I think we spend a lot of time looking for the "secret to success" - meaning for finding a diet that will net results that we will be satisfied - and that's actually the problem.
I've spent the last 40 years looking for the "secret to success," and only in the last few years realized that finding "the secret to success" wasn't my problem - it was in learning and understand "the secret to failure."
For me, that secret to failure was being
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Originally Posted by JM14534
.. able to "start" a diet but if I'm not losing I get frustrated and give up.
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My secret to success was in learning not to give up - ever. Not when the weight loss was slow... not if I didn't like my food plan... not if I suspected that I was never going to be able to lose even one more pound let alone all the weight...
My doctor helped me a lot by helping me understand "normal" and to realize that I was doing far better than normal, not far worse. All my life weight loss has been like running a marathon in which I thought I was in last place or near to it, because I saw 1,000 runners ahead of me, not realizing that there were 10,000 people behind me.
I was in the top ten percent, but I thought I was in the bottom ten.
What I said to my doctor was "I should be able to lose at least 2 lbs a week like a normal person, instead of the 1 lb per month, I was accomplishing," and my doctor told me that I was being ridiculous - that "normal" was losing nothing, or losing a little and regaining it all plus some to spare - that giving up was normal, and all I had to do to be in the "extraordinary" category was to not give up and to MAINTAIN the weight I had lost. At that point I hadn't even yet lost 30 lbs, and he said that just maintaining the weight I lost would be an extraordinary acheivement.
I left his office feeling extraordinary, and wanting to KEEP that feeling, and to do that I had to keep off every pound (and maybe lose one more). I discovered that losing really wasn't much more effort than maintaining, so if I was going to put the effort in to maintain, I might as well try to lose "just one more." And I've lost all the weight since, one pound at a time. Sometimes it took a month to lose that pound. Sometimes it took longer, and sometimes I lost two pounds in a month (I still haven't averaged more than 4 lbs in any month, yet).
In the past, any diet that resulted in less than 2 lbs per week, I defined as failure. And if I failed more than two or three months in a row, I quit (often still losing, just not losing fast enough to feel successful) By that definition of failure, I have "failed off" every one of my 101 lbs.
1) How did you lose your weight? Were there any foods you added/deleted to your diet that made a big difference?
I've lost 101 lbs on a dozen or more different plans. The first 20 lbs, wasn't intentional (it was a side-effect of sleep apnea treatment).
Since then, I've experimented with a lot of different food plans, and low-carb definitely works the best for hunger-control and consistent weight loss.
I added a lot of non-starchy veggies, and subtracted most of the quick-digesting carbs. But I didn't "blame myself" for eating off plan, and I didn't judge off-plan eating as "proof" that the plan was "unsustainable." Not being able to stick to a plan perfect didn't mean anything - I judged the plan by my results, not my ability to stick to it. I decided that I could "learn" to stick to it, or at least could get better at sticking to it.
2) What was your weight loss definition of a successful week?
I didn't have one. This was probably the biggest change - one of the key "secrets to success." Whenever I set a weight loss goal, I felt like I failed, even if I was perfectly on my food plan. And if I had made even an infantesimally small mistake - I decided that my imperfection was the reason that I didn't meet my weight loss goal.
I decided that I was going to only make changes that would be healthy - even if no weight loss resulted. Things like eating more vegetables and low-sugar fruits, aiming for a calorie-goal for the day (but not stressing if I missed the mark), moving more... And I judged my success based on not the "results" and not on being perfect, but by whether or not I had done better than the week before.
For example, I clipped a step-counting pedometer on my shoes, and every day my goal was to beat the step-count of the day before (and I wrote it on a calendar, so I could see my progress over time).
3) What happened when you "cheated" or fell off of the wagon?
I don't allow either of those terms/phrases in my mental vocabulary. I also removed, "Starting over" and "starting fresh."
My mottos became
"There is no starting over, just moving on."
"Every bite counts, every pound/ounce counts."
"Maintenance is even more important than weight loss, so when I believe I can't lose another pound, I remind myself that I CAN keep off what I've already lost" (even when that was only the first 20 accidental lbs).
"If I'm going to work to maintain my weight, I might as well work to lose "just one more."
By making maintenance more important than weight loss, I never felt tempted to binge, and if I caught myself in a small binge - I didn't use it as an excuse to allow a bigger binge in order to start over.
Even how I looked at gains was different. For example, a few days ago I was up a pound, so I couldn't celebrate 101 lbs lost, but I could still celebrate 100 lbs lost. I looked at how much I was maintaining as the real measure of success, not the amount I was losing.
4) How did you stay motivated? What was your inspiration?
I stayed motivated by documenting and rewarding my progress. Not only did I document the progress (and it was rewarding to see), I looked for ways to reward and recognize the progress.
At first it was a sticker chart. I'd plan a reward for every 5 lbs lost. Then I switched to a "Pandora" style bracelet, with each bead representing 5 lbs (technically I got "double rewards" for the first 50 lbs or so because I wanted to have a bead for every 5 lbs).
The "real" Pandora beads are pretty expensive, but I discovered that Jo-Ann Fabric and Michael's have the beads for less than $1 a bead (if you buy them on cards of 5).
As for inspiration, I actually "gave up" on inspiration. I realized I didn't need inspiration, I needed a commitment. And my commitment was to making progress, not "being perfect," and my commitment wasn't to losing weight, it was to making healhty changes that would be good for me, even if weight loss wasn't the rsult.
I didn't ever make even one single change that was going to be temporary. I've even resisted restricting my calories to a sub-maintenance level. I am hoping that I will be able to maintain a healthy weight on 1800 calories, so I haven't reduced my calorie level below that - because I don't want to have to "change again" at my goal weight. I'm not trying to learn to lose weight, I'm trying to learn to have a healthy lifestyle.
At first, I refused to make even one single change that was contingent upon weight loss. I've never been satisfied with my weight loss - even when I lost 8 lbs, I wished it had been more - or I'd overanalyze and point to the mistakes I'd made that week and would think "if I had been PERFECTLY on plan I would have lost 9 lbs!"
Taking weight loss out of the equation has been miraculous. I've since added it back in (I've rejoined TOPS - taking off pounds sensibly, a not-for-profit weight loss organization with monthly meetings like WW, except you can follow any food plan you'd like). There are prizes for weight loss, and I've been motivated by them (for example if you lose weight during any month, you earn a future month's free dues). There are also prizes for best loser every week, for going a month without a gain... several ways to earn recognition and even small gifts and cash prizes.
Most TOPS chapters offer some of these contests and other weight loss incentives, so it's fun as well as supportive (the tops.org website has a meeting finder if you're interested).
First Step help? Please?
Hopefully I'll be posting in the success columns soon!
