Weight Loss Support - The Last Straw - I feel sick to my stomach.
12-07-2011, 03:47 AM
I've been overweight since I hit puberty. When I was in high school I went up to 221 pounds, and decided to lose weight - went down to 185 pounds. I maintained for years, and in 2010 I decided to go at it again, and I went from 198 to 173 pounds. I maintained for another year or so, but in the past 6 months I have ballooned up again.
I decided to lose weight again because I feel very uncomfortable, my clothes are getting tighter, I feel wobbly when I walk, I look bloated.
So I bought a battery for my scale today.
The scale says 201.2 pounds.
I want to cry, I want to rage, I've never been so disappointed in myself. I feel like throwing up. Not like throwing up after i eat. I literally feel sick to my stomach that I let this happen.
But I have nobody else to blame but myself.
I'm extremely upset to know that I let this happen to me. I need the motivation to stick to the strict (BUT HEALTHY) eating plan I was on when I lost that weight in high school, and I need to be able to persevere until I go down to a healthy weight. I didn't think a number could make me this upset, but by FEELING like I had gained weight it's not like I wasn't expecting the number to be on the higher side. But I guess I wasn't expecting to see it in the 200's.
I am crushed.
So I believe this is the last straw for me. I am NOT willing to let it get worse.
I need the self-control to do this for myself.
What makes you stick to it when you feel like you need a kick of motivation? I need things to read every day, when I need the one little thing in my day that will make me work out and count my calories and watch what I put in my mouth.
This is the last straw. I am SO MAD at myself. SO mad.
12-07-2011, 04:04 AM
I know how you feel. But you've had your wake-up call, and its time to stop being so hard on yourself and start being positive. You can do this. I can feel a lot of pain and anger in your post...and I just want to hug you because I know exactly how you feel. I think all of us here do.
What I do is try to keep the negative thoughts away. I try not to think about how I've failed before, but rather I think about how I'm not going to fail again.
I also think about how good it feels to go to sleep at night knowing that I stayed within my calorie range...and I think about how amazing it feels to step on the scale and see that its gone down. Its like Christmas morning!
Clinging to those happy thoughts gets me through the bad parts and the doubt.
12-07-2011, 09:50 AM
The positive....You were able to catch yourself before you returned to or exceeded your previous weight. That means you are in control, that means you know how to maintain and that means you're on your way. Cheering you on to goal :)
12-07-2011, 09:56 AM
The thing I tell myself when I'm feeling the weight not moving fast enough for me, or to just keep me plan etc. is that I have a saying that runs through my head, and some girls on here have posted about this too, it's where I got it from:
Giving up is not a choice
When I feel ready to cave in I just say it's not a choice, I simply can't do it.
You are on the right path. Give yourself credit for noticing, being self aware and doing something about it! That's so great! :cp: You can do this, you've done it before, so just keep on track girl!
12-07-2011, 10:25 AM
As the others have said, we all know very very much that feeling of despair and anger at yourself. OK, now clear your mind and take care of yourself. You cant change the past, but YOU CAN control the future starting today. I have struggled my whole life with weight, and this is the last time i am going to do this. I am losing weight, exercising and feeling great. It is the best reward i could ever have given myself. Commit to getting healthy. Tell yourself you deserve to be healthy and happy and that their is no greater reward. You are in control not food!!! Dont wait until New Years, start now and you will feel awesome come New years that this isnt a resolution, but a lifestyle change. The only thing that can stop you is you, not Christmas, or New years or family get togethers, YOU!!!! I have found that i have always done extremely well when i have to answer to someone, such as a coach or clinic where i have to weigh in. Those tend to be more expensive, but i decided not to put a price on my health. I hear your pain and i know what thay feels like and i want you to do this for yourself.
12-07-2011, 02:27 PM
This is truly the first step and it is the hardest one. Don't beat yourself up about it, instead use that motivation to make a concrete plan that you can stick to. You will find so many awesome idea's on this sight, every one here is so wise.
To help keep you motivated I have a suggestion, when I started in July I wrote down a list of all the things I looked forward to when I had lost the weight like
- My underwear not pinching my muffin top out
- wearing a bikini
- Feeling comfortable in my own skin etc
I so look forward to these things, even though they are simple. When my motivation is going down the drain I read and add things to my list and it always perks me right up! It might be worth a try :D
Good luck on your journey!
12-07-2011, 05:15 PM
What makes you stick to it when you feel like you need a kick of motivation?
When I need "a kick" I simply get naked & look in the mirror. That's all the kick I ever need.
12-07-2011, 08:33 PM
Hi - I really empathise with all you say - but as others have said - don't be so hard on yourself - I do it all the time - but it doesn't get us anywhere does it? You've done the right thing to join 3FC - I've been looking at this great site for a while but only joined this week!! You'll be able to see that you're in good company here - we all want the same thing - and we all seem to fall by the wayside at some stage - but I'm hoping that by sharing my feelings here - I'll be able to get back on track before too much damage is done!! I'm a similar weight to you at 206 pounds :?:(that's been hard to type!!) I started dieting at less than 140 pounds and have been a yo-yo dieter since - so now I'm starting off - trying to eat 3 healthy meals a day with fruit/veg as snacks and 1 small treat in the evening - if I can stick to that - I'll try to reduce my intake a bit more and introduce some exercise - I'll look out for you on the site and wish you well on your journey and hope that you find the support here makes the difference - take care and congratulate yourself for joining 3fc - good luck :hug:xx
12-07-2011, 09:38 PM
Maybe set a goal for yourself that isn't based just on the scale. Like feeling confident at the beach (we're having a swimsuit challenge in the 30-something group between now and June!) or a fitness goal like running a 10km or walking a half marathon or looking great at an upcoming family event. It's easy to get stuck on the numbers.
I have this thing I'm going to do when I get close to goal (or whenever I feel confident enough to do it) and picturing everything about me doing this thing motivates me when I'm exercising or craving another piece of cake. Rehearsing this in my head also gives me more confidence.
12-07-2011, 11:36 PM
:hug: Ya, we all really do know how you feel -- but now you can turn all that anger into action for today. Don't let the past get in the way of your new healthy future ... you can do it! :D
When I need "a kick" I simply get naked & look in the mirror. That's all the kick I ever need.
:lol: Ya, there are days (like yesterday) ^that^ gives me all the motivation I need for some time .... ;)
12-07-2011, 11:53 PM
I understand, my breaking point was my best friends wedding, I was in denial of how much weight I had regained and ordered the size I told myself I was - it ended up being 3 sizes too small and I lied and told the sales person I needed a much bigger size because I was pregnant (total lie) - the truth is I was too embarrassed - I think about that every time I don't want to work out. Maybe your motivation can be this post u created - remember this anger and disgust and use it in your workouts etc. I know it's controversial but I love the quote: "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels". - lets face it, it's true!!! I think every time I see a cupcake etc that someone brings to work, I would rather wear a bikini this summer then enjoy this cupcake for 5 min... Hope that helps - good luck!
12-08-2011, 01:58 AM
Thanks everyone, it's good to be reminded that I'm not alone in the world feeling like this sometimes.
I did great today actually, I woke up motivated, had healthy meals and worked out for an hour, the 2 things I promised myself I would do.
Now the day is over and am I dead? No. Am I falling apart? No.
So I'm going to do it again tomorrow... and the day after, and the day after.
My calorie budget is 1350 and I did go a bit over 1500 today and am not happy about it, but then I look at it and... it could've been much worse. I could have not worked out. I could have eaten anything and broke 2500 calories today.
So really... I did fine.
I just need to persevere, through the weeks, the months. I really want to do this.
12-08-2011, 02:53 AM
1500 calories is good!! I have realized that to be realistic about weightloss, I need to have a "range" of calories rather than one number I can never go over. There are a lot of people on here who really like calorie cycling, too, where you eat on the higher end of your range some days and the lower end others, in order to kind of keep your metabolism guessing.
I know what you mean about getting over 200. For years, I told myself, I'm not really going to freak out about my weight as long as I'm under 200. When I finally hit it, I freaked out, but unlike you, I didn't do anything about it, I just kept justifying it to myself. I kept thinking, well, I'm close to 200, that's good enough. What's the difference between 199 and 202? Then, what's the difference between 210 and 202? And all of a sudden, I found myself buying size 20 pants. I lost down to 179 and felt pretty good about myself- I wanted to keep losing, but I got lazy because I was so much smaller than I was before. Then I got married and just ignored the scale and my ever-growing pants sizes. I still thought I looked pretty good. Until I saw a picture of myself at a party. I thought my outfit was really cute, until I saw that picture. And then I went to buy an outfit and the size that fit was...a 20. That was back in August, and since then, it's been going pretty well. I've fallen off the wagon a few times, but I'm starting to see a difference and best of all, I'M OUT OF THOSE 20's!! And this time, I'm not going to stop at 179!
We can do this! One day at a time. One pound at a time. The great part about being 201 is that it is gonna take you NO time to be back in the 100's again and it will feel so good!