I have been coming here for a long time. I've been blogging for almost four and a half years now. In August 2007 I weighed 278 pounds (got as high as 283) and was miserable. I started my blog, and the rest is history.
Except, I never got to goal. Look at my ticker. I was seven pounds away from my goal. It still makes me sick to look at that and realize how very close I was to getting to my goal. Sure, I was reassessing and thinking I needed to lose more. I was planning to get into the 150's at least. But still. I was 7 pounds away from 110 pounds gone. Seven pounds!
And then I went off plan, I gained 10 pounds, I goofed around with my eating and wasn't serious anymore because hey, I looked and felt 'normal' and everything was great and I was no longer "obese" by BMI charts. It wasn't urgent anymore. I had plenty of time to get those pounds off, someday.
But now it's urgent. I have had my head in the sand all this time. I have tried to be real. I have kept on blogging, made efforts here and there to lose weight, but ended up eating junk and carbs and other stuff that is not on my plan. That 10 pound gain turned into 20. Up and down the scale for a YEAR now, 188, 181, 189, 183, 195, 189, 201, 199, 205, 202, 214, 209. On and on for a YEAR. This is how people regain all their weight.
It HAS to stop. I am getting to the breaking point here. I have not been sticking to ANYTHING for more than a week or two.
So now I am trying to sort out what, exactly, I want to do. I lost the first big chunk of my weight calorie counting and exercising. I lost 64 pounds, then regained 20ish and did this same up and down ridiculousness between 214 and 240 doing calorie counting and exercise. Finally I started Medifast, and that got me off that plateau. I got down to 175. Then I tried to "do it on my own" without doing the Medifast transition program and here I am.
In the past year I have tried calorie counting, going back to a whole foods plan, focusing on health and eating nutritious foods, and have alternated between that and going back on Medifast. And I feel stuck. I am not sure which way to turn now.
I am trying another shot with Medifast at the moment. What I like about it is it is simple, my doctor approved it, I get lots of protein and feel really good on it. It also kills my bingeing which is the BIGGEST deal to me. I know I will need to eat lower carb for the rest of my life, and Medifast is teaching me that by the meals I have to prep for myself. But maybe I am burned out on it. Yet I am afraid to go back to calorie counting because then my binge eating gets out of control. I can stay within my calories just fine about 80-90% of the time, and then 2 or 3 days a month I binge, and end up putting in all that effort and not lose any weight in the end.
I have talked about a lot of this stuff on my blog. But when I put it out there, I tend to get a ton of harsh comments telling me to 'just do it.' I also get nice comments, supportive ones, that fall into two camps: 1) the people who are on Medifast tell me I can do it, stick with it, it works! 2) the calorie counting/clean eating people say "you can't do Medifast for the rest of your life! You need real food." Well, I agree, but obviously that isn't working so well for me...
I think I have to set a limit here. I have been "on" Medifast for way too long, really. It does work, my doctor likes it, I lose weight and feel great but ONLY if I stick with it. So if I can't stick with it for whatever reason, then it is time to let it go. I am not sure what I am doing right now... except I *am* doing Medifast at the moment... but if I am not sticking with it and to a new low by March 1, I am going to stop. Not saying I am going to do it until then. Just saying that is my line in the sand. March 1, because I first started Medifast two years ago in March, and doing it longer than that is just ridiculous. If I am doing it I need to DO IT til I get to Transition and work back into a whole foods diet to maintain on.
But if not Medifast, what? I don't want to do anymore 'diets.' I want to be able to just eat normal foods and lose weight. But I am afraid, very afraid, that I am not going to be able to figure this out.
Hi Lyn, How awful for you..I can well understand the feelings as I have not been able to lose ANYTHING since Xmas last! But you only have that 7lb to go!?! Have I read that right?
First of all I would say to you..DO to try to relax...you are getting into such a state and that is not condusive to helping the weight to come off in the first place. Also it is a common factor that the last few pounds can take a lot of effort to lose but it will go if you persevere...and that's the problem, isn't it? We all want things to happen yesterday but it may well be that it will take anything up to four weeks to get to your goal finally.... and yes ..you CAN do it... just keep plodding on and take it one day at a time!
Up and down the scale for a YEAR now, 188, 181, 189, 183, 195, 189, 201, 199, 205, 202, 214, 209. On and on for a YEAR. This is how people regain all their weight.
No, "up and down on the scale" is how people maintain their weight. You have maintained weight loss during this year. You may want to chose 5 or 10 lbs rather than 20, but don't cut yourself short. Give yourself the credit you deserve for maintaining weight loss. If you had given up, you would have regained, instead you maintained most of your loss.
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Originally Posted by Lyn2007
So if I can't stick with it for whatever reason, then it is time to let it go.
Not true either. I thought it was for more than 30 years - so when I couldn't stick with it (and by that I meant "do it perfectly, without mistakes" and "never get bored out of my everlovin' mind), eventually I would "let it go" (and by that, I mean "let everything go" and give up, because "what's the use, I can never stick with it).
If it works, even imperfectly - it's worth doing imperfectly. Now, if you don't WANT to stick with it, that's fine - find something else.
I have almost no "stick-to-it-iveness," I have the attention span of a gnat - so I keep changing my plans. I've lost over 100 lbs, and to do it, I've probably followed at least 15 different plans. I don't have to keep playing the same game, I can even drop the ball (a lot), I just have to keep picking up the ball (even if I change the rules of the game every time I do).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lyn2007
I don't want to do anymore 'diets.' I want to be able to just eat normal foods and lose weight. But I am afraid, very afraid, that I am not going to be able to figure this out.
You will be able to figure this out, as long as you stay vigilant. It may mean rethinking what "eating normally" and "eating normal foods" means.
I can't eat high-sugar or high-starch foods. I still DO sometimes, because as I've said I make a lot of mistakes and I have that dratted gnat attention span. So I keep TRYING to eat the foods I know will bring on hunger so crazy, that it becomes very difficult not to overeat (I am very carb-sensitive, so I'm less hungry on 1000 calories of low-carb than on 3,000 calories of high carb. Heck, I'm hungrier on 3,000 calories of high-carb than on 1500 calories of high-carb - the more I eat, the hungrier I get).
Keep experimenting, and don't worry about sticking with it perfectly. You only have to do well enough to make progress.
I'd also highly recommend changing your main goal from weight loss to weight maintenance (and make trying to lose "just one more pound" as your secondary, but less important goal) - that way you get to celebrate almost every day - and even when you get to goal, you still get to just keep going, weight maintenance is a "forever" thing, not a "when I get to, or close to goal" thing.
From reading your blog, you seem to be carb sensitive (like I am).
What worked for me was calorie counting, whole foods, volumetrics, reducing/eliminating trigger foods and detailed, specific meal planning.
And that's what I still do today. I have accepted that I will never eat "normally" - without planning my meals for 2 reasons: 1) It's too easy to overeat by accident - portion creep is a very real issue for me 2)it's nearly impossible to eat healthy by accident in America.
If you don't plan and you're hungry at 4:00 in the afternoon - what kind of snacks are available? A nasty old bruised banana at a convenience store vs. chips, cookies, candy, crackers, etc.
I'm not sure what you mean by "normal foods." I don't eat fast food, most packaged foods, etc. Normal people do eat those, but a lot of normal people are struggling with their weight.
Hi Lyn, How awful for you..I can well understand the feelings as I have not been able to lose ANYTHING since Xmas last! But you only have that 7lb to go!?! Have I read that right?
No, sorry if I wasn't clear. I got there in October a year ago and have regained 35 pounds. I haven't had the heart to change that ticker.
I think you are the first person who has said to me that it is okay. Wow, actually it is a huge relief to have someone tell me it is okay to be imperfect. I appreciate that. I have to figure out how to stop the gain. I think if I got back to 175 and maintained there, I would be very happy, just maintaining and losing a few more pounds slowly over time.
Glory~
you're right. I am carb sensitive. Eating carby/processed stuff triggers binges in me. I've already sworn off fast food (about 2 years ago) and don't care to eat that stuff; by normal food, I mean I'd like to just have a bowl of oatmeal with nuts, or an egg with a piece of whole wheat toast and fruit. I'd like to have a banana for a snack. I'd like to be able to show up at a friend's house for dinner and have a piece of lasagna with a salad and garlic bread in normal portions like the other guests. That would be awesome. I wonder if that is even possible for me.
I feel for you, Lyn! Your blog is one of my favorites and it has been so hard watching your struggle over this the past year or so and have been on the same boat. For me, it's come down to realizing (like Glory) that I want to eat the standard American diet and simply can't, it makes me sick. Low-to-no starches and minimal sugar and dairy (almost paleo) is what I do the very best on. But sticking to it in the face of craving things like tempura and white rice or a sandwich is tough. I have to limit myself to one of those starches every few days, max, before my cravings go nuts.
I can bellyache about it and grumble about my regains (and often do!) but honestly I get a lot further on those days when I focus on all the awesome things I can eat - delicious fats, fresh fruits, richly seasoned vegetables and as much meat as I delight in, within a fairly high calorie limit. As soon as I stick with what I know works and resist the easy starchy junk I feel better nd look better, as well as being incredibly satisfied. But it takes a different state of mind than I have been in the past half a year or so. It takes recognizing that I need to put the kibosh on foods that I am sensitive to, just as though they gave me true allergic reactions. They destroy my health and make my weight fly all over the place, and I cannot get it under control so long as I indulge in them.
For me, a piece of cake has to be a one or twice a year thing. But I can have so many other delicious things that it is no burden so long as I don't believe it to be. If I want to lose the rest of my weight and feel the best, I need to break up with the abusive boyfriend that is starch - he's bad news, every time he comes around, and tells me he loves me while hurting me inside and out. Bad stuff, not worth it.
I hope you figure out what works for you, Lyn. But for me, I can do moderation in almost all things - starch and added sugars aren't it. I can keep whining about it and letting it screw up the scale and my waistline, but deep down I know it isn't a self discipline thing, maturity, willpower, what have you. Those foods screw with my brain and hormones and are addictive - avoiding them isn't saying 'no' to myself, necessarily, so much as choosing something so much better for me. It's just my lot. I am a very healthy person - all working limbs, good immune system - but this sensitivity is my one big handicap in life to work with. My lot is pretty good, all things considered, but I do have to make modifications for the sake of my health if I don't want to be sick and miserable. I can fight against that, like I've done for years, or I can just buckle down and do what I need todo, including making my own food list of that which is anathema to me and makes the scale bounce and my body ache.
It took me months to get in the right headspace, but I know what I choose now.
Thanks Arcticmama. Very helpful. I like your list idea. I think part of my stress comes from confusion about what should go on that list of things I do not eat. I know stuff like chips, cake, candy, white bread, and artificial sweeteners are on my "no" list (while I do think I can have one piece of cake on my birthday or something like that), but I am conflicted about other things. What about whole grains? Are they healthy for me? Or are they a problem? What about low fat dairy? What's the limit on fruits? Is there one? I am just not sure. I did lose weight eating those things before. I am hesitant to cut them out. What about bacon? Sausage? Other fatty meats? I think I can do them in moderation, but... I am just not sure.
I think you are the first person who has said to me that it is okay. Wow, actually it is a huge relief to have someone tell me it is okay to be imperfect. I appreciate that. I have to figure out how to stop the gain. I think if I got back to 175 and maintained there, I would be very happy, just maintaining and losing a few more pounds slowly over time.
Imperfection isn't a very popular "goal," especially when it comes to weight loss. We hear "Anything worth doing, is worth doing well," meaning there's no excuse for less-than-your-best. And we also hear that certain diets are "unsustainable" just because they're difficult to do perfectly, even though it's better to do them imperfectly than not at all.
I have a wheat issue (I break out in an itchy, flaky rash and it seems to aggravate my arthritis pain as well). It's difficult to stay away from wheat, especially perfectly. I don't have celiac disease, or a severe allergy so I don't have to be perfect in my avoidance of wheat, but being imperfect (and having pink, slightly itchy, flaky skin) is better than giving up entirely and going on a wheat binge (and ending up with bright red, swollen, oozing sores - which is what happens if I decide to eat bread and pasta like a "normal person.")
It was actually at a work seminar on time management that I first heard someone talk about the advantages of imperfection, and how in the home and work environment people waste a lot of time in the pursuit of unnecessary perfection.
The speaker said it was important to recognize "good enough" and to aim for that. Yes, some tasks need to be done perfectly (but in those cases only perfection is "good enough" so you're still only aiming for the minimum requirements that will yield the results you want), - but when perfection isn't necessary, it's just a waste of time and energy (do you really need to alphabetize your spice rack?)
He argued that people whose standards were "adequate" rather than "perfect" actually got more done, because they didn't obsess or waste time on the unimportant details.
It made me wonder whether my problem with weight loss wasn't my expectation for perfection (and if I couldn't be perfectly "good" I could at least be perfectly "terrible.")
I have to admit that giving up on perfect, has worked tremendously for me. I've lost much slower, but I've given up on giving up, and that makes all the difference. Even if I don't lose more than 1 lb per month, I still will eventually get to my goal. But if I give up, I'll only fall backwards.
I am also carb-sensitive, and I'm still "experimenting" on all the questions you've asked.... Can I eat whole grains, and how much.... Can I eat fruit, and how much... Can I keep any junk at all in the house (right now the answer is no)... And to make things even more complicated, the answers can change. Things that worked when I started, don't work as well now. At any time, the answers can change, so I have to keep experimenting. I've found that as long as I'm willing to change as I need to, it all works out. If I try something and I gain - it's not a failure, it's a successful experiment in learning what doesn't work well (at least for now - I can try it again later if I want to).
I just wanted to say I think you are an amazing writer, you are an inspiration, and to never ever give up. You will figure this out.
I have followed you from the very beginning, see, the summer of 2007 is when I hit my highest weight......of 278. I also understand the struggles, the pain, the confusion of not knowing exactly what to do next, cause I have struggled the last year in a half myself by gaining 30 pounds.
I love your blog, I love your writing, you are a strong, beautiful person, and from reading your blog, an awesome mother, a great friend, and an awesome writer, no matter what the number on the scale says.
Sending positive thoughts your way. Stay strong. We are all here for you.
Just to say that Kaplods, as ever, is a wonderful mine of information and as she says things can change so much from week to week.
I just recently decided to cut down carbs in an attempt to try to get my weight moving again and so I started to have grilled bacon and a poached egg for breakfast most mornings only to find that I then had a severe outbreak of eczema on my arms. Took me a while to figure out the reason but realised that it was the eggs I was consuming... ..never had that reaction to eggs before but as soon as I cut them out after just two days it is soo much better. Maddening to say the least, especially as I shall be off on a cruise come Dec 27th and want to look my best. Just hope it clears properly by then!
Sounds like you are well on the way to making some good decisions about How To from now on...
Take care....
I have followed you from the very beginning, see, the summer of 2007 is when I hit my highest weight......of 278. I also understand the struggles, the pain, the confusion of not knowing exactly what to do next, cause I have struggled the last year in a half myself by gaining 30 pounds.
I love your blog, I love your writing, you are a strong, beautiful person, and from reading your blog, an awesome mother, a great friend, and an awesome writer, no matter what the number on the scale says.
Sending positive thoughts your way. Stay strong. We are all here for you.
Thank you so much. This meant a LOT to me tonight. Had a rough evening, power out in part of the house, hard stuff going on with family, and to read this was really so much what I needed. I think you were inspired! Because really, I don't hear that kind of thing in real life from anyone. And it is very strengthening to hear them here. Thank you.
Thanks all for the awesome responses. I knew I could come here and find support and I so appreciate it. I am never going to give up. I will figure this thing out. We all will.
I just recently decided to cut down carbs in an attempt to try to get my weight moving again and so I started to have grilled bacon and a poached egg for breakfast most mornings only to find that I then had a severe outbreak of eczema on my arms. Took me a while to figure out the reason but realised that it was the eggs I was consuming...
That had to be so frustrating! That is the hardest part, I think. Not really knowing what food will affect us. We have to muddle through bit by bit. If only there was a manual for healthy eating that suited everyone!
I had a working plan for a long time and trying to find a new plan has been hard. I don't know what will work on any given day which makes it hard. Before I knew if I did XYZ I'd lose weight even if the scale didn't show it immediately. Now it is hard getting through any day because I haven't figured out yet what I'm doing wrong. It is exhausting.
Oh Lynn, I know how hard this is, really. Many folks here do.
For me, when I took the power away from the food it made a huge difference. So instead of 'I can't have that' I'd say '*I* don't *want* that because it would derail my efforts. We are going to the beach in June and that's my deadline. Having that hard, fast date has actually really helped me because I don't have time to mess around. We went last year and I was 235 and miserable. I watched my husband sit on the beach with a female friend, both in their bathing suits, while I was on the deck in a huge tshirt and running pants. It was devastating. Nothing either of them did, but it was a huge wake up call about what I'd become inside and out, and how it was affecting my life.
Funny, I'm really worried about keeping it off after the beach trip passes. I was teasing my husband we'll just have to keep traveling LOL!
I've yoyoed since I was 14 years old. I hope I have the stuff to make a permanent change. Judy Beck wrote a great book about the emotional side of weight loss including lots of cognitive therapy techniques and that's really helped me too. There's a group here too, PM me if I can help at all.
Sorting it out in my head (long)
..never had that reaction to eggs before but as soon as I cut them out after just two days it is soo much better. Maddening to say the least, especially as I shall be off on a cruise come Dec 27th and want to look my best. Just hope it clears properly by then!
