So, a lot of us have been here for a long time. A lot of folks here and elsewhere struggle to stick with a plan and get the weight off. Many many people start but then stop and give up, and lots of us lose and then regain some. Seems there is a lot of stagnation right now with the weight loss when I look at blogs and threads and people in real life.
So my question to you is, what do you think it will take (or what did it take) to actually put the desires into action and LOSE THE WEIGHT? I don't mean to ask what your breaking point was or if you have an epiphany that made you get serious. I mean, what steps... what *action* or plan or set of behaviors did it take or WILL it take for you to get going and keep going? What do you NEED to lose the weight?
I think some of us don't know the answer yet. But if you do know what it takes for YOU, please share.
I need support, never realized it before. But when you feel like nobody is on your side, it can be way more exhausting than it has to be. It also took owing up to binging, which is something I'd never truly admitted to myself. And thirdly, planning. I've always been a planner but sometimes I'd do same day meal planning. I found to stick with it I need my calories planned, to not go into it blind. But also to underplan my calories because I always end up ingesting a bite here or there.
When I started, I said I would only cut calories/add activity as far as I could comfortably and find out what weight my body wanted to be. I really wanted to lose 100 lbs, ideally would have liked to get to "normal" BMI, and would have been over the moon to get below 145.
Well my body got to 102 off, stabilized about 100 lbs off and here I sit after more than a year. I guess the good news is I'm maintaining pretty easily as I'm basically eating/excercising about the same as I was during the loss process. Most days I'm totally content with this, but other times little voice nags at me to "crank up the effort" and knock off that last 20 lbs. But then I find that to drop my calories further immediately triggers old binging behaviour I hadn't indulged in for years. So I'm stumped. For the last 3 weeks I cut out my daily chocolate fix. Scale did not budge even a fraction. Haven't added the chocolate back (yet) but I'm wondering as well what it will take and whether or not I'm willing to do it.
Support - really good, effective support! No saboteurs in my life now, and I've gone through relationship makeovers so that the people I connect with the most are there for me, encouraging my efforts in diet, exercise and the emotional/spiritual stuff.
Nutrition - if I don't eat adequate nutrition, I stay hungry until my body gets what it needs. So I make sure my minimum macronutrient requirements are met for good health, but I also seem to need my micronutrients topped up too. That means lots of vegetables! I also eat really clean and unprocessed, as organic as possible.
Exercise - I am not a natural fan of exercise, but I love Pilates. For me, it was my gateway to creating a higher level of fitness. I now weight train (also something I love) and do cardio on a rowing machine (not a huge fan, but it's better for me than other workouts). I enjoy feeling the strength in my muscles now. I can do more things now at 50 than I could do when I was 20. LOVE that!
Stress management - It wasn't until I stepped away from the toxic people in my life that I could get control of using food to manage my stress levels. Once I broke away from them, I could start implementing strategies to be free from old thought patterns that led me to overeating. I am creating a new, joyful life for myself now, and I'm free to live life fully on many levels, and not make it about what I'm going to eat, or not eat, or how much, or why did I just eat that, etc.
I think my mind-set is what I need. I realized I wasn't getting any younger and that the weight wasn't going to fall off on it's own, so I just did it. I followed a balanced diet that was low in carbs and sugar and high in veggies, lean protein, and fiber. I think that's my best plan of action. First realizing I'm worth it, and then just eating the way I know I should. For me, it's almost 100% a mental game.
For me it really comes down to two things: I needed discipline, and I needed patience.
I needed discipline to create an environment where I could still enjoy the pleasure of eating (I do love to eat, more than just about any other activity) while staying on plan. For me that meant figuring out how to have appealing, on-plan food around me when I needed it so I wouldn't get stuck with "no choice" but to hit the vending machine at work or order take-out when I got home from a long day. It meant setting aside time on the weekend for shopping and cooking a week's worth of meals and having enough veggies in the house that my dinners could be mostly vegetables.
I also needed discipline to make good choices when I did go out to eat, because I still love to do that and do it once a week or so. I figured out what were the best choices at the restaurants I go to most often and I just order those; I often don't even look at the menu and let myself think about what "looks good" tonight.
And, I needed discipline to say "no" to my inner five-year old who whines for some off- plan treat, to evaluate off-plan eating opportunities and decide whether they were really worth it and, if they weren't (which they usually are not) to say "not today."
Finally, I needed patience to accept that it was going to take me a long time and I should just settle in and not worry about that. I've now been on plan for two years and 4 months, and I'm still not quite done yet. But I have lost more than 110 pounds and that feels awesome. Those two years would have passed anyway, and if I'd gotten impatient and given up 18 months ago because the weight loss wasn't happening fast enough, where would I be today? Not at my lowest weight in more than 20 years, that is for sure.
So, that is what it took, and still takes, for me: discipline and patience.
Last edited by carter; 12-10-2011 at 04:07 PM.
Reason: Typo
For me, it's committing to calorie counting. I know I don't have a good diet, I hate most vegetables and eat too much processed food, but I'm okay with that. I'm in my 50s and, even at my high weight, my blood sugar and cholesterol levels were fine. So, I eat what I want but a whole lot less of it. Knowing that I can eat a few of the cookies I just made and still stay on plan takes away the opportunity to fail and give up.
I log my food on Lose It after every meal and it's been a great tool for me. I'm sure I would have given up if I hadn't found that.
What a great topic. There are several things helping me.
Creating a plan that I could stick to long term. When I started this final time, I realized that I needed to create a plan that I could live with. Nothing too extreme. I wouldn't make any changes that I would not be willing to stick with forever. After all, the changes I make do have to be forever.
Every day no matter what. This time I gave myself 1 year to stick to my 1800 calorie limit and I would stick to it every single day, no matter what. Wedding...figure it out. Graduation Party...figure it out. I bring my own food, I eat before or after, everything and anything to stay on plan no matter what.
Planning. I go to bed with my breakfast and lunch packed and dinner planned. Often time the whole next day is already in fitday. I bring snacks to places, I look online to restaurants. Planning, planning, planning.
Personal Trainer. I know what to do in the gym. I know I need to and should go to the gym and yet it doesn't happen or I don't keep going. Until I hired a personal trainer. Can I afford Dwayne? No way! Can I afford not to have Dwayne? Not a chance! I work with Dwayne once a week and then I try and repeat the weight workout we did 2 more times before I see him again. But even on my worst week, I make it to the gym for our session. Plus there is something about going to the gym that puts you in a healthy frame of mind. Everyone there is sweating and getting healthy. You see people you want to be like. They say you should be around people who are who you want to be.
It's great to read what it takes for other people and to see how it comes down to effective support, planning and self-care for other people, too.
I have a therapist, a trainer, a workout partner, an obesity doctor, and a calorie counting program on my phone - and of course the support that I get here. While I wish losing weight was something I could have done incidentally or without a great deal of thought or preparation, I couldn't and didn't.
Like Steph, calorie counting is important for me. I stick to 1500 calories a day with occasional "cheat days", write everything I eat on a program on my phone, and stay low carb. I see an obesity doctor every other month, and the nutritionist in his office the months I don't see him. He put me on Metformin, which has really helped me to regain my sense of satiety...
I work out 5-6 days a week. 2 of those days I see a trainer, with a workout partner which does make it cheaper. What Sandi said about not being able to afford to be without one really hit home - it's an expense but one that feels more like a necessity than just a luzury. The other days I either take a spin class or a Zumba class (once in a while I run, but have eased up on that because it was hurting my achilles, and I've started to dabble a little in kickboxing but am not ready to throw it into the rotation yet.)
The other thing it took for me and that I need is to find what I can have and do instead of focusing on the deprivation. For example, I love shellfish, and because my husband keeps kosher we can't have that at home. I also enjoy drinks, and found that I could save a lot of calories switching from mixed drinks to flavored vodka. So, once a week or so I go out to dinner for what my friend and I call our "crustacean and vodka night". It sounds crazy, but knowing I can have a salad, a lobster and butter, and a drink for 400 calories or so makes that 400 calories a splurge not a punishment... I found 300-400 calorie meals at other places that I go to routinely as well, and only things that I really like, (ie. the Subway club salad with double meat, sushi rolls without the rice, a KFC original recipe chicken breast...)
I've also tried to eliminate as much stress as I can and, like geoblewis said, getting away from toxic people (and situations...)
For me, it was just to be honest. Honest with myself that, no matter how clever or well-read I thought I was, I could not do this alone. I'd tried a million times, always expecting that "this is it, this is the time it will work" only to go down the exact same path, over and over and over. The time I wasted saying "i'm never eating sugar again!" or "I'm never eating more than 1 serving again" or never this or never that SO ridiculous LOL If I'd taken my car to a mechanic and had a crappy result time and again I'd never go back there, yet I continued to buy into the notion of "oh I'll just cut back, I'll do XYZ and 150 pounds will come off" Ummmmmm not so much
Once I admitted that something different had to be done, I was successful. I made an appointment to talk to someone, (it's what i DO for heaven's sake LOL but I couldn't see the forest for the trees), it wasn't stressful or upsetting, I didn't unearth any horrible secrets or anything, just a life time of self-indulgence and laziness, and they gave me concrete behaviour changes that I implemented one at a time.
The by-product was the other half of me disappearing - the biggest 'success' was the calmness, the sanity, over food. It's just an object, it doesn't control me. I don't give it more power than it deserves - it's fuel, no more no less.
The epiphany had to happen, first, because before then I was just waffling and not really invested in doing it. Once I realized I had to be serious about it, I got serious:
1) I told myself that I had to say "no" to my favorite foods. No, I would not drink any soda (diet or otherwise). No, I would not eat cake or cookies. No, I would not eat a pizza.
Like others have said, I had to tell my whiny inner 5 year old that they were NOT going to die if I skipped that chocolate, candy, pizza, bread, dessert, whatever. If I still remembered what it tasted like, then there was no way that I was ready to taste it again.
Yes, it sucked. But I also knew that I had to stop myself from eating whatever I wanted.
2) I had to realize that I have to take care of myself even if I didn't like to cook, even if I didn't like to count calories, even if I didn't like depriving myself.
The way that I handled that, was by recognizing that I do a million things every day that I don't like to do. I brush my teeth and I don't like to brush my teeth. But I do it anyway, because I want to have my teeth be healthy. I want to have good breath. I hate doing laundry. But if I want to wear clean clothes for work, I have to do laundry.
Because I sucked up to doing all these things I hate (bill paying, showering, driving in traffic, going to the doctor, whatever), I also had to do the things that I *HATED* in order to take care of my body. So, I controlled my calories (which I hated). I washed dishes (which I hated). I cooked (which I hated). Yeah, it sucked(s) but, it's part of what it means to take care of my body.
After all, no one else is going to take care of my body but me.
3) I had to admit that this weight loss was for health, not vanity. By letting it sit in the "vanity" pile, I was never going to get around to losing the weight. Why? Because I thought it was stupid that I was losing weight to be thinner and more beautiful. I wanted to people to love me and accepted as I was, regardless of my weight. Losing weight to fit into a smaller size was never going to motivate me.
When it finally clicked that this was not about vanity, but about my health and my life, I realized then that this was actually more important than fitting into a size whatever or having the approval of random strangers.
4) I had to let go of "magic" thinking -- of thinking that I would wake up thin one day because I deserved to be thin.
5) I gave myself a meal plan -- whole foods (nothing processed, with few exception) and I had to eat at home all of my meals except for 1 or 2. I had to cook every single one of those meals too.
6) I made out an easy plan for food. I cooked on the weekends and made plenty for the week and to freeze. That's what I ate. I played around with breakfast foods and snacks. I planned my meals on a sheet of paper and filled in the blanks (the blanks would invariably lead to eating junk).
7) I focused on food first, exercise would come later.
8) I signed up for a CSA food box, which brings me organic vegetables. I had to use those vegetables creatively before they spoiled. I got creative.
9) I wrote down my weight, so I could see it and see progress (or no progress). There were a lot of weeks with no progress because I lose weight slowly. But I didn't want to fall into the magically thinking again.
10) I eventually started exercising. I told myself that exercising was for taking away stress or relaxing, not for eating more food. I stuck to that.
11) I kept saying no to the food that made me heavy.
12) I started treating my IR with supplements.
13) I changed my habits with my family and friends. I would join them at restaurants, but I wouldn't eat, because I ate at home. I would sip on sparkling water or plain water. I would say no to whatever they offered me. I didn't even eat the bread.
Strangely, I began to influence my friends! They started feeling comfortable not socializing around food. Woohoo!
14) I found a hobby that keeps me active on the weekends (cycling). I do it with my friends and we reinforce healthy habits through this. We signed up for a ride together and we prepare for it together.
15) I change my food up because I get tired of the same thing.
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My advice for someone who is starting out:
1) You have to find something that works for you and this may take a lot of trial and error. There is nothing out there that is perfect for you -- take what you like, take what makes the scale move or the inches go down.
2) Educate yourself as much as you can about the science behind nutrition, weight loss, and exercise. Find out why sugar is so addictive and what it does in your body. Find out why fat is so delicious and what is does in your body. Find out what's in the junk that you love. Read a lot.
3) Find something that fits with your lifestyle and your values. It's great if everyone is doing low-carb, but if you don't like that much meat in your diet because it doesn't make you feel great or you care too much about animals, then don't eat that much meat. Find what works for you.
4) The scale doesn't determine your self-worth. The scale may not move often. What matters is how much energy you have, how you feel, and whether or not your clothes are fitting better. If the scale is wrecking your happiness, then put it away and find another way to measure progress.
5) Find an activity that you can turn into a hobby. Cycling was it for me. I have another friend who is a belly dancer. I used to do dancing too. Make it something that you love that you want to do because it's fun, not because it's "exercise". Even if you still get on that boring treadmill, have something movement/activity that gets your heart pumping that you love to do. Hike, ice skate, ride horses, Zumba, rock climb, whatever...
6) Ask yourself, as you are on this journey, what's really going on inside of you in terms of your weight. How does being heavy help you? How does it hinder you? What are you afraid of if you lose your weight? What are you excited about? What do you need in order to be successful at weight loss? What has to happen in your family/friends/work in order for that to be the case? If you're not putting your health first, why?
All this stuff is going to come up. You're going to want to put other people first. You're going to come up with a million excuses why you can't go exercise, why you HAVE to eat those french fries, why you can't follow your plan. All of those decisions are also a product of those questions above.
7) There's no perfection. You'll eat junk even when you are trying to avoid it. You will look at those cookies on the table and just give in to them. You will be tired of calorie counting (or whatever plan you have). The point is not to be perfect. The point is that you working to change your life and once you make a mistake, it's in the past. What matters is the next decision that you make.
So, you go out to dinner with your hubby or your best friend and you end up sharing dessert. So what. Wake up the next day and have a healthy breakfast. Then plan for a healthy lunch. What matters is the decision that's facing you.
8) Last, but not least -- be strong like bull... not weak like baby cow. Yes, losing weight means making changes to your existing lifestyle and habits. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, you won't like some of the changes (until later!). Yes, other people may sabotage you because they don't want you to change. Yes, you may be afraid no one will like you. But, you are stronger than all of that. You CAN get past that and be a healthier, happier you. So, be strong.
Planning and sticking. That's really what it comes down to for me.
Planning meals and workout times, and sticking to them. I don't want to sound flip and arrogant and say it's easy -- going through the process can suck sometimes. But intellectually, as far as I have to do this and this -- it's honestly pretty simple. Calories in, calories out, I get results.
Second to those two things is support -- the more support I get the more motivation I feel. Not to mention those NSVs like clothes fitting better and feeling like I can embrace my hotness.
I'm going to add to my post from yesterday by saying, like Sandi, I needed to make a plan I could stick with forever. When I cut back on carbs and added veggies, I made a change for the better that was easy to follow. Well, adding veggies was easy; cutting the carbs - not so much at first! When I cut back on sugar, cut out fast food, and cut out junk food, I made changes for the better that I could stick with. When I joined a gym, I made a change for the better that I could stick with.
Now that I'm maintaining for a while, I will eat the occasional carb / sugar / junk food that I passed on for 8 1/2 months. I'll have the occasional off-plan MEAL (not DAY) and deal with it the day before if I know ahead of time (Thanksgiving) or the day after if it's impromptu (last minute dinner with friends.) I have adopted the policy of "eating like a thin person" and use thin people I know as examples. They don't eat every bite on their plate. They remember that no one will take the food away from them if they don't eat it quickly. They know that the opportunity to have that "something" will come again, so you don't have to gorge on that "something" right now. Most of all, they work at making the healthy choices every day - just like we do.
I still truly believe it's almost 100% mental. Get that in line and the physical aspect just falls into place.
I think my mind-set is what I need. I realized I wasn't getting any younger and that the weight wasn't going to fall off on it's own, so I just did it. I followed a balanced diet that was low in carbs and sugar and high in veggies, lean protein, and fiber. I think that's my best plan of action. First realizing I'm worth it, and then just eating the way I know I should. For me, it's almost 100% a mental game.
Lin
I feel exactly like linJber- it's 100% a mental game. Before I reach for a food to put in my mouth I ask myself is this really needed and beneficial to my body? Sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes no. To that no answer I remind myself that this is what got me into a lifetime of being overweight in the first place. It makes that oatmeal cookie look not so glamorous anymore. I also realized there will never be no starting and ending point with my diet. It is just a way of life. I will be working towards keeping my eating under control the rest of my life- that will be the only way to reach my goal and maintain it. I just don't want to go back to not being able to breathe after walking, not finding anything that fits me, and that feeling of disappointment at the end of the day- after over eating all day long. All of the hundred little food choices I make all week long are what shows up on my body at the end of the week. So I'm really trying to make those choices good ones.
Rana, I loved your post. Thank you so much for that. What I loved best about it is that you made explicit some of the reasons why what I called "discipline" in my post is so important. Your post says yes, this will be hard work - but we can do the hard work, we have it in us.
There is one point I disagree with, and I even love that too, because it highlights how we are all different, and the mental games we play with ourselves are very individual. And that is, for me, vanity has been a MUCH more effective motivator than health. I admit that I really don't give a darn about my health. I'd say that for me, the exact opposite of what you said holds - "health" was so vague and indefinite that it was a great excuse to procrastinate - I wasn't diabetic, my blood numbers were good, the fact that those might change at some vague date in the future wasn't enough to get me to put down the fork. But my looks? I had to face those every day in the mirror. One I got it in my head to change them, boy was I motivated to put down the fork.
That's just me, though. And, now that I have lost most of the weight, I appreciate the benefits to my overall health, strength, energy, and well-being far more than I thought I would. That didn't come until I'd lost about 60 or 75 pounds though. So I was vanity all the way.
What does it take for you to lose the weight?
