Weight Loss Support - Boyfriend and I broke up today - comfort eating my way thru




ShanIAm
12-07-2011, 04:52 PM
I was the dumper.... he was the dumpee. It was just one of those things where he was great TO me but he was not great FOR me. So what have I been doing this past week since I made the decision to break it off? I've been gorging on tacos, mac and cheese, chicken nuggets, meatball subs, soft pretzels, potato chips, cookies and cake. Gah! For every 1 day I eat on plan I have been eating 2 days off.

This afternoon I officially ended it. There is no more stress of "I'll do it tomorrow" hanging over my head but I still feel terrible and I still want to comfort eat. I have been trying to get off these 10 pounds I gained lately and I'm going backwards again!! :mad:

And where will this comfort eating get me? Back to where I was last year... Fat, depressed and lonely because I refused to date while my self esteem was in the toilet.

Perhaps my new goal will be to not date again until I get rid of these 10-15 pounds. Maybe my fear of lonliness will be my motivation again?!? Worked last time, right? (And yes, you'd think my motivation should come from all the health benefits not being overweight gives me. Yeah, well -- I've never hid the fact my weight loss is all about vanity!)

Oh ladies, I'm sorry. Just venting here. Feeling both relieved and sad all at the same time.

Thanks for listening.


NEMom
12-07-2011, 05:23 PM
Sorry things did not work out with your BF. Good for realizing this was not a good relationship for you before it got too serious.
Sop the eating, get to the gym. You will feel better!

Chubbykins
12-07-2011, 05:23 PM
Aww! :hug: Even if it doesn't feel like it right now time will heal almost everything.

You absolutely deserve the partner you want, but you don't deserve to get heavier again!!! Don't do that to your precious self. Would you wish this stuff in your worst enemy's belly? I hope not, so you sure don't want it in yours :(

Your body deserves to be light, active and plentifully loved. :)

There is nothing wrong with having a reasonable vanity goal. Imo it is as good a reason as any, since psychological health is just as important as physical well-being.

You can Do this!


Justwant2Bhealthy
12-07-2011, 06:05 PM
:hug: Whether you are the dumper or dumpee, it can still be an emotional experience. I've been there in the past; where the guy treated me well, but had a lot of baggage & issues I didn't want to be involved with -- but I still used to feel guilty about it.

At least you see what you are doing; so you can take measures to correct it now. Try to continue your exercise routine; and take it one day at a time; one meal at a time. Once some time has past, it should get better for you.

You know you can do this; you've done it before. Say some positive affirmations to yourself (out loud) each time you're tempted to eat something off plan, and to help boost your self-esteem ... ie "I am a good person. I am making the right choice for me and my life. I am strong. I am successful."

:hug:

SunnyJee
12-07-2011, 06:42 PM
Hi ShanIAm...

I just wanted to say hi, and tell you that I think you are pretty great. I don't post that often, but I'm on here pretty much every day, and you are one of my favorite posters. You are always so sweet and give lovely advice to others. You also share a lot of your personal life, and it's always refreshing and very honest.

I relate to you because I also get gratification from the attention I receive from men. I don't necessarily like admitting that, but it's true. I don't date, but I hope one day to, when I feel "ok" with me :)

I see that you are struggling with some regain. Please don't let it get any further from you!! You've made an amazing transformation, and you know it! Now having experienced that feeling of being thin and gettin so close to goal-don't let it get away!!! It's a power that you earned! Protect it!! Guard it like its your child. That's truly how I view my weight loss. I earned it through blood, sweat and tears, with no help from anyone else. It's mine! I protect every pound lost!

You are a really neat lady, and you have a lot going for you. Let that dream body be the icing on your cake. Let this December end in spectacular fashion!! I started my journey for serious weight loss/body transformation last January. The holidays are usually a struggle for me-but not this year!! I'm going to end this year in a way I will be proud of! It will be a testament to an incredible year for me.

Why don't you get back on track starting right now, and let this month end as a celebration of everything you've achieved this year??? :)

You have my very best wishes for you.

racrane
12-07-2011, 06:59 PM
I think you are a very sweet person. I have dumped a guy before and I felt terrible and yeah, I did binge. It helped just pretending everything was "normal" in terms of my eating and exercising and just acting like that was normal no matter how terrible I felt. I guess you could say I faked it until I felt better.

I'm sorry you feel like you're going backwards. But I have faith that you can do it. <3

marigrace
12-07-2011, 07:00 PM
I am in a crumbling relationship that I am still trying to hold together.I wish I had your courage to just end it myself. The only thing that is keeping me together is knowing how much worst it would be if I stopped caring for myself.
You've done the comfort eating thing, now its time to pull yourself together. Start now, because it can only help you.

bargoo
12-07-2011, 07:10 PM
As long as you are in a dumping mood, dump the binge foods ! You can do it. I know you are getting temporary comfort from the food now but you will regret it later. Stop it now !

theox
12-07-2011, 07:14 PM
:hug: You can do this, ShanIAm!

astrophe
12-07-2011, 07:16 PM
Hang in there. This too will pass. :hugs:

And know you did the right thing for you.

GL!
A.

gagalu
12-07-2011, 07:24 PM
shan, you are awesome. you've inspired me in so many ways. i'm impressed at the way you've handled all of this! it seems very difficult to catch yourself after going off plan for a while, and here you are, getting right back on the horse. 10 lbs is so little compared to what you've already done. you feel overwhelmed now because you lost control over yourself, but regain it, stick to it for a little while, and you'll feel a lot less lost.

i know you can do this. :)

ShanIAm
12-07-2011, 08:08 PM
Wow! Thank you all for your :hug:, support and encouragement! Today was undoubtedly a difficult day but I am ending it feeling more positive and motivated thanks to you all. Seriously. I am so grateful. I just got off the phone with my personal trainer and made an appointment to see him on Saturday. Weight, measurements, etc. Time to face the music. And now that I have more free nights ahead of me I have no more excuses! As Sunny reminded me, I will NOT end this year the way I ended last year.

I have been punishing myself with food and that is going to stop. RIGHT NOW! :D

Thanks so much! I'll be reading these responses over and over again if I start feeling down -- or just because!!

Emerald Eyes
12-07-2011, 11:05 PM
since you'll be reading them again, please let me add one!

I would again like to voice how much of a welcome relief your posts always are. Some people scare you into motivation, but you are the lovely type to encourage sweetly into motivation. I appreciate this more than I can tell you.

You have done one BIG thing for yourself-- getting out of a relationship that you KNEW wasn't right for you. Now, do yourself another BIG favor and end another relationship that isn't right for you-- your relationship with food. Eat to live, Shan, and let it stop there.

I heard this from a friend of mine and I loved it! "I loved food, but it didn't love me back-- so I dumped it!" of course, you can't give up food all together, but you can give up the mentality that it makes you feel better. We are all testimony that it, in fact, makes you feel WORSE.

djs06
12-08-2011, 11:58 AM
Ahh, people always dismiss how hard it is to be the dumper! Sometimes hurting people you care about is worse than being hurt yourself.

I'm glad to hear that the self-punishment is going to stop. You did the right thing, stop punishing yourself for it! The end of a relationship is hard no matter what. Give yourself permission to cry it out and feel sad, but be kind to yourself by being the healthiest you can be.

:grouphug:

krampus
12-11-2011, 12:02 PM
Big big hugs to you ShanIAm. I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years about three months ago for the same reason - just wasn't feeling it - and when we met in person to talk about things, I cried in the car all the way home and ate a pint of ice cream later that night.

Eating your feelings won't fix anything, but you don't have to stay stuck in that cycle. I still suffer with some remaining guilt that I don't know how to manage, but it is far more manageable than if I were out of control with food too. It sounds like you're on the right track and doing better, hope you had a good meeting with your trainer :)

Arctic Mama
12-12-2011, 04:13 AM
Breakups are so hard, even the amicable and necessary ones! A little comfort eating isn't the end of the world but for your sake I'm so glad you've moved past that. It's the habits we consistently use that matter - choosing healthier choices, day in and day out, is what makes the difference. One day or even a week of destructive, emotional eating is sometimes unavoidable (I know I did that after my miscarriage!) but you will feel so much better in pulling yourself out of that once you're emotionally able. The victory will be sweeter than the chocolate and Mac and cheese, I promise :)