Weight Loss Support - Sabotage :( Rant...




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ANGST
12-12-2011, 05:17 PM
So I go to a football game yesterday , at the tailgate I ate what I was planning , some braised chicken , rice , beer. All in moderation. Thinking I am not going to eat until after the game at home .


Then during the game I am offered hot chocolate (its cold out) a.k.a pure liquid calories. I politely turn it down , several times. Then they go off and buy me one anyways (not cheap) . Along with a hotdog and fries .. I managed to eat only 3 fries as I was sharing the order .

What am I supposed to do without being rude ??!?!

They paid for my ticket as well so I am in a predicament .

These people know how hard I try to stay in shape. Why can't they just take no and insist on being "nice" .



Thanks for letting me rant . Needed to do it to some people who understand .


Just a rant I should of just not eaten it


Michelle2008
12-12-2011, 05:49 PM
Some people can't bear the guilt of pigging out alone - it's okay if everyone else is doing it! I have been guilty of trying this myself!

You did the right thing by keeping your cool - miss manners would be proud. They bought you the ticket for your company -there is no obligation to eat or drink if you don't want to! Give your friends the benefit of the doubt though - they might not have though about it from your perspective.

ANGST
12-12-2011, 09:10 PM
I was able to just eat a light dinner still and hit my target calorie budget , so it's not that bad, just irritating that people must insist that you eat . Really I wasn't just trying to be polite by saying I didn't want anything. ..


ShanIAm
12-12-2011, 09:24 PM
I was thinking about this because my immediate reaction, had I been in your position, would have been to say, "You can buy it but I'm not drinking/eating it. Just letting you know that you are wasting your money!".

But you are a guy and I am a girl. And although weight loss is the same journey for you and I, it is treated differently amongst genders. Generally speaking, of course. :D In my opinion women understand the "importance" of weight loss on such a larger level so when I tell my gal pals "NO", they hear me - even if they never struggled with weight. If anything, my resolve helps them make better choices too. But when it comes to my guy friends they brush it off and tell me to just live a little. They want me to pig out with them and drink beer to my hearts content.

Sorry, totally off your topic. Just typing out where my mind bought me! LOL

So, anyway, I compromise. I plan for these pig out moments before and after because I know it'll be a losing battle. They are my football Sunday friends and I know they will never "get it". But I still luv 'em and appreciate some of the free food and drink. And when they aren't looking, I'll give the beer back to the waitress or hide the food in my napkin. Hey, I warned them I didn't want it! :D Eating the food makes me feel more guilty then them spending their money on something I didn't ask for. Perhaps you are a better person than I! ;)

But you handled the situation great by having something light that night and still being within plan. Congrats on such a fantastic weight loss!

Justwant2Bhealthy
12-12-2011, 09:50 PM
To be honest, I would have drank the hot chocolate and eaten the dog, but thrown the fries & bun away ... LOL!

You did a great job eating lighter to make up for the fries; I do the same. I plan ahead to leave some extra calories for such situations too (ie Christmas, outings, etc).

I don't know why people are so pushy with food; a few of my relatives do this to me too (and ya, I sometimes cave). Then I lower my calories big time as soon as they leave to make up for it ... :dizzy:

But, I do get very annoyed about it ... I don't blame you for ranting. I rant at my DH about it ... and he listens, and nods and nods :yes: ... :lol:

Blueberries
12-13-2011, 12:53 PM
I believe that we teach people how to treat us. By saying no thanks, them buying it anyway (i.e. ignoring you), and then you drinking it anyway, you've just taught your friends that when you say no, you don't really mean it. How do you think they will react the next time something is offered and you turn it down?

It's great that you were able to adjust to make up for what you ate, but I think the bigger victory would have been to stand up for yourself in the first place.

Munchy
12-13-2011, 01:12 PM
I believe that we teach people how to treat us. By saying no thanks, them buying it anyway (i.e. ignoring you), and then you drinking it anyway, you've just taught your friends that when you say no, you don't really mean it. How do you think they will react the next time something is offered and you turn it down?

It's great that you were able to adjust to make up for what you ate, but I think the bigger victory would have been to stand up for yourself in the first place.

Absolutely. As long as your message is polite but firm, people will understand. After your original declination, when they brought it an "I'm so sorry, I can't eat ____, but I really appreciate the thought!" would work.

kyalpn
12-13-2011, 01:21 PM
I have this same predicament with my mother every Sunday. We usually have our bigger meal early afternoon, and we always have some dessert.

I'm never going to turn down dessert when it's offered; I'm just not. I know that about myself. So I always take just a tiny serving, and she always gives me the speech about how I might as well not take any at all if that is all I'm going to eat.

Finally, this week, I just had to be very firm. "No, seriously, Mom. I don't want that much." She gave me the "Mom look" but she didn't put any extra on my plate.

I know it is frustrating, but I think you did well with eating a few fries. Perhaps the more they see you say "No thank you" and not indulge in the food they bring you, they will stop wasting their money.

I do agree that buying your ticket in no way obligates you to eat snacks.:)

DezziePS
12-13-2011, 01:27 PM
I have no idea what your financial position is, but perhaps they thought that you were just turning down their offers of food/snacks because you were trying not to put them out after they had already paid for your ticket? In any case, that's so awkward. I think I would have said, "Oh, wow, I really wish you wouldn't have done that for me! That is so sweet but I am just stuffed from the other things we already ate today and I couldn't possibly eat any more. Let's go see if there's a bag we can wrap this up in for you to take home, or do you think someone else here might want it? I'm so sorry- I thought you understood when you left to go pick this stuff up that I was just not hungry. I feel terrible!" I think the key is to go on and on and on about how terrible you feel (and emphasizing all the time that you already told them not to buy it for you) until they eventually tell you not to worry about it.

retrogirl
12-13-2011, 03:21 PM
I've had almost the same thing happen at an amusement park. I had "accidents" by dropping the pretzel by the duck pond (they loved it! lol), and leaving my candy apple behind on a bench.
I stopped feeling guilty about this, since they ignore my pleas.

kaplods
12-13-2011, 04:14 PM
I think that a lot of food-pushing has it's roots in the distant past - when food was scarce. It was "polite" to refuse food, even denying you were hungry so that the people you were with, wouldn't feel obligated to feed you from their own scarce resorces. Likewise, it was polite to push food, and even to the point of insistence to assure your guests that you did have the resources to be hospitable.

For thousands of years, probably even tens of thousands of years, being hospitable meant sharing valuable food resources (and being able to do so, was a sign of great wealth and social prestige). And being polite meant could mean refusing, but only until you were sure that the offerer truly had the resources to share. Refusing to eat could amount to an accusation of attempted poisoning, or at the very least an accusation of poverty - implying that the person didn't have the resources to share. Those are some of the reasons that it's considered extremely impolite in many cultures to refuse food or drink. In fact, it's considered impolite in most cultures not to offer, and to refuse.

For the most part, in our culture, the underlying "reasons" for the traditions aren't true any more, but the social rules and traditions haven't changed as rapidly as the food environment has. The tradition of food-pushing is still being passed down, even though the need for it hasn't.

On a conscious level, we know that our loved ones aren't going to go hungry if we fail (the social obligation) to push food on them, but on an unconscious level - we've learned (from watching the generation before us) that it's appropriate to push food on people (and it's often still considered polite to say "no thank you, don't go to any trouble on my account" at least once or twice even when you want to say yes - even though you don't believe that your friend is going to go hungry because they provided you with a snack or meal). When we refuse food, we're also not doing so because we think the person is trying to poison us. The reasons for the traditions no longer apply, but we learn them anyway.

"Traditions" are often difficult to break, even when the reasons for them have been lost to history. We just follow the pattern because it's tradition. We don't think about why we're doing it, we just do it because "that's the way, it's always been done."

Social etiquette is filled with behavior that once had meaning, and now doesn't (for example shaking hands is no longer motivated by fear that the person is concealing a weapon - and yet it's still considered impolite to refuse to shake hands).

MusicalAstronaut
12-13-2011, 05:40 PM
One interesting thing that I've noticed, like ShanIAm said, is that guys seem to brush off your attempts to lose weight more easily than girls. Even if, like in your case, you're a guy and you're trying to lose weight. One of my good guy friends who actually told me (in the best way possible, he wasn't mean about it) years ago that I needed to lose weight got pretty upset at me when I turned down his invitation to go out to dinner. I said we should just hang out but he said everyone else wanted to go out to eat and that I needed to "live a little" and that it wouldn't kill me. Well, no, it won't kill me, but that's why I'm here in the first place. So it's hard. Food is such a social thing and like others have said, refusing food politely once or twice really means "yes" a lot of the time. So it's hard to make someone understand that you seriously mean no. I've had to explain this to my boyfriend more than once.

EagleRiverDee
12-13-2011, 07:38 PM
Well, I'm a bit like you, Angst, in that I tend to just roll with it and when people buy me things or offer me things I try not to seem rude and will sometimes just accept it.

One thing I've found that helps keep people from pushing things on me is if I tell them I'm allergic. I really am allergic to dairy, so there's a lot of things I really should not have. The thing is, I won't die if I eat dairy, it just triggers an inflammatory response in me. So I can eat it, and sometimes do. But by telling people I'm allergic or that my doctor said I can't have it, I can often turn down an offer without offending anyone.

Misti in Seattle
12-13-2011, 08:48 PM
I was able to just eat a light dinner still and hit my target calorie budget , so it's not that bad, just irritating that people must insist that you eat . Really I wasn't just trying to be polite by saying I didn't want anything. ..

I agree. When someone tries to "encourage" me to eat when I don't want to or don't want to get off my plan, I always try to cheerfully let them know I am content and have eaten what I needed to... and try to let them know it is fine for them to eat around me and I am not bothered by it. But unless there is a real exception I won't eat it just to be polite although I will let them know I appreciate their thoughtfulness.

ANGST
12-13-2011, 08:55 PM
Thank you all of the above posts are great.

Little more thoughts and perspectives.

I have been at my goal weight a little over a year now . I think some people may seem to think that mean I am no longer on a "diet" and I can now just eat whatever and however I want.

I was with my friend and his parents, I dont see his parents that often , so it made not being "polite" that much more difficult.

On the up side at the tailgate his mom made Philippine chicken adobo and a cucumber salad which were fairly healthy .

shanhat81
12-13-2011, 09:05 PM
^ Hey, you're local to me!!!

I think you did the right thing under the circumstances, and you made up for it later, which is better than I would have done.

Misti in Seattle
12-13-2011, 09:10 PM
Upon reading your further clarification, I think you did the right thing. When I lived in Missouri a close friend used to make lemon cheesecakes and we would eat the whole thing. Well... a few years ago I went back and went to visit her and she had made the cheesecake just for me, so we could do "old times" and pig out on the cheesecake. I had not seen her in years and there was no way I was going to refuse to eat the cheesecake. :) And once in a while it really is not going to hurt me.

And yummmmmm... chicken adobo! I lived in the Philippines two years, and that stuff is GOOD! :)

ArtyKay
12-14-2011, 07:57 AM
I have been at my goal weight a little over a year now . I think some people may seem to think that mean I am no longer on a "diet" and I can now just eat whatever and however I want.


You know what..I've been guilty of this. A friend and former coworker of mine lost about 150 lbs, and we were having a meeting before work one day. Somebody brought doughnuts, and she was the only one who didn't partake. I asked her what kind she wanted, and when she said she didn't want one I gave her a little grief for it and kind of pushed the issue until she was uncomfortable...

I felt horrible about it later, and still cringe when I think about it! But I did it with the thought that she looked great, she was at her goal, and she deserved a doughnut. She explained to me later that she only allows herself one treat a week, and she'd had a mocha latte with whipped cream the day before.

I understand now why she wasn't "done with her diet yet" lol!! But at the time I was completely ignorant of the long haul that maintenance is.

I think you handled the situation wonderfully, kudos to you! Very inspiring.

canadianwoman
12-21-2011, 01:54 PM
In the grand scheme of things 3 french fries is not bad. Not a lot of calories there and you did only eat three of them. The hot chocolate is just liquid calories and sugar. Were coffee or tea not an option? Did you ask? (assuming you drink those)

I do not understand food pushers either. I guess they are just trying to be polite. I have never had a problem with them because when I say "No, Thank You" or when I ask if there are any other options that might be a lot healthier, I tend to get good results.

124chicksinger
12-21-2011, 02:10 PM
It was an occasion. It was a treat (they treated you). They were being kind and generous. You graciously accepted their gifts. You made up for it later. Perfect.

bargoo
12-21-2011, 02:28 PM
When someone just insist and won't take no for an answer I say I'll save it for later and when later comes I either give it away or throw it away and they don't know the difference.

Chubbykins
12-21-2011, 05:32 PM
I don't knwo if it is a Greek thing, since my German relatives would NEVER do so, but all my Greek relatives and acquaintances push food out of cultural obligation.

It is absolutely necessary to push food onto people when you are a good host and absolutely necessary to pretend you don't want any when you are the guest.

Kaplods is probably right about where this stems from.

This results though to people simply not believing you when you actually mean "no" when you say "no".

I just learned to smile, cut a tiny piece off with a clean fork/knife, nibble on that, say it is delicious and leave the rest on the plate. When they ask if I didn't like it I insist that I loved it as many times as they want. I often also say it was too tempting to eat more of it. :D