General chatter - I cant get over it.. Need advice




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unpretty
11-29-2011, 10:55 AM
At the end of July this year, my boyfriend and I decided to break up after nearly 1.5 years of being together. We fought a lot, and our relationship was going nowhere. Not to mention family issues between us. Anyway this was in July. We were still in contact, occasionally chatting on facebook, but I haven't seen him since the breakup. We didn't always get along while we were in contact, and at the end of October he decided to end all contact with me because he wanted to "make a proper effort to move on", and deleted me off facebook.

Its been 4 months since we broke up, and 1 month since I've spoken to him, yet I still feel so bitter and resentful towards him, and if I find out that he is interested in another girl, I know I will be so hurt, not to mention furious. I keep looking at this chick's facebook page (whom he has sort of become uni friends with after the breakup and went to her for advice) to see if there's anything going on between them. I don't know why I care, and I know that sounds so pathetic, but it bothers me. I think part of the reason is that I don't want to see him totally moved on in a new relationship before me (and also so soon after breaking up). I had a dream about them last night that they were a couple and I was so angry. Also I still feel extremely lonely. I don't know if I just miss being in a relationship or if I actually miss him. How freaking long does it take to fully get over someone?! I'm scared i'll never move on. I don't love him anymore, haven't spoken to him in a month, so what's wrong with me?!


bargoo
11-29-2011, 11:02 AM
Look at it this way , if there is going to be a relationship with a new girl, remember she is getting a guy on the rebound.

unpretty
11-29-2011, 11:04 AM
Lol :/ but maybe he'll get a new girlfriend because he's moved on completely?

I'm just so angry and bitter towards him and I don't really know why. Plus I'm more than likely being paranoid about whats probably just his female friend. So stupid, but I will probably feel offended/hurt if he finds someone before me.


HikingChloe
11-29-2011, 11:06 AM
Hang in there. It has only been a month with absolutely no contact which is actually more of a starting point than the 4 months prior while you were still getting that reinforcement of communication.

A month is definitely not that long - especially against a longer term relationship.

You will move on, but it will take some time. Trust me, there is nothing wrong with you. The best thing he did for you was end contact so that you can move on.

unpretty
11-29-2011, 11:13 AM
I hope you're right. This has been bothering me more since we stopped talking and last night I had a sort-of nightmare about him with another girl lol. God I'm such a child, I don't want him yet I don't want anyone else to have him >_<

ade903
11-29-2011, 12:36 PM
Nothing is wrong with you. I'm kinda in the same place. We broke up in April, we still "hung out" until October, when he met another girl. And we broke all contact. It's been tough. But it gets easier. I'm still lonely most of the time, but I'm bit by bit getting over him. Hang in there. It takes time.

MedChick87
11-29-2011, 01:47 PM
You were with him for a year and a half! You have no reason to feel bad about feeling bad, so to speak lol. I was with a guy for 8 months and it took several months to completely move on and get over him. I think breaking contact completely will help tremendously. That's really the only way I could get over my ex. That and finding a new (and better) guy ;)

Beach Patrol
11-29-2011, 02:32 PM
Honey, I can't begin to tell you ... HOW MANY FISH THERE ARE IN THE SEA.

Seriously! - why give him ANY of your energy? Your thoughts? There are SO many men out there, it's ridiculous to hang on to one that's already gone. You gave him your heart; you gave him your body. REFUSE to let him take your mind or your spirit.

STOP going that chick's facebook. When you feel the urge, tell yourself "Nope! I have better things to do with my time!" & then either get off the computer/phone/whatever & look elsewhere for your entertainment. (this is a good time to go for a walk or perform some other type of exercise... movement does WONDERS for your body... AND YOUR MIND!!!!)

You said yourself that the relationship was going nowhere ("we fought a lot, and our relationship was going nowhere. Not to mention family issues between us...") -Who wants a boyfriend that they fight with a lot? Your relationship was going NOWHERE. Who wants to waste time like that?

Believe that you are WORTH MORE than that. You are WORTH MORE than sitting around pining for this EX. And always remember, people become the "ex" boyfriend for a reason. There may have been some good there, but it's over now... time to move on to something BETTER, more WORTHY of YOU.

Amy8888
11-29-2011, 04:20 PM
Cutting off contact will be good for you. It will help you move on too. I think anger can be a good thing, to me it meant I was finally starting to see my ex as a jerk and not the saint I was still pining for. Stop stalking the girl's FB page, you don't need to know what's going on. It's cliche but true, time heals all wounds. You'll start to feel better and better (might have some random down days but that's normal) and one day you won't even think about it.

unpretty
11-29-2011, 11:53 PM
Thanks guys :)

I know, I don't want to get back with him at all. I just don't want him to find someone before me, I feel like its a competition ha. I lack so much self-discipline in every aspect of my life so it's gonna be hard to stop myself from looking at that girl's page but I'll try. Hope I stop caring soon.

Amy8888
12-01-2011, 02:16 PM
I know how you feel, but you really can't control who starts dating first. If it's him, it has nothing to do with you. It's simply that you two were not meant to be. After a break-up with my boyfriend of 4 years, I started dating first, but they were basically rebound relationships. He started dating the girl he is now married to when I was between my little flings (we were in the same grad program so I knew all the details. And yes, it sucks to hear he's with someone just when you broke up with someone). But eventually I met my husband and we were married within a year, even before my ex got married.

So my point is that it's not a competition and if he starts dating first, that doesn't guarantee his long-term happiness or your long-term misery. It's just how things happen and it will all work out.

ade903
12-01-2011, 05:32 PM
I know how you feel, but you really can't control who starts dating first. If it's him, it has nothing to do with you. It's simply that you two were not meant to be. After a break-up with my boyfriend of 4 years, I started dating first, but they were basically rebound relationships. He started dating the girl he is now married to when I was between my little flings (we were in the same grad program so I knew all the details. And yes, it sucks to hear he's with someone just when you broke up with someone). But eventually I met my husband and we were married within a year, even before my ex got married.

So my point is that it's not a competition and if he starts dating first, that doesn't guarantee his long-term happiness or your long-term misery. It's just how things happen and it will all work out.

This is exactly right. I started dating first. I've dated a lot. My ex waited, but now is in a happy relationship (which I gathered before we cut off all contact...best thing I could have done for myself). I'm having commitment issues because of how he hurt me and I'm finally realizing that I don't need to date to be happy. I need to focus on me. And you know what? Yesterday was the happiest day I've had since our breakup and I didn't have a reason for it. I'm just feeling better about myself and I think of him a little less each day. You'll get there!