Chicks in Control - binging and being overwhelmed

Things aren't well for me right now. My boyfriend and I have been long-distance our entire relationship (3+ years) and I can't seem to figure out how to bring our lives together. He is unenemployed, and has been twice in our relationship, once for 10 months, currently for 8 in a field others seem to find work in easily (programming).

I am unemployed since a short, summer job end after I graduated in June. I have to defer my loans because I can't pay for them. I'm trying to apply for graduate school but just applying will use up most of my savings and I'm so depressed I'm reallly behind on where I need to be to make applying worth it.

I live at home, which is great since it is free, but there is a lot of stress here. Especialy when my college-age sister comes home for the holidays and there are cookies every other night, and desserts, and convienence food (microwavable stuff like hot pockets), and I can be strong for some time, but when she's here for a month for christmas I suddenly find myself eating stuff I never even eat anymore.

And all this stress piles on me, and I do what I always do, which is binge. I've stopped eating out of boredom, I've even stopped eating just because I'm sad - this is different, I binge because I'm stressed and for some reason I think food will solve my problems.

I don't even know how to stop stress eating. To stop boredom eating, I stimullate myself (reading book, etc), to fight pure being sad eating, I focus on the fact being sad will end (and I'll probably feel better after some rest), but my stressors seem to always be hanging over me, I don't know how to ease them, and sometimes the person who could comfort me (my boyfriend) makes things worse.

I don't know why I'm writing this, I'm just tired of people saying how great I look, and sure I'm losing weight overall but it really slows it down when I'm binging once a week. The other 6 days of the week I do so good I forget how I can get, I forget the stomach aches, I forget the guilt, I feel normal.

Whoa! It sounds like you've got a lot going on. What are you trying to get into graduate school for? I'm not trying to be a bummer, but I have a pretty worthless MA and a LOT of student loan debt because of it. I really, really wanted to be a professor, was super motivated and had good grades- went to a highly ranked graduate program for two years....and then realized that IF I could get into a PhD program (big if), it would take 5 more years to complete, plus there was no guarantee of getting a job afterward and teaching community college pays less than teaching public high school (a lot less). One thing a lot of people don't realize is that graduate degrees, especially in liberal arts or social sciences, do NOT make it easier to get a job and jobs in academia are truly few and far between. After I finished my MA, I had to leave it off my resume before I got call backs for even secretarial jobs.

It sounds like you and your guy need to have a talk! If he's unemployed, can he look for a job in your area rather than in his? What's keeping him so far away?

What is keeping both of you from getting day jobs? Even though it might not be a "career" type job, getting a job waiting tables or working retail would:
1. Improve your self esteem by making you feel productive
2. Get you out of the house and away from the snacks and drama
3.Help you get together a little bit of cash to move out of your mom's house
4. Get you moving around for a significant number of hours a day.

Also, I know for me, as weird as it sounds, the busier I am, the more productive I am. If I know I have to go to work for several hours a day, so I only have a few hours at the end of the day to look for a different job or apply for graduate programs, I will do it. If I have a big empty stretch of day with nothing to do, I will lay around and watch tv and make bad decisions and do nothing!

Hi. 1st of all I want to say I am so sorry your feeling this way. I can 100% relate bc I am in a similar situation. FOR some reason I just can't get it going and I am becoming less & less interested about "trying" to lose weight & more interested on excepting that I will always be "fat". But then that voice inside me tells me I must do it!!! & I know you have the same little voice as well, or else you wouldnt be on this website :)

I do completely agree with what DezziePS said. You should get a part time job bc it wil help with self esteem and you will feel productive instead of feeling like your not doing much & i believe it will also help you not think so negative. I found that when I was unemployed & did nothing all day it gave me more time to think negative thoughts and I was worse then I was when I was working. Just a few suggestions. Good luck girl and always remember things will get better, they always do and theres always light after darkness :)

I am really, really trying to get a part-time job, but I went to one of the 10 largest schools in the US, (in my local city) so it can be tough to fight against college students. Not to mention I can't drive (physically - I have bad vision). None of that stops me from applying, and I've had 4 or 5 interviews (and even 1 2nd interview) but it is hard to compete in this horrible economy (and my state has definitely been hit hard).


In terms of graduate school, I want to be an audiologist (they are health professionals who treat hearing disorders) and that is what my undergrad degree is in. Unfortenately, the undergrad degree itself is completely worthless, in some ways it's worse than english or philosophy or whatever because no one knows what it is.

With the boyfriend, he has social anxiety, and I think he's screwing up during interviews (he's had quite a few). I, myself, am autiistic, so I'm not always the best help, but I try to give him advice. Also, he lives in a state even more hard hit than mine.

I do think I need more productivity, more than just filling out job applications. I'm hopefuul some job will come, it is just every now and then it is hard to not feel the pressure of beingg without a steady income.