come and go? Has a pretty good idea of when people (you) are there alone, with no back-up?

Ummmmmm.......CREEPY.

I don't agree w/your supervisor that the deputies shouldn't be told. But maybe when she talks to the Sheriff, he'll have a different opinion.

:( :?:

She's going to have a discussion with the Sheriff about it. There's nothing they can do, but we've agreed that there will be no more discussion about the incident, and that nobody is to say a word to the deputies or police, because that would definitely escalate into a big problem, and my husband and I don't need any added stress or attention right now.

I think this is just the wrong, wrong, wrong approach to take in this situation. Men and women behind the blue wall are generally VERY protective of their own, and you, my dear, are their family. If this guy is creeping you out, I think they should know--JUST to keep an eye on things and to KEEP the situation from escalating. Why is there nothing your immediate supervisor or Sheriff can do about it? Is it because you allowed him to come in?

ArtyKay
12-15-2011, 12:41 PM
Right across the street? So he can see when people come and go? Has a pretty good idea of when people (you) are there alone, with no back-up?

Ummmmmm.......CREEPY.

I don't agree w/your supervisor that the deputies shouldn't be told. But maybe when she talks to the Sheriff, he'll have a different opinion.

:( :?:

I think the shouldn't be told thing is mostly about him trash talking them, and the talk about me personally is out of respect for me. He lives on the same side of the street...from where his house is he can't possibly see our parking lot or entrance, and even if he drove by there are always cop cars in the parking lot no matter what.

The entrance is down a flight of stairs and out of view completely from the street.

ETA: There's almost always a state trooper in the building connected to my office, and this guy CAN see the trooper's car from his house.


I think this is just the wrong, wrong, wrong approach to take in this situation. Men and women behind the blue wall are generally VERY protective of their own, and you, my dear, are their family. If this guy is creeping you out, I think they should know--JUST to keep an eye on things and to KEEP the situation from escalating. Why is there nothing your immediate supervisor or Sheriff can do about it? Is it because you allowed him to come in?

My immediate supervisor doesn't have the authority to make that kind of decision...which is why mums the word is what we left on when I left work this morning. If the Sheriff decides to let the guys know about it I would definitely prefer he doesn't specify on details...just the fact that I was harassed...and only if he thinks its necessary. He's about 6'5" or so, and a big big Texan. If the Sheriff is the only one who knows, that's comfort enough for me...only a complete moron would cross him. He's big, old school, and not somebody anybody would want to mess with.

4myloves
12-15-2011, 12:55 PM
Well, in any case, take care of yourself. And I'm sorry for your loss :(

And lots of :hug::hug::hug::hug:

ArtyKay
12-15-2011, 01:06 PM
Thank you 4myloves. :hug: I promise I'm not in any danger from this guy...He's just a disgusting human being with no life and no heart.

Beach Patrol
12-15-2011, 01:27 PM
He sounds like a total jackazz!!! I bet you're glad he's retired; I know I would be!!!

Riestrella
12-15-2011, 07:20 PM
I'm glad you told someone and got it sorted out. I read your post late at night and thought you were working in a store or something! My apologies for misunderstanding! My friend works in the same position as you, so I think it'll be easier for you to just lock him out!! But very glad you told someone and that they responded accordingly.

Unna
12-16-2011, 03:36 AM
Your story kept making me a bit furious throughout the day after I read the post - I can only imagine how furious you were/are!!

But, since it is over and you've done all you can do, I think the best way to forget, so it doesn't lead to more stress, is make yourself stop thinking about it altogether. So, anytime your mind is roaming a bit and it replays the incident, have a mental image and thought that is more positive or that you can laugh at ready to replace the unpleasant one. It really speeds up the working-through process.

I usually visualize myself in new outfits, closer to my goal weight. It sounds cheesy, but it completey erases the bad because that visualization takes all my concentration.

Just find something you can quickly use to shift your focus to - it could be your pet and something funny they did, or your partner.

sontaikle: Good Idea - Next time I'm just going to sit my big ole butt right on top of her Gucci bag!

ArtyKay
12-16-2011, 04:47 AM
Your story kept making me a bit furious throughout the day after I read the post - I can only imagine how furious you were/are!!

But, since it is over and you've done all you can do, I think the best way to forget, so it doesn't lead to more stress, is make yourself stop thinking about it altogether. So, anytime your mind is roaming a bit and it replays the incident, have a mental image and thought that is more positive or that you can laugh at ready to replace the unpleasant one. It really speeds up the working-through process.

:hug: Thank you for being mad for me. Not that its good that you were mad, but it does make me feel better.

Its crazy you should mention the replay thing...I have OCD so my mind's instant replay button is a little more hyperactive than most peoples'. :p If I don't verbalize things or if I try to shift my thoughts to other things the issue will start multiplying and growing and before too long its all I can think about. and that just turns into a huge downward spiral that leads to way more anxiety and problems.

So talking to you guys and getting your perspectives and opinions has been more help than you'll ever know! My mind had started telling me that my anger was stupid, and I started second guessing and overanalyzing everything. This gets especially bad when I'm on graveyard shift, and I can't call my husband to discuss things because he's asleep.

I love you people. :hug:

free1
12-16-2011, 05:31 AM
Sooo sorry you had to go through this....YES, tell your HR department IMMEDIATELY and ask for him to be excluded from visiting your area. Even if he's retired, HR can reach out to him and tell him that he's no longer welcome unless on official business. So glad you don't have to put up with him everyday. That has to rank up there as the most rude, offensive conduct I've ever heard of.